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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: BS Questions for WS"s III
2stickinthere
♂ Member
Member # 24439
Default  Posted: 12:22 PM, July 31st (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

she has shown narssistic behavior as long as i've known her. she told me ego was a big part of it, and she had expected so much more than what she got, but also clarified the more she was looking for was (an escape), but it didn't feel that way for her turning physical.

Posts: 96 | Registered: Jun 2009
down4now
♀ Member
Member # 23635
Default  Posted: 1:06 PM, July 31st (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

2stickinthere

I'm a BS but my H was the same as your W.
Ego is a powerful thing.
First time he kissed OW(weeks before it got really physical) he said it didn't feel right - That she tasted wrong and couldn't kiss even half as well as me.
He said the sex was awful, mechanical and quite often he couldn't perform. She smelt wrong, tasted wrong and was pretty passionless.

Yet he kept going back.

My H was depressed (and still is). The anticipation, the danger and wrongness of what he was doing gave him a major high, lifting him out of that depression.
After their first sexual encounter, which was brief and interrupted, he too had to 'try again' just in case. The second time was just as dissatisfying but then his EGO kicked in. He couldn't get her to climax, whatever he did. This made him feel even more wretched and depressed...so back he went, again and again...always the sameoutcome. Utterly disappointing. Then he would come home to me and our love making would be wonderful yet he still went back to her because in his skewed mind he had something to prove.

I don't think I'll ever understand the strength or the destructive nature of his ego. Feeding it became an addiction and an obsession. He has told me since that it didn't matter that our love making was better in so many ways or on so many levels. She became a challenge and he just had to take it because his EGO couldn't cope with the rejection.


BS (me) 44
WS (him)45
Married 21yrs, Together 25 yrs
Children boy 14, girl 19
D-Day(s)26th Feb, 1st March, 12th March 2009
5 Month EA/PA
OW: 52,former friend.
NC 4th March 09. Broken by OW 13th Aug, 20th Nov
On the road to R

Posts: 837 | Registered: Apr 2009 | From: UK
sweetmimi04
♀ New Member
Member # 24991
Default  Posted: 10:35 AM, August 2nd (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

i was just wondering if there is any WS that never broke NC or if it always happens at least once.

Posts: 20 | Registered: Jul 2009
ky_197220
♀ Member
Member # 24728
Default  Posted: 6:04 PM, August 2nd (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am struggling this morning with family issues. Since we have been separated, WS has not been able to see his kids. This morning on FB his daughter made a comment about not being at his sister's wedding because like usual her father didn't pick them up on Friday. It broke my heart. WS has also disassociated himself from other family and friends.
My question for WS is how can you show disregard for your children and family during the affair and fog. My question is not meant to be mean spirited at all. I know without a doubt that my husband loves all of these people. I can understand during an A that the BS will receive this treatment but why everyone else?


BS with beautiful b/g twins

Status - happily divorced.


Posts: 156 | Registered: Jul 2009
MissesJai
♀ Member
Member # 24849
Default  Posted: 6:22 PM, August 3rd (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

the EGO is a muther fucker - without a doubt. i know for a FACT that the lack of control over my ego has caused me so much pain, frustration, anger, you name it. my over inflated ego and narcissism are partly why i'm in IC. i need to learn how to control them and not let them have control over me. it's hard - i've been this way almost my entire life...but i have too much at stake that i can't afford NOT to change....KWIM?

how can you show disregard for your children and family during the affair and fog.

i'm guilty of this. i put my children and their needs on the backburner simply because i put xOM (and what he did for my ego) ahead of everyone and everything. why? because he was my EGO's drug and i was an addict - plain & simple. i didn't see myself doing these things - i honestly thought nothing had changed and that i was still the same person, same mother, same wife, same everything. the reality is that i was a completely different person. i allowed xOM to consume me and distract me on so many levels. xOM fed my EGO to the point that my sole focus became getting that ego stroke - everything else took a backseat to this self-destructive behavior....


FWW - 40
Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent...

Posts: 5529 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: So Cal.....
Listeningclosely
♂ Member
Member # 16472
Default  Posted: 6:52 AM, August 4th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

sweetmimi -

i was just wondering if there is any WS that never broke NC or if it always happens at least once.

There are no "always" in infidelity. Each situation will have things that are different or unique based on the people involved.

By not breaking NC, I'm assuming you mean as a WS that one of us would have not tried to break NC. In my case, I did not break NC. xMOW did try a fishing expedition about 15 months into R (asked me to "help a friend", saying I was the only one she knew who could help this person and that I did not have to reply to her directly). I didn't take the bait.

It was pretty rough to handle early on, but did get easier over time.


BW(her)- 45, FWH (me) 48
4 month Online EA
M 23 years, together for 28
4 Daughters - 21, 18, 14 and 12
d-day 6/2/07, in R
FORGIVENESS 1/1/2008!!!
"Action expresses priorities." -
Mohandas Gandhi

Posts: 4454 | Registered: Oct 2007 | From: One Particular Harbour
futureseemsbleak
♀ Member
Member # 16642
Default  Posted: 7:52 AM, August 4th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for your response WS's.

For those of you who attended MC..for the purpose of coming clean and maybe R.

What were your initial feelings in attending knowing what you had to acknowledge?

Did your first visit reveal everything or just on surface stuff?

Were you able to feel a sense of relief after you came clean, even though your BS was hurting?

Did you realize that the truth would heal both of you?


Posts: 227 | Registered: Oct 2007
imtrying
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Member # 22031
Default  Posted: 8:02 AM, August 4th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Have any of you had trouble fully coming clean with your lies and secrets?

We're broken up, as of recently, and trying hard to be friends, but he keeps lying. I don't get it.

He knows I love him, support him, want to be there, but I can't if he keeps lying. It retriggers all the old stuff.

Why not let go, now that he's got nothing to lose with me, except he loses me if he lies.


Posts: 721 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Pacific NW USA
MissesJai
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Member # 24849
Default  Posted: 11:19 AM, August 4th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

i'm trying...
Have any of you had trouble fully coming clean with your lies and secrets?

in the beginning, i did. i gave BH trickle truth for 2 weeks before i fully came clean. why? well, because in my twisted brain, i thought that withholding and minimizing would protect him and his feelings. of course, it was the exact opposite - it just made it worse.

Why not let go, now that he's got nothing to lose with me, except he loses me if he lies.

is he TRULY aware that you know he's lying and that the continued lies will result in what he doesn't want - to lose you???

part of our destructive nature as WS's, is the perceived need for continual lying - mainly to cover our own asses - although part of it is the whole "protecting" our mate theory.

it all boils down to selfishness - plain and simple. talk to him and tell him, rather emphatically, that you know he's lying and what the consequences of his actions will be. let him know that the continued lying does more damage than being honest ever could.

BH used my own personality to get me to tell him everything - he knew i was lying and instead of outright confronting me again, he just kept asking for proof i couldn't produce and then he would say or do little things (he knows me VERY WELL) that would send me a message that he knows i'm lying and that my coming clean wouldn't do anything but solidify what he already knew to be true. additionally, he kept telling me that there's no way we can rebuild unless there's a clean slate. he likened it to building a house..said that our marriage is a house - my A came and destroyed the house and now there's nothing but rubble on the slab - before we can rebuild the house, we need to get rid of the rubble, all of it so we can rebuild on a clean, flat surface. i visualized his analogy and it made so much sense. i came clean on a sunday and had just come back from church - the sermon was all about keeping your faith at all times - even the darkest moments of your life - step out on faith because in the end, it's going to be alright. so all that, along with the overwhelming guilt, is what got me to finally come clean and although it hurt to hear myself say it and to see the reaction on his face when i told him that i slept with xOM every day i was with him (6 days), when it was all said and done, i felt better - like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders - relieved, i guess you can say.


FWW - 40
Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent...

Posts: 5529 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: So Cal.....
beach
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Member # 7533
Default  Posted: 11:29 AM, August 4th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

imtrying,

Are you sure that your WS is in NC with xOP?

We're broken up, as of recently, and trying hard to be friends, but he keeps lying.

Are you married and is there the kids involved? He is offering you a bargain. He is only throwing crumbs at you to keep you.

If you are not married and no kids involved, and not living together, you need to have a clean break up for 60 days. Don't let his words fool you. Action speaks louder than words. You can start NC = No New hurts.

Why not let go, now that he's got nothing to lose with me, except he loses me if he lies.
Why not let him go. You make the choice for him. He doesn't deserve you.

Hugs... Keep 180 and working on you.

[This message edited by beach at 11:55 AM, August 4th (Tuesday)]


If you don't find peace with yourself, you cannot find anywhere else.
Appreciate and cherish what I have.

Posts: 8680 | Registered: Jul 2005 | From: midwest
beach
♀ Member
Member # 7533
Default  Posted: 11:37 AM, August 4th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ky_197220 ,

My question for WS is how can you show disregard for your children and family during the affair and fog. My question is not meant to be mean spirited at all. I know without a doubt that my husband loves all of these people. I can understand during an A that the BS will receive this treatment but why everyone else?

Because those unremorseful ones are selfish. They want to keep their drug (A -fantasy) alive, thus isolate themselves to indulging their addicting behavior, until they hit the rock bottom...

Hugs.

[This message edited by beach at 11:55 AM, August 4th (Tuesday)]


If you don't find peace with yourself, you cannot find anywhere else.
Appreciate and cherish what I have.

Posts: 8680 | Registered: Jul 2005 | From: midwest
beach
♀ Member
Member # 7533
Default  Posted: 11:44 AM, August 4th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

2stickinthere,

she has shown narssistic behavior as long as i've known her. she told me ego was a big part of it, and she had expected so much more than what she got, but also clarified the more she was looking for was (an escape), but it didn't feel that way for her turning physical.

As for ego thing... Each FWS is different, but many FWSs (including myself) had low-self esteem and was not sure of ourselves, thus needed the external validation.

Until I found my core problem (abandonment and codependency), and fixed them, it could resurface sometime down the line, so finding out FOO (family of origin) is the important thing. I am work in progress, and I have no desire to go back to where I was...

Good luck.

[This message edited by beach at 11:56 AM, August 4th (Tuesday)]


If you don't find peace with yourself, you cannot find anywhere else.
Appreciate and cherish what I have.

Posts: 8680 | Registered: Jul 2005 | From: midwest
beach
♀ Member
Member # 7533
Default  Posted: 11:54 AM, August 4th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

futureseemsbleak, as we haven't attended MC, I hope someone who has experience with the MC will come along shortly

[This message edited by beach at 11:57 AM, August 4th (Tuesday)]


If you don't find peace with yourself, you cannot find anywhere else.
Appreciate and cherish what I have.

Posts: 8680 | Registered: Jul 2005 | From: midwest
imscared_k
♀ Member
Member # 14061
Default  Posted: 12:12 PM, August 4th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I attended MC, and it was for the sole purpose of committing to R. I wanted to R, but I hated MC. I have a phobia of counselors and psychiatrist, everytime we go I feel like I'm going to puke.
Initially, we went 1x every week. If we could have afforded it, we probably would have gone twice a week. We had horrible communication, and it was a great place to get all the bad feelings out, without saying in mean or accusing way. Our sessions always went in stages, light fluff to begin, heavier stuff for the next 40-45 minutes, and then a 5 minute recap of the session and things to accomplish by the next session. MC only works though, if your not in false R. I had broken NC between sessions, but we also talked about breaking NC in the next session. If a spouse has taken their affair underground, MC is useless really.

Posts: 1059 | Registered: Mar 2007
2stickinthere
♂ Member
Member # 24439
Default  Posted: 12:26 PM, August 4th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

beach,

right now her biggest thing she can reviel as a foo would be esteem, off meds, and creating the situation that connected them(several months of flirting back and forth). there has also been lots of exposiure about the stressors and built resentment between us that made her (probably me too) grow a bit of distance. fact is we wasn't communicating these things at all, just holding it in and living our lives.

new question. i know this could be a very hard question, and its answer is up to the individual, but once the line has been crossed and excitement and the thrill was lived how hard is it to be loyal again? i think this is about my last major hangup on rebuilding trust. is she capable of being loyal to me?

my factors are we've been together for 11years, married 10. according to her this was an isolated incident. she's never strayed, felt, or carried on flirting like that before. it was according to her several issues that made one big problem hence her poor actions. we've never fought in our entire relationship. truely, one of our great things is the willingness to compromise for eachother. she has exposed herself to me as being manic which explains alot about our past situations. she also based alooooot of what she did on the seperation in her mind from that to me. she didn't concieve at the time she was doing wrong. she was awair she was wrong, but didn't think there was conciquences i guess. i'm still trying to understand her mind set at the time.(mainic depression)


Posts: 96 | Registered: Jun 2009
hurtsds
♀ Member
Member # 18856
Default  Posted: 2:12 PM, August 4th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ok, this is gonna be really long, but let me tell you my story.
I guess it started a few years back, my husband has an ex-wife that defines the word evil. She accused him of abusing his kids, to the point to where he lost contact with his kids (let me assure you, he never abused those kids). 2 years ago, a friend of his arranged a meeting to meet with his son. This was obviously crushing for him, he came home and told me he had to go for a drive and clear his head. I was very worried about depression. The next day he told me he wanted to separate, and he was going to go stay with his mother for a while. He said he wasn’t happy and needed to get his head straight. I begged him to work on our marriage, I begged him to get some counseling or help. I was genuinely concerned for his safety. A couple days went by and I had my uncle, his best friend, call him. My uncle called me and told me he wasn’t upset over seeing his son, he wanted a divorce. I was floored, and I called my H right away. He said yes, he wanted a divorce, and there was nothing he wanted to do about it, no counseling, no nothing.

We talked every now and then and just when I thought he may be willing to reconcile, he’d back off. Everyone asked me if there was someone else, and I told them, “Of one thing I am 100% positive of, it’s that he would never do that, he’s so anti cheating, I can’t even explain it.” We met 2 times and had sex, and after the second time, he told me not to call him, he needed to figure things out, and he’d call me once a week. That was the last straw for me. I went to dinner with someone, and when he found out he went bolistic, telling me that I was such as waste, and he was going to remove all traces of me from his life, etc. etc. The next day, I drew up divorce papers and mailed them to him. During the weekend, I slept with someone (immediately regretted it, but I did it), never talked to the guy after that. Met someone else, and kept it simple, no affection, no sex, just someone to hang out with, somehow to try to get through all this. Few more days follow and my H emails me saying he’s sorry and he wants to come home. I left work and we met, and he told me that he would have to quit his job. His boss had fallen in love with him. They were just friends but a few days ago, they slept together.

Fast forward a few months, and I find out (cell phone records) that this “friendship” has been going on for months before we even separated. All those times I defended him, I felt like such a fool…all the hostility when I started dating, all the mind games, who was this person? What right did he have, when all the while he was seeing someone else…telling this person he loved her!!! He knows what I did, and I answered all his questions, which was by far the hardest thing I had to do, oh the yelling and the crying…I find out information by snooping and trickle truths. And I even get that, because who wants to say that stuff out loud, who wants to hurt the person they’re with like that. I’ve been on that side of the street in a sense, even though I never cheated on him, and didn’t do this until I had been repeatedly been turned away, and finally drafted and signed divorce papers.

I do believe he genuinely wants our marriage to work, and at first, even though we were dealing with the things each of us had done, it was great. For the first time in our relationship, we put our relationship first. He hasn’t had any contact with her since we reconciled. Then it started to change, he started getting angry every time I triggered on something. We were struggling financially because he hadn’t found another job, his self esteem was going downhill. My kids received survivor benefits (their father died when they were young), so that was helping us stay afloat. Well, that ended a couple months ago, and I don’t make enough to pay rent and utilities. Finally, we talked and decided he’d see if he could get his old job back. Bad idea, I know, but we were desperate, even Walmart and McDonalds wouldn’t hire him.

He told his big boss what had happened between him and OW, and he was hired back, with the assurance his boss would handle the situation from his end….whatever that means. This obviously brought back some raw feelings and we had daily “discussions” about it.

Here’s my problem, he obviously wants to forget this whole thing happened, believe me, I do to, but it happened. We can’t afford counseling, so we’ve never been, he doesn’t like these forums or internet programs. I need to know, how do I get him to realize that ignoring the situation will not make it go away, but just prolong it? It’s been 2 years now and is still feels like a knife in my gut. How do I make him see? When I tell him we need to do something, he says we don’t deal with things the same way, but he can’t continue being beat down about it. I don’t know how to make him see, but trying it his way isn’t helping, and I’m about at the end of my rope. I totally understand that he’s ashamed and guilty and doesn’t want to talk about it or answer any more questions, but I feel like for him to be okay, I have to sacrifice how I feel about it.

Thanks for helping me out :o)


DDay 09/05/07

Posts: 140 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: Florida
imscared_k
♀ Member
Member # 14061
Default  Posted: 3:51 PM, August 4th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

hurtsds-

Your H is going to have to face up to his actions. Is he transparent? Have you 2 talked about what contact is going to happen at work, and how he will handle it?
He's focusing on your actions, and by keeping the focus on you he'll never have to face up to what he has done.

He may not like interent forums, but you both are going to have to find something. If your not happy with the status quo, then it's up to you to do something about it. You can't change him, nor can you make him do anything. Is there a counseling center that works on a sliding scale, or one that would work with you on payments? Or would he be willing to read books and do exercises? The library is free, just take the books back on time. Your going to have to give him some options to help you both heal. Probably one of the options is do nothing, and see ya later.


Posts: 1059 | Registered: Mar 2007
Fallen
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Member # 4313
Default  Posted: 10:45 PM, August 4th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

futureseemsbleak

My initial feelings about counseling (IC) was that I needed to do it ASAP. In fact, I went to a crisis counseling center the morning after dday because I felt completely out of control. We scheduled an appointment with a MC just a week or two after dday, but went to the wrong office by mistake. We ended up seeing a MC once - where he told us our marriage was a "train wreck." He recommended IC for each of us before we started MC. My husband continued to see him for IC, and I saw a female counselor.

As much as I knew I needed MC, I was still foggy and justifying what I did. It was part of the WS dysfunction- my emotional immaturity and inability to hear any criticism at all without having a meltdown. It took some time in IC for me to trust my counselor- and once that happened, she could address our issues together in MC.

Our first visit just gave the therapist an overview of what was wrong. But it was enough for him to see how we should be counseled.

I didn't really feel a sense of relief at first because the fear of my H leaving was overwhelming. It was hard to set that aside even when I told him the truth because each time he'd ask me questions, the shame made me feel like I was literally dying. I'd have chest pain and shortness of breath and basically went into a panic attack.

I didn't realize at first that he needed all the puzzle pieces in order to start to heal. At the time, it seemed like R was impossible. Funny thing is that he didn't really ask that many questions. He said he didn't want to know. I realize now how much easier he made it for me... but at the time I did not.

All I can tell you is that healing from this is a process for BSes and WSes. There is no light switch to change from dumbassness to wise and honest. It can be painful to change, but I really believe that if the WS wants to be healthy, and the BS is willing to try again, that you can heal your marriage and build a beautiful life together.


You can't heal what you won't feel.

"There would be no grand absolution, only forgiveness meted out in these precious sips. It would well up from his heart in spoonfuls, and he would feed it to me. And it would be enough."


Posts: 23475 | Registered: May 2004
beach
♀ Member
Member # 7533
Default  Posted: 11:34 PM, August 4th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

2stickinthere

beach,
right now her biggest thing she can reviel as a foo would be esteem, off meds, and creating the situation that connected them(several months of flirting back and forth). there has also been lots of exposiure about the stressors and built resentment between us that made her (probably me too) grow a bit of distance. fact is we wasn't communicating these things at all, just holding it in and living our lives.

new question. i know this could be a very hard question, and its answer is up to the individual, but once the line has been crossed and excitement and the thrill was lived how hard is it to be loyal again? i think this is about my last major hangup on rebuilding trust. is she capable of being loyal to me?

my factors are we've been together for 11years, married 10. according to her this was an isolated incident. she's never strayed, felt, or carried on flirting like that before. it was according to her several issues that made one big problem hence her poor actions. we've never fought in our entire relationship. truely, one of our great things is the willingness to compromise for eachother. she has exposed herself to me as being manic which explains alot about our past situations. she also based alooooot of what she did on the seperation in her mind from that to me. she didn't concieve at the time she was doing wrong. she was awair she was wrong, but didn't think there was conciquences i guess. i'm still trying to understand her mind set at the time.(mainic depression)

Are you in IC or on the medication for your manic depression? and as for drifting a part, have you two tried MC? If not, try open communication. You can only control your behavior and not hers... and she can only fix herself, meaning she has to have willingness to fix. By having a double life took a toll on me (depleted myself) and lost my core identity and din't know who I was anymore and that was one of my turning points to end the A.

As for returning to loyal to BH again, I don't know how long your W's A lasted, (mine was 6 years + LTA) with the strict NC with xOM, it took me 6 months to get out of withdrawal stage and then at the 1 year mark, I think of him as if he is being dead and that helped me to put my energy and effort into our M and R. At the same time, I worked on my core issues.

As for how A was developped and unknowlingly cross the line is, I posted this in Wayward once.. I hope this makes sense.

Can anyone explain to me how you get into this type of relationship??
Let me briefly say, for some people, it was started out as a friendship, and it was becoming slipperly slope and her/his mental boundary became fuzzy and then selfishly emotionally cross the boundary, before they know it, it became a part of their daily life and made them think like they couldn't live without it.
For some, it started out as FWB/hooked up at online site , and thinking that they could handle it by compartmentalizing, and the time goes by, mental boundary became fuzzy and then selfishly emotionally cross the boundary and before they know it, it went deeper and stuck.
Also some of them are like my sitch, we were open to start with and sex only meeting was ok, but as time goes by, mental boundary become fuzzy and selfishly emotionally cross the boundary and before we know it, it went deeper and stuck. At that stage, it became a part of our life and couldn't stop.

What is it about the other person that fuels these feelings
The way the OPs made FWSs feel. Many stroking egos....My XOM was out of league (younger, artistic, lean athretic, musician looks). Over time, I made him up as a fantasy boyfriend. Even though I was married, but I was thinking of myself as a wife and I was a royal girlfriend to xOP at the same time and I wanted to be connected with him 24/7. XOM's telling me we were hot looking couple and that having xOM being into me made me feel I still 'got' it, didn't help. It made me fell like I was acting in the fantasy world. Acting out with the ideal fantasy lover in the limited time, sex became intense and leaving me the feeling of wanting for more and looking forward to the next meeting. It gave me the high and was getting addictive activities for me.

ETA : for clarity. I am 2.5 years out. My lifestyle changed and I am much happier. My boundary wall is up high. I have no desire to go back to where I was.. I am not empty inside anymore, thus I don't need any external validation anymore. I feel blessed every day.

[This message edited by beach at 11:52 PM, August 4th (Tuesday)]


If you don't find peace with yourself, you cannot find anywhere else.
Appreciate and cherish what I have.

Posts: 8680 | Registered: Jul 2005 | From: midwest
2stickinthere
♂ Member
Member # 24439
Default  Posted: 7:16 AM, August 5th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

beach,
its my wife that has the manic issues, not me. my only issues that i know of are wrapping my head around human tendancy and understanding the causes for A's. i'm digging deep and hard to find FOO and fix everything missing between us. i'm now understanding that we both we making more withdrawls from the love bank than deposits which over time feed even more withdrawls. reading thru marriage builders is opening my eyes to alot. i wish i would have started that 3 months ago, or better yet a year ago before i knew there was an issue in our lives.

Posts: 96 | Registered: Jun 2009
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