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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Long Term Affair Thread XV
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 3:30 AM, May 29th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh shirley. OMG, what a find. My heart goes out to you. I know the sick feeling upon the find. How can they do it? Iíve no doubt that FWH prob kept his feelings written down somewhere, his doubts and messages to himself. And something similar, I would suspect. I only had his letters to me to go on. And Iím glad I burned them all. I donít want to go back there and analyse between the lines.

I need stabilization, something to keep me from going over the deep end

Funny, I knew I was his stability all along. Like LostH, I wanted to ďtake careĒ of him. My oh my, how stupid and naive.

I donít have time to post longer Ė Iím meeting an SI sister for lunch. Weíve met before, so itíll be a pleasant day out.


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3328 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 9:42 AM, May 29th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((hurtshirley))))


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
lostsuol
♀ Member
Member # 13706
Default  Posted: 10:43 AM, May 29th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

{{{hurtshirley}}}

UKgirl... hope you had a great lunch with an SI sister. I don't wish this situation on anyone but I would like to find a local SI sister to meet with occasionally.

{{{LTA tribe}}} as the weekend approaches.

FWH and I are going to a charity function tonight so I'm looking forward to forgetting the yucky stuff for a bit.

Take care all. You are in my thoughts and prayers.


Posts: 808 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Canada
Lost Heart2
♀ Member
Member # 21793
Default  Posted: 2:06 PM, May 29th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ukg, I hope you enjoyed your date. The weather's fantastic,isnt it?

***
Lostsuol,
I hope you enjoy your evening. Picture a red STOP sign every time you feel triggery, acknowledge the feeling, then tell yourself that you will deal it with later, that right now you are going to enjoy the evening. Heres wishing you an evening of good company, good food and lots of laughs!

***
Ok, I just had a trigger/flashback, a little stronger than usual. My minds become such a block of swiss cheese, I dont know if I even made this connection before after dday and just blocked it out again..but right now it feels like it just happened.

H and I were courting and one afternoon, we were having a nap in his apartment, when I felt/saw a short black man at the foot of the bed. His head/hair brushed against my feet and I jumped screaming and went into hysterics. Of course H didnt know what to do and convinced me that I had just dreamt it.
When i went back to work and told my BF there, she immed thought that something was amiss and took me to a woman she knew who dealt with "alternative matters". This lady very few questions =, lit some incense sticks, and told me that someone had "put something on me" (black magic), This someone was another woman with very short hair, who didnt like me and wanted to get rid of me. The short black hairy man was a Tokoloshe (an evil spirit) - I hadnt known of this prior to this.

The only person I knew with short hair was my cousin and I began avoiding her since. I couldnt imagine what I had did to her but decided to just stay away.
I bet you can guess where this is going...
OW#1 had very short hair. The reason she didnt even come to mind was that not only was she H's very good friend, she was also married with a child. So what would she want with me?

So this afternoon I was reading a Cathy Reich book and she mentioned evil spirits etc in there, and I just remembered and made the link to OW#1..like of course it was her! I remember H saying how they fought whenever I visited; I remember how she had open access to his apartment.

So H came into the room and asked what was wrong. I told him. HE said he didnt believe all that voodoo stuff and if I had been told it was someone with long hair, I would have found someone to fit it. anyway what did I want him to do? I said that was nothing he could do now, to which he replied flippantly, "So why are you dissing me now?".
Is this man so bloody obtuse?
I had to spell it out, "Because you brought her into my life; she did that because of you", to which he replied that he is tired of me still going on about them(OWs) and if I havent moved on from that yet, I should seriously think of leaving.
WTF?
I am so mad at him. I am so mad at her.
I dont know if any one of you believe in that woowoo stuff, but I know I didnt dream that. Oh, one more thing, that lady told me that the person's name started with a P. My cousin's name did... and so did OW#1.

ArGH!

ETA:
His passing shot was that he knew why I was dredging all this up..it was because another BF is visiting with us on Sunday and I am looking for excuses to cause a fight with him.
If he knew me better, he would know by now, that I would want to very opposite, that I would want to show this friend more then any other friend, that we are working this out; that we will make it though. You see, she has been there from the birth of this relationship and she has never liked him. She thought he was an arrogant, selfish wanker who didnt have a clue how to treat me. I fought her every way through uni re him - I thought she didnt see the real him, that she was too tainted and cynical given her experiences. Boy, do I owe her an apology.

[This message edited by Lost Heart2 at 2:11 PM, May 29th (Friday)]


LTA BS

Dday#1 02.06.06
Dday#2 28.11.06


Mind what you love. Mind how you are loved.


Posts: 471 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: London, UK
lostsuol
♀ Member
Member # 13706
Default  Posted: 10:53 PM, May 29th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for the good wishes LH2. We had an 'ok' time. It was good to be out among people.

I'm not sure about the 'woowoo' stuff. Horoscopes tend to make me uncomfortable if I read his and mine on the same day. Make sense?

sorry your H is treating you this way. wish I could 'jump' across the ocean and give him a kick in the shins.

got to say G'nite as we have a long ToDo list tomorrow.


Posts: 808 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Canada
forgivenotforget
♀ Member
Member # 11053
Default  Posted: 8:55 AM, May 30th (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"You don't seem to realize that it has nothing to do with you. It's my own esoteric propensity to self destruct. Although I treat you badly, it is you I need more than anything else. Especially now. But probably forever. I need stabilization, something to keep me from going over the deep end. Yet someone, too, who has the ability to let me tread on it's edge but who never lets me plunge."

HS - I have read over your posts on these journals several times now and this is the piece that stands out most significantly to me. First, because I believe that every one of our FWS's probably felt this on some level for years and certainly once they were discovered, even spoke these words to us hoping we would understand their motives. It's part of the mantra we hear on SI all the time - "It has nothing to do with you." But it does because ultimately we are crushed by their actions whether or not that was part of their intention. What is so hard to understand is how they were able to convince themselves that their actions would not rip our hearts out and bring us to our knees.
But there is something in that last line that I've highlighted that I found most interesting. What was it in each of us that they saw that gave them the belief that we would save them from the self destruction they were playing at during those years? LH tells how her H came back begging and she responded with an overwhelming love and desire to nurture him. UKG says she wanted to "take care" of her H too. I also felt an overwhelming need to love and nurture my H when we first met. We were introduced by a mutual friend because I was so curious to meet the person I had been hearing the most outrageous stories about. He had been married and had 3 A's on his first wife. I had never known anyone like this. For me, it was like meeting a foreigner or freak from a show. It was mere curiosity and I certainly never thought I'd fall in love with someone like this. Yet the minute I saw him, he looked so lost, so sad, so in need of care that I instantly fell for him. Every maternal instinct in me was awakened and my body responded with a quivering that didn't stop the entire time we were together that first day. Every thing I knew about him lost its significance and all I wanted to do was to love him. Did he sense this and know somehow that I would stay with him and let him "tread on its edge" and never let him take the plunge??? Was it our youth, our idealism, our trust, our naivete???? And they were right too. We didn't let them take the plunge. We are all here working our asses off with them trying so hard to keep our M and our families together. We kept them from ultimate self-destruction.
HS - I do hope you are ok and that EO is helping you by giving you the answers you need. I want to thank you for posting this. It really is an opportunity to see inside the minds of these men and get some more answers. Please check in and let us know how you are doing.
((((((((((HS)))))))))


D-day - 12/23/05 LTA - 8 years.
"Love's a matter of trust and I just want to believe in us." M McBride

Posts: 1901 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: A tunnel where I'm beginning to see the light
forgivenotforget
♀ Member
Member # 11053
Default  Posted: 9:13 AM, May 30th (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

to which he replied that he is tired of me still going on about them(OWs) and if I havent moved on from that yet, I should seriously think of leaving.

LH - this is a classic defensive response. He doesn't want to be reminded of the pain he has caused and is trying to shift the burden of his shame onto you.
My H used to do this all the time in the beginning and our MC used to call him on it every time. He would tell him that was the worst thing he could do - respond to my hurt and pain with a defensive remark. My H has an expression, "the best defense is a strong offense." By shifting the onus on you to defend yourself he was hoping you'd drop it. What they don't realize is that if they would just comfort us when we struggle with something instead of responding defensively, we would recover so much more quickly and they would benefit from their support.
I do hope you are feeling better this morning.
As to your story, I can't say that I can relate to this but I do believe there are people who are gifted and can see things most of us can't. It is certainly interesting.
((((((((((LS))))))))))


D-day - 12/23/05 LTA - 8 years.
"Love's a matter of trust and I just want to believe in us." M McBride

Posts: 1901 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: A tunnel where I'm beginning to see the light
mindisgone
♀ Member
Member # 17772
Default  Posted: 2:04 PM, May 30th (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"You don't seem to realize that it has nothing to do with you. It's my own esoteric propensity to self destruct. Although I treat you badly, it is you I need more than anything else. Especially now. But probably forever. I need stabilization, something to keep me from going over the deep end. Yet someone, too, who has the ability to let me tread on it's edge but who never lets me plunge."


It's true , this seems to be all our H's. But so hard for you HS to find his own awareness of this was there from the beginning.
((((HS)))))


For me, it was like meeting a foreigner or freak from a show. It was mere curiosity and I certainly never thought I'd fall in love with someone like this. Yet the minute I saw him, he looked so lost, so sad, so in need of care that I instantly fell for him. Every maternal instinct in me was awakened and my body responded with a quivering that didn't stop the entire time we were together that first day. Every thing I knew about him lost its significance and all I wanted to do was to love him. Did he sense this and know somehow that I would stay with him and let him "tread on its edge" and never let him take the plunge??? Was it our youth, our idealism, our trust, our naivete???? And they were right too. We didn't let them take the plunge. We are all here working our asses off with them trying so hard to keep our M and our families together. We kept them from ultimate self-destruction.


This could well have been a moment from my own past FNF. And it's absolutely right on the money.

While my H had little self awareness back then, he told me this the other day..While he was actively pursueing the OW, i his trusting , loving wife was trying to surprise him with something, told him i had to go out for a bit one Sat. morning and would tell him about it when i got back. Apparently while i was gone he was in complete agony, he , ( and his guilty mind) thought , even though i kissed him happily before i left, that i was going to see a lawyer. ( As far as i knew we were happily married.) When i got back and it was clear i hadn't, he was very angry while i was completely bewildered.

He told me the other day that while waiting for me to get back that day he had this thought..
" my God if she leaves i would just cease to exist, i would disappear or fade away "

Buuuut... on Monday morning it was right back to his pursuit of OW. The same OW he was going to leave me for??

Broken? Sure. Self destrustive? Sure.
But one thing can be said of all of them , selfishness was absolute.

(((hugs to all ))))


too long a sacrifice can make a stone of the heart..

Posts: 678 | Registered: Jan 2008
hearbroken
Member
Member # 8317
Default  Posted: 3:17 PM, May 30th (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

BT- Wanted to thank you for the book referrals. The entire Beverly Engel collection looks awesome! A few for H and a few that I think I can benefit from.

TRIBE- the issue of being the "caretaker" and nurturing one has been a focus of my recent IC. I definetly think that there is something to a broken person that is drawn to our types of personalities- I think that deep down the WS wanted to be "normal" and "taken care of" for their wounds to heal. Problem is- they didn't realize that the only one who could fix that was THEM.

Was it our youth, our idealism, our trust, our naivete????

For me, definetly this was the case. I met WH in my 20s.... oh so naive about dysfunctional families, since mine was pretty "leave it to beaver-ish"... I also thought he would *never* be like his family- again naive about the damage that was done to him as a child.

Well, I'm putting one foot in front of the other, and life is going on. I'm taking a pretty hands-off approach regarding W's recovery and letting his therapist do her job. I am doing a pretty good job of not completely falling apart, and being tough enough to hold H accountable. All in all, this whole thing sucks. But I am noticing that I am so much tougher now that I used to be- surviving the LTA really did change me. I am just a stronger person. If my M falls apart I will know it was totally and completely his own doing. And there is something comforting in knowing I survived, and I will continue to survive. And there is something oddly comforting in knowing I've reached my limit, too. I've got time to give him to see if he makes the changes, but also am comforted in knowing that if he can't or is unable to make the changes that I will be just fine.

Anyway, I'm rambling

Hugs,
HB


Dday1 8/05 (LTA)
Dday2 4/09 (online EA 2 weeks then confessed)
Dday 3 8/10 ("full disclosure" of more infidelity prior to 2009)

Posts: 869 | Registered: Sep 2005
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 9:57 PM, May 30th (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

lh2: the voodoo stuff scares me a bit.....eerie stuff...


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
lostsuol
♀ Member
Member # 13706
Default  Posted: 12:56 PM, June 1st (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Anybody here?

Just reaching out for some contact... in a funk since FWH called from work. He told me that his landlord wanted to take 'us' out to dinner. I asked "who is us?". He said 'office clerk name & I'. I replied that I wasn't happy about that. His reply: "It is what it is."
I was devastated - feeling that he still didn't get it. When I asked "why dinner?" he said "oh, did I say dinner? I meant lunch".
Ok, lunch is different... to discuss if they are each keeping to their agreement about the building... but I don't think dinner with 2 landlords, FWH and office clerk is appropriate considering his A with co-worker. BOUNDARIES!!! Landlords don't know about the A but I'm not really sure about the office person. She and OW are 'friends' in that they have worked together for many yrs... email jokes to each other... and from offhand conversation it sounds like FWH's office person seems to know a lot about OW's personal life.

Anyway, it's FWH's remark "It is what it is" that keeps going around in my head. I recently told him that some of their emails were inappropriate IMO... not professional and why did she feel this was acceptable to him. What impression is he giving females in his professional life? He insists he ignores them. I think that is the same as condoning inappropriate interaction between them. Am I over-reacting? Considering his LT EA with OW I still feel uncomfortable trusting his boundaries and he can't see why I'm concerned and triggered by these incidents.

Going to copy and paste to Reconciliation forum for answers too.


Posts: 808 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Canada
BitterExperience
♂ Member
Member # 24140
Default  Posted: 1:18 PM, June 1st (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

lostsuol, I'm not sure I understand -if that office clerk is not the OW, how is she related to your FWH? Why do both need to talk to a landlord, do they share a house or condo?


BS (me): 48.
WW (Her): 45.
Married: 23 years.
The OM: An old (from college) flame.
D-Day: 05/20/09
Previous D-Day: 8 years ago.
Kids: 2 (not really kids anymore)
Filing for divorce as soon as financial issues are ironed out.

Posts: 155 | Registered: May 2009 | From: Chicago
Lost Heart2
♀ Member
Member # 21793
Default  Posted: 1:35 PM, June 1st (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

LostSuol,
The "us" would have unnerved me as well.

I wonder if it were his slips ("us" "dinner") that has made you anxious, or the fact of the actual lunch? Bear in mind that they are not going to be alone; that it would be "supervised contact" .
And those slips...were they deliberate PA stuff or genuine mistakes? Grrrr.

***
HB,

If my M falls apart I will know it was totally and completely his own doing. And there is something comforting in knowing I survived, and I will continue to survive. And there is something oddly comforting in knowing I've reached my limit, too. I've got time to give him to see if he makes the changes, but also am comforted in knowing that if he can't or is unable to make the changes that I will be just fine.

WooHoo HB!!!
What an inspiration you are.
Well done you.

***
My BF came over yesterday and we got to chatting about me before M.She said that the was something she never could understand about me then...the all encompassing need to belong to someone. She said that I wanted this so badly then that I let H get away with so much. She also said that she wonders if I would leave if he does cheat again, as I have always been the kind of person who would put everyone needs above my own - that I would know how devastated the children and my family would be if I ended the M (irrespective of fault)and I would thus suck it all in.Mmm

H told me today that I have been acting very suspiciously recently and he thinks I am up to something dodgy (ie having an A or something).
He is so far off the mark and it says alot about my state of mind in that I didnt even answer. Is this the same man who 2 years ago told me that the reason I didnt have an A all these years was because I didnt have the opportunity in that nobody would have found me attractive enough? Huh.
Anyway I think its a pure PA tactic. Get me on the defensive to throw me off something.

Tomorrow is dday antiversary#1. I am doing surprisingly well. It DOES get better in time. It has been 3 years since my life (and the childrens) was turned upside down. Touch wood, I think we are over the worst of it. God knows how we got through it but here we are.

Hang on Newbies. It really does get better in time..maybe not necessarily the way you planned but better all the same.

***
Fnf,
It sounds like we all had a KISA complex, doesnt it?


LTA BS

Dday#1 02.06.06
Dday#2 28.11.06


Mind what you love. Mind how you are loved.


Posts: 471 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: London, UK
lostsuol
♀ Member
Member # 13706
Default  Posted: 8:56 PM, June 1st (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

if that office clerk is not the OW, how is she related to your FWH? Why do both need to talk to a landlord,

To give some background: It is a one girl office where FWH is the boss so she (office clerk) is the one who pays the bills regarding leasing of the building. OW is seasonal now but used to be regular staff before the downsizing that moved FWH & I to another province for 5 yrs. FWH's online EA started while we were away from current location and continued when we moved back here. Office clerk & OW never left this city. Office clerks works with OW when she is there. IMO, the office clerk occasionally oversteps the professional boundaries.

I wonder if it were his slips ("us" "dinner") that has made you anxious, or the fact of the actual lunch?

LH2... it was the slips about us and dinner that made me anxious. FWH meant lunch but said dinner. We talked about this tonight after we'd had dinner at home. He apologized and acknowledged he had been thoughtless and should have done so immediately. This lead to conversation about trust and boundaries... I think FWH now sees that life as we knew it before his A is the past. The trusting wife who he took for granted has 'left the building'. Many things that I would have overlooked previously are no longer acceptable.
Sometimes I wonder about his 'fogginess' and how naive he can be about our situation... seems he's still learning that his actions have consequences.

Posts: 808 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Canada
hearbroken
Member
Member # 8317
Default  Posted: 8:48 AM, June 2nd (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

LH2- Sending you peaceful vibes for today. Dday antiversaries suck all the way around- even when we have recovered from the initial trauma.

Hugs,
HB


Dday1 8/05 (LTA)
Dday2 4/09 (online EA 2 weeks then confessed)
Dday 3 8/10 ("full disclosure" of more infidelity prior to 2009)

Posts: 869 | Registered: Sep 2005
Lost Heart2
♀ Member
Member # 21793
Default  Posted: 11:30 AM, June 2nd (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sometimes I wonder about his 'fogginess' and how naive he can be about our situation... seems he's still learning that his actions have consequences.

LostSuol, sometimes I also wonder how H can expect the same trusting W attitude now after everything..and yet he still gets surprised when he challenged and puts on either the "Of course its innocent! I am not like that" face, or the " You are still harping on this after all this time. Will you let the past go already!" face.
As you can imagine, neither one sits well with me.

I think theres a certain level of dissociation related to this, and it bugs me that this wasnt addressed in IC. Until it is addressed properly and the diferent faces merge into one, I wonder if H would ever truly get it, KWIM?

But like you said, LostS, he is still learning.

***
Thank you HB.
Actually the day has been ok. H forgot but it didnt bug me as much as it did before. The fact that he forgot that this Friday is our deceased son's bday too, troubles me more.

***
(((((((Tribe)))))))


LTA BS

Dday#1 02.06.06
Dday#2 28.11.06


Mind what you love. Mind how you are loved.


Posts: 471 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: London, UK
forgivenotforget
♀ Member
Member # 11053
Default  Posted: 12:07 PM, June 2nd (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The fact that he forgot that this Friday is our deceased son's bday too, troubles me more.

Sending you many hugs for this day. May your little angel look down on you and give you all the love and support you need. We're here if you need us.
((((((((((((LH))))))))))))))


D-day - 12/23/05 LTA - 8 years.
"Love's a matter of trust and I just want to believe in us." M McBride

Posts: 1901 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: A tunnel where I'm beginning to see the light
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 12:12 PM, June 2nd (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((hugs)))))

to all


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
lostsuol
♀ Member
Member # 13706
Default  Posted: 6:57 PM, June 2nd (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

H forgot but it didnt bug me as much as it did before. The fact that he forgot that this Friday is our deceased son's bday too, troubles me more.
{{{LH2}}} Do you really think he forgot? or maybe he just doesn't want to be reminded of either event?
Just a thought since my FWH didn't forget 2nd Dday antiversary this year but he also didn't acknowledge the date until I just could not get myself together and called him at work. We went out to dinner at a quiet restaurant and he was remorseful as I took the opportunity to tell him my feelings yet again.
I think theres a certain level of dissociation related to this,
I agree with all that you wrote... and being masters of compartmentalization I believe our FWHs seem able to recover (not sure that's the correct word) from infidelity.
{{{tribe}}}

Posts: 808 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Canada
BorrowTrouble
♀ Member
Member # 2435
Default  Posted: 9:32 AM, June 3rd (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Lost,

I think it is kind of universal that anniversaries don't speak to men as they do to women. We women are the keepers of the timeline, for the most part. Family traditions/legends/lore in most modern cultures are the property of the women. I think that 80-90 percent of men would never celebrate a wedding anniversary by their own choice. They do it because it is important to us. Of male BS or WS, I think very few would take the initiative in even mentioning a d-day anniversary.

I was reminded of how differently men and women think by a column I read about of all things this Twilight/vampire phenomenon, which has apparently reached completely ridiculous proportions. My husband brought home the DVD of the orignal movie from Blockbuster thinking it was a horror movie, which is one of our favorite genres. But it turned out to be a romance. Other than the fact that the actor playing Edward is quite gorgeous, I couldn't figure out what was so attractive to girls/young women about this story. The female lead is something of a twitchy dolt. Very dependent, rather passive and kind of the antithesis of everything you want your daughter to be.

But this column pointed out that girls love this story because of how the male vampire acts toward the girl. He focuses 100 percent of his time/effort/attention on her, to the point of sneaking into her room every night and spending hours just watching her sleep. He is obsessed with the girl, into all manner of romantic gestures, nauseatingly overprotective almost to the point of being stalkerish. IOW, he is everything you think you want in a guy until you actually have a guy like that and find out how creepy it is after a very short while. My sons hated the movie and pointed out that no self-respecting guy would act like that, which is absolutely true. He is a total projection of an immature female ego.

But I digress. The point was to say that men and women just really think differently about the world, about relationships, and I think both sides tend to fight the differences instead of just accepting them and not being judgmental about them. It may be that your husband is just not into anniversaries, not that he doesn't care about your son or his loss.

BT

[This message edited by BorrowTrouble at 9:41 AM, June 3rd (Wednesday)]


D-day 7/29/04.

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