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User Topic: Long Term Affair Thread X V I
So Lost
♀ Member
Member # 16801
Default  Posted: 5:04 PM, November 7th (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, I see a few familiar faces! I have been gone for so long. For a while it was so painful to come here, to be reminded every day of all the hurt in the world. Perhaps it will be again, but I missed the wonderful support and the true understanding.....boy have I missed that!

((((UKGirl))) I am so sorry you are in a bad place now.

LH2....so good to see you! I woudl love to hear how thigsare going with you!

Things here seem to be at a turnng point. It hasn't really declared which way it will go. I believe H is honest with me currently (since dday for the most part) adn not cheating. But I don't feel loved or wnted or even happy. I feel lonely and unhappy most days.

H will do things with me if I ask and is gnerally nice for the most part. But it is more like roommates. No flirting, no sex, no dates, some affection (brief kisses and holding hands) but really no intimacy.

We had a C appointment with our two counselors a couple days ago adn really hashed it all out. I am done. I need to feel loved or to move on. And maybe it's too much to ask of him. He was never shown that opennes. But I an't live this way. MCs basicly said he needs to shit or getoff the pot. No more talking. H needs to decide to do these things and make me feel secure and loved or I end it.

That was rough. On us both. Even his MC said this woudl be so much easier if he were just a jerk. But I do love him and I do want to be married to him. And he screwed meover for 4 1/2 years and now I feel like I am beggin him for affection. No thanks.

So in those past 2-3 days has there been any difference? Nope. Hand holding, which he occassionally did anyway but basically no. He repeatedly asked what to do. MCs were amazed. Mine said if she were me she woudl be calling every babysitter in teh book and plannng date night after date night to save her marriage.


So it's hard. The affair haunts me daily. It was uch a huge betrayal. I do not give up on marriage easily. This has been two years of counseling. I just am not sure what to do next. i don't want to be 75 adn feeling disconnected form my husbadn still. Because that disconnect brings all the affair feelign sback. When we connect, I can begn to relax slightly.

Sorry to spill all that. As many of you know, only one friend irl knows about the affair and she obviously not ocmfortable talking about it. So I feel very alone and not understood. I knwo you all get it and that is such a nice feeling.

(((hugs))))) to all for the hell hey have put us throuh and for the strength to crawl back from it. Two years out and I thought I woudl have crawled further out by now.


Me: BS
Wh: WS
Dday 10/28/07
LTA with coworker
Attempting Reconciliation
he is remorseful, I am willing, we'll see what happens

Posts: 671 | Registered: Oct 2007
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 11:41 PM, November 7th (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((solost)))))

i just read your profile, when you were posting fairly regularly i was a newbie and incapable of remembering much, still have trouble remembering things, brain is in the infidelity fog...

i saw that you guys had hb in the beginning, what happened to that...

and why does he not approach you to seduce you....has he ever said what his issues are now that are preventing him from truly connecting with you, and i don't just mean sex, but the whole deal...the sex with the intimacy...and yes there is a very real difference between them...

i am so sorry that you are in so much pain and feel so lonely....that sucks especially when it is all really right there, but because of whatever it is that is on his brain he doesn't seem to be capable of filling that very basic need...and it is a basic need

never ever apologize to us for "spilling" your feelings, that is what this site is for...so spill away as often as you need...

(((so lost)))


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
menow
♀ New Member
Member # 25262
Default  Posted: 12:39 AM, November 8th (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

iwantamiracle: thanks for sticking it to me. i do think i am being as straight as i can be in this. my situation does not allow me to be at the computer much...so i do not get as much as i could out of this. your post is all so helpful.
i am doing a pretty good job and trying to do better at being selfish or self-fulfilling these days. meanwhile, WH is slowlly opening to a place of comfort and though i grow impatioent it is at least headed the right direction. i do not want to short what i deserve, but i realize that if i give up now, WH will not be a healthy partner for me in the future. even if i leave, he will always be the father of my children and my friend. i want him to be healthy no matter what. meanwhile, i am pursueing friendships and time occupations that will fulfill my "bucket list".
when i said that i like the other woman, i was sincere. she seems like someone with whom i might socialize and get to know. she was committed to ending the LTA since she now knows that i never knew about it. she was under the impression that i had been aware from the begining. i have spoken to her s few times now and feel trusting of what she shares. i know i need a lot more healing, but not sure what exactly that will be. i do go to IC, but since i am not "suicidal' my insurance will not pay. cash out is not possible just now. I read a lot and this forum is so helpful, even if i cannot/do not post. everyone, anyone, please keep me going. i know that i am not done. i know that i need more than what is happening. keep feeding me with thoughts and necessities. tonight i ramble. i feel alone, but at least not miserable. tears still come, then some hope, then lonliness in the experience.


tryinghard

Posts: 15 | Registered: Aug 2009 | From: california
trynhard
♂ Member
Member # 22698
Default  Posted: 8:44 AM, November 8th (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is my image for NJgal... It's a puzzle that just will never fit.


BTW.. These images all fit for me too...

Have a good day folks.. go colts!

[This message edited by trynhard at 12:25 PM, May 4th (Wednesday)]


Posts: 2636 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Indiana
Lost Heart2
♀ Member
Member # 21793
Default  Posted: 8:59 AM, November 8th (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ej5
I actually think its great that your H is feeling crappy. Good for him.
It means, IMO, that his walls are breaking down and he is "seeing and feeling" what he has done, whic I think is an impt step towards him healing himself and you.
However, he can not stay in this phase for too long, at some point he will have to make that decision to stand up again. Which is why I am glad you are both tacking this in MC.

I know how tempting it is to kick him when he is like this; you want him to feel your pain too, which is most understandable.
However, sometimes this can be counterproductive to the overall aim of R, KWIM?
Of what use is a broken H to you?
Part of R, IMO, is helping your FWS rebuild themselves as well, so that they can bring a healthy strong energy to the M.
Just something to think about...

***

Hi SoLost!!!

He repeatedly asked what to do.

Could it be that he truly doesnt have a clue?
If I remember correctly SoL, (and I apologise if I have mixed you up with someone else), your H has always had a problem putting your needs first. And he put you in the parent role, asking you for permission to do things for himself, and then throwing a tantrm if he didnt get his way.

Hence, my question above - maybe he just really doesnt know how to love and care for his wife. IMO, you have 2 options - 1.if he is willing to work with you, you can teach him how you want to be treated (which then again also puts you back into the parent/teacher role) or he can learn on his own initiative; or 2. you can accept that he cant or wont be the man you want.

By the way (and I hope again that I am not mixing you up with someone else ), how is his health? Has he become responsible in this regard?

***

i am doing a pretty good job and trying to do better at being selfish or self-fulfilling these days

Thats a great start there, Menow. Sometimes our WSs are not excactly posterpeople for R, which means we have to do much of our healing on our own. All the best with that.

((((menow))))

***
I told my H last night that if all aspects of our M was as good as our sexlife, we would be perfect!
sheesh.


LTA BS

Dday#1 02.06.06
Dday#2 28.11.06


Mind what you love. Mind how you are loved.


Posts: 471 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: London, UK
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 10:30 AM, November 8th (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((menow)))

WH is slowlly opening to a place of comfort

im not sure i understand this, if he is comfortable with talking to you now, thats great, if he's comfortable with the whole sich, thats not so great...he would need to have some discomfort to seek help and guidance...and in so seeking he needs to have boundaries in place on who he can go to and who he cannot...my ws did not get this straight in the beginning...and all women need to be off limits, unless they are professional therapist, his family members..and only if they are freinds to the marriage and you...

he will always be the father of my children and my friend. i want him to be healthy no matter what


very very cool insight and really important, i agree with this entirely..so yay for you for feeling this way, its not easy when someone has hurt you so deeply...so yay for you..

when i said that i like the other woman, i was sincere. she seems like someone with whom i might socialize and get to know. she was committed to ending the LTA since she now knows that i never knew about it. she was under the impression that i had been aware from the begining. i have spoken to her s few times now and feel trusting of what she shares

trusting this woman on any level is not a good idea...and how can you believe that she thought you knew of her existance...how can that be? and you state that she is now committed to ending this lta...why did she have it with your husband in the first place?...she obviosuly knew he was a married man..so how did she give herslef permission to have an affair with a married man, and that you knew about it...it just does not make sense....and having any sort of freindship with this woman would be a probable hindrance to your healing...i still think that once you get all the info you need from her you need to go no contact as much as he...

as for ic, is there a church group or a rabbi, usually they are free to those who cannot pay....

and about posting, sometimes i will hit reply to a post, i will get it all out and i will NOT submit message, i will use back space or just go to another forum...but the typing it out and purging is wonderful, even if no one will read it...i do this alot because my ws is on this site and reads everything i post and there are certain things i choose for him not to know, or there are things i would like to say to someone on the wayward forum that is out of line, so i will not post it but merely purge it...this is also a good way of getting it out...bottling it up will only build it up instead of healing it....

am pursueing friendships and time occupations that will fulfill my "bucket list".

this is good, but be careful on who you choose to confide in....you are quite vulnerable now...

tonight i ramble. i feel alone

you can ramble all you want, anytime...we all do..

and you are so not alone...take a look at the member count to know that you are so not alone....there are way too many of us...which is really really sad...way too many of us...

lh2:

I told my H last night that if all aspects of our M was as good as our sexlife, we would be perfect!

good for you, i can barely remember what a sex life is...and i really really want one!!!


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
So Lost
♀ Member
Member # 16801
Default  Posted: 3:43 PM, November 8th (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

and why does he not approach you to seduce you....has he ever said what his issues are now that are preventing him from truly connecting with you, and i don't just mean sex, but the whole deal...the sex with the intimacy.

Oh, my Miracle, if I knew this I woudl be good to go! lol He is on AD adn has some ED due to health problems....but all that was true during his affair as well.

I suspect the sex was just sex with her....adn that's why it was so much easier. And that he didn't really care what she thought....she wanted him around regardless of how much he could give. He caes what I think and that smakes it harder.

Could it be that he truly doesnt have a clue?
If I remember correctly SoL, (and I apologise if I have mixed you up with someone else), your H has always had a problem putting your needs first. And he put you in the parent role, asking you for permission to do things for himself, and then throwing a tantrm if he didnt get his way.

Yup, LH2, you remember exactly! Well, he may have no clue. But he was able to give several ideas in MC when pressured. Finally the IC said listen, I can't tell you how to get intimacy with your wife. You need to try. So there we have it.

Healthwise, he has done amazing. He is a juvenile diabetic since 12 years old. He has been checking his sugars, got a new doctor, getting lab work done, taking classes, plans to get a insulin pump before the end of the year....everything I need him adn he needs himself to do.

I thnk that is where he gets a bit frustrated. Thinks he is doing sooo much. I told him, his health is not our marriage. I want him healthy regardless. Maybe he can only concentrate on one thig at once?? i don't know.

But I have thrown the flag out now. What a scary thing. I love him. I just do. And really, we have a nice life. The kids have a nice life. I hate the idea of messing it all up. need to realize that I am not messing it up though. Hs decisions ave led to this.

I just hope he comes through and tries to start having a real marriage with me adn not this very comfortable roommate kind of thing.


Me: BS
Wh: WS
Dday 10/28/07
LTA with coworker
Attempting Reconciliation
he is remorseful, I am willing, we'll see what happens

Posts: 671 | Registered: Oct 2007
So Lost
♀ Member
Member # 16801
Default  Posted: 3:44 PM, November 8th (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry, my spellcheck isn't working.


Me: BS
Wh: WS
Dday 10/28/07
LTA with coworker
Attempting Reconciliation
he is remorseful, I am willing, we'll see what happens

Posts: 671 | Registered: Oct 2007
njgal480
♀ Member
Member # 24938
Default  Posted: 8:57 PM, November 8th (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tryinhard....thanks so much for thinking of me with your art.....
that is definitely me... has been me since d-day.
I have been trying to put together the puzzle of what happened, how it happened, why, etc. etc.
and... I am looking for a logical explanation and conclusion...
my husband says that it will never make sense because he was insane...

this past week..I was triggered and spiraled down that roller coaster to a really depressed, dark, place...I spent two full days like that...
actually, I wasted two beautiful fall days...and the only person that I hurt was myself.Oh, my husband got some grief .... but the OW was not impacted one bit...meanwhile I was a wreck...
and then something triggered some positive thoughts and I started climbing out of my depression.
ironically, one of the things that helped me was a post on SI about two wacko middle aged Cornell University co-workers. They were having an affair and emailing each other all day at work on Friday. The guy apparently mistakenly sent the emails to everyone in the Cornell business school and then someone posted them on the internet and now the whole world was reading them!

These emails were so similar to what my husband and the OW wrote to each other...(except in my husband's case the OW was much more crude).
I started thinking... do these cheaters read a handbook on how to have an affair? the emails had all the same elements..The references to spanking, getting tied up etc. etc.
But I wasn't triggered. In fact, reading this made me feel better.
So..why didn't this bother me?
It made me realize that maybe what my husband has been saying to me is really true...that it meant nothing to him...

Because... reading these emails made me realize how stupid the whole thing is...

These people have no feelings for each other! This is one big joke... an escape from the boredom of their jobs.. their life.
They would be just as giddy emailing this crap to anyone... and they know this is all lies... as they are writing it...they know ....
I don't know if any of you read the emails...
I can include the link...

oh...I forgot to mention.. I did feel a bitof vicarious pleasure in how busted these two married co-workers were!
I feel bad for their spouses but I don't feel bad that the cheaters got hit by the Karma bus...


Me- BS
Him- WH
Long term marriage
D-day- Jan. 2007
5 yr. LTA
Reconciled.


Posts: 3139 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: NJ
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 10:13 PM, November 8th (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

solost:

i don't understand, has he been asked why he doesn't persue you sexually? did he lose his sex drive?...

But I have thrown the flag out now.

what does this mean?


I love him. I just do.

there is nothing wrong with this, its not so easy once you love someone to let it go, the love doesn't always die..it would be so much easier for all of us if it did, but none of use seem destined for easy....

and he is a lucky man...

njgal:

my husband says that it will never make sense because he was insane

i've gotten almost this very sentence many times over actually

it still amazes me how much they all seem to have in common...its ridiculous actually...all of our stories are so different, but all the why, excuses, justifications, the hows are so damned similar...eerily so...

These people have no feelings for each other!

this is one of those differences and similarities at the same time, it depends on which ow in pfm's case...

something triggered some positive thoughts and I started climbing out of my depression.

yay for you njgal...keep those positive thoughts, remember them and make more...

yay for you...



i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
trynhard
♂ Member
Member # 22698
Default  Posted: 6:28 AM, November 9th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

njgal480
I have come to some peace by letting all that go. It is up to you to make your mind up that it just doesn't matter you know anymore. It doesn't come right away. I believe everyone involved in A's have these feelings... "unanswered". It is part of the A.
Letting it go also depends on your spouse. They must be doing all the right things...TODAY. My wife loved me all weekend. It felt good.

[This message edited by trynhard at 6:31 AM, November 9th (Monday)]


Posts: 2636 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Indiana
lovinlife
♀ Member
Member # 17863
Default  Posted: 6:40 AM, November 9th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just stopping in real quickly and I will come back this evening.

Wanted to wish everyone a peaceful week filled with only good things!!

Hoping we can all find a little "happy" everyday this week!

(((((Tribe)))))

Lovin


Together more than half our lives.

I am woman, hear me ROAR!!
What you accept, you teach!

Me 53, WS 54
Reconciled for life!
DD 24, DS 27


Posts: 1159 | Registered: Jan 2008 | From: Missouri
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 7:54 AM, November 9th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

tryn and lovin:

so so good to see happiness...

so very much need to see it...so much pain here on these boards...

((((tribe))))


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
So Lost
♀ Member
Member # 16801
Default  Posted: 8:35 AM, November 9th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

tryinhard...so wonderful!! Good for you and her! lol

(((njgal)))) I'm sorry you had such a bad two days but glad you are feeling a bit better. It's the cycle of that that seems to beat us up and bruise our hearts....feelin better then getting slammed buy a trigger, pulling ourselves out and then getting slammed back down. I wonder when that gets better? The space in between seems loner, so maybe that's what happens.

Miracle, I undestand your questions but I have no answers. I don't know if he has lost his sex drive or why he doen't seduce me. And to be honest, it is so painful to ask those questions, so humiliating, tha I have not directly demanded an answer. He made an effort and had sex with her for 4 /2 years....but not with me since June. I can't bring myself to ask if it is me. It hurts so much. He had ED with her as well, but he has viagra, so that should not be an issue.

I think part of it is that after a while it is hard to start things up. When we have sex it is making love, tere is intimacy adn I think that is hard for him. I don't know, playing psychaitrist here. Maybe I repulse him. Who knows.

I told him what I needed. He either does it or not. And I either get the courage to end it or not.


Me: BS
Wh: WS
Dday 10/28/07
LTA with coworker
Attempting Reconciliation
he is remorseful, I am willing, we'll see what happens

Posts: 671 | Registered: Oct 2007
ejs5
♀ Member
Member # 24607
Default  Posted: 8:46 AM, November 9th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Having a why day...why stay with someone who doesn't love me, says he hasn't felt close to me in 10 years...yet we planned a child during that time, he chose not to share with me his feelings. In counseling he says he can't see us staying together for the long term, can't see how I can forgive him, I believe I could but I don't think he will let me or believe me anyways. I don't want to be in a lonely marriage, we can't really afford to get a divorce, but someday I want to be loved and he has pretty much told me he doesn't love me...he did say he never told her he loved her and has had no contact and hopes she maintains NC...Uggh an ugly day to start the week.


DD June 2nd 2009
Me BW 38
Him WS 40
No reconciliation was all false 2.5 LTA now a couple of months affair...

Posts: 256 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Done
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 9:18 AM, November 9th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((solost)):

i am so sorry if bringing this up pains you, so not my intention and i could feel your pain so deeply...and i so understand that the thought of rejection terrifies you....but without asking him you will never know, unless you feel he is incapable of answering which may very well be true...

from what you've written he does seem incapable of intamacy on any level, are you willing to settle for that, to live your life not having that intimacy...

we all are staying with our marriages for various reasons...so it seems, its so sad to me that so many of us have to settle...settling is so lonely...no matter what the reason its lonely...

((ejs5)):

it sound as though he is having his own pity party....and does not want to do the work of looking within himself, digging deep and facing his fears and his issues...

and i have a why day everyday, but then i change the subject within my own head...because that is a dead end path that will only lead to more pain, because there are no answers that i can fathom at this time, and i may never be able to fathom them...

it is what it is...


in the meantime here in new york it is a beautiful fall day...my little charge is here and a happy little sucker, i am going out tonite to dinner with a friend...so i plan on thinking good thoughts...

sometimes we just need to be grateful for the little things, then when we all get the big things we will appreciate them all the more..

at least that what all the books say

as always
((((tribe))))

[This message edited by iwantamiracle at 9:19 AM, November 9th (Monday)]


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
old dipstick
♂ Member
Member # 25598
Default  Posted: 11:56 AM, November 9th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So Lost.
Let me give you a man's view about some of this.
Feelings of rejection are not fun. I know how that feels. We do need to keep reminding ourselves that there are many reasons for the rejection.

His ED issues are a complicated problem. If he has always had a problem with intimacy, his ED will only make that worse.

You say that since he has viagra the ED should not be a issue. Well, unfortunatly, around 30% of men with ED are not helped, or only occasionally helped by viagra. Diabetes is a major reason for ED, along with HBP and other health issues

He might not want to be the seducer because he may fear starting something that he can not finish. That fear also contributes to the ED problem. That is called performance anxiety.

Do not feel that you are doing something wrong and are causing the ED. You are not to blame. You can't really compare his performance level from a few years ago. This condition can change for the worse in a fairly short time. He may need to see a urologist.

trynhard.
Another good work of art. It was nice to hear that you had a good weekend.

menow.
Hang in there. Keep checking in.

njgal.
It was good to hear that you were able to bounce back to the positive side.

miracle.
Friday,I was thinking I was full of advice. Probably bad advice, but I'm full of the other stuff too. I believe I may have just earned the right to call myself old. When you start telling viagra stories, you just have to be old.


Her WW 60
Me BH 60
M 36 yr
D-day#1 fall of 76 OM#1 2NS
D-day#2 summer of 89 OM#2 LTA 8 yrs OM#3 Short Term A


Posts: 751 | Registered: Sep 2009
So Lost
♀ Member
Member # 16801
Default  Posted: 2:07 PM, November 9th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So Lost.
Let me give you a man's view about some of this.
Feelings of rejection are not fun. I know how that feels.

Thanks for your input, I appreciate it. H has had ED issues since , well, befroe he was even 20. Very uncontrolled diabetes...h is trying harder to control it but not alwasy possible. He is 38 and has already had a stroke and cancer (melanoma)...so we've been through a lot health wise.

We have used the viagra, so I know it mostly works. I don't know. It's such a hard thing to talk about. I feel so unattractive and unwanted. First he leaves me to have sex with her frequently. Now he's back and yet still doesn't want to have sex.

Porn was an issue for a while. Well, not really an issue in the addiction sens. 10 minutes 2-3 times a week. But we werent having sex, so that was an issue forme. He stopped for a while when confronted and then started back. Hasn't done it in a while though...I check. He doesn't know how I check.

Miracle...thanks for your support. It's just a hard issue. I think unless you have been rejected in this way, it's hard to understand.


Me: BS
Wh: WS
Dday 10/28/07
LTA with coworker
Attempting Reconciliation
he is remorseful, I am willing, we'll see what happens

Posts: 671 | Registered: Oct 2007
trynhard
♂ Member
Member # 22698
Default  Posted: 8:35 PM, November 9th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey ejs5...
says he hasn't felt close to me in 10 years...
Which is total BS... which brings us to the "why" Why didn't he tell you 10 years ago... it's a way for him to justify in his head his evilness. It is a horrible thing he has done and will regret it until the day he dies.

And of course you can "afford" a D. Why not? They have laws for bankruptcy. Then you start over again. So you rent? So allow yourself to fall in love with a man that will own a home... a business… a better happier life! I know many people that have filed BR… they are living happy lives too.

For me, No money reasons will ever stand in the way of my happiness. “..he has pretty much told me he doesn't love me” … ej, It takes a lot of courage to make a change. Ej.. I pray courage to you.

Take a position of power. Make a choice and decision to love your husband… let him know you want to reconnect with him or tell him you need his love… asked him if he can make that choice too… It is still too new for you to feel safe, secure, loved,... it is a battle of your mind.

Start thinking about loving things to do together… This decision is your own. You will own it. It makes you in charge. What person would not want to be loved? He will see it too… If not, you will know you did all possible and never regret if he decided to quit the R.
When I was 3 months out, I started bringing my wife coffee every morning while she gets ready for work… I do this every morning… I have not missed since. Yes she noticed and says it’s love.

Dip.. I have an image for you but cannot finish it just yet..

[This message edited by trynhard at 8:39 PM, November 9th (Monday)]


Posts: 2636 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Indiana
ejs5
♀ Member
Member # 24607
Default  Posted: 11:15 PM, November 9th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm a faithful lunch maker, hysterical bonder, friendly ear, and have worked on my shit...and continue to work on it...but life sometimes really sucks. I don't really know what love means to him...at least he never told her he loved her, he doesn't want me to say it to him at all so I have refrained from saying it but I am trying to show it in every way I know how...next MC session I think we are broaching more about how to bring romance back into our relationship...I hope he doesn't say something like what is the point...I don't know where he is at and we are still using the MC to have any real conversations especially when it comes to anything to do with the affair. Well off to make his lunch and take a bath...an extra early day tomorrow:)


DD June 2nd 2009
Me BW 38
Him WS 40
No reconciliation was all false 2.5 LTA now a couple of months affair...

Posts: 256 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Done
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