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User Topic: Long Term Affair Thread X V I
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 8:49 AM, November 10th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((ejs5)):

what reason does he give for staying?....

...at least he never told her he loved her, he doesn't want me to say it to him at all so I have refrained from saying it but I am trying to show it in every way I know how...

does he really believe he doesnt deserve your love, or does it just make him feel guilty?


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
old dipstick
♂ Member
Member # 25598
Default  Posted: 11:11 AM, November 10th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So Lost.
I hate to see you say those negative things about your self. It is so hard to see that these problems are his weakness, not yous. This stuff happens all the time, but the A just makes it harder to handle.

I know some people that have the insulin pump. They all say that the pump is the way to go. I don't know if the pump will help with the intimacy issues, but it should help him regulate his blood sugar. Maybe if he gets that under control it will be easier to approach him about your other problems.

trynhard. Thanks.

miracle.

That last post was so short. Have you found a cure for the itis?


Her WW 60
Me BH 60
M 36 yr
D-day#1 fall of 76 OM#1 2NS
D-day#2 summer of 89 OM#2 LTA 8 yrs OM#3 Short Term A


Posts: 751 | Registered: Sep 2009
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 7:10 PM, November 10th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

dipstick:

That last post was so short. Have you found a cure for the itis?

alas there is no cure...i have good days and bad days...my itis is on that little rollercoaster... i cannot tell if its on the up side or the down side.. ...i am so confused ...i don't know if my chronic bouts with itis is terminal...that will remain to be seen....but i do declare, just when you think it will be safe....it won't...

like maybe later...


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
trynhard
♂ Member
Member # 22698
Default  Posted: 8:12 PM, November 10th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ejs5... So you know... My experience is that LTA’s are long term because these people cannot let go of the spouse… they love the home life and the A too… “cake eaters”. I think he stays because he knows he will not feel good once you make up your mind to leave him. He will go through a grieving process himself. The first date you have, a feeling will overcome him like he does not know. A pain he has never felt. He is going to cry like a baby and jealousy will over take him…. My wife and I separated after 5 months for 3 days. My wife felt that way about me… She is still very threatened by the lady I asked out for a drink. I’m amazed because it was strictly platonic, yet she thought it was going to be more… lol… 3 months is not long... I think back to that time and think about how so very hurt I still was. It was me pushing and pushing for validity… assurance. I needed it so bad and nothing was enough. It’s hard to know at 3 months out what to do so you might as well do everything good and loving… You just keep working on your shit… you do things that make you happy… Remember back when you guys first started dating? I bet you would have done about anything for him… and he for you. Ask him for that again. Do you know what I mean? Tell him you want to reconnect. Do it in a loving way, and ask him to try and give you one good month… of total love and commitment. See where that takes you. Choose to love him and asked him to choose to love you. If that doesn’t work, then try something different.
Let me tell you something too… “a faithful lunch maker, hysterical bonder, friendly ear” is one fine lady! IMO… A lot of good men are waiting for you!

[This message edited by trynhard at 8:14 PM, November 10th (Tuesday)]


Posts: 2636 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Indiana
old dipstick
♂ Member
Member # 25598
Default  Posted: 11:23 AM, November 12th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

miracle.

O.K.


Her WW 60
Me BH 60
M 36 yr
D-day#1 fall of 76 OM#1 2NS
D-day#2 summer of 89 OM#2 LTA 8 yrs OM#3 Short Term A


Posts: 751 | Registered: Sep 2009
Lost Heart2
♀ Member
Member # 21793
Default  Posted: 12:33 PM, November 13th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

SoLost,

How are you doing?
You are right, unless you have been rejected in that way, it difficult for anyone to understand. However,
I do not appreciate someone as intelligent and kind and funny and caring as you are, even thinking of herself as repulsive!

I am sometimes my worst enemy and one of the main ways I hurt myself is through negative self talk and actions.

I cant offer you advice on your H cos I dont know much about ED. But I am going to 2x4 you about how you perceive yourself.(and believe me, I so do get the irony of this..lol)

Come on Solost! Think of whats positive about you. Tell us. Be as proud as you dare. If your H is not going to be there for you at this point in time, then you are going to have to do this by yourself - you are going to be your biggest cheerleader, you hear?

***
((((((EJ5)))))))

Those questions that really dont have satisfactory answers can just drive us nuts, cant they?

But on a positive note, you are having real constructive conversations in MC. Way to go.

****
Hi to the oldtimers MIA
Ukg, Shirley, BT and FNF - you are all in my thoughts.

Hi too the lurkers, we look forward to meeting you.


LTA BS

Dday#1 02.06.06
Dday#2 28.11.06


Mind what you love. Mind how you are loved.


Posts: 471 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: London, UK
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 6:10 PM, November 13th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

pretty quiet in here, i do so hope this is good news...

on my home front, it feels at times like a homefront...the men in my household, mainly the husband and the son i call manchild are so damned exasperating...thankfully it is small potatos, but the potatos being there show me that the husband still does not get what he does...still justifies and has excuses for even the smallest shit that he gets wrong...makes me want to scream and even my dd17 and my mom feel the same way...it sometimes feels like its women vs men...at least 2 of the household penis's anyway...the third i still have hope for....

so anyways it is friday and that is almost always a yay, i used to love the weekend more when i looked forward to everyone being home, now i look forward to it just so my kids get a break from school and sundays when i have my kids and pfm goes to job #2...i get some respite....

so everyone enjoy your weekend, i will be around, need a daily dose of s.i. for some sanity and appreciation for my own sich....


as always
((((tribe))))

btw: solost i ditto what lh2 has said...


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
Whatnow28
♀ Member
Member # 19345
Default  Posted: 10:12 PM, November 13th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello ladies! Long time no "see". I have been quickly browsing today and saw many familiar names.
Sad welcome to all the newbies that have found us.

I just wanted to give an update as I think of you all often.


I have been busy with my DS's, work, house, marriage, and all that fun stuff. I am trying to get back into college to start a career change...but haven't been able to gather up the motivation to study for the admission test as I should be.

WH & I are doing good. The A is so rarely brought up, and when it is its usually a comment about a past memory or something small.... I was just thinking about how thankful I am that he did so many of the "right" things after Dday that has allowed us to have an easier road of R. Our relationship isn't all lovey & romantic, but we're comfortable and more aware of our own issues that we bring which I believe is helping to avoid problems of the past. WH did have 1 slip of online porn which I found a few months back, and we discussed it, he apologized and took responsibility. I told him I didn't want to keep having to remind him every few months.


As far as treating myself: back in August I had a breast reduction and feel wonderful about it. now, I wish I could lose the last 10-15 lbs that I need to, but can't stay motivated to diet either. oh well.


I wish you all a wonderful holiday season. I hope to check back in more often. ((HUGS))


ME: BW, 30 H: WH, 30 2 little boys

D-day 3/4/08 Whole "truth" from OW 3/12/08
Ow#1, 6 months PA
Ow#2, 2 years PA & EA

"It takes 3 seconds to say "I love you", 3 hours to explain it, & a lifetime to prove it".


Posts: 517 | Registered: Apr 2008 | From: NE Coast
trynhard
♂ Member
Member # 22698
Default  Posted: 10:09 AM, November 15th (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Can I be trying too hard?

I think about this stuff everyday... I try to make positives out of it... I try to avoid thinking about it... But it still pops in my head. Oh how I would just take one full day not thinking about this stuff... just one day... Yes, I cried about it last night and the thoughts of giving up came into my mind. I hate that... I hate all this.


Posts: 2636 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Indiana
Lost Heart2
♀ Member
Member # 21793
Default  Posted: 11:54 AM, November 15th (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey Tryn
You seem like a guy who gives his all in everything he does...and thats a wonderful admirable quality. However sometimes we must balance what we 'give' with what we 'get', esp knowing how we have been shortchanged in our M.
Dont do more than you can afford to, is my advice. Dont let yourself be shortchanged in any way.

It sucks when the rollercoaster runs downhill. Hang in there and hold on to what you know is good.

***
WN,

I have been busy with my DS's, work, house, marriage, and all that fun stuff. I am trying to get back into college to start a career change..
.
You go girl!!! well done!
Thanks for checking in, and giving those who are feeling blue, some good news.
Now go study! Let us know when you testing, so we can send you some good vibes.

***

the men in my household, mainly the husband and the son i call manchild are so damned exasperating

I thought you were talking about my family..
After so many years of basically ignoring our DS, H and DS have hit on a relationship which consists of xbox, soccer and Top Gear.I am glad for my DS, truly I am. Its like having the big brother he always wanted. However, he needs a F a darn sight more, and I find it so exasperating parenting them.

***
Whilst I can list all the things that went wrong this week, I wont. Instead I will mention the 2 things that went right.

H has been finding it diff to sleep in the last 2 weeks, and has also been crankier than usual. He has been up late on tv or on his laptop. I try not to let this trigger but sometimes its diff (these were the times when he used to connect with OW#2). So one of the nights, I came down and asked him whats wrong. He got defensive immediately and even tho I tried to calm him, it was evident that he needed to vent, so I let him boil about how his tired about always been suspected of doing something dodgy, about how I dont respect himetc etc. Finally it comes out that he is stressed at work. After getting that out, we had some coffee watched some tv and he was able to sleep. Now I could resent being spoken to like that, and I could have upped the drama by giving as good as I got, but I told him that I want to change our default settings, and I decided that it would have start from me. So I listened, didnt take anything to heart and he was able to get it all out. He felt better.

The 2nd thing was towards the end of the evening, he mentioned that maybe we should try MC again. He has been adamant about not doing any kind of MC after the last one we had. The fact that he even mentioned it is a big step for us. Now whether he will follow up on it, is another matter, but I will keep hope until proven other wise.

Since that night, his mood has improved considerably, which makes homelife that more pleasant for all.

Anybody else got something positive to share?


LTA BS

Dday#1 02.06.06
Dday#2 28.11.06


Mind what you love. Mind how you are loved.


Posts: 471 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: London, UK
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 10:39 PM, November 15th (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

what now....please to see someone else survive this and be happy, so thanks for popping in and giving us a breath of fresh air...

i hope you journey continues on this wonderful path

tryn: are you tryn to hard?...well will you resent her for the fact that you are doing most of the work when she was the one who stepped out?...i know i would, but then again, before d-day that is exactly how i led my marriage, i was always the one with the concessions, the compromises, the finding new ways to communicate, i never stopped working on my marriage whilst he was off fucking other women, and loving, really loving another...so yes resentment is now deeply embedded within...

lh2: looking at the bright side is the way to live life, looking at the good and basically living for the good...and i do hope he comes through for mc...

and my manchild and husband butt heads, there is no friendship....they are so much alike its kind of scary...and manchild is still at it, being defiant and filled with attitude that i know i never ordered from the baby store...

life in this house lately sometimes feels unbearable, i wish it didn't but it does...when pfm is home, i want him gone...actually even when he is not home i want him gone...and as for manchild, there are times i really want to give up, but i don't, there are times when i want to pull every hair out of his head, one at a time...then the hair on his legs, and then for the real torture the hair in his armpits....maybe when he is bald some of what i say will be able to penetrate....i know, i know that this is all part of the teen years, but it really is more then that, so much more then that,,,,manchild is the one that was always picked on, manchild is the one who never did anything good enough, manchild is the one just like his father...and pfm was the ultimate lousy role model...even though he's trying, he's failing still....it doesn't help that pfm is not whole yet or has grown up in dealing and coping with issues...part of his long standing issues, is that he never grew up to think for himself or learn what a postive role model is or was...his foo are really not nice people, some are downright evil....and those were his role models....and my poor son, manchild took the brunt of it....and i fought him all the way...but i was unable to get through to pfm most of the time, and when i did get through, he would apologize and then turn around and just continue the behavior like the apology and previous issue didn't exist unless of course he was suing it against you...

o.k. enough dipstickitis on my family...for now anyways...

as always
(((tribe)))

and for all of you lurking, even the regulars, sending hugs...many many hugs...

((((((((hugs)))))))


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
njgal480
♀ Member
Member # 24938
Default  Posted: 12:13 AM, November 16th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wish the pain of this would just go away....
It's almost 3 yrs. since d- day for me and I still think about the LTA every single day...and for much of the day.
Husband is doing everything he can.... but, as I've posted before he will not talk about the affair any longer.

I just can't believe he did it. That it went on for so long. That he didn't love her.
I asked him that again today...he answered again...that he never loved the OW! But, refused to talk about it after that outburst.
I cried...he said ..."see? this is why we can't talk about it...you get upset, I feel such shame and I get upset..."
It's just a mess....
Even reading posts on SI can be tough.
Do any of you have the same problem I do when you read posts on the Reconciliation or General Forums?
When I read about someone struggling with a ONS or a short term EA or a PA that went on for a few months....
Reading that always makes me question my sanity.
If these people are divorcing or considering D after a short term affair...then what is wrong with me?
I know... I know... I am an intelligent woman and have thought this through many times...there are many reasons to stay ...but....


Me- BS
Him- WH
Long term marriage
D-day- Jan. 2007
5 yr. LTA
Reconciled.


Posts: 3139 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: NJ
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 9:09 AM, November 16th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((njga))

i can totally understand how you feel, when you see all of these other people tht do not have to deal with the enormity of a lta you wonder, they are having all these issues..why am i still here...but i can say that the pain is devastating nonetheless....


i am in a unique position because i have had to deal with so many different types of affairs, but only because i have that experience can i see that the other experiences are painful but not as deep...the deeper the betrayal the deeper the pain..

the pain of betrayal when you love deeply i believe can be quanitified but only when there are mulitple betrayals to compare within each sich...

and you are still there for love, quite simply you love the man and want to have your marriage succeed...

the bestest reason ever....

he wants it all to go away, and so do you...its just different, he wants it all to go away for several reasons i am sure...first because he wants to feel less guilty, second he wants to see you in less pain or better no pain...and third he wants to move forward and stop dealing with the past....you want it all to go away because of the pain of the betrayal, you feel that he doesn't get it, you are also afraid to trust him, your love and in life....you want it to go away because you wish it never existed and its existance hurts you....letting go means that you will once again be putting your heart out there and you do not want to be hurt like that again, not to mention that trust is huge....living with that fear of what next....

so i understand, i wish i didn't because like you i wish it didn't exist,, living with that feeling that betrayal evokes just really sucks...

so choose to start thinking differently...the other night we were went to dinner as a family, family events no matter how big or small all evoke that pain...i started to try and think of anything else that would make me not think, but for a while i kept coming up with the same thing, thinking about pfm's betrayals, words and inactions...because there is so much everything in my life as been tainted, even my kids stuff....but i didn't give up, i ended up coming up with something to concentrate on, came home and took a xanax which helped take the rest of the edge off....but the point of this long ramble is that i am not giving up on ME....i do not want to dwell on the pain, i won't heal if i do...so i am trying my damnest to do whatever i can to heal and move on....

find something for you to hold on to and have a serious chat with that man, that when these feelings come up and they will come up if he wants you to move on this is what he will have to say and do...then give him a list of what you need from him and be very specific...and hopefully he will he smart enough to fulfill it, because in the end if he fulfills it he will get what he wants too...and that is to move forward, living in the present and for the future...


((((njgal)))


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
old dipstick
♂ Member
Member # 25598
Default  Posted: 2:06 PM, November 16th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tribe.

It seems that there are a lot of ups and downs since I last posted. Some that were up are now down, and vice a versa. Yes miracle, I know that this is the roller coaster.

njgal.

There is nothing wrong with you. I think that even without the A, many of us would at one time or another, doubt our sanity. BTW, several people doubt mine, and the list is growing!

I know the pain of short A and LTA. I do believe that the LTA is the hardest to overcome. Like you I sometimes wonder why I would stay after so much, when some leave after a short term A or EA.

Maybe they are not as strong or have other issues. They may not feel the need to stay because of money or kids.

You know why you stayed and I'm sure that they are good reasons.

You and trynhard both mentioned the fact that you think about this everyday, and wish you could forget about it.

I'm not a good one to answer this as I tend to hold a grudge. I will say that I have had my highs and lows in this department. Life is a roller coaster for sure.

I do much of my own home repair and general up keep. I don't enjoy that stuff but I do it. For a long time, before, during, and after these projects, I would have thoughts like, that POS OM did not have to do this why should I? If my WW would ask me to work on or repair something, I would bite my tounge to keep from saying why don't you ask your boyfriend to take care of this? After some time I did not think these things. How long that took I can not say. I do know it was several years. It was a small victory over negative thought, but it is a victory.

The problem is that if you do not think about something, how do you really know when you started to not think about it?

A question I have pondered since joining SI is this. I see many reference to former WS, but nobody is refered to as a former BS. I will probably never think of my W as a FWW unless I can see a way to be called a FBS. I do know the reasons I can never be a FBS, but it still is not fair. Maybe I should post this thought on the general thread.

trynhard.

I thought of you during the Colts game last night. Stuff like that is a good distraction. I hope you watched it all. I know the results were pleasing to you.

I agree, I hate all this.

miracle.

It looks like the itis has returned.

I would like to give you some advice, but you almost seem to be in a man hate mood. I think I just need to keep my mouth shut and go clean out the closet.


Her WW 60
Me BH 60
M 36 yr
D-day#1 fall of 76 OM#1 2NS
D-day#2 summer of 89 OM#2 LTA 8 yrs OM#3 Short Term A


Posts: 751 | Registered: Sep 2009
trynhard
♂ Member
Member # 22698
Default  Posted: 4:24 PM, November 16th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

iwantamiracle...
you resent her for the fact that you are doing most of the work when she was the one who stepped out?...
Do I think I work harder at it? Yes. Do I resent that? No, not really. I do see my wife working at it too. I truly think she is remorseful and very sorry she hurt me. I just want one day of not thinking about this stuff….


Lost Heart2… I can compare today to pre A. Yes I was shortchanged. I can really feel being loved today. Before, my wife seemed always so angry. Angry at insignificant stuff about what I did, She is not today. Infidelity is a nasty thing…

Hey Dip… Yes I was at the game… and yes a good distraction.

Ok here is your image…

I call this… Infidelity, The old dipstick F job


Posts: 2636 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Indiana
trynhard
♂ Member
Member # 22698
Default  Posted: 4:30 PM, November 16th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So I thought I'd give a summary of all us LTA'ers...

Self Image of me

Can I ever find my heart again?

New Jersey gal... It's a puzzle that just will never fit

Infidelity, The old dipstick F job

Our goal?

Who's next.. lol.. Iwant???

[This message edited by trynhard at 4:39 PM, November 16th (Monday)]


Posts: 2636 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Indiana
lostsuol
♀ Member
Member # 13706
Default  Posted: 6:54 PM, November 16th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So Lost... you have been missed but can totally understand your feelings of pain at being here yet also needing the support. Just wish you'd not be so hard on yourself. (NOTE: I need to take my own advice.) Your H's health issues are his and no excuse for the A. As Dipstick said
This stuff happens all the time, but the A just makes it harder to handle.

That said, I believe that ED issues had a lot to do with my H's LTA (began in MSN gaming but was soon revealed to be a single mother & co-worker/ subordinate.) Online he was able to be someone else. He got his ego stroked big time and didn't feel he had to prove himself. He has never in 30+ yrs talked to me the way he did to her. D-day came about due to me finding chat logs. The 1st year it was mostly online due to our being in another city but once we moved back I don't know he was able to function at work after their nightly games & IM chats. He says he ignored her yet somehow he managed to meet her for lunch and spend 2 NYeve's in her company. And when he insists he wasn't attracted to her since anonymity didn't last for long, "just fantasy", my self-esteem takes a nose dive and I feel so much worse. During his A, I lost 50 lbs thru diet & exercise. After Dday I gained 20 back as I lost any motivation to continue the program. We did the HB'ing and have sex but intimacy is evasive. He won't talk about the A and I can't move past it. IC and MC are too infrequent imho and while the last MC scared him at the time it didn't change his actions concerning this week's impending business trip. Same old, same old and I'm ticked. His answer is a defensive "guess I should have someone else do my job" while I want to see him actively change his priorities by his actions not just words. I have IC next week so am hanging on for now.
So much of your post mirrors my feelings. {{{SoLost}}}

and Whatnow! thanks for checking in with an update and good wishes. Please stop in again and remind us that there are success stories to be had.

LH2... thanks for sharing the positive with your H's sleep troubles. You dealt with it so well and reading "Since that night, his mood has improved considerably, which makes home life that more pleasant for all." is so encouraging. Again I applaud you BS's with children at home.
I had a meltdown this p.m. that doesn't bode well for this evening and I'm grateful for our 'empty nest' right now.

IWAM... No need for a cure! your post-itis has the power to alternately make me laugh and bring tears to my eyes. Your manchild sounds so much like our middle son... it's amazing that we do survive the challenging teenage times.

(((njgal)) we are on the same wave length today. I could 'ditto' all you wrote and IWAM's wisdom and comment

so i understand, i wish i didn't because like you i wish it didn't exist,, living with that feeling that betrayal evokes just really sucks...
sadly is all too true.

Dipstick & trynhard... it's good to have the male insight on LTA survival. Hugs to you both.

{{{LTA tribe}}}

Well I mostly lurk but when I do post I seem to also have 'itis' so I'm off to dig in the fridge - leftovers tonight! I don't even feel like eating...


Posts: 808 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Canada
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 10:08 PM, November 16th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

dipstick:

I would like to give you some advice, but you almost seem to be in a man hate mood. I think I just need to keep my mouth shut and go clean out the closet.

me...in a man hate mood....more like i need a man...

maybe i should go clean out my closet.. god knows i've tried...

I'm not a good one to answer this as I tend to hold a grudge.

frankly, i don't see you holding a grudge, here you are all these years later and you are still trying to make it better, the little things around the house stuff, letting go of saying hurtful things even though they are right there...

i don't see the grudge stuff, i see a very compassionate man....


tryn:


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 10:31 PM, November 16th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

dipstick:

I would like to give you some advice, but you almost seem to be in a man hate mood. I think I just need to keep my mouth shut and go clean out the closet.

sorry lost soul...did you find any good leftovers, if not i will send my "wife right over as soon as i find her"...

me...in a man hate mood....more like i need a man...

maybe i should go clean out my closet.. god knows i've tried...

I'm not a good one to answer this as I tend to hold a grudge.

frankly, i don't see you holding a grudge, here you are all these years later and you are still trying to make it better, the little things around the house stuff, letting go of saying hurtful things even though they are right there...

i don't see the grudge stuff, i see a very compassionate man....


tryn:


dipsticks picture...

i think i may now be afraid of what my new picture would be...i thought i was that boat..

Do I think I work harder at it? Yes. Do I resent that? No, not really. I do see my wife working at it too. I truly think she is remorseful and very sorry she hurt me. I just want one day of not thinking about this stuff….

i am so gald that you do not harbor any resentments, that will make your journey alot less bumpy, and i am even happier still that you feel that she is tryn as you are...

lost soul:

i am glad that my sense of humor is appreciated...more often then not i am the only one who does...


He has never in 30+ yrs talked to me the way he did to her.

and exactly how did he talk to her? was it trashy, romantic, a little of both, was she his confidant....she certainly was a fantasy, online its so easy to be someone you are not, its so easy to project to others who you want to be...anonymity gives people the "might" they ordinarily wouldn't have...it gives them a mask of sorts....

gotta get me one of those masks...find a way to project who i want to be....it can be very tempting to slip into a new life....when the life you are in contains nothing but pain.....

sorry, i went off tangent...again...and i am not done going off,,,so accept my apology ahead of time, and feel free to skip along to the next poster..

i also want to be the ow, i know i've said that before, lets see, if i get to be her, i have 2 men totally in love with me, i have 2 men who want me in all ways, there is the one i am married to and then there is that other one, who will do and accept whatever i dish just to be with me, he has even risked losing his current wife for me...i am the one who does "it" for him while she is just a substitute for ME...yay for me...he just uses this poor woman, and she is so stupid...close to his climax he always calls for me, but "she" doesn't get it that i am the "she" he calls for, he always wants to know what "she" wants because pleasing me is what pleases him....how cool is that....to have 2 men hopelessly in love with me, and to be able to be with both of them...how lucky can a girl get....

o.k. i also want a wife, a wife who will cook for me, clean for me....cleaning is a biggie since i detest it, i want her to take care of everything, even when i can't find my socks, my keys, my anything, she will always know where it is, i want a wife to have sex with, so i want her to want me just as much as i want her or even pretend to want her....yay my very own live sex toy...good substitute for the one i really want but can't have right now...

i want a penis, a real live penis, one that throbs for me and only me, one that thinks that i am the "one" the "only one" for it....

and i want someone to take care of my kids when they are acting out, i want to step out of my life and then step in when its all better....

and then finally i want world peace!!!!!!

o.k. need to take something for this itis, it seems to act up a bit too frequently...

i so gotta get me one of those....

a penis and a wife!!!


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
So Lost
♀ Member
Member # 16801
Default  Posted: 6:51 AM, November 17th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How are you doing?
You are right, unless you have been rejected in that way, it difficult for anyone to understand. However,
I do not appreciate someone as intelligent and kind and funny and caring as you are, even thinking of herself as repulsive!

LH2, you're very sweet. But I'm not there. I feel so vulnerable still, 2 years later. So unwanted. I wish I was there. I wish I was having a day that I could think good things.

(((((lostsoul))) I have felt before that you understood what Iw as saying when I posted....I feel that again. I think my husband was someone else with the ow as well. He could swoop in and be the man of the house for an hour or two with none of the responsibilities. Get a vase off a high shelf and he was a hero. Real life is not so grand.

(((((njgal)))))) I could literally copy and paste your post adn just say ditto. It hurts. Two years out and i hurts. H wants to be over it, wants to move on. I can't. Reading SI hurts. What I wuldn't give for a one night stand to get over! But a 4 1/2 year affair? No thanks, I didn't want to sign up for this. I feel ike I am an intelligent woman as well, very capble in every other area of my life. And yet in this, I feel frozen and unable to take the advise I woudl give a friend. I know O shoudl eave. But I want my life. Ihave worked hard for it. And yet I am not happy and I deserve to be happy. Feels like I can't win...

I know relationships are a two way street....it takes two...blah blah blah. But I did not do this. I did not go out and fuck someone else weekend after weekend for years. I did not buy my girlfriend drinks at a bar every weekend and then tell my 4 year old we didn't have enough money for gymnastics. And yet I am the one paying the price. He can compartmentalize and ignore it all and I suffer. Seems ridiculously unfair.


Me: BS
Wh: WS
Dday 10/28/07
LTA with coworker
Attempting Reconciliation
he is remorseful, I am willing, we'll see what happens

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