Have I had opportunities to cheat? Of course. I probably do have more opportunity than people in other professions but when ones character is strong, temptation is only momentary. I am glad that I can count myself as one LEO that has never cheated on his wife. I only wish I could say that I had never been cheated on.
Trust is difficult to earn but so very easy to lose. It's a gift that should be treasured and guarded.
[This message edited by Eyeore at 6:34 AM, January 5th (Wednesday)]
I feel like he just can't emotionally deal with this right now
This is very compassionate of you, and yet...
He still, somehow, has to deal with ALL of it. Fixing him for you is his first obligation, right?
Any normal person would feel some guilt about adding more burden to a donkey's back -- the donkey didn't ask for it.
A man who loads up his own burden, especially at the expense of others, is a different critter.
Compassionate, yes. Guilty? No.
BS has expressed to me on more than one occasion that he wants to be a PO. One of my biggest concerns, besides his safety, is that as a PO or someone in the Law Enforcement field, how would my A affect him now?
By this I mean, I have heard TONS of stories from several different people about the things that happed with POs and agents and their spouses. It was pretty much afirmed here with what I've read so far.
I'm not worried that my BS would ever have an A. I know I wouldn't have another one as well. F that. My concern is him having to hear all the stories all the time. People joking or bragging, etc.
It's hard enough for him as it is to go through this as a BS. He doesn't think it will bother him, but, I don't see how it couldn't.
Besides that, I'm of course worried about his safety and how he'd also manage seeing abused families all the time since he grew up in one. Any advise/suggestions?
I know I'm sounding selfish by discouraging his dream, an admirable one at that. But, I can't help but want him all to myself! I don't want to say "I told you so" when it's too late!
He says that he's initiated NC but she works at the station and they were seeing each other in between etc.
How the heck will I ever have trust again with the shift work etc? He's not living here, moved out a week before D-day to 'get space' and I am still trying to 180 and get my head round things.
And the last couple of months because he's only been out 3 yrs as a cop, I was blaming the job for the distancing, not wanting to talk about problems and lack of affection....
[This message edited by lolitalola at 5:36 AM, February 10th (Thursday)]
All I can say is that if you are reconciling he's got to transfer, if not precincts, then shifts. If your H's precinct is anything like my H's - there's plenty of opportunity for misbehavior and not much in the way of repurcusions, not even the disapproval of their peers.
Also, you would have to monitor his paychecks like a lunatic re: days off, lost time, supposed OT, etc.
Even then, there's no insulating him from it if he wants to do it. So, in addition to the above, you guys would have to work on your relationship and find a way to restore trust.
I see things like
You give them a gun and they think they are superman. The rules don't apply to them.
next time he wants to kill himself, please make sure he is on duty and make it look like a fight or something so that I can get all the insurance money for me and the kids
While I understand that some of you are new to your pain, I also know that we are all responsible for our actions, comments, and beliefs.
I am the definition of the "emergency services trifecta" I am a PO, firefighter and a paramedic. Each of these professions have high rates of a multitude of marital problems for various reasons and yet here I sit....the BS in our situation. I am the one who remained faithful through everything. I could say all kinds of things right now about those who are at home and not working the job. I could say that they are all ungrateful, unknowing, with complete lack of understanding of anything that we deal with, adultress whores with nothing else to do but screw people while i'm at work doing what I've been trained to do.
HOWEVER, that would be a huge generalization of a lot of people including a lot of you here who are hurting and to be honest, it really doesn't apply to most of you. I would also argue that most of the generalizations i've seen here don't apply to most PO's as well.
I might be a little sensitive due to the fact that I get yelled at for doing my job and I get yelled at if I don't do my job and I get yelled at when someone else knows my job better than I do and I get yelled at when I get home for not being emotionally available when SHE needs me. What about when I need HER? When I needed HER the most, she was off screwing some other guy. I"m sorry if some of you have been hurt. I'm sorry if a lot of you don't understand what THIS world is like. But you really need to stop and think about what our world is like. If you need some help in this area, read "I love a cop". I forget the author's name but it's a great book. there is also another book called "emotional survival for the LEO" Mandatory reading for our dept and I made my WW read it as well.
About A's, everyone is responsible for their own actions I just really hate to see generalizations when clearly I'm the example of why there shouldn't be generalizations.
Beaten wives, I've seen beaten men as well but they aren't nearly as publicized.
Superman.....not likely and I don't believe i'm above the law and I really resent anyone telling me otherwise.
Badge Bunnies do exist: I've been approached by them several times and have always found a reason to say no even in light of my WW's affair. I AM ABOVE THAT!!
Sorry for the rant. Mods can certainly remove this if they feel they must but I had to get this off my chest.
There will be no venting ABOUT officers, as we have several BS's here that are officers and it would be hurtful to them.