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Newest Member: bluejay21 (43137)

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User Topic: Passive Aggressive Relationships
♀ Member
Member # 36099
Default  Posted: 12:13 PM, September 28th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Way to go HurtButHopeful?!!! Facing our fears can be such a big hurtle and you did great! PA is crazy making enough to make a person question what is wrong with them. It's so helpful in moving forward as understanding PA and even NPD begins and to then realize the dynamics of the life you are living.

Me- 53
WH- 57
Dday - Blindsided July 2012
Married 34 years; Sept 2012
Together 37 years
He doesn't want R.
In hindsight neither do I. For me adultery is a deal breaker!
4 adult DD's, 1 SIL, 3 grandchildren

Posts: 277 | Registered: Jul 2012
♀ Member
Member # 6908
Default  Posted: 7:31 AM, December 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bumping this thread for newbies who might need this. You might see your own WS in here.

Posts: 5519 | Registered: Apr 2005 | From: florida
♂ Member
Member # 32645
Default  Posted: 10:57 PM, December 31st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow - a lot to read. Will certainly go back and look at a majority of this thread. I've been told that I'm PA - I don't think so - but I will consider it (as I'm always trying to improve myself). Appears I need a LOT of work. 'Course, do PA folks fair better with certain types of folks - or is it a 'defect' that NO ONE likes?!!

Thankfully God is married to the backslider!!
Married over 20 years
Nibbled my way into an affair
Climbing out the ditch into a healthier relationship

Posts: 75 | Registered: Jun 2011
♀ Member
Member # 25318
Default  Posted: 11:31 AM, January 21st (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Crap! Yet another group I belong in.

This is really too much. He is P/A, emotionally unavailable,conflict avoidant, has had 2 EA's with the most recent OW was my best friend! So I've got serial cheater, double betrayal, I'm a homeschooling SAHM. I need out of this situation like yesterday.

Posts: 86 | Registered: Aug 2009
Member # 39166
Default  Posted: 12:06 PM, January 21st (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

P?A often means emotionally unavailable & conflict avoidant anyway, because they are suppressing their anger and any other 'bad' emotions and see you as the enemy. And if they do get angry or act out, blame it on you and the heap of unforgiven hurts that they hold against you. Unless they can own it (very unlikely) they can't get healthy.

My WH calls all counselling and introspection 'navel gazing' in a contemptuous voice. He's running so hard from himself and he can't even allow himself to consider genuinely engaging with something that might help, because it's too scary. Oh he went to MC and IC, said the right words, but with a P/A you have to look at their actions over time. He's still P/A: still blameshifts, procrastinates, obstructs,avoids etc etc. Saddest thing is,the only person he's cheating now, is himself. He's going to lose everything because he can't face himself and get healthy.

Sorry for my typos & editing, I have a sticky keyboard

Me: BW
Him: STBXWH 'The Arse'
OW1 - EA - my friend
COW - EA/PA - 'Fat Bottomed Girl'

Thanking God for showing me how to smile & dance in the rain

Posts: 475 | Registered: May 2013 | From: UK
♀ Member
Member # 25318
Default  Posted: 12:34 PM, January 21st (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WH refuses transparency and IC. He says the MC told him he deserves his privacy. So he can have his privacy and I will have mine.

My privacy is going to cost him a lot of $$$.

Posts: 86 | Registered: Aug 2009
♀ Member
Member # 6908
Default  Posted: 7:47 AM, February 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

P/A often means emotionally unavailable & conflict avoidant anyway, because they are suppressing their anger and any other 'bad' emotions and see you as the enemy. And if they do get angry or act out, blame it on you and the heap of unforgiven hurts that they hold against you.

I am feeling it is getting worse with mine lately. He is using the "blame" word alot lately. Or the phrase "well its your fault" and it could be about the simplest of things. It just slips into almost any conversation or he will say it like a "joke". But I find myself lately saying to him "did you just blame XXXX on me?" And he will smile or joke it off but its very weird.

I feel his unhappiness at his own life being my fault. Yesterday he really should have just laid down and rested all day as he has an injury that needs to rest....yet he WANTS to get dressed and go out to dinner or out to lunch or just go anywhere but sit at home. He is "edgy" I guess is the best word I can use. Not resting either, gets up and down all the time, this is a guy who could fall asleep like a log.

Posts: 5519 | Registered: Apr 2005 | From: florida
♀ New Member
Member # 11152
Default  Posted: 6:25 PM, February 17th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi, my current WH is emotionally unavailable & PA. When we married, he promised he'd stay on his meds (Zoloft) but, he didn't. We'd had problems before the marriage. I left & he got help. I didn't realize this was abuse until I started suffering from PTSD & the "shakes". I have been emotionally abused and controlled by this monster. He has me isolated up in the woods with no friends of my own around. He left our home in Dec 2012...disappeared for 10 days. (I was on anti-stroke meds & under strict Dr orders NO STRESS. he didn't care!) I had no idea where he was...still don't know. Then he started coming home 2 times a week to do "his" hobbies. He came in the door in Jan 2014 & said "I am divorcing You & my parents say money is no object". Guess what? I beat him to the lawyer & filed. (Thanks SI!! ) Now he's going around saying he's homeless & I'm divorcing him. WTF? He's had a place to stay for over a year. Trying to tell me he's sleeping in his truck. Really?? Maybe because his lawyer told him he can't be living with his gf?? She can have him.

One good thing I found to help me calm down is a couple apps I downloaded to my phone. One is binaural beats, and the other is sleep hypnosis. I feel like I'll never be whole again & I'll never trust anyone again.


[This message edited by ZooMa at 6:34 PM, February 17th (Monday)]

Posts: 33 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: NLP MI
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