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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Betrayed Men - Part 4
Jimi40
♂ Member
Member # 10909
Default  Posted: 6:57 AM, November 16th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Here is my problem with CS and the system up here (in Canada).

The government has a chart, the chart has yearly income down the left side, and number of kids across the top, at the intersection is what the payments start at. Minimal. So, why does it cost more to raise a 6 year old boy if dad makes 75k, then it does if dad makes 40k?? Does the 75k child require something that the 40k child doesn't? It seems to me, as the fathers' of our children, we are punished for leaving our marriages. Regardless of the circumstances. I gladly paid my CS, it was for my children, when the oldest set out on his own, I had to fight tooth and nail to have my CS lowered accordingly. It never happened. Then when the youngest aged out, I ended up paying 4 months longer then required. I never saw that again either. The system is so flawed up here, and the agency who takes care of it is somewhat suspect also. It can be a frustrating ride.


You've got nowhere to fall, when your back's to the wall.

Posts: 5524 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: Niagara
OnceInALifetime
♂ Member
Member # 26023
Default  Posted: 7:51 AM, November 16th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So, why does it cost more to raise a 6 year old boy if dad makes 75k, then it does if dad makes 40k??

The rationale I've heard (and the rationale I questioned above) is that a disparity in income causes parental alienation. If the kids are expected to spend a good amount of time with each parent, the fear is that they will only want to spend time with the parent who has more (or, in some cases, the parent who has less because the other parent is seen by them as greedy).

I don't wholly buy into this equalization of standard of livings imperative. For one thing, I think it fosters dependency; the spouse receiving support has less incentive to become financially independent. And the spouse paying CS has less incentive to earn more because, if you're in a state like mine, CS can always be reevaluated, so a big part of any raise goes to your X.

And in the case of X's remarriage, the standard of living imperative goes right out the window, but we are still stuck supporting the X's household the same amount as before, even though much of what we provide could be redundant with expenses our X would incur otherwise (i.e. we end up supporting X's new husband as well because we help pay for expenses that he would normally help pay for otherwise, such as mortgage, utilities, etc).

And fathers never get payback. Once the CS finally ends, and if the X comes into money, does the father get reimbursed for any of the huge amounts of money he sent X's way? Does he get reimbursed for carrying the huge portion of the financial load? Nah.

Bitter? Yeah, and it hasn't even started yet for me. I'm just trying to wring it out of my system.

[This message edited by OnceInALifetime at 11:56 AM, November 17th (Tuesday)]


BH, now divorced

Posts: 3012 | Registered: Oct 2009
thyme2go
♂ Member
Member # 12908
Default  Posted: 5:03 PM, November 20th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Do not try to make sense of the nonsense. It will drive you crazy!

One must abide by the laws as written. Nobody ever said this was fair to men. We are paying the price for the actions of many dead-beat dads that proceeded us.

-t2g


BH - no longer 48
3 DD's - (27, 24 and 17)
Divorced on 8/6/09

Posts: 9144 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: Eastern Washington
TwiceTorn
♂ Member
Member # 13895
Default  Posted: 11:04 PM, November 20th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree with T2G. It is pointless to try and make sense of the system. It is what it is.

Unfair, sure, bias against fathers, yep. Ya just gotta suck it up buttercup. Nothing in life is fair.. Sucks...


You've got to trust your instinct
And let go of regret
You've got to bet on yourself now star
'Cause that's your best bet~311 All mixed up


Posts: 3597 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Minnesota
wiserinsocal
♂ Member
Member # 18487
Default  Posted: 11:19 PM, November 20th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have not heard of a system "fair" to (good) men/fathers.

It is true that is stinks. I will be there in time my self.
Peace


"It's the intangibles that are fragile"- WiserinSoCal

"The Main things are the plain things, and the Plain things are the main things" - Alistair Begg

Every one needs to believe in something, or they will fall for anything...


Posts: 1799 | Registered: Mar 2008
shreddedman
♂ Member
Member # 25114
Default  Posted: 12:38 AM, November 21st (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm facing this right now. I just can't believe that she gets to cheat, leave me, start a new life being in love with someone else, and I've got to support her for possibly for the rest of my life.

Bitter? It feels like the laws were written to make men bitter.

The only choice I have is to go live on a commune and let her live off of what I legally have to give her from that. She may even want to get a friggin job to support herself if I'm not paying for her. But more than likely she'll get her mom to pay for her until she can find another stooge.

This is a fucking nightmare. All I ever did was love her and support her and now this.

Twenty years of marriage and now she's finally screwing me.

The universe can be a cruel place.


me (BH)
her (WW)
D-day 7/6/09 EA - PA
DD 15
Filed for Divorce 10/13/09
Weaving my shredded life back together to make a better one.

Posts: 247 | Registered: Aug 2009
TwiceTorn
♂ Member
Member # 13895
Default  Posted: 1:46 AM, November 21st (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

shreddedman, dude I so hear ya on that one.

You know what just ticks me off about those whole thing. It basically forces good people to dark places.

I went to a memorial for a friend I have known since 1989. Married 3 kids, oldest one is 13. Had a successful construction company, was doing well, his wife stayed at home. She decided to go 'shopping' for a man, found one in Texas, 4 states down. Decided she wasn't happy in the Marriage and left my friend. 17 year Marriage down the tubes. Not only that but she demanded alimony along with the child support. Basically up and moving the whole family to Texas. To live with this new found love. His family was his life, he did everything to provide for them, and she is a demanding person.

I didn't know exactly how he past. Just got the announcement and hadn't talked to him in a couple year. Till I went to the memorial. He blew his head off with a shot gun. Talk about a holy shit pit in your stomach hearing this from his youngest brother at that service.

Look at stats on divorced men ending their lives.. Google that... Ya this system is screwed up, causing people to take their own lives because of it.... Sad...


You've got to trust your instinct
And let go of regret
You've got to bet on yourself now star
'Cause that's your best bet~311 All mixed up


Posts: 3597 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Minnesota
TwiceTorn
♂ Member
Member # 13895
Default  Posted: 12:46 AM, November 22nd (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow! You all so have to check this you tube channel out. Its about dangerous women. Man talk about hitting the nail totally on the head...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wZHKCbHGlS0

I think Im gunna order this book.


You've got to trust your instinct
And let go of regret
You've got to bet on yourself now star
'Cause that's your best bet~311 All mixed up


Posts: 3597 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Minnesota
lingerdog
♂ Member
Member # 24459
Default  Posted: 12:56 AM, November 22nd (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Look at stats on divorced men ending their lives.. Google that...

I read a study about this one time, and how high the numbers were when the man lost his children, or when it seemed he was going to lose them seemed to trigger this a lot of times, was thinking about this already from reading devastatedstill's post, he seems to be in a bad place right now.


What lies behind us & what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
Oliver Wendell Holmes -Stolen from Uni's page

Posts: 8921 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Awesomeville
SourCherryDrops
♂ Member
Member # 25883
Default  Posted: 6:50 AM, November 27th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OK Lads, I need to vent a little and could do with some cheering up...

The holidays are a comin...and that means we all gotta go out there and buy 'Her' a present. Dont be fooled into thinking that just because 'she' has been oput fucking around this year that you get to forget....cause you dont.

My first thought was a new spade and wheelbarrow...If shes gunna start owning her shit then she'll be needing something to help dig through it... (and i could use em in the garden the rest of the time...)

but then i had another thought...lingere...now my wife really enjoys playing the dirty slut (well shes been doing it the last few years so she must do, right?)...so should i go with ones that accentuate that and really get into enjoying the HB...or should i go with classic and classy?

Another option in a similar vein is some B&D equipment ...after all if shes all tied up at home she cant be out bar hopping!

But im running out of ideas here...So what gifts are making it onto your shopping list this year?


Me BS 37, Her STBX 34, 1*ONS, 1*EA 1*PA/EA, 2*PA
Heading for D after 9 mths of R

Posts: 1468 | Registered: Oct 2009 | From: Europe
Jimi40
♂ Member
Member # 10909
Default  Posted: 7:08 AM, November 27th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hate Xmas, and most everything that goes with it. I like the food, once, then I don't want to see it again for a year.
I don't have trouble finding presents for wifey, anything horse related will always do just fine.

P.S. This year, at the new farmhouse, I'm going to try recapture some childhood memories with a real tree, a fire in the woodstove, and a little less commercialism bullshit.


You've got nowhere to fall, when your back's to the wall.

Posts: 5524 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: Niagara
SourCherryDrops
♂ Member
Member # 25883
Default  Posted: 7:20 AM, November 27th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ah....now thats some clever thinking jimi....

a stock whip...thats horsey AND can be used for B&D.....Niiiicccceeeee !!!!

... I think this year me and the family are going to go way out back in th hills and hunt a real wild X-Mass ... not even a freshly butchered one from the local farmer for us this year...


Me BS 37, Her STBX 34, 1*ONS, 1*EA 1*PA/EA, 2*PA
Heading for D after 9 mths of R

Posts: 1468 | Registered: Oct 2009 | From: Europe
lingerdog
♂ Member
Member # 24459
Default  Posted: 2:08 PM, November 27th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I ain't getting her shit, ok well maybe I will get her something, a dick she can go choke on, oh wait, no she already has one of those. Hmmm, what do you get for the person who already has everything, she has low self esteem, and inflated sense of entitlement, four new rims on her car, I just don't know, maybe I'll get her a few books, like "Not Just Friends" or any number of other infidelity related books. The books are my real answer, If I get her anything, it will be those.


What lies behind us & what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
Oliver Wendell Holmes -Stolen from Uni's page

Posts: 8921 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Awesomeville
SerJR
♂ Member
Member # 14993
Default  Posted: 5:08 PM, November 27th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If you have children (and she hasn't committed to the marriage) I would get an appropriate gift from them (if they're younger have them make some sort of craft for their mother to teach them ownership and pride in their work). With children, you need to put your damaged ego aside and think about what's best for them.

If you don't have children and she hasn't committed to the marriage I wouldn't waste my time thinking about getting her a thing. If you did it would smack of desperation.

If the two of you are working on R, then you may want to consider something you can both enjoy - such as a weekend getaway.


Me: BH - Happily remarried.
Hope is never lost. It exists within you - it is real. It is not a force in and of itself - it is something that you create with every thought, action, and choice you make. It is a gift that you create for yourself.

Posts: 17093 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Further North than South
thyme2go
♂ Member
Member # 12908
Default  Posted: 12:40 PM, November 30th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

SerJR -- excellent advice!

<but bro -- I/we really need you to crack a joke once in awhile!
>

SourCherryDrops - what path is your M following? If you feel you must give a gift, do not do so in spite.


-t2g


BH - no longer 48
3 DD's - (27, 24 and 17)
Divorced on 8/6/09

Posts: 9144 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: Eastern Washington
SourCherryDrops
♂ Member
Member # 25883
Default  Posted: 3:59 AM, December 1st (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just for the record... Im NOT being serious! I was trying to be funny, ok my humor is maybe a little sharp at the moment...but like i said i also wanted to vent a bit.

The M is actually going better than is too be expected.

But back to my list. I have a new one.

Should i get her a belt to help her keep her pants on or a chastity belt for when her pants come off?


Me BS 37, Her STBX 34, 1*ONS, 1*EA 1*PA/EA, 2*PA
Heading for D after 9 mths of R

Posts: 1468 | Registered: Oct 2009 | From: Europe
SerJR
♂ Member
Member # 14993
Default  Posted: 10:13 AM, December 1st (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You do know that duct tape is the solution to nearly every problem, right?


Me: BH - Happily remarried.
Hope is never lost. It exists within you - it is real. It is not a force in and of itself - it is something that you create with every thought, action, and choice you make. It is a gift that you create for yourself.

Posts: 17093 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Further North than South
JoePike
♂ Member
Member # 13207
Default  Posted: 11:35 AM, December 1st (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ser, can't remember where I saw it first, as but...:

You only need two tools in your toolbox; duct tape and WD-40.

If it moves and it shouldn't - Duct Tape it.

If it doesn't move and it should - WD-40.


"Do or do not. There is no Try" - Yoda.

"The term “mistake” infers a level of ignorance, innocence and naivety. And a lack of intent and planning." - Craig Harper


Posts: 3952 | Registered: Jan 2007
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 7:29 PM, December 1st (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So, you're thinking sourcherry, a simple strip of cloth? after the obligatory gifts for ourselves, that is....you know, the things we'll find in the drawer when we need them?

Tha'd be 2 for us...the slick and the tape....and, a simple piece of cloth for them? Make a good gag I spose...

might prevent em from lyin for a few mo, doncha think?

i think i'm givin my stbxs the gift of my silence. Seems ppl really do have to change on their own, making choices as we do.


Posts: 6021 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
TwiceTorn
♂ Member
Member # 13895
Default  Posted: 9:30 PM, December 1st (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I dunno, this could be a good idea.. You could wear the key around your neck...


You've got to trust your instinct
And let go of regret
You've got to bet on yourself now star
'Cause that's your best bet~311 All mixed up


Posts: 3597 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Minnesota
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