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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Betrayed Men - Part 4
thyme2go
♂ Member
Member # 12908
Default  Posted: 10:36 AM, January 21st (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I find myself less and less interested in even checking SI.

WAL - I understand. On the inverse, I stick around because I like to payback what I received when I first came here to SI. Those that helped me will never know who much it means to me. I care about the welfare of those folks here that I have come to know here on SI. Doing so may be a small gesture but it is all I can offer.

mnhttn99 - I hope things are looking up for you. Shitty weeks suck.


Lonerider - not glad to see you back. I am sorry.

-t2g


BH - no longer 48
3 DD's - (27, 24 and 17)
Divorced on 8/6/09

Posts: 9144 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: Eastern Washington
Razor
♂ Member
Member # 16345
Default  Posted: 11:15 AM, January 21st (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I come and go on SI. Mostly it depends on what state I am in.

Some times it is just to triggery for me to even read this stuff. JFO and General can be tuff esp when I see new BS making the same mistakes I did. They wont listen to advice and just go and make those same mistakes. Breaks me heart.

Then the Wayward forum. Wow. Those posts from WS about "should I tell ......" drive me nuts. I find me self getting angry at the manipulation and self absorption and all the justification that goes with it. I try and avoid reading them but often find me self in the moth to the flame mode and I cant stop me self.

So if it gets to triggery I leave for awhile.

Like t2g says. I want to give back. But there are limits on what I can handle.


Forgive and forget = Relive and regret.


Posts: 3084 | Registered: Sep 2007
Lonerider
♂ Member
Member # 9205
Default  Posted: 11:15 AM, January 21st (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks t2g.

She never did the hard work on her insatiable need for validation, too busy fighting other demons. She didn't believe one could have an affair and never see the other person (save for one time she confessed to, and no, I don't think they had sex, based on emails I read).

To her credit, she's instituted and kept NC, and apologized and promised to earn my trust back.

That said, I'm concentrating on paying down debt, so if this happens again (a good chance it might) I have more options.


BS me 43 years old
WS her 45 years old
married 14 years, together 20
2 kids
D-day 7/15/05

Posts: 4225 | Registered: Dec 2005 | From: western NY
mnhttn99
♂ Member
Member # 13272
Default  Posted: 12:57 PM, January 21st (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah... the WS forum is just a total non-starter for me. I won't even go in there, ever. I just don't want to know.

I'm just on one of those self-imposed free roller-coaster rides this week. She's on the road, she's trying (reaching out to me, being honest, disclosing contacts) but she's also making mistakes (breaking NC, etc). So one moment I'm thinking things are over (and having dreams about that) and the next, she's done something right on her own and I'm thinking it's going to be better. It's almost worse than when I just think things are hopeless.

And because I'm still kind of 180/independent, I'm mostly alone with that rollercoaster at the moment. I'm not ready to share that with her until I know she's truly in R.

[This message edited by mnhttn99 at 12:59 PM, January 21st (Thursday)]


Posts: 220 | Registered: Jan 2007
lingerdog
♂ Member
Member # 24459
Default  Posted: 11:11 PM, January 23rd (Saturday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I do something and wondered if I was alone in this. How many other men since d-day will from time to time go riding in the middle of the night? Just get in the car and ride around for a little while.

I'm more apt to do it when I can't sleep, just wondering.


What lies behind us & what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
Oliver Wendell Holmes -Stolen from Uni's page

Posts: 8921 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Awesomeville
thyme2go
♂ Member
Member # 12908
Default  Posted: 1:43 AM, January 24th (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How many other men since d-day will from time to time go riding in the middle of the night?

Riding what?!?!

I do not. I will at times hit the gym (open 24 hours) at weird hours. Driving around in a pick-up is not so fun. A sports car is an entirely different story! <alas, I do not have one! >


-t2g

[This message edited by thyme2go at 1:44 AM, January 24th (Sunday)]


BH - no longer 48
3 DD's - (27, 24 and 17)
Divorced on 8/6/09

Posts: 9144 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: Eastern Washington
64fleet
♂ Member
Member # 18710
Default  Posted: 10:58 AM, January 24th (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

no riding around at nite, but if I get outta the house alone I'll ride around forever-the longer I'm gone, the less time I'm at home!


time wounds all heels

Posts: 5359 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: deliverance land
lingerdog
♂ Member
Member # 24459
Default  Posted: 12:21 PM, January 24th (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That's kind of what I mean It's not specifically a middle of the night thing, that's just when I tend to do it. And I have found that I will take the long way to get most places now rather than drive straight to where I'm going and back.

t2g If I had a 24 hours gym I'd probably be doing that instead, or as part of my riding around maybe stop there for a while.


What lies behind us & what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
Oliver Wendell Holmes -Stolen from Uni's page

Posts: 8921 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Awesomeville
64fleet
♂ Member
Member # 18710
Default  Posted: 1:13 PM, January 24th (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sometimes I feel I do it because I'm not exactly comfortable in my own home anymore-I spend ALOT of time out in my shop also...


time wounds all heels

Posts: 5359 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: deliverance land
radcristel
♂ New Member
Member # 27329
Target  Posted: 8:26 PM, January 25th (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Inappropriate post

[This message edited by Deeply Scared at 10:05 PM, January 25th (Monday)]


Posts: 7 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Fresno
wincing_at_light
♂ Member
Member # 14393
Default  Posted: 8:29 PM, January 25th (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I could say something supportive of your obvious pain and need to lash out, but instead I'll just tell you to go to hell.


Machiavellian idiot savant

Posts: 6687 | Registered: Apr 2007 | From: Indiana
radcristel
♂ New Member
Member # 27329
Default  Posted: 8:41 PM, January 25th (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes I do steal feel the pane but you guys have so much going for you and your keep trying to kick a dead horse if your wife's loved you they would not keep going back thay know that would destroy your marrage so what does that say? I had to face the facts if she wanted to be marred she would of stop cheating face it.

Posts: 7 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Fresno
radcristel
♂ New Member
Member # 27329
Target  Posted: 8:49 PM, January 25th (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Inappropriate post.

[This message edited by Deeply Scared at 10:06 PM, January 25th (Monday)]


Posts: 7 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Fresno
Low man
♂ Member
Member # 26141
Default  Posted: 12:10 PM, January 26th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just wondering how many of you have had things going along in a positive manner and then for no specific reason it seems like a big ol' dump truck backs up and unloads a ton of painful memories on you at once. This happened yesterday for me and it made for a really really tough day. I ended up driving around in a blizzard with my favorite open beverage just to try to clear my mind. (I know the beverage part was not a good idea but at the time I really did not care.)


D-Day Aug 09
BS 52
FWW 49
3 yr LTA

Posts: 58 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: midwest
Lonerider
♂ Member
Member # 9205
Default  Posted: 12:32 PM, January 26th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That happens Low Man, triggers can happen anytime. I see you're coming up on that six month mark, often a lot of anger comes out then.


BS me 43 years old
WS her 45 years old
married 14 years, together 20
2 kids
D-day 7/15/05

Posts: 4225 | Registered: Dec 2005 | From: western NY
Razor
♂ Member
Member # 16345
Default  Posted: 12:46 PM, January 26th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Low Man.

You now know the reason its called the roller coaster.

The trick is to try and force you self to think thru these times. Because you mind will dig you self deeper into the funk. And know that these mood swings are just dips in the roller coaster ride. It is ok to feel bad here and there and feel as if you world is over. But remember this mood is temporary. Remember that you will feel better in a while. I have found that helps.

Be easy on you self.

BUT lay off the *favorite beverage*. Getting picked up for drunk driving can hurt you more than any benefit from it. Also. Alcohol is a depressant. Drinking will do nothing more than make you feel worse.


Forgive and forget = Relive and regret.


Posts: 3084 | Registered: Sep 2007
lingerdog
♂ Member
Member # 24459
Default  Posted: 8:48 PM, January 26th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

LowMan, around the five month mark, with all the holidays rolling in, bam it was like an avalanche of memories. I got through them, and so will you.

Definitely watch the favorite beverage and driving part.


What lies behind us & what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
Oliver Wendell Holmes -Stolen from Uni's page

Posts: 8921 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Awesomeville
lostcause111
♂ Member
Member # 19109
Default  Posted: 9:33 AM, January 29th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Let's face this shit fucks you up. In some ways even permanently.

On ething I tell myself is if I had a twin who really had his shit together what would he tell me?

LC take it easy on yourself. You were hit with a 2x4 100's of times. Damn straight i will be upset and etc. My twin would also tell me are you going to let your life and the good you do have go to waste? You are going to let someone else define your happiness?

Hell NO!


Posts: 934 | Registered: Apr 2008
thyme2go
♂ Member
Member # 12908
Default  Posted: 2:38 AM, January 30th (Saturday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

lostcause111 -- you will survive this situation, and one day even thrive. Trust me on that one.


-t2g


BH - no longer 48
3 DD's - (27, 24 and 17)
Divorced on 8/6/09

Posts: 9144 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: Eastern Washington
Hurting_Truth
♂ Member
Member # 23587
Default  Posted: 3:53 AM, January 30th (Saturday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How in the world can women say the most horrible things to you then use anger as a real justification..actually YOU made me mad...

My wife told me just last week it was my fault she got in an A...

Same ol same ol..simple response maybe half the marraige problems but you screwing with someone else was all you..I dont remember you asking if it was Ok.

Somehing I didnt know anything about cant be my fault....you would think after this much time she wouldnt say something so rediculous.

You know these stupid comments simply dont bother me like they used to..I just hink well ...thats her.

I'm becoming indifferent to the madness.

I did tell her she should get her own place.

The thing that really gets to me the deepest is I know she still has feeling for the OM. I guess she always will..I dont know if I want to stay with someone like that.


Freedom is just another word for - Nothing Left to Lose..borrowed from yewtree
mstbx has already given everything away there is nothing left for me to lose.

Posts: 278 | Registered: Apr 2009 | From: Midwest
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