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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Betrayed Men - Part 4
Jimi40
♂ Member
Member # 10909
Default  Posted: 7:38 AM, August 25th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ok, guys, we're men! We don't get emotional! We laugh in the face of crisis!

We have balls the size of coconuts, made out of railroad steel, and loaded for bear!

Roar, my friends, roar!!


Or not.


You've got nowhere to fall, when your back's to the wall.

Posts: 5524 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: Niagara
SerJR
♂ Member
Member # 14993
Default  Posted: 10:24 PM, August 25th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We have balls the size of coconuts, made out of railroad steel, and loaded for bear!

You really oughta see a doctor about that


Me: BH - Happily remarried.
Hope is never lost. It exists within you - it is real. It is not a force in and of itself - it is something that you create with every thought, action, and choice you make. It is a gift that you create for yourself.

Posts: 17093 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Further North than South
lingerdog
♂ Member
Member # 24459
Default  Posted: 10:49 PM, August 25th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You know, someone once called me boy, you know what I told them?

"You ain't never seen a boy with a yard of cock, a wheelbarrow full of balls and enough hair on his ass to weave an Indian blanket. Boy, you ever seen a boy put a rubber on with a tire iron?"


What lies behind us & what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
Oliver Wendell Holmes -Stolen from Uni's page

Posts: 8921 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Awesomeville
hurts
♂ Member
Member # 9444
Default  Posted: 12:30 AM, August 26th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

@ linger.


Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, "Where have I gone wrong?"
Then a voice says to me, "This is going to take more than one night."
--- Charles M. Schulz
SO if I check my pulse, and it is not there, do I get the day off?

Posts: 8381 | Registered: Jan 2006 | From: At Home
Jimi40
♂ Member
Member # 10909
Default  Posted: 7:09 AM, August 26th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Linger!!! My new hero!!!


You've got nowhere to fall, when your back's to the wall.

Posts: 5524 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: Niagara
shyguy
♂ Member
Member # 18281
Default  Posted: 7:29 AM, August 26th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

congrats wh5. R appears to be very difficult. When I joined SI I thought my xw would be one of those WW like your w. Those who at least try. M xw filed for D faster than a french army can surrender. It takes a really tough guy to even attempt R.


Love stinks yeah yeah(J. Geils)

Posts: 5866 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: tulsa
dirk pitt
♂ Member
Member # 22167
Default  Posted: 9:45 AM, August 26th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(shyguy)

Sorry to hear that.

No matter how tough we may be, some things still hurt.

tc


Me=BS
Her=WW (ilovemyhusband)

Posts: 2127 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: ottawa ontario
thyme2go
♂ Member
Member # 12908
Default  Posted: 5:11 PM, August 26th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Those who at least try. M xw filed for D faster than a french army can surrender. It takes a really tough guy to even attempt R


shyguy - R is not even part of my vocabulary as my exw would never even consider R nor was she even remotely remorseful in my eyes. I was/am a disposable husband. Good enough for 24 years then told to get the heck out.

While I have great admiration for those guys that R, I do not consider them any stronger (or weaker for that matter) than those of us that must D.

We are all survivors.


-t2g


BH - no longer 48
3 DD's - (27, 24 and 17)
Divorced on 8/6/09

Posts: 9145 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: Eastern Washington
Jimi40
♂ Member
Member # 10909
Default  Posted: 7:24 AM, August 28th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree with T2g, it isn't whether you R or D, it's that you make it through.

R is hard, D is hard, and infidelity just plain sucks.


You've got nowhere to fall, when your back's to the wall.

Posts: 5524 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: Niagara
shyguy
♂ Member
Member # 18281
Default  Posted: 7:40 AM, August 28th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We have been D since May 08. She now wants a friends with benefits relationship. I am not interested in her at all. I have a lot of respect for guys who try to R. It seems to be much harder to to R. D is a horrible thing. I don't know if I could have done it.


Love stinks yeah yeah(J. Geils)

Posts: 5866 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: tulsa
wincing_at_light
♂ Member
Member # 14393
Default  Posted: 7:52 AM, August 28th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree with t2g, too.

But I have great respect for the men who D. I suspect that infidelity was an absolute deal breaker for me and that I probably should have divorced, but I let all of my other responsibilities sway me.

Sometimes I wonder if I let fear of losing my kids or fear of destroying their lives along with the divorce make my decision for me.


Machiavellian idiot savant

Posts: 6690 | Registered: Apr 2007 | From: Indiana
shyguy
♂ Member
Member # 18281
Default  Posted: 8:01 AM, August 28th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Kids are very important. Sometimes they seem to make the difference between D and R. We did not have kids so I don't have personal experience with that.


Love stinks yeah yeah(J. Geils)

Posts: 5866 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: tulsa
HardenMyHeart
♂ Member
Member # 15902
Default  Posted: 8:22 AM, August 28th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sometimes I wonder if I let fear of losing my kids or fear of destroying their lives along with the divorce make my decision for me.

You care and you're concerned about your kids and their future. There is nothing wrong with that.

My concern for our kids was one of the biggest reasons I attempted R. I really wanted to keep our family intact. I definitely believe it was the right thing to do.


Me: BH, Her: FWW - Long Term EA/PA
d-day: June 25, 2007
Married 29 years, Happily Reconciled

Posts: 5617 | Registered: Aug 2007
musiclover
♂ Member
Member # 23172
Default  Posted: 8:29 AM, August 28th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Trying to keep our family intact was the only reason I deceided to try R. The thought of becoming a part-time Dad was horrible. At least I tried, my X kept in contact with OM while we were in C.

Posts: 1176 | Registered: Mar 2009 | From: Ontario
Jimi40
♂ Member
Member # 10909
Default  Posted: 11:13 AM, August 28th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Shyguy, have you considered the possibilty that she wants to R now??

It's not unheard of for couples to R after D, even years after.


You've got nowhere to fall, when your back's to the wall.

Posts: 5524 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: Niagara
64fleet
♂ Member
Member # 18710
Default  Posted: 11:28 AM, August 28th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I suspect that infidelity was an absolute deal breaker for me and that I probably should have divorced, but I let all of my other responsibilities sway me.

Sometimes I wonder if I let fear of losing my kids or fear of destroying their lives along with the divorce make my decision for me


I feel exactly the same way-I know I would never get custody(If I had acted immediately I might have had a chance), & I refuse to be a every other weekend father.


time wounds all heels

Posts: 5359 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: deliverance land
thyme2go
♂ Member
Member # 12908
Default  Posted: 11:41 AM, August 28th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sometimes I wonder if I let fear of losing my kids or fear of destroying their lives along with the divorce make my decision for me.

wal - as you know I did not have a choice in the D matter as ex filed. And as of this past Wednesday my youngest DD has elected to live with me and attend school here as this is the only home she has ever known. I did not have to fight for her.

Given the choice, I am pretty certain I would have followed the same route as I do not feel it is good for the kids to live in a home where the parents are only together because of them. It is not emotionally healthy for them. They are much better off having two (sets?) of happy parents versus one horribly miserable set.


-t2g

[This message edited by thyme2go at 11:42 AM, August 28th (Friday)]


BH - no longer 48
3 DD's - (27, 24 and 17)
Divorced on 8/6/09

Posts: 9145 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: Eastern Washington
ForwardProgress?
♂ Member
Member # 24759
Default  Posted: 12:54 PM, August 29th (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is a t/j from the General Forum, but just polling the men of the club:

How many of you face/have faced regular contempt from your WW? I mean the type of eye-rolling, head-shaking, sighing, "you dumbshit/coward" looking type of stuff.

Since DD, I take it less than I used to. It is still there, but I'm ratcheting it down.


Posts: 242 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: SW, USA
lingerdog
♂ Member
Member # 24459
Default  Posted: 2:29 PM, August 29th (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Actually right now she isn't acting like this, at least not to my face.

I took her the card adapter for her phone this morning, she had our son with her, this is what happened.

When they get there I say hello, they say hello back, I give her the card she says thanks. I hold my hand out to my son who gives me five and then turns and climbs into his mothers arms.

After holding him a minute she puts him down and says they are spending the day together since he has been having discipline problems at school every day, hoping this will help him some.

When he looks at me he walks behind his mother and puts his arms around her legs and looks at me from behind her. Then he climbs into her arms again. She puts him down saying he's too heavy as she brags to me that she's lost another ten pounds. It's pretty obvious that she is doing something now that is shedding the weight off quickly, she has lost as much weight as me since D-day, since I weighed 380 it doesn't show as much on me, she only weighed 185, it is very visible on her that she has dropped 40 pounds.

Son climbed up in her arms again and she is very snappy with him because he is digging his chin into her shoulder.

She said she lost one of her jobs because she didn't have a baby sitter for him and couldn't make it in, then said it was no big deal because she only made 40 dollars there in two weeks work. Doesn't make sense to me, but whatever.

Just last week she told me she was going to talk to her father who is unemployed about him watching our son for her. So either he refused, or she didn't really ask him.

She doesn't know I know they are living together. Doesn't know a lot of what I know, so she acts like I care that she is having money troubles, that things are hard for HER, nevermind the problems our son is having, and she claimed to OM that she was leaving so she and our son could be happy. She is so foggy as to these being the consequences of her choices it is ridiculous.


What lies behind us & what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
Oliver Wendell Holmes -Stolen from Uni's page

Posts: 8921 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Awesomeville
thyme2go
♂ Member
Member # 12908
Default  Posted: 2:41 PM, August 29th (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ForwardP -- those types of responses increased post Dday and along with lack of remorse led to my not wanting R.


BH - no longer 48
3 DD's - (27, 24 and 17)
Divorced on 8/6/09

Posts: 9145 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: Eastern Washington
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