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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Betrayed Men - Part 4
Razor
♂ Member
Member # 16345
Default  Posted: 10:06 AM, October 14th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Was this a "new trick" OM introduced her to?


Forgive and forget = Relive and regret.


Posts: 3086 | Registered: Sep 2007
blueskycentral
♂ Member
Member # 22240
Default  Posted: 10:19 AM, October 14th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't know, although I am thinking probably not.
Most of their sex was in a Gold Mercury Sable, not a good face f'ing location.

I would never ask that question, I could be wrong.


Posts: 548 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Central NJ
dirk pitt
♂ Member
Member # 22167
Default  Posted: 10:23 AM, October 14th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would never ask that question,

Then it's probably best to believe that she wants to share this with just you


Me=BS
Her=WW (ilovemyhusband)

Posts: 2127 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: ottawa ontario
wincing_at_light
♂ Member
Member # 14393
Default  Posted: 11:23 AM, October 14th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Shit. One of the only good things to come out of the affair was that after 15 years, somebody finally taught my wife to give a decent blow job.

I can't tell you how many teeth-grindingly painful BJ's I'd sat through over the years while my wife told me I was full of shit because she *knew* how to give a great BJ.

I still regret that I never sent xOM a Thank You note for that.


Machiavellian idiot savant

Posts: 6687 | Registered: Apr 2007 | From: Indiana
Razor
♂ Member
Member # 16345
Default  Posted: 11:56 AM, October 14th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Soon after Dday#1 I noticed a couple of new tricks WW learnt. Because I associated that with OM I shut that shit down fast.

It may be great. But even so I can not deal with the mind movies that go with it.


Forgive and forget = Relive and regret.


Posts: 3086 | Registered: Sep 2007
blueskycentral
♂ Member
Member # 22240
Default  Posted: 12:49 PM, October 14th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wince - I think your wife is just trying harder. BJ's are for the most part- self taught. The OM didn't show her anything....only another woman could show your wife a BJ tip.

Razor - A few new tricks.....c'mon raz, is there anything that you 2 haven't done before affair? She is just trying to impress you.

For both you guys.....
I KNOW HOW to do things that I don't normally do. Same goes for your wives.

I know how to lick ass, but I don't usually (lol) do it.

lol=lots of licks

So, if I had an affair, I'd probably do everything until she told me to stop....including a rim job (preferably post shower, rather than right after work).


Posts: 548 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Central NJ
blueskycentral
♂ Member
Member # 22240
Default  Posted: 1:31 PM, October 14th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

duplicate post

[This message edited by blueskycentral at 1:44 PM, October 15th (Thursday)]


Posts: 548 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Central NJ
Razor
♂ Member
Member # 16345
Default  Posted: 9:17 AM, October 15th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Now lets not be juvenile here.

The "tricks" allowed OM to creep in to our bed room again. In my own mind at least. The tricks were good sure. But the association with OM made it impossible to enjoy.


Forgive and forget = Relive and regret.


Posts: 3086 | Registered: Sep 2007
HardenMyHeart
♂ Member
Member # 15902
Default  Posted: 1:03 AM, October 17th (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I still regret that I never sent xOM a Thank You note for that.


Me: BH, Her: FWW - Long Term EA/PA
d-day: June 25, 2007
Married 29 years, Happily Reconciled

Posts: 5617 | Registered: Aug 2007
devtutor
♂ Member
Member # 21134
Default  Posted: 8:42 AM, October 17th (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

One of the only good things to come out of the affair was that after 15 years, somebody finally taught my wife to give a decent blow job.

Thats classic man cave material!


Posts: 2327 | Registered: Oct 2008
TwiceTorn
♂ Member
Member # 13895
Default  Posted: 12:44 AM, October 19th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I guess no matter what D or not to D with kid/s it a lose lose situation. Thats my stumbling block, I had no choice, no my son has to live with that...

I never wanted to be here, I never wanted this for anyone. Yet this is my life. Even though I have 50/50 of parenting time means virtually nothing in the long run. Poor little fella has to live a life that really shouldn't be on what ever his mom's choice.

I did find a video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PGmrL2h8lrE


You've got to trust your instinct
And let go of regret
You've got to bet on yourself now star
'Cause that's your best bet~311 All mixed up


Posts: 3597 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Minnesota
lostcause111
♂ Member
Member # 19109
Default  Posted: 10:17 AM, October 19th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

TwiceTorn

I followed your story for a bit and was wondering how you got 50/50. Wife was fighting you hard from what I recall.


Posts: 934 | Registered: Apr 2008
TwiceTorn
♂ Member
Member # 13895
Default  Posted: 10:03 PM, October 19th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Lost,

Basically a year ago was when I first went to court for the custody. It was also the first time I met the xww POS 3rd lawyer. Per our divorce decree we were supposed to use a mediator to resolve custody. The xww wasn't happy the mediator's suggestion of 50/50. So the xww hired her 3rd lawyer to put the screws on. Xww wanted pretty much sole custody, be able to travel where ever, when ever with my son. Yet I was supposed to pay her C/S based on what she felt was fair.

So for the temp order the judge got both recommendations from our attorneys. Course hers played slim ball with my xww help. Basically showing that I was under-employed and trying to deceive the court about my potential income. Based on pay stubs from the early 2000's that showed only 40 hours of work and pay. In reality the 40 hours was used for vacation time and holiday pay. Not the fact that I was working 65-75 hours a week on those pay stubs. Also the recommendations of short frequent visits of the father. The judge bought it hook line and sinker. I was painted as the bad guy, and was cheating somehow. This was all decided site unseen by this judge. I was basically forced to pay well over half my gross pay of what I make now. Also I was only able to see me son in 2 hour intervals 3 times a week. Ended up there really was nothing I could do on the temp order. I ended up working those same 65-75 a week just to make ends meet paying the C/S..

My xww and her attorney basically got to chose the Custody evaluator, after not liking any of the choices my attorney gave. Turns out the CE that got picked was also someone that knew my wife, my wife taught her kid, husband was on the same school board at one time with my xww. In reality the one sided report the CE gave had little to do with the custody. It was more about the recommandations, also add in the recommandations of the mediator. It ended up that I get 50/50 with my xww being the custiodal parent. My C/S was adjusted to my current income of 40 hour work week. I get week on week off till my son becomes school age, then its renegotiated.

The courts nor CE cared that my xww BF had 2 domestics in the past 2 years. Nor the fact that she neglected telling me important health information about my son. They didn't care that this was the some person that basically wanted to move to New York with my son with her BF at the time. It was a tough battle, and its really not far from over. Just gunna handle what I can get right now.


You've got to trust your instinct
And let go of regret
You've got to bet on yourself now star
'Cause that's your best bet~311 All mixed up


Posts: 3597 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Minnesota
Razor
♂ Member
Member # 16345
Default  Posted: 11:03 AM, October 20th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

TT.

IMHO this is why so many of us stay maried until our kids are 18 then pull the plug. Not all ways possible esp when WW wants to move out with the BF.

This just sucks.


Forgive and forget = Relive and regret.


Posts: 3086 | Registered: Sep 2007
Razor
♂ Member
Member # 16345
Default  Posted: 4:02 PM, October 20th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Show of hands.

How many here got the "you were never there for me" line?

I sure did.


Forgive and forget = Relive and regret.


Posts: 3086 | Registered: Sep 2007
wonderingbull
♂ Member
Member # 14833
Default  Posted: 4:27 PM, October 20th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I got the... I thought you were screwing someone else....

The ex was actually screwing someone else... Go figure!

WB


The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time...

James Taylor


Posts: 5893 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: A better place
Stop
♂ Member
Member # 23564
Default  Posted: 4:54 PM, October 20th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mine is a sex addict- not sure how many here know what that entails or may entail but blaming the spouse is standard procedure with addicts. She is also a gambling addict, a problem I have faced for several years, but the sex part came to my attention in about Feb of 2009.

In December of 2008 I celebrated my 21st consecutive year as worlds best husband, (by her designation, not mine) By February 2009 I was the worst SOB that ever lived when I stepped in front of her addiction.

I contacted the married man she was seeing and told him I thought his wife deserved to know the same things I knew so she could make her own, informed decisions. This hasn't prevented my wifes acting out but it sure did piss her off.

Here are a few comments I have gotten since:

"You are still the same son of a bitch you always were"

"I will fuck anybody I want any time I want except it will never, ever be you"

"Yes I love you but I have separated sex and love"

"If you would have been there for me this never would have happened"

"I have a right to my private life"

"You have no right to expect anything, including fidelity"

"You are the problem, not me"

There are many more if I look through my log, these just came to mind when I read you guy's posts.

FYI she is now seeing some guy who lives in CA, meeting him when he travels, she is driving to meet a guy in Minnesota from time to time, she also trolls the internet for others including locals and posts her bare ass on one of the porn websites she trolls (LPSG)

I can't afford to file right now but hopefully pretty soon when I get my ducks in a row. I can't stop or control her, but I can sure as hell stop and control me.

I am too old for this crap but whatever shows up has to be dealt with I guess.

[This message edited by Stop at 4:59 PM, October 20th (Tuesday)]


Me: Recovering codependent BH
Her: Long term gambling addict, unadmitted,unrepentant,practicing sex addict.
I didn't cause it, I can't control it, I can't fix it.
"Healing starts when you start taking care of yourself and let go of

Posts: 90 | Registered: Apr 2009 | From: Midwest
Razor
♂ Member
Member # 16345
Default  Posted: 5:45 PM, October 20th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can't stop or control her, but I can sure as hell stop and control me.

True words. And words that will keep you sane thru this mess.

I am too old for this crap but whatever shows up has to be dealt with I guess.

We are ALL to old for this shit. None of us asked for this. None of us deserve it. There is nothing we did or did not do that "made" them do what they chose to do. The choice so screw around is all on them.


Forgive and forget = Relive and regret.


Posts: 3086 | Registered: Sep 2007
lingerdog
♂ Member
Member # 24459
Default  Posted: 8:47 PM, October 20th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was never there for her, never helped her or did anything for her either.


What lies behind us & what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
Oliver Wendell Holmes -Stolen from Uni's page

Posts: 8921 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Awesomeville
Stop
♂ Member
Member # 23564
Default  Posted: 9:44 PM, October 20th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As copendent to a sex addict I am working on my codependency in a COSA 12 step group. I also have an individual counselor and have read nearly a dozen books on codependency and boundary setting.

Even though my group is great and I am learning a lot, I have no input from a male perspective. All in my group are women. Apparently male codependents are rare or just don't join the 12 step groups.

Does anybody in this forum fall in my category? My specific questions are about setting effective boundaries, what kinds of boundaries to protect myself mentally and emotionally while my wife is active in her addiction behaviors. I expect we will end up getting divorced but I can't start that process immediately because of not being financially ready. I have very recently put financial boundaries in place that should help me get ready but in the meantime we are living together and she won't leave/seperate because she can't afford it and I won't either because I don't want to give up the house. Anyway I will get the money thing sorted out but it will take months maybe a year.

In the meantime I need to make some boundaries and or pesonal behavior changes that allow a peaceful life but doesn't make me crazy. Anybody been here? I would like some male input/dialogue on this and hopefully from some who have been here.


Me: Recovering codependent BH
Her: Long term gambling addict, unadmitted,unrepentant,practicing sex addict.
I didn't cause it, I can't control it, I can't fix it.
"Healing starts when you start taking care of yourself and let go of

Posts: 90 | Registered: Apr 2009 | From: Midwest
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