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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Betrayed Men - Part 4
krushd1972
♂ Member
Member # 25033
Cool  Posted: 12:34 PM, September 28th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would lean towrds option A.. Would it have made a difference or would it have pushed her deeper into the fog.. I would most likely choose B, and if the stars were aligned and it was ment to be, then I might find her again, and our love would be true, but she has messed that up, but we are trying to R, and so far things are going great. Just wish option A was avaliable just to try it out.


Lost in a Sinkhole wishing I had a time machine!!

Me (BS) 37
Her (FWW) 35
Married 15 yrs
3 Kids D 10yrs, S, 3 (past away shortly after his 3rd bday), D 1yr

D-Day 7-25-2009

Status: Reconciling


Posts: 60 | Registered: Aug 2009 | From: Texas
JoePike
♂ Member
Member # 13207
Default  Posted: 6:39 AM, September 29th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WAL & Razor: I do understand both of you, and WAL, your W has some deeper issues than my xW do/did.

In my case (and possibly a sign of some small remnants of naivety in my brain) I still think that had we been more aware, her issues could have been solved.

But yes, without assistance she was a walking time bomb, if it hadn't been OM, it would eventually had been someone else.


"Do or do not. There is no Try" - Yoda.

"The term “mistake” infers a level of ignorance, innocence and naivety. And a lack of intent and planning." - Craig Harper


Posts: 3952 | Registered: Jan 2007
Weightless
♂ Member
Member # 20799
Default  Posted: 7:13 AM, September 29th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So how many other BH's out there paid for breast implants (and other assorted modifications) for their FWW/WW's, who then used them to attract OM to stroke their egos?


My FWW started talking alot about getting breast, not really implants, but a lift, while she was in the early stages of her A. She had mentioned it before but the thought gathered more force, and she had a consultation. She is a work out nut (always has been)and plays soccer and when she found out she would pretty much have to stop exercising for a couple of months or more she mostly dropped it.



Posts: 170 | Registered: Aug 2008
lostcause111
♂ Member
Member # 19109
Default  Posted: 10:46 AM, September 29th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

All I will say any improvements are not for you .... they already have you. Sad but true.

Posts: 934 | Registered: Apr 2008
Razor
♂ Member
Member # 16345
Default  Posted: 11:03 AM, September 29th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The excuse given me by WW was that I did not pay enough attention to her. From dating we went to Kids-Work-Owning a home-and life. So real life intervened and she wasnt getting the romance she thought she deserved.

OM was quick to pounce on that.

I have heard this same excuse given by other WW. Not enough attention. Well when Dday(s) happened she got allot of attention.

So she was bored-unhappy. Went out and had a great time playing around. Dating-Fucking the OM and he gave her allot of attention. Then she was caught and confessed. And got more attention at home. This seems to me to be win-win for WW.

This kinda pisses me off. She goes on a fuckfest vaca with the OM. Then she comes home to a improved H.

I resent this. Where's my improved W? No where to be found.


Forgive and forget = Relive and regret.


Posts: 3087 | Registered: Sep 2007
vieweditall
♂ Member
Member # 25505
Default  Posted: 12:06 PM, September 29th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My wife has been having a fuckfest for over a year and she's going to make out with half of everything I worked for.

Reconcile or split your getting screwed either way. (not in the literal sense, that would be not getting screwed either way)


Posts: 66 | Registered: Sep 2009
Walt
♂ Member
Member # 747
Default  Posted: 12:29 PM, September 29th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The excuse given me by WW was that I did not pay enough attention to her. From dating we went to Kids-Work-Owning a home-and life. So real life intervened and she wasnt getting the romance she thought she deserved.

OM was quick to pounce on that.

I have heard this same excuse given by other WW. Not enough attention. Well when Dday(s) happened she got allot of attention.

So she was bored-unhappy. Went out and had a great time playing around. Dating-Fucking the OM and he gave her allot of attention. Then she was caught and confessed. And got more attention at home. This seems to me to be win-win for WW.

This kinda pisses me off. She goes on a fuckfest vaca with the OM. Then she comes home to a improved H.

I resent this. Where's my improved W? No where to be found.

Yep


At mile 20 I thought I was dead. At mile 22 I wished I was dead. At mile 24 I knew I was dead. At mile 26.2 I realized I had become too tough to kill

Posts: 131 | Registered: Dec 2002 | From: East Coast
Kuwaited
♂ Member
Member # 5491
Default  Posted: 12:35 PM, September 29th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My wife has been having a fuckfest for over a year and she's going to make out with half of everything I worked for

I got that T-shirt, too.


"For every trip to the vet, there's a car ride.", Satchel Pooch.

"At some point in life, everyone has gambled on a fart and lost." -- Tad...from Craig's List


Posts: 8446 | Registered: Oct 2004 | From: North Atlanta Burbs
64fleet
♂ Member
Member # 18710
Default  Posted: 12:54 PM, September 29th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Which do you prefer?

i'd go with "C"-I have no desire to have any kind of deep relationship with any woman.
Use them & lose them.


time wounds all heels

Posts: 5360 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: deliverance land
thyme2go
♂ Member
Member # 12908
Default  Posted: 1:17 PM, September 29th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have heard this same excuse given by other WW. Not enough attention. Well when Dday(s) happened she got allot of attention.

The #1 reason given to me by my xw -- not enough attention. She got what she was seeking from guys at work and became addicted to it.

And yet, to this very day I do not know what enough attention would have looked like. She got everything I had to give (in the moment) so I am not sure where I would have found more time.

Anyone else's WW start reading romance novels before/during the A's? Xw never read a book our entire
M until she started reading those. How naive was I!


-t2g


BH - no longer 48
3 DD's - (27, 24 and 17)
Divorced on 8/6/09

Posts: 9145 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: Eastern Washington
64fleet
♂ Member
Member # 18710
Default  Posted: 2:13 PM, September 29th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The #1 reason given to me by my xw -- not enough attention. She got what she was seeking from guys at work and became addicted to it.

yep, I got "I was lonely", same damn thing.


time wounds all heels

Posts: 5360 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: deliverance land
lostcause111
♂ Member
Member # 19109
Default  Posted: 2:51 PM, September 29th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It is so self cenetered. What did they do for you? What did you become a mind reader?

Our biggest fault IMHO is this. We accepted less when they became distant from the affair and we all now the BS we went through while they were cheating.

So now here we are trying and you know what I think?

Why?

They cheated. Their turn to do what the sould have done in the first place put the energy into us. You telling me if our wives had been nicer and offered more sex INSTEAD of cheating things would not be better and us better husbands?

So why now do they get the treatment that they are the prize when WE are?

Where is their effort because they are clearly the weakest member of the marriage. You cheat by default you are the one who has the most to prove.

[This message edited by lostcause111 at 2:54 PM, September 29th (Tuesday)]


Posts: 934 | Registered: Apr 2008
Myname
♂ Member
Member # 23138
Default  Posted: 2:52 PM, September 29th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The #1 reason given to me by my xw -- not enough attention. She got what she was seeking from guys at work and became addicted to it.

My WW too. I do admit though, that I did not give her as much attention and compliment her enough as I should have. She did say that to me throughout our M. Although her flirting and first EA started about 1 year into M.

WW also says that she was not happy in our M, yet she never appeared that she was unhappy. I thought we had a good M. I'll never understand this.


DD: 1-14-09 EA/PA OM #1
TT: 5-11&12-09
DD#2: 5-18-09 EA OM #2
5-31-09: Told me she hasn't loved me.
No kids
Me BH: 36
12-08-10: S

Posts: 2772 | Registered: Mar 2009 | From: Inside your computer.
wonderingbull
♂ Member
Member # 14833
Default  Posted: 3:02 PM, September 29th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I believe that most of us guys get the "not enough attention" line (excuse).

My ex never said a word or made a suggestion to me... When the OM started banging her she didn't need to say anything to me except figuring out how to get me out of the house so OM could keep bangin' her thang.

I know men and women are different in many ways but neither of us are mind readers....

It really blew my mind on Dday when the ex started spouting all the stuff she needed to spout to justify her A...

Fortunate for me though I was able to just pack up my stuff and move out and begin again... I do feel for all you guys that get taken to the cleaners...

That shit is shit no matter how it's packaged...

WB


The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time...

James Taylor


Posts: 5894 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: A better place
toonice
♂ Member
Member # 19862
Default  Posted: 4:29 PM, September 29th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

And yet, to this very day I do not know what enough attention would have looked like. She got everything I had to give (in the moment) so I am not sure where I would have found more time.

You can't know - because their "complaint" is about a past occurrance, and you can not even MEASURE "attention", and say - "yep, not enough, sorry, I'll just crank up that old attention knob for ya."

That's because it's what they tell themselves so they can sleep at night.

It's a REAL convenient accusation to make, AFTER THE FACT.

(Oh, and regarding the fake boobs? when she said they were for me, I told her I didn't want them. Then she said it was for her own self-esteem boost. 'k. - money would have been better spent on a therapist, but whatever. Of course, after the A, I'm asking her about the boobs, the laser, etc - and she still says "I did that for you."


Stronger than reason, stronger than lies, the only truth I know, is the look in your eyes.
BH(42) FWW(41; 8+ OM/OW, 5 year LTA)
M: 16yrs, 2 kids DS16, DD13. d-day 6/17/2008 (after 9 months of MC+gaslighting).

Posts: 4898 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: CA
Razor
♂ Member
Member # 16345
Default  Posted: 4:52 PM, September 29th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Anyone else's WW start reading romance novels before/during the A's? Xw never read a book our entire
M until she started reading those.

Bridges of Mother Fucking Madison County. Yes. Later when I asked her about that book she said it was about a man who abuses he W by neglect and drives her to have an A. Anyone ever read the end of that fucking book? How that bitch saves all her love letters in a wonderful ornate wood box from her scum bag OM and takes them out once a year to pine over what might have been.

And the best part is that book was given to her by OM.

The #1 reason given to me by my xw -- not enough attention.

Lets see the reception a WH would get if he used the excuse of "not enough sex."

Somehow "not enough attention" is more noble than "not enough sex". And this is why WE are held responsible when our WW cheats. And if we use "not enough sex" as an excuse and cheat on them. Again we are looked on as slimy dogs.

Also. Since there is no good definition of what "enough attention" is. How do we know they wont have another A and use the same excuse?


Forgive and forget = Relive and regret.


Posts: 3087 | Registered: Sep 2007
thyme2go
♂ Member
Member # 12908
Default  Posted: 2:17 AM, September 30th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Somehow "not enough attention" is more noble than "not enough sex".

Attention... as related to affection. It was a lecture (best way I can describe it) when my xw told me I "was not affectionate enough" that cued me into the thought that xw may have started cheating on me. More specifically, the word "enough". Had she said I needed to be more affectionate I probably never would have caught on. Because to me, using the word enough meant she knew what enough is/was and she was telling me it was not me.

Pay close attention to what is said to each of you.

-t2g


BH - no longer 48
3 DD's - (27, 24 and 17)
Divorced on 8/6/09

Posts: 9145 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: Eastern Washington
Jimi40
♂ Member
Member # 10909
Default  Posted: 7:06 AM, September 30th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The excuse given me by WW was that I did not pay enough attention to her. From dating we went to Kids-Work-Owning a home-and life. So real life intervened and she wasnt getting the romance she thought she deserved.
OM was quick to pounce on that.

I have heard this same excuse given by other WW. Not enough attention. Well when Dday(s) happened she got allot of attention.

So she was bored-unhappy. Went out and had a great time playing around. Dating-Fucking the OM and he gave her allot of attention. Then she was caught and confessed. And got more attention at home. This seems to me to be win-win for WW.

This kinda pisses me off. She goes on a fuckfest vaca with the OM. Then she comes home to a improved H.

I resent this. Where's my improved W? No where to be found.

Word!!


You've got nowhere to fall, when your back's to the wall.

Posts: 5524 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: Niagara
Jimi40
♂ Member
Member # 10909
Default  Posted: 7:24 AM, September 30th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It is so self cenetered. What did they do for you? What did you become a mind reader?
Our biggest fault IMHO is this. We accepted less when they became distant from the affair and we all now the BS we went through while they were cheating.

So now here we are trying and you know what I think?

Why?

They cheated. Their turn to do what the sould have done in the first place put the energy into us. You telling me if our wives had been nicer and offered more sex INSTEAD of cheating things would not be better and us better husbands?

So why now do they get the treatment that they are the prize when WE are?

Where is their effort because they are clearly the weakest member of the marriage. You cheat by default you are the one who has the most to prove.

It's true, they always say it is not about us (BS); Well who the hell else is it about??

We get less and less as the marriage moves on, so we finds ways to amuse ourselves (sports, work, home reno, etc.), then they say we neglect them, and head out for a fuckfest with the first slime ball who flirts with them. Ok, I'm ranting now. Sorry.

Then when we catch them, we make the changes, and life goes on.

What a fucking crock of shit!!

Anyway, it's always good to purge this shit from the head.


You've got nowhere to fall, when your back's to the wall.

Posts: 5524 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: Niagara
64fleet
♂ Member
Member # 18710
Default  Posted: 9:49 AM, September 30th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

mine is still wanting the plastic boobs, been talking to her friends abt them-what does that mean?


time wounds all heels

Posts: 5360 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: deliverance land
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