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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Spouses/Partners of Sex Addicts 4
7yrsbetrayed
♀ Member
Member # 10198
Default  Posted: 1:22 PM, July 24th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have been talking about getting on my feet and getting my career going...getting into school and whatnot. Just met with a student advisor of a local college. After talking with her she said she caould place me in the July 2010 nursing program. I have to get my app. back to her by next thursday and Im in! Yay! This will be one step closer to having some freedom and confidence in myself, that if I ever chose to leave, I could support myself and the kids. Not to mention have a great paying job that I can continue to build my education upon.

HOORAY!!! Congratulations!!! I'm very happy for you!
7


Me(44)
Him(46) arthurdent (rSA)
Married 12 yrs, together 15
Renewed Vows 12/19/08
One DD(8)
You can avoid reality but you cannot avoid the consequences of avoiding reality.~Ayn Rand

Posts: 2167 | Registered: Mar 2006 | From: Colorado
RedheadTX
Member
Member # 19079
Default  Posted: 2:06 PM, July 24th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

gettingthrutoday - Thank you for the hugs - they are always appreciated!

eternaloptimist - Thank you for reinforcing how I feel about this issue of what/when to tell my daughter.

7 - Thanks for all the great feedback and advice. Definitely count me in on discussing this book. I ordered it from Amazon as soon as she told me about it, so hopefully it will be here next week. (My jaw is dropped at the placement of books you described at BN!) I do have MASH and am rereading.

You mentioned that he might be minimizing about LA vs SA. ICAM! He really resists the SA label. Personally, just from reading about both addictions, I feel pretty confident that it is some sort of combination of the two. When I read about LA, it really seems to resonate. He definitely is addicted to that giddiness that comes with getting to know someone new and making them fall for him and feeling like he's falling for them. However, there are some other things (taking pictures, pictures and videos of several OW within a matter of months "pleasuring" him, porn, etc...) that make me feel there is also a SA component to it. When we talked last night, he REALLY resisted the SA label and said that the behaviors I mentioned were all behaviors that he had quit (and didn't miss) and so he felt like if he could stop without much effort, it wasn't an addiction.

Anyway, at this point, he is feeling like he wants to get help (on his terms) but that even without his addiction, he doesn't think he'd want to be in this marriage. He seems to think that me being messy is as big of a deal as him cheating. I KNOW that I have to do a better job of keeping up with the house and I am definitely not a perfect wife, but I get really offended when he compares the two. I feel like he's sending me mixed signals, because JUST the day before yesterday he told me he was brushing his teeth wondering why we were even getting D and that his cheating was the only reason. Not only that, but he tells me that he's not sure he wants to be with me but then he is telling me how much he loves me or rubbing on me or kissing me or whatever. It's maddening. He says that there is just so much history between us that he feels like it would be easier to start all over with somebody else once he is better. He knows it's not fair, but it's the way he feels. So as things stand as of last night...he is talking about moving in with his mom and getting divorced.

I really appreciate hearing about boundaries with your parents...I hadn't even really thought of that.

So my first COSA meeting is tonight and I set up the joint session with the CSATS for mid-August when the female CSAT gets back from vacation. In the meantime, I will continue to do the Partner's Workshop on Recovery Nation, read my books, and depending on how tonight goes...attend COSA meetings. It sucks, but I feel like I have plans, so that helps.


Me-BS-33
Him-WH-35 (ihatedrphil)
11 yr old daughter
Countless PA and EA
Most recent Dday-4/08 (9 mo. affair w/OW who didn't know he was married)

11/08 - Found out he is still talking to the previous OW as well as at least three others.
6


Posts: 296 | Registered: Apr 2008 | From: Houston
too trusting BW
♀ Member
Member # 15459
Default  Posted: 3:23 PM, July 24th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thought I would briefly share that I plan on getting the "Deceived" book as well. Count me in.

When I searched the author at the library, another book came up that I am going to check out.
The title is:
Straight talk from Claudia Black : what recovering parents should tell their kids about drugs and alcohol.

I plan on checking it out in hopes that it will provide some insight into the direction to take. I will try to relay my thoughts back here.


Me 39
SA-FWH 44
11yrs M
In R-maybe
3 DC from Marriage #1
1 DS together
at least 4 d-days

Posts: 1300 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Kansas
1Forward1Back
♀ Member
Member # 11057
Default  Posted: 5:23 PM, July 24th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Add me to the book club. I just ordered it. I'm off on a holiday next week so I hope it comes by then. I order from Chapters (a Canadian company, I think?) and books are usually here within the week.

I am a total book worm. I'm on my fourth novel this week. I read over 40 novels during the summer. I LOVE books!!


Me: 60 Yrs. (BS)
Him: 60 Yrs.(FWH- life long sex addict)
-2 ONSs followed by an A-2005/06
-cheated while we were engaged
-seems to stray every 30 years or so
D-Day-June 10, 2006
Working on own recovery. His is his!
Married: 37 yrs. Grown ch

Posts: 966 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: Canada
Eternaloptimist
♀ Member
Member # 15029
Default  Posted: 6:50 PM, July 24th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Count me in, too. I already ordered it and got notice that it was sent out today. Should arrive next week.

I think we're all book addicts!! Though, as a writer, I'm thrilled to be a part of it.

I'm glad to read that a few of you are getting quite excited about your futures. That's the upside of all this turmoil, I think. It makes us realize something that has always been true and that is that we really need to learn to trust and care for ourselves. It's a lesson that's clearly not lost on many of us who've taken this devastating time of our lives to focus on what we can learn from it and where we go from here.


Me: BS
Him: WS, SA
Married: 12 years
Three kids: 9-year-old D, 7-year-old S, 5-year-old D
D-Day #1: December 11, 2006 (LTA)
D-Day #2: June 17, 2007 (found out about SA)

Posts: 656 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Toronto
broken11
♀ Member
Member # 23277
Default  Posted: 7:03 PM, July 24th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for letting me stick around. I just wondered since the thread is for "spouses". My IC did warn me that I will probably be attracted to SA in the future. Scary! Hopefully I'll learn the tools to avoid a similar sitch in the future.

I think I'll get the book too. I have lots more to post, but I'm just so tired. Next week I'll try and contribute more. Thank you for all your support.

Quicky though, I just discoverd my WH is listed on don'tdatehimgirl.com


Me: BW 30
WH:30
D-day #2 2/26/09
Filed for the big D

Posts: 619 | Registered: Mar 2009
NaiveAgain
♀ Member
Member # 20849
Default  Posted: 7:43 PM, July 24th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Okay. Broken - you said your IC said you would probably be attracted to SA's in the future. Can you expound on that at all? I don't have another IC appointment for a few weeks, but I am a bit worried also that I may end up with another one.

Any idea what attracts us to these guys in the first place? And what to look for? I mean, honestly, I really had no clue in the beginning, and I wonder if I would pick up the clues early on, or if it would take until I am quite involved again!


Original WS D-Day July 10, 2008. Kept lying, he is gone.
New WS (2 EA's, no PA) 12-3-13
If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree.

Posts: 14915 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Ohio
whatnowaz
♀ Member
Member # 24543
Default  Posted: 7:55 PM, July 24th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Broken11~ That's funny! Not funny Haha, but you know what I mean. I have looked there in the past hoping someone put my WH up...I may do it myself though. I wonder how many women really even look at that site?


ME(BS)-33
HIM(WH)SA(not officially Dx)-41
Married 8 years
together 15
D-day too many to remember
most recent 6-16-09
kids 4,12,14

They say "Love conquers all" Well, I am afraid they are WRONG!


Posts: 174 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: arizona
too trusting BW
♀ Member
Member # 15459
Default  Posted: 8:09 PM, July 24th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Naive and Broken,
I am sure someone else will articulate better than me, but I will try to give you my take on having a broke picker-outer. (my mom's term)

Naive, I know you were married to a horrible man the first time around, like I was.
Since I have begun COSA, group, and IC, I have realized some of the behavior of my XH was similar to my current SAH.

These things have to do with my codependent tendencies, which are very related to FOO. Family patterns repeat in the next generations, even if we are unaware. This includes alcoholism, other addictions abuse, and just plain old dysfunction.

I really really thought I had wised up and become so self-aware the second time around:
XH smoked pot every single day
SAH doesn't

XH medicated with alcohol on a regular basis.
SAH drinks responsibly, stops before being drunk.

XH was an ass. SO verbally abusive. Eventually turned to physical abuse.
SAH never says anything negative about me to others (he implies it through his martyr stories, but...)

XH was unbearable to live with if sex had no occurred within a 24 hr period (awful)
SAH seemed almost asexual, stopped desiring sex pretty soon after we married.

The truth of the matter, is that I chose sexually dysfunctioning men. Dysfunctional in other areas too, of course. Just because it manifested differently, didn't mean it was really all that different.

It was about MY issues, that I chose these men.
I have come to learn, that while I did not consciously think that I had worth only if someone desired me, I probably did.

I obviously have my own issues with intimacy or I would have noticed that SAH doesn't really feel that.

Some of us are more likely than others to gravitate to certain people due to our family and personal history.

I can see the way it trickles down, right now in my daughter.
She is a sex abuse survivor, lived with a mentally ill father, and an emotionally disconnected, secretly SA stepdad. I cannot discount my own responsibility in modeling codependency so convincingly for her!
She is at high high risk to end up with men like we did.

It is downright frightening to see her living out the history that we adults have thrust upon her. She doesn't think she is affected. She seems like a nice girl for the most part. But here she is trying to rescue her alcoholic, verbally abusive, intimacy-phobic boyfriend.

I guess what I am saying, is that divorce or R is not the end of our journey. We need to get some good IC and SPouse of SA support, to help us be strong and healthy enough to take care of ourselves in the future, and and also give our children that gift.

ETA: the biggest difference:
XH was stupid as a bag of hair

SAH is probably the smartest man I have met

[This message edited by too trusting BW at 9:45 PM, July 24th (Friday)]


Me 39
SA-FWH 44
11yrs M
In R-maybe
3 DC from Marriage #1
1 DS together
at least 4 d-days

Posts: 1300 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Kansas
Eternaloptimist
♀ Member
Member # 15029
Default  Posted: 9:14 PM, July 24th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A broke picker-outer!! I love that. I certainly have one.

Re. picking another SA. I, too, thought I was picking someone so much healthier than my ex-boyfriend. And, in truth, my husband "presents well" in that he's good-looking, ambitious, highly educated, etc. But in hindsight, I can now see how much I overlooked and took responsibility for that I can now recognize were warning signs. At the very least, there was behaviour/comments that I should have probed deeper into rather than just brushed them aside as "nothing".


Me: BS
Him: WS, SA
Married: 12 years
Three kids: 9-year-old D, 7-year-old S, 5-year-old D
D-Day #1: December 11, 2006 (LTA)
D-Day #2: June 17, 2007 (found out about SA)

Posts: 656 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Toronto
gettingthrutoday
♀ Member
Member # 21365
Default  Posted: 10:08 PM, July 24th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Eternaloptimist --

you might be confusing controlling our recovery with controlling the outcome of our actions.

I think you hit the nail on the head there -- that makes a lot of sense. Thanks!

GTT


Me BS 52
married 30 years
Ddays 10/20/08, 11/23/08, 3/09
Primary Love Language: Honesty
My top 5 needs: love, honesty, faithfulness, mutual respect, communication

Posts: 382 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: Southeastern US
7yrsbetrayed
♀ Member
Member # 10198
Shocked  Posted: 10:33 PM, July 24th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

URGENT!!!!!!!

EVERYONE please go to GentlePath Press and ask them to reprint "Mending a Shattered Heart"
http://gentlepath.com/contact.php

It is out of print and now no one can find it or buy it!

I'm shattered by this!!!

EVERONE please, please, please, FLOOD them with emails!!!

Here is what I wrote:
I am the spouse of a recovering sex addict. The book "Mending a Shattered Heart" saved my life and my sanity. I am very active on an online message board for spouses of SA and I recommend the book to every woman newly facing the reality of a husband diagnosed with sex addiction. I recommend it because to date it is the BEST book by far of all the books suggested to me. Now everyone is telling me they cannot find it and it's out of print! This is terrible! Please reprint!!!! PLEASE!!! I have to admit I did just start reading "Deceived" by Claudia Black and it is wonderful too so I will start giving that as my recommendation instead. I'd love to encourage all spouses of SA to read both but I can't if you don't reprint!!! This book was such a lifeline for me and sooooo many other women. There is so little for us that is of any quality. Please, please, please reprint.
Thank you.

~~~~~~
I'll be back to read and reply but for right now, everyone, please contact GentlePath Press and let them know how this book has touched your life and how important it is to spouses of SA!!!
7


Me(44)
Him(46) arthurdent (rSA)
Married 12 yrs, together 15
Renewed Vows 12/19/08
One DD(8)
You can avoid reality but you cannot avoid the consequences of avoiding reality.~Ayn Rand

Posts: 2167 | Registered: Mar 2006 | From: Colorado
ScribblingMum
♀ Member
Member # 20097
Default  Posted: 11:13 PM, July 24th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

7,

Hi...:) is Deceived book good even if you are not going to STAY w/ your SA spouse? Thanks...Also, 7, u can get experience counseling in a recovery-based church ...OUR church Christian Assembly in Eagle Rock, CA has a men's SA group AND a wive's group look it up on-line....you'd be great at helping in leadership w/ that sort of thing...

Can't believe MSH is already out of print! I rec. it all the time, also...GEEZ!

And may I ask why isn't there a BOOK THREAD for SA/Divorce, etc. on SI? Always thought that ODD...I'd be willing to compilke my HUGE-HUGE list...

MODERATORS????

[This message edited by ScribblingMum at 11:17 PM, July 24th (Friday)]


~ScribblingMum~
D-D 1: 12/23/06 - Porn (dd bust him on-line)
D-D 2: 4-25-08 - Massage P.'s(new act. in pretend recov.)
D-D 3:9-9-08 Caught call m. girl
D-Day 4: 6/30/09 -: free MP g.f./prost.
D-Day 5: 1-10-10: new mp prost's.
~DONE!


Posts: 1529 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: S .CALIF.
ScribblingMum
♀ Member
Member # 20097
Default  Posted: 11:25 PM, July 24th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

B11:

YES, you are still welcome to post here! I, also, will be divorcing...and I'll need you guys EVEN MORE....

Take Care....xoxoxoxox


~ScribblingMum~
D-D 1: 12/23/06 - Porn (dd bust him on-line)
D-D 2: 4-25-08 - Massage P.'s(new act. in pretend recov.)
D-D 3:9-9-08 Caught call m. girl
D-Day 4: 6/30/09 -: free MP g.f./prost.
D-Day 5: 1-10-10: new mp prost's.
~DONE!


Posts: 1529 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: S .CALIF.
JustWow
♀ Member
Member # 19636
Default  Posted: 7:46 AM, July 25th (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


RedHeadTX:

When we talked last night, he REALLY resisted the SA label and said that the behaviors I mentioned were all behaviors that he had quit (and didn't miss) and so he felt like if he could stop without much effort, it wasn't an addiction.

It is also possible that he is BOTH SA and LA. Multiple addictions among the addicted are COMMON. They switch back and forth among their poison. Remember, this is about unhealthy coping, so they switch from one inhealthy coping method to another. It is common that when an addict is trying to "control" acting out in one addiction, their other addiction(s) escalate.

I'm so glad you guys are going to be working with a CSAT. I'll be praying for y'all.


BW - Reconciling

edited for typos (I always have to!)


Posts: 3556 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Midwest
JustWow
♀ Member
Member # 19636
Default  Posted: 7:59 AM, July 25th (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm really interested in reading the new book find, too. I wish I could participate in the book club reading of it with you, but fill me in and I'll catch up when our chaos here slows down.

H's colon cancer surgery was Wed. He hemoragged (sp?) during it, so they had to open him up (vs doing laproscopic). Also, they had to take much more of his colon than they had planned due to blood supply issues, so he only has 1/2 of it left. He's in the hospital for a min of 5-7 days, if the healing goes well.

We haven't heard yet if it has spread to the lymph nodes, so we are waiting to see what, if any, chemo and radiation schedules are in our future.

His asshole father is trying to use this crisis to force his way back into his life after H has finally had the courage to put some healthy distance between them. That bastard was stupid enough to try to appeal to me and, having not much patience on Thurs, I did a little colo-rectal surgery myself on him and tore him a new asshole.

My alcoholic sister, who I've distanced myself from the last 2 years is trying to use the crisis to weasel her way back in. Trying to hold those boundaries tight.

The kids (DD16.5, DS 14, DD 20 months) - well, I feel like I'm neglecting the hell out of them, between being there for H and fighting away assholes, and just trying to keep clean clothes in people's drawers and food on the table.

And I know it ain't gonna get any easier once H is home, so I need to find a way to pull myself together ASAP, because this damn rollercoaster is just starting.

Shouldn't there be a rule about how many rollercoasters you can ride at one time???

I know, that's a great big whining pity party. Thanks for indulging me.

On the plus side, H has brought his 12 step stuff and his CSAT homework to the hospital to keep busy while recuperating. He seems to be looking at this cancer thing as something he needs to take care of so he can get to the more important work of SA reacovery. I am so proud of him. He really seems to be dealing with all of this so much more healthily than I am.

My turn to catch up with him on something, for a change, huh?

Peace people.

-JW

[This message edited by JustWow at 8:01 AM, July 25th (Saturday)]


BW - Reconciling

edited for typos (I always have to!)


Posts: 3556 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Midwest
2br02b
♀ Member
Member # 19664
Default  Posted: 10:27 AM, July 25th (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

whatnowaz - Congratulations on the breakthrough with your husband and his apparent willingness to get help and to help you get independent. Good news indeed and I am VERY happy for you. If you are interested in attending an RCA group in Phoenix, let me know. We go to a great one.

gettingthru - You will LOVE Recovery Nation - I can't say enough good stuff about it.

Too Trusting - LOVE your comarison and and your analogies make me laugh (i.e. - stupid as a bag of hair)

JustWow - I cannot believe how much crap you are juggling right now. It's got to be taking it's toll on you. What are you doing for you while all this is going down? Can anyone give you an hour or so off - just to go sit somewhere, mediatate, shop, get your nails done, etc. I think it would help you immensely.

7 - That is so surreal for B&N to put that book in Sex. I think that's all kinds of wrong and I would have spoken to someone then and raised all sorts of hell. I call it the campaign of terror. THEN, to have you mention that MASH is now out of print is absolutely unacceptable. It's required reading for any spouse of SA. I will definitely contact the publisher and voice my opinion on that as well. However, I was had another thought.

Since we all have copies of the book - or at least most of us do - why don't we start a MASH co-op. Those of us that have a copy can loan it to one that doesn't with the express understanding that it is returned and/or passed on to another person. Of course we'd need to have people sign up to get a copy and have a way to track our books but it's a thought.

[This message edited by 2br02b at 10:59 AM, July 25th (Saturday)]


Me 51
Him 53 (and SA)
D-Day#1 9/19/1981
D-Day#2 11/23/2008
D-Day#3 - 6/6/09 (Actually D-Day!) - full disclosure given.
Forgiveness - 8/30/09
Married 29 years
2 adult children
Reconciling
2BR02B - that is the question.

Posts: 81 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Phoenix, AZ
gettingthrutoday
♀ Member
Member # 21365
Default  Posted: 10:36 AM, July 25th (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hugs to you JustWow --

You're really going through a rough spot right now. My only advice would be to keep in close contact with the hospital discharge coordinator and/or case manager to make sure that your H has all the services that he'll need when he gets home -- possibly home nursing, medical equipment, etc. (may or may not be necessary, depending on your H's situtation). If needed, and in place, it can make the discharge easier. Other than that, know that lots of folks here are thinking about you and sending you strength. My sister, who is going through a re-occurrence of cancer, says that everything is much harder on the spouse than on the patient. So, try to take care of yourself, too.

7 -- will send a message about MASH -- thanks for the heads-up.

GTT


Me BS 52
married 30 years
Ddays 10/20/08, 11/23/08, 3/09
Primary Love Language: Honesty
My top 5 needs: love, honesty, faithfulness, mutual respect, communication

Posts: 382 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: Southeastern US
7yrsbetrayed
♀ Member
Member # 10198
Exclaimation  Posted: 11:52 AM, July 25th (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Also, 7, u can get experience counseling in a recovery-based church
Thank you for the suggestion but that wouldn't be an option for me since I'm a non-believer. A big part of why I want to pursue this is to not only give back and help other wives of SA but to be able to specifically offer secular recovery help to those who need it.

JustWow
I'm sorry there were complications in your H's surgery. I'm sending tons of good thoughts for a speedy recovery. I'm sorry you have so much to deal with as well. Keep your head up and stay strong, you'll get through this. {{{{hugs}}}}

2br02b
I thought about that too but my book is practically dripping with highlighter ink, sticky notes and very personal notes written all over the margins. It's not really loanable, plus it's as precious as gold to me now that I know I might not be able to replace it. My only other thought is to see if anyone has a pristine (no highlighter, no notes) copy that they'd be willing to loan to me so I can scan it. I could then offer PDFs to people until Gentle Path starts reprinting. I would never do that when the book is available for purchase obviously. But wives of SA need access to this book!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
reminding anyone who hasn't...

URGENT!!!!!!!

EVERYONE please go to GentlePath Press and ask them to reprint "Mending a Shattered Heart"
http://gentlepath.com/contact.php

It is out of print and now no one can find it or buy it!

I'm shattered by this!!!

EVERONE please, please, please, FLOOD them with emails!!!

7


Me(44)
Him(46) arthurdent (rSA)
Married 12 yrs, together 15
Renewed Vows 12/19/08
One DD(8)
You can avoid reality but you cannot avoid the consequences of avoiding reality.~Ayn Rand

Posts: 2167 | Registered: Mar 2006 | From: Colorado
2br02b
♀ Member
Member # 19664
Default  Posted: 1:42 PM, July 25th (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

7 - you are right. My copy is also covered with highlighter and notes. That won't do.

I will scour the online retailers - Ebay, Amazon, etc. and see if I can get a copy. I will also check out the used bookstores here. (give me a grand excuse to go! ). If I can get a good or gently used copy of MASH for you to scan I will let you know.

In the meantime, I have commenced a writing campaign to GentlePath to reprint.


Me 51
Him 53 (and SA)
D-Day#1 9/19/1981
D-Day#2 11/23/2008
D-Day#3 - 6/6/09 (Actually D-Day!) - full disclosure given.
Forgiveness - 8/30/09
Married 29 years
2 adult children
Reconciling
2BR02B - that is the question.

Posts: 81 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Phoenix, AZ
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