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User Topic: Long Term Affair Thread XV
BorrowTrouble
♀ Member
Member # 2435
Default  Posted: 12:16 PM, May 10th (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

HB,

I'm glad he's going to IC. I didn't realize he hadn't done it before.

One thing I'm surprised to hear you say is that you believed the LTA was a "perfect storm" rather than evidence of something significant that needed changing in him. I'm glad you see now that that isn't the case. I hope no one else here is thinking that their LTA WS was the victim of circumstance rather than the author of their own destiny.

There isn't a whole lot I believe is true in every affair, but one abolute that I see is that a WS in a LTA has some realy serious character flaws/personality issues. I mean, in a short affair I could see how someone could kind of dissociate long enough to do it and still be a basically sound person. But when it goes on for years, when the lies, the cheating, the using, the deception goes on for years, you have to accept that that is who they are. Even if they were not terribly flawed to begin with, lying and cheating and treating a spouse like crap for all those years turns them into something truly awful. Something that they really need to work hard to change.

I feel lucky that SI and IC helped me to realize that very early on. I knew that the ability to have a LTA meant that there was a fundamental problem in my husband. That he was not who I thought he was or who he pretended to be. That we both had to understand and accept who he truly was and that he had to change at a very fundamental level if we were going to stay married.

And I had to change, too. I had to learn what I was worth and to accept nothing less. And to realize that I had been accepting less for a long time -- and that was part of the reason that less was what I was getting.

Anyway, I wish you guys the best. I would start or go back to MC, too, along with the IC.

BT


D-day 7/29/04.

Posts: 5711 | Registered: Oct 2003
hurtshirley
Member
Member # 16197
Default  Posted: 7:28 AM, May 11th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Below is something I posted in general yesterday. The letter and card are in an envelope ready to go but I would love to get some feedback before I send it. I just want to make sure I am not being too rash...

Below is a letter that I wrote to send to my SIL. If you saw my vent yesterday, my H's sister sent an anniversary card to me KNOWING that we don't celebrate that date and KNOWNING the complete mess her brother has made of my life. I just can't let it go and have written the following. I would love any and all comments.

Dxx,

I have been contemplating writing to you since I received your note on my birthday last December. In that note, you expressed how happy you were when xxxxx and I married and you finally had the sister you always wanted. I canít tell you how hurt I was when I read that. As you know, xxxxx has told me everything that he has done since we met. As you know, he has NEVER been faithful to me. He was unfaithful while we were dating, while we were engaged and throughout our entire marriage. Unfortunately, I had no idea. I canít tell you how much it would have meant to me if one of the few people that knew had told me and given me the chance to know what kind of marriage I was in. You were one of those few people.

Yesterday, an anniversary card arrived here from you. We no longer recognize anniversary of our marriage as, obviously, xxxxx never meant any of the vows which he took. He was never committed to this relationship at all. I am struggling to try to hold together a family at an enormous emotional cost to myself. I will never know the enormous joy of having an honest, loving and faithful spouse, a partner, someone that I can trust to go through life with and who will look after me as I look after them. I will never be able to trust him again. The level and extent of the deceit was too much. I do not need to be reminded of that on an annual basis by one of the few people who knew the truth of my situation. You had the chance to demand that your brother take responsibility for his actions and either tell me the truth or you would do it yourself. But, like most in your family, you ran away from the truth and allowed me to be used and degraded for years and years. The only thing that these dates tell me now is the extent of time I was deceived.

I am so sad that my children can no longer wish their parents a ďhappy anniversaryĒ. May 11th is a dark day in our house. I am returning this card to you and respectfully requesting that you honor my decision to not recognize this day.

XXXXX



"Forgiveness is the grace by which you enable the other person to get up, and get up with dignity, to begin anew" Desmond Tutu

Posts: 2170 | Registered: Sep 2007
megT
♀ Member
Member # 13879
Default  Posted: 8:00 AM, May 11th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What the SIL knows is questionable, since we barely knew our FWS.

If you must say something to her, I would keep it short and to the point.

For my anniversary, 3 years after dday, I did not get a card for FWS. I couldn't find the right one. FWS expressed hurt and pain for how inconsiderate I was.

You see, we are in R. We are still together. So, FWS thought a card would show that we are in it for the long haul and celebrating our lives together and into the future. My thoughts are not clear, but he was hurt.

My thoughts. Anniversaries are celebrations for finding the person that loves, honors, treasures, protects you over the years.... and I am not feeling it. I was so hurt that FWS EXPECTED a sign of my love on that day.

Because I am still here, he took it to mean that we are to celebrate our union.

I have no idea what went on in your family or inlaws. I also sent a PM.

Just my thoughts.


DJP - Don't judge the past... Don't waste God's graces given today on the future. Live in the moment.

Posts: 472 | Registered: Mar 2007
forgivenotforget
♀ Member
Member # 11053
Default  Posted: 9:10 AM, May 11th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

May 11th is a dark day in our house.

HS - I just want to send you some extra hugs today. I'll be around all day if you want to post or need a friend to listen.
Many, many hugs today.
Now, as to your letter, there is nothing in there that sounds rash to me at all. Actually, my thought as I read through this was that your SIL is just one more person on your list of people that you need to confront in order to continue with your healing. Perhaps she did you a favor by giving you this opportunity to do just that.
My only concern is the fact that your in-laws sound a bit dysfunctional and so there could be some backlash from this but if you need to let her know your feelings in order to continue to heal then I think you should send the letter.
Another thought I had while reading this that you may not want to think about today but possibly sometime in the future is creating another day where you can celebrate this new relationship you are building with your H. He is one among so many FWS's who has done so much work on himself and I know that no matter how painful his previous track record is, you can see the effort he has put into your healing.
It's funny but lately I have been thinking of possibly having a recommitment ceremony. As you know, I am over 3 years out and am finally beginning to have more confidence in my M and R. (not without some caution mind you ). I think all of us feel the way you do about acknowledging our anniversaries. They are very painful reminders but I honestly believe we can create a new day to acknowledge our M once we feel there is something worth celebrating. Only our FWS's continued commitment to our M can get us to this point and I also honestly believe that EO might just be one of those spouses capable of getting you to this place.


D-day - 12/23/05 LTA - 8 years.
"Love's a matter of trust and I just want to believe in us." M McBride

Posts: 1901 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: A tunnel where I'm beginning to see the light
forgivenotforget
♀ Member
Member # 11053
Default  Posted: 9:46 AM, May 11th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For my anniversary, 3 years after dday, I did not get a card for FWS. I couldn't find the right one. FWS expressed hurt and pain for how inconsiderate I was.

MegT - I told my H after a similar incident that if he felt hurt he should put himself in my place and go to the card store and start reading these cards and then he would understand why it is not only practically impossible to find one that doesn't talk about them being "our best friend", or a "loyal and devoted H", but it is also too f'ing painful to read these and not feel cheated. For the first couple of years every time I'd go out and try to find a card I would come home in tears. He would be so upset that I would have a setback and finally told me "not" to go looking for one.

I was finally able to find cards that were more meaningful in the "Between You and Me" section and actually I like that they can say for me the things I can't always communicate to my H.
Btw, welcome. I just started seeing you in our forum even though it looks like you registered in 2007.
I hope you find yourself getting some good advice and friendship here.

[This message edited by forgivenotforget at 9:48 AM, May 11th (Monday)]


D-day - 12/23/05 LTA - 8 years.
"Love's a matter of trust and I just want to believe in us." M McBride

Posts: 1901 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: A tunnel where I'm beginning to see the light
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 10:04 AM, May 11th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just looking in to say thinking of you today shirley.

I donít think you need hugs, but Iíll give you a crush-your-ribs bear one (((shirley))).

Forget the day, donít let it play on your mind. This is just another day, happens to be a Monday, happens to be the second Monday in May, so what? Personally, I ainít bothered about our anniversary. I had all the hurt, the whirling turmoil and pain of the first after dday when FWH was still in contact with sad-bitch moaning MOW the second when I disappeared down south and had a very nice dinner out with 4xM friend and last year we had the excruciating business of going to my parents diamond do and having our anni announced to the gathering. I felt as if I was in a play. Which I was (a farce). But I got through it by putting that protective wall up each time. It meant I wasnít really involved; as if it was nothing to do with me and I was a voyeur on the scene.

Cards? I chuck them all in the bin as they arrive. The date isnít marked on the calendar and my boys would never remember anyhow. As a couple, weíd never been big on the anni celebration (apart from the 25th, which I regret now, but never mind). Which brings me to another raw and painful piece of knowledge that WH and MOW seemed to celebrate any reason for a fucking anniversary Ė PUKE!

Ride with it sister. As with any pain, ride atop the wave and donít fight it. Youíll be safe on the beach of tomorrow before you know it.

Iíll be back with my words of wisdom tomorrow when I will catch up with you all.

ETA: And I wouldn't bother with the effort of writing SIL a letter, just sent the card back marked "not wanted" or something. She's not worth your time.

[This message edited by UKgirl at 10:06 AM, May 11th (Monday)]


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3328 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
hurtshirley
Member
Member # 16197
Default  Posted: 2:03 PM, May 11th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for the hugs everyone. It really does make it better. I am doing better today than I thought I would yesterday and the day before were just flat out awful. I think that card from his sister just put me right over the edge and into the abyss. However, he did well. I think every time he sees me in "such a state" it sinks home a little more what he has done to another human being and one that he claims he loves at that.

I am going to send the note and the card to his sister. I think FNF is right. This is a step in my healing that I need to take. It is more for me than for her. Oh, I am absolutely positive the phone lines will be burning up at the other end but I don't care. I am completely NC with his mother (who "doesn't like me anyway"). His brother is dying. His sister is someone I always thought had "escaped" the issues of that family but I realize now...not so much.

FNF, I hope you do go through a recommitment ceremony. Lord knows you have earned. Plus, it is a really good excuse to do some world class shopping.

Hey UKG, when we gonna see those pics of the new you? I am not a patient person sweetie!


"Forgiveness is the grace by which you enable the other person to get up, and get up with dignity, to begin anew" Desmond Tutu

Posts: 2170 | Registered: Sep 2007
BorrowTrouble
♀ Member
Member # 2435
Default  Posted: 5:30 PM, May 11th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Shirley,

I always find the lead up worse than the actual event. I'm glad today hasn't been too bad for you.

I don't think I will ever see our wedding anniversary as a joyous thing. It's gotten so that it's bearable, or at least bittersweet, but there are too many years of pain there to celebrate. This is one of the few aspects of our marriage I don't thin I'll ever be able to reconcile completely.


D-day 7/29/04.

Posts: 5711 | Registered: Oct 2003
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 9:24 PM, May 11th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

today is also my sil's anniversary..her husband , i believed has cheated on her, and at the very least has had a wierd ea with a freind, a man freind...he's been emotionally unavailable, emotionally abusive, all around lousy husband and dad....he had some kind of break down a couple of years ago and has never been the same...so i will wish all of you for your anniversaries what i wished for today...

i hope you all had a peaceful anniversary...may you be blessed with peace of mind as well as peace within the home.....


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
Lost Heart2
♀ Member
Member # 21793
Default  Posted: 12:22 AM, May 12th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good morning Tribe.

HB, no words, just hugs.
((((((((((HB)))))))))))

***

(((((((((Shirley))))))))
Hope the letter provides you with one more healing step.
Sorry I didnt get in yesterday. Sending you buckets of white light for today, my friend.

***
FnF,
A recommitment ceremony?

That sounds wonderful! How and when are you going to approach H? When do we start dress shopping?

***
Hey Ukg!
How are you?
Fnf is coming over in July..be there or be square!

***
Tribe, I have been having a crappy time at work and am trying hard to stay sane.
I had to remove a child from her mother and it was horrible.Yes, thats part of my job but it was my first time, and it just sucks.
I dont know who hurt her so until we determine that, she will have to be kept safe away from her family.

Give your kiddos an extra hug when you can. No matter how crappy our M or our WS or whatever is, we are responsible for those lives that have been born to us, and sometimes,( I know I am way guilty of this), its easy to take them for granted. We dont really know what we have till its taken away.

***

Have a peaceful day folks.


LTA BS

Dday#1 02.06.06
Dday#2 28.11.06


Mind what you love. Mind how you are loved.


Posts: 471 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: London, UK
feelinginthedark
♀ Member
Member # 10933
Default  Posted: 3:48 AM, May 12th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Long term affair?
i posted back on march 15...yes i do audio but they know I have used them so they are very discreet (like both going up the stairs at the same time and it goes on and on. There is 2 of them and only one of me so the odds tat they will get away with this is great. he is technical and anything i get can always be found out usually eventually. because they whisper yes i know someone is there (epecially sometimes when their is no one @ home but it is still very difficult, you want to be very sure, especially before you confront. Maybe i'm not around the same kind of peopel others are with but really if they are having an affair to begin with then me mentioning it will only meet with denial or they will become more hidden in tyeir activities. I really wouldnt want that to happen because i want the freedom to discuss the things I want in my house without the OW knowing everything that is on my mine and being able to manipulate me and my family as she knows more about me/us our relationship. As it is I'm sure the other woman always knows alot (but probablky never everything or the important things. i have to get a very expensive ear phone just to hear any little stirrings. i dont get alot of what is said just thing like here she come..."where is she..or go now 9meaning go upstairs. I'm not always sure where she is hidden but hthere are many places she could hide and they can use a blue tooth and other things to talk softly and discteetly. there are may ways people would not know. i believe as i was making noise coming in the back door later on taper I can hear him sayng "leave" as she probably exited the front door. If i confronted this he woulod just say the dog got out of the kitchen or something and was telling hime to get back in the kitchen. he always says things that you cant really argue with. i am busy and neeed evn mor etime to get all the things I need to do. I guess I'm busy enough if i dont get enough sleep. But anyway its just what anyone would do ...get a video" If anyone doubts you(and there are many doubters out there (or people that dont want to get involved. Video provides better proof that people cant argue with.mYes already spent a fortune on detectives and they didnt see much,,,That tells you haow good they are, but I welcome ideas & help if judt so I could get the soem sleep. men talk to one another and a golden rule is not to talk to your wife but to keeep it concealed at allcosts. this is very beneficial

Posts: 606 | Registered: Jun 2006
forgivenotforget
♀ Member
Member # 11053
Default  Posted: 7:06 AM, May 12th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

HS - I was so happy to see that you handled yesterday so well. You are one strong woman!
So, did the letter get sent then? Did you tell EO about it? I have to say that I felt bad when you mentioned that his brother was dying but that didn't have to change your decision. How is your H dealing with his brother's condition? Too much CA in this world.
LH & HS - I don't think I will ever mention the idea of a recommitment ceremony to my H. It's just that recently I thought if he did ask me, I just might surprise him and say yes. Problem is, I've told him so many times over these past 3 years that I would never marry him again, I don't think he'll be asking any time soon.
I might drop a few hints to my DD who will definitely suggest it to her dad and see but I will have to make absolutely sure that this is what I want before I say anything. It's just surprising to me that I have been thinking that I might want to do this.
I do like the idea of an excuse for a "world class shopping" trip though and since I'll be in London this summer maybe I'll start there. UKG, LH and me are planning a get together. I can't wait to meet them both. I get all teared up just thinking about it.
HS - come on, you said you love London. How about joining us???
LH - that is so sad about the mother and child. I would have been crying hysterically. It has to rip your heart out. I do hope it's not the mom who was abusing the child. Of course, it's pathetic that anyone would hurt the child but the mom, that's just awful. Do they provide counseling for you and your co-workers for the stress you all must deal with in these situations? I imagine it can get very difficult on a daily basis. We really do have to appreciate whatever good we have in our lives and I have always known that I never could have kept my sanity these past few years if I didn't have the love and support of my children. They are my greatest blessings.
((((LH)))))

[This message edited by forgivenotforget at 7:09 AM, May 12th (Tuesday)]


D-day - 12/23/05 LTA - 8 years.
"Love's a matter of trust and I just want to believe in us." M McBride

Posts: 1901 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: A tunnel where I'm beginning to see the light
hurtshirley
Member
Member # 16197
Default  Posted: 7:29 AM, May 12th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

HS - come on, you said you love London. How about joining us???

Umm, when are you going? If it is a time when I can make it work, I am there in a heartbeat.

FYI, I am going into Boston today to meet TreadingWater and ImGonnaMakeIt. IGMI is here visitin from AZ and TW lives in the area. I am REALLY nervous as this will be my first IRL contact with SIers (and not even LTAers at that).


"Forgiveness is the grace by which you enable the other person to get up, and get up with dignity, to begin anew" Desmond Tutu

Posts: 2170 | Registered: Sep 2007
forgivenotforget
♀ Member
Member # 11053
Default  Posted: 8:26 AM, May 12th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

HS - sent you a PM with the details.
Have a great time today and come back and tell us all about the get together.
And don't be nervous. It is so comforting when you meet up. When I met with Weepy and NoMorSurprises, it was unbelievable. Word of advice, bring tissues.
Btw, I think IGMI is an LTA survivor. Check her profile but I think I'm right on this one.
ETA - I checked her profile and looks like I'm wrong about this but I could've sworn !

[This message edited by forgivenotforget at 8:29 AM, May 12th (Tuesday)]


D-day - 12/23/05 LTA - 8 years.
"Love's a matter of trust and I just want to believe in us." M McBride

Posts: 1901 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: A tunnel where I'm beginning to see the light
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 11:04 AM, May 12th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

lh....the sich with the child is heartbreaking...but so much better safe then sorry...is the child at least with family, or did he/she have to go to foster care?

i do not think i could ever do that kind of job, between the heartbreak and the anger towards abusers i would be a basket case....

fnf: if i may ask?, why not just be up front and tell him what you want? men can be very thick , not to mention they are the lousiest mind readers in the world!!! if he's worked hard on repairing all he's done, you feel enough restoration to want this then think of what it would and could mean to him coming from you...it could be such an affirmation for him......or are you afraid?

uk girl i hope you doing ok

hs...let us know when you find out anything on the letter

well tribe it been another rough couple of days for me, i was on such an amazing high being asked out on friday. i still feel great about it, i still feel more like the old me and i'm not falling apart.....

but

stupid stupid me, first i found a wad of money in his pants on sat....the loan sharking never ended, that was a dealbreaker promise and he knew it....then i stupidly, stupidly on sat asked him a brand spanking new question on #3, i asked him where he was supposed to meet her on d-day before it was cancelled because of the snow

asshole couldn't remember that it was a snowstorm that day, and then asshle proceeded to give me 2 different places.....so he ied about something that never even took place, he lied about what WAS SUPPOSED to take place...not and ACTUAL event....and then truly does not understand why i do not believe him...LIKE FUCKING HELLO...HOW STUPID ARE YOU...DO U REALLY THINK I CAN BELEIVE ANYTHING

then i told him that he wasn't doing enaything proactive for this marriage that he so called fighting for...that i turned him on to si and he's not even using it as a resource...so he ends up posting, not clear in his posts but he posts...

jump to the middle of the night or wee hous mom's day, we are discussing all of this in our room, we started on and off from 3 am to 6 am....he goes to the bathroom and my dd16 yo comes running to me in my bed.....well it wasn't pretty....my dd finally told him some of what she has been feeling, told us what she heard, almost all of it...and then asked her father for some details herself, he admitted to her that he was inappropriate and told her one of the wheres and that a women was involved...but she wanted the WHY...so he finally had to look her in the eye and tell her that he was planning that night to be unfaithful to her mom.....a very hurtful start to my mothers day....

then yesterday my ds 13 yo...listened in on one of the other phones with a good freind, and heard an earful himself....the only thing he was able to put together aside from the fact that his mothe was cursing like a truck driver was that his mom felt great because she was asked out on a date....he said he had a hard time not laughing when i explained my wh reaction and how i handled it...he was proud that he was able to keep from laughing so he could hear more....and mor he heard...like i was tempted...thankfully he didn't make the connection of his fathers infidelities, because that was defineitly part of the convo....

i asked him how he felt about it...he thought it was funny, didn't understand how a man could ask a married woman out,after all she's married....

i waited about 30 seconds looked up at him with a smile on my face and asked "shoudl i go"....with that he bust out laughing, and so did i and my mom who was in the room with us...we all were laughing...but then at dinner i had to inform my other 2 children, my dd got nervous that her brother had found out about the infidelity and you culd see the relief in her body when she realized that it was just that mom got asked out.....

they also asked for details....i said i wsn't ready to share yet, and when i did it would be with their dad first.

a few other minor things but that was the gist.....

4 days of big up and big downs.....

whew...thank you as always for being there my si family.....and allowing my rambles....


(((((HUGS)))))to all as always


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
kalamity
♀ Member
Member # 21802
Default  Posted: 11:29 AM, May 12th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Feelinginthedark: I'm not going to be able to offer any practical advice. That level of investigation never occurred to me, but I did check text messages on his phone for about a year before finally finding the evidence. He agreed that if I had confronted him at any time without proof-positive, he would have just lied about it. (((Hugs))) Good luck. Knowing is not pleasant, but suspecting and not knowing is pure hell. Be good to yourself!


When it feels like your life is falling apart, perhaps it is falling in place.

BS(me)-56
WS-59: LTA (22+ years)
MOW-54: H's old girlfriend
D-day 08/11/08 (3 days before 25th anniversary)
Working hard on R


Posts: 104 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: Nebraska
zanny
♀ Member
Member # 13183
Default  Posted: 11:33 AM, May 12th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi Ladies!
I recognize some names, but not others Sorry to jump in your thread.

HB...I am so sorry. I heard you were looking for me since I went through something similar. It was almost 18 months ago and it did a dramatic shift in our reconciliation process. In retrospect, it had to happen for him to finally understand and own the issues. I could have done without it, but honestly, I don't think he could have.

((((hugs to all my fellow LTAers)))

PM for you HB.......

Zanny


BS-Me
WS-Him
D-day #1 LTA
False Reconciliation then
D-day #2
In reconciliation


"Just when the caterpillar thought it was over, she became a butterfly."


Posts: 573 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: The Middle of Somewhere
gettingthrutoday
♀ Member
Member # 21365
Default  Posted: 12:40 PM, May 12th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello Tribe -- Looks like we all needed hugs the past few days. ((Tribe))

LH2 -- Thank you so much for being willing to do such a difficult job; we all depend on y'all to protect families and know that you do your best. And if the situations themselves aren't tough enough, the second-guessing can really get to you. Hang in there --

HS -- Glad you got through yesterday. Let us know how your day goes today in Boston -- and your decisions about sending the letter.

I think I'm still dealing with my feelings about our 30th "anniversary" which was earlier this month -- I got through the actual day just fine, and have been really emotional since then. I, also, could't find an appropriate card (totally identify with MegT and FNF's experiences) -- arghh! And since *none* of our family knows about our sitch, it's almost more difficult -- I've gotten so good at pretending that it's scaring me.

BT -- thanks for your words to HB -- your posts are so insightful that I always learn from them.

miracle -- so sorry you're still in the thick of things -- hugs to you, too.

Will be in and out of the forum for the next few weeks -- mojo to you all.


Me BS 52
married 30 years
Ddays 10/20/08, 11/23/08, 3/09
Primary Love Language: Honesty
My top 5 needs: love, honesty, faithfulness, mutual respect, communication

Posts: 382 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: Southeastern US
Lost Heart2
♀ Member
Member # 21793
Default  Posted: 1:14 PM, May 12th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Umm, when are you going? If it is a time when I can make it work, I am there in a heartbeat

Shirley!!
Dont you dare throw a line like that out here and think I am going to let it go.
It would be just wonderful if you could come too.
Anybody else want to join? This is so exciting!

***
Shirley, I am sure your visits went well today. I have met 3 SI LTA'ers IRL and both times came back with my jaw on the floor. They are all as amazing IRL as they are here. Just knowing you are talking to someone who really knows what you are talking about....what a feeling.

***
Fnf,

I will have to make absolutely sure that this is what I want before I say anything. It's just surprising to me that I have been thinking that I might want to do this.


Fingers crossed.


LTA BS

Dday#1 02.06.06
Dday#2 28.11.06


Mind what you love. Mind how you are loved.


Posts: 471 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: London, UK
Lost Heart2
♀ Member
Member # 21793
Default  Posted: 1:27 PM, May 12th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

the loan sharking never ended, that was a dealbreaker promise and he knew it....

Miracle,That must have been one emotionally charged weekend.
So what does it mean that this was a dealbreaker? What does H think it means? What are the consequences?

Your poor kiddos. It sounds like your DD is under alot of strain. Does she have someone she can chat to..school counsellor? Fav elder relative? Maybe its something you can look into.

***

I've gotten so good at pretending that it's scaring me.

GTT,I know.
Remember, you can always be real here.

***
Hey Zanny, old friend.


LTA BS

Dday#1 02.06.06
Dday#2 28.11.06


Mind what you love. Mind how you are loved.


Posts: 471 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: London, UK
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