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Newest Member: DevastatedWH (43169)

I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Betrayed Men - Part 4
lostcause111
♂ Member
Member # 19109
Default  Posted: 9:07 AM, January 11th (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have looked at this so much and what REALLy scares me is this. I see many men who D and do well get at leats 50/50 or full custody etc etc. The determining factor? The judge they get. It does not matter who mad what or whatever. Their are fair judges and judges that are going to fuck you. It sucks if any of us decide on that path we are left with a coin flip.

Second part of this is this. What we thought of our WW was an illusion and why do the feel so bad and act like asses to us? We know the REAL them The selfish shallow me me me person who cares more about themselves than the kids or anybody.

When somebody shows you who the REALLY are LISTEN.


Posts: 934 | Registered: Apr 2008
Jimi40
♂ Member
Member # 10909
Default  Posted: 7:45 AM, January 12th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have to say this guys;

I'm not sure if any of you read the other forums or not, but WAL's WW showed up a few days ago in Wayword. After reading her introdution, I PM'd WAL (we have a lot in common, more so now). I am totally inspired by their break-through, and her joining. I wish them both, all the best at this stage, and forward.


You've got nowhere to fall, when your back's to the wall.

Posts: 5524 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: Niagara
Lonerider
♂ Member
Member # 9205
Default  Posted: 9:15 AM, January 12th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know, I was surprised (and jealous a little), it sounds like their R is going to get a lot better.

[This message edited by Lonerider at 9:16 AM, January 12th (Tuesday)]


BS me 43 years old
WS her 45 years old
married 14 years, together 20
2 kids
D-day 7/15/05

Posts: 4225 | Registered: Dec 2005 | From: western NY
64fleet
♂ Member
Member # 18710
Default  Posted: 9:16 AM, January 12th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

wow


time wounds all heels

Posts: 5359 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: deliverance land
Razor
♂ Member
Member # 16345
Default  Posted: 11:00 AM, January 12th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sadly it seems rare when a WW gets it and starts showing empathy and giving the BH what they need to heal.

I to feel envy for WAL. Could not happen to a better guy tho.


Forgive and forget = Relive and regret.


Posts: 3074 | Registered: Sep 2007
shyguy
♂ Member
Member # 18281
Default  Posted: 11:15 AM, January 12th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That is wonderful. When I first came here I thought my xw would be like the ww who eventually "got it". I was very disappointed. It seems to be very difficult for ww to admit what they really did.


Love stinks yeah yeah(J. Geils)

Posts: 5866 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: tulsa
64fleet
♂ Member
Member # 18710
Default  Posted: 11:39 AM, January 12th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I had that delusion also, shyguy. My WW can't even say affair, refers to it as "when I was doing those things". yeah, just put it all under that rug there, nobody can ever find it there.

WW found some stuff from WAL that I had printed, read it & said "that guy is bitter"--
wonder what she'd think abt my posts.


time wounds all heels

Posts: 5359 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: deliverance land
Razor
♂ Member
Member # 16345
Default  Posted: 11:50 AM, January 12th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Me WW joined SI many years ago. She did not like it because they called her on her shit. They wanted to make her own her choices and not blame me. She prefers it under the rug.

Now she HATES DS and every one here. A visceral hatred. She believes this site keeps people from R. Which is pig shit IMHO. She also say to me that me going here and talking about her A is the same as her having her A. So to her I am betraying her by coming and posting on SI.

So am I a WS? I dont think so. If so. I want all the fun that goes with it. And I dont think posting here is really all that much fun.

Me WW refers to her A as *when I was bad*. Sort of like when a child steals candy. At that level any way.

So the WW that post here are the rare birds out there. If more would do the work they do more would recover from this shit.


Forgive and forget = Relive and regret.


Posts: 3074 | Registered: Sep 2007
wincing_at_light
♂ Member
Member # 14393
Default  Posted: 12:16 PM, January 12th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As an FYI, I'm taking a brief hiatus while my wife gets established. Not absent, just lurking.

Things are really, really (REALLY) going well, and we're having some fantastic talks that have completely opened up new ground for us.

Shocked, amazed, delighted, thrilled, madly in love...all of the things you probably never thought you'd hear me say apply, and I couldn't be happier about it.


Machiavellian idiot savant

Posts: 6687 | Registered: Apr 2007 | From: Indiana
toby
♂ Member
Member # 10337
Default  Posted: 12:23 PM, January 12th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WAL.....I'm happy for you.

Posts: 1493 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Texas
shyguy
♂ Member
Member # 18281
Default  Posted: 12:51 PM, January 12th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

64fleet that was the only bad thing about this site. It is not SIs fault that I was hopefully delusions. Now I just have delusions of granduer or delusion that I actually make a difference.


Love stinks yeah yeah(J. Geils)

Posts: 5866 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: tulsa
thyme2go
♂ Member
Member # 12908
Default  Posted: 2:06 PM, January 12th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Shocked, amazed, delighted, thrilled, madly in love...all of the things you probably never thought you'd hear me say apply, and I couldn't be happier about it.

Why? What has changed for you personally?


-t2g

PS - I sincerely hope it works out for you.


BH - no longer 48
3 DD's - (27, 24 and 17)
Divorced on 8/6/09

Posts: 9144 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: Eastern Washington
SourCherryDrops
♂ Member
Member # 25883
Default  Posted: 4:35 PM, January 12th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yep, My Thoughts go out to you too WAL. I hope things work out like you hope, like you deserve.


Me BS 37, Her STBX 34, 1*ONS, 1*EA 1*PA/EA, 2*PA
Heading for D after 9 mths of R

Posts: 1468 | Registered: Oct 2009 | From: Europe
Just Crushed
♂ Member
Member # 24852
Default  Posted: 5:06 PM, January 12th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WAL...I read through your WWs threads. I can't tell you how happy I am. She really sounds like she gets it and is putting effort in. Congrats! (and I'm so damn jealous)


BH
*details in Profile*

Posts: 843 | Registered: Jul 2009
Just Crushed
♂ Member
Member # 24852
Default  Posted: 5:17 PM, January 12th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am such a fucking chick (no offense to lurking women).

I don't even think I remember what being a man is anymore. I got a glimpse of it when I drank beers with my bro and the boys last weekend, but I am one messed up hombre.

I'm all fucking emotional...all the fucking time. I can't make decisions. I can't stand up for myself. I have this desperate need to "fix" this fucked up sitch...like I can't live w/o WW. Fuck me and fuck this shit. I feel like I need someone else to make my decisions for me.

My gut tells me to tell my WW to get the hell out, but, like WAL...I just can't say good bye to my family life with my four kids. I need them and I know they need me. This is just so fucked up.

I read your stories of WWs just not being able to cope with the A...the shame...the introspection...showing remorse...owning their shit. It's SO true...at least in my case.

I almost edited the f-bombs out...but that would just be wrong


BH
*details in Profile*

Posts: 843 | Registered: Jul 2009
mnhttn99
♂ Member
Member # 13272
Default  Posted: 5:55 PM, January 12th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

JC

I'm there with you. Having a shitty week with an WP who can't stick to NC but also doesn't want the our relationship to end. Putting her on a plane to NY tonight where I know she will probably see OM. Have to just not care, 180, separate myself from this until she either recovers some sanity or I move on myself.

Have had wonderful moments where she opened up to me and said she knows she wants to spend the rest of her life with me... followed by crushing bottoms where I discover she is still talking to the OM. I am burning out and hitting bottom, we are going to MC tonight but I am depressed. Have to try to 180 and act like I'm fine.


Posts: 220 | Registered: Jan 2007
Razor
♂ Member
Member # 16345
Default  Posted: 6:01 PM, January 12th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

JC.

I seem to have become a chick as well. Me emotions are all right on the surface these days. Takes no more than a soft breeze to get me all weepy and shit. Sucks dont it.

mnh.

BTDT. I really believe that more M would survive this shit than do IF the WW could just cut the crap. Cut the lies. Cut the blame shifts. And either STAY and have NC or get the hell out for good.

Seriously I think you should consider changing the locks and telling you W to pack ALL her shit because she is not coming back. And tell her to say *hello* to the OM for you. And hope he likes taking care of her and putting up with all her shit.


Forgive and forget = Relive and regret.


Posts: 3074 | Registered: Sep 2007
Just Crushed
♂ Member
Member # 24852
Default  Posted: 6:04 PM, January 12th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hear ya mnhttn99. I have been doing some sort of 180 myself. I guess this is the process of falling out of love with your WW. I mean how can you really love someone that has no respect for your feelings? To have an A is borderline unforgiveable, but to not take steps to right the wrong is a double hit that will sink the ship.


BH
*details in Profile*

Posts: 843 | Registered: Jul 2009
mnhttn99
♂ Member
Member # 13272
Default  Posted: 6:13 PM, January 12th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's the continued lies that break me. Not the affair, not the OM, not the mind movies. It's the lies that never seem to stop.

Posts: 220 | Registered: Jan 2007
somanyyears
♂ Member
Member # 26970
Default  Posted: 6:31 PM, January 12th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WAL


R E A L L Y happy

and F A N T A S T I C talks


says it ALL


wink wink


glad 4 u WAL


trust no other human- love only your pets
She isn't and never was who I thought..I can't believe who I married and what she did to us.
Me 66
Her 63
Married 41 yrs (together 47)
18 yr LTA with bf


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