Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
Find a Local Couselor
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: northeasternarea (43214)

I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Long Term Affair Thread X V I
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 8:02 AM, December 31st (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Booger Bear, hi and welcome to the LTA corner. Just want to agree with everything that LostH has said. She is a wise woman! Just one thing, has OW’s BH asked for paternity tests? I sure as heck would. Hugs hon.

i went to ic yesterday and i have come to the realization with her help that he may never be capable of becomming the man i think he should be even as a dad....he is doing what he sees as the best he can do now, and that may actually be...which again means that this is it....he does not have the tools in his toolbox to fix all that needs fixing....
Which is why he needs to get his IC to help him in that respect. And yes, for you to remain calm when he trips up. Maybe just throw it back at him by saying “and what makes you think that”, “perhaps you’d like to expand on that” or finally to agree to disagree. When FWH says stuff about things when he wasn’t even there, when he nicks experiences that are mine, when I think “WTF are you talking about, you liar” I just let it go. If he wants to believe his own crap after all this time, then I will just let it go. I can’t be bothered. He’s never done IC and I think he wont because it will mean looking too deeply inside himself and he doesn’t want to do that. Fuckwit.

first it was because i didn't give him sex, i cut him off.....that was a lie,
Etc, etc. As you know only too well, Miracle, that is the process of self delusion. Some WS’s are still deluded.

do you have any resolutions for your lives???...not just for the new year, but because you deserve them....
To be more positive and confident. And to go to New Zealand.

Lovin’ I just love your posts. Way to go Mr Lovin and I truly hope he gets that job!! With you next to him, I bet he feels anything is achievable. And if not, he’s still got you. He’s one lucky man and he knows it too! Happy camping!

I like other body parts too.

For you, I hope your wife can resolve her issues and become a happier, more contented woman. With you.


[This message edited by UKgirl at 8:11 AM, December 31st (Thursday)]


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3328 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 8:13 AM, December 31st (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Christmas and New Year have had me in turmoil. We had a great time away and DS4 was very amenable throughout. The flights were on time (more or less), we got all our bags, the bus was right outside and ready to leave as we came out of the terminal and the hotel room was quiet and just a short walk from the city centre. As y’all know, I HATE hotels. They are the worst triggery places imaginable, esp at 3am when I couldn’t sleep. I was really, really glad that I had thrown out his aftershave from his wash bag. I don’t want him wearing Obsession ever again. I told him he must have left it in somewhere. As soon as I got triggered by anything, I mentally flicked a switch to get rid of it. Mostly, I succeeded. It’s never going to go completely, but I think I can live with it now. It was better to be away than to be at home. I couldn’t stand the thought of him sitting there so fucking smug for those five years. I wish I had known what was going on and had smacked the look off his face.

Now we have NYE. Ugh. We are going out, but I will try to not get drunk. I have bought a rather risque basque top and black sequinned jacket. Not sure if I will wear a skirt and boots or dress down with jeans. Can I get away with it at 52? Actually, I don’t care as long as I get some attention!

And I have a confession to make. I read on here that Facebook privacy settings have changed. So, I went onto MOW’s page and, yes, read her wall. She’s not reset. There were comments on photos, so I accessed those which led me to her DD’s pages and their photos, although her DS has reset his privacy. I even got home and email addresses. I’ve found out stuff about her, her kids and her BH. I’m not sure what I’ve gained – probably nothing but more obsessive thoughts. Although some photos are not particularly flattering, unlike her profile ones. I hope it might eventually help to purge her from my life, seeing that she is nothing but a self-serving bitch.

A Happy New Year to every one of us – we deserve a better and happier year in 2010. I will toast all my friends in here as I kick out 2009 and say a silent prayer for all those still suffering from all those complex issues that LTA’s bring up. Love and peace. This place has been my sanity in an unreal world.

(((((Tribe)))))


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3328 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 9:31 AM, December 31st (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

welcome booger bear: i too read your profile, and lh2 is most certainly a wise woman....

it is time for you to concentrate on you..and what i am about to say to you you need to imprint in your head...

his choices to go out of the marriage have absolutely nothing to do with you...NONE OF THIS IS YOUR FAULT....

this man is blameshifting because he doesn't want to face his own choices, he needs to justify his behavior....most ws's do this....

i don't care what kind of a bitch you think you were....if he really believed that he would have left you long before getting involved or would have insisted on counceling

and most certainly do not even go to that place, because you couldnot have kids...there is adoption, it doesn't always cost big bucks...and if that were the case he would have left you when he found out instead of turning to someone else...again his poor choices

his justifications.....how else could he live with himself...it really has nothing to do with you...please remember that...


dip:

Someone with her type of problem is very hard to get to go to IC. She does accept full resonsibility for her actions, but then the mood swings and the outlook changes

i would like to address this, but seeing as its the holiday and i want you to have peace i will save my questions..
...but prepare yourself, it will come.... iin the meantime go play with your wife.....and all her parts...

((((((((((njgal480))))))))))

may this new year bring you peace within your heart...


lh2: i wish the same for you my friend, the same for you...

((((lh2)))

ukgirl:

To be more positive and confident. And to go to New Zealand.

keep repeating to yourself that you are a beautiful terriffic woman....you're hot and sexy too, with a good sense of humor....

uk i don't hear you...say it louder, i want to hear you in the states....

and then

book a flight asap....for everyone and go spend some time as a complete family...

you are conquering your triggers one by one, you will get there dear girl...just keep at it and claim it all back....and remember "she" is not worth anything, most certainly not your time, your energy or your concern....YOU are WORTH everything and "she" nothing....

thanks my friends for your good wishes, words of encouragement and most of all for being my safe place...

to all those who are lurking, even our members of lta who are not ready to post...

may this new year bring all of "US" peace within....

i will probably be around, the company i thought i was having is not happening, i don't know if anything will come up at the last minute, but if it doesn't i should be around here and there tonite....

((((tribe))))


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
acreswild
♂ Member
Member # 19371
Default  Posted: 9:50 AM, December 31st (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

greetings all,

havent really joined into this forum but have been reading diligently... and like most things on SI, I find myslef reliving my own thoughts and feelings through the experiences of others... both good and bad..

so thank you for providing that shared experience..

wishing all of us a progressively better 2010... note the very cautious optimism... no pie in the sky dreams for world peace, eternal happiness, or even reasonably pleasant weather... LOL

just make it a little bit better...

cheers


BS-Me-59
WW- Her-59
Married 36 years
PA/EA/?A...depends on definition....
She finally admitted an old 3-4 year affair ( over 25 years ago) followed by a very sporadic on-again off-again 8 year PA followed by lengthy EA that would likely still be

Posts: 409 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Chicago
Troi
♀ Member
Member # 24513
Default  Posted: 9:58 AM, December 31st (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

greetings, I found out I belong to the LTA group. So here I am.

FWSO led me to believe his A with OW#1 was "only" 4 months or so. He is a lying sack of poo.

I got confirmation this week that it was longer...probably the whole time we have been together.

:(


me BS-39
him WS-42
2004-2009 our relationship was a lie
D-Day 2/25/2009
R..is going great!

"But it's only on the brink that people find the will to change. Only at the precipice do we evolve." Professor Barnhardt to Klaatu.


Posts: 715 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: St. Louis, MO
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 9:59 AM, December 31st (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

acres:

welcome...thankyou for the wishes, and you are at least right about the weather where i am , its snowing with miserable rain expected later...

i remember you, as much as you had no answers for me in my sich which was similar in nature to yours, you were comforting to me when i first arrived to this place, when i was too lost and hurting beyond measure....so thank you...

and again may you find some peace within...


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
acreswild
♂ Member
Member # 19371
Default  Posted: 10:33 AM, December 31st (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

iwam....
sorry I could not provide answers.... cant even find them for myself most times..

but I am very happy that I was able to give you some comfort.. and hope to continue to share in the mutual support and care that we have for all of us here at SI....


BS-Me-59
WW- Her-59
Married 36 years
PA/EA/?A...depends on definition....
She finally admitted an old 3-4 year affair ( over 25 years ago) followed by a very sporadic on-again off-again 8 year PA followed by lengthy EA that would likely still be

Posts: 409 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Chicago
lostsuol
♀ Member
Member # 13706
Default  Posted: 1:12 PM, December 31st (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Checkin' in from the frozen prairie... where windchills are -39 C (-40 C/F are equally cold).

We're winding down from a bittersweet family Christmas; the 1st for our new grandsons... the last for their great aunt (H's sister has metastic disease).
My son & his family are gone home; the house is so quiet now. I had gs#2 here for a few hrs yesterday while dd & her H did some seasonal bargain shopping. He truly is 'my sunshine'. One bright spot of 2009!

Mostly I'll be glad to see the end of this decade. Y2K started an awful chain of events in our lives. A few weeks ago I mentioned wanting a new memory of New Year's as Dec 31 had been a special day for us until it was tainted by his A. I didn't expect anything though as 2 NYEs have passed since Dday and the past few months have been focussed on my s-i-l. FWH surprised me! Dinner and a night at the hotel at the centre of our city's NY celebration. He even booked the kennel for our dog to be looked after. I'm trying to stay low key so I won't be disappointed but can't help but be a little impressed by his efforts.

Rec'd this in my email today... not the 1st time but it touched me.

To realize the value of a sister/brother: Ask someone who doesn't have one.

To realize the value of ten years: Ask a newly divorced couple.

To realize the value of four years: Ask a graduate.

To realize the value of one year: Ask a student who has failed a final exam.

To realize the value of nine months: Ask a mother who gave birth to a stillborn.

To realize the value of one month: Ask a mother who has given birth to a premature baby.

To realize the value of one week: Ask an editor of a weekly newspaper.

To realize the value of one minute: Ask a person who has missed the train, bus or plane.

To realize the value of one second: Ask a person who has survived an accident.

Time waits for no one.

Treasure every moment you have.

You will treasure it even more when you can share it with someone special.

To realize the value of a friend or family member: LOSE ONE.

Remember...
Hold on tight to the ones you love!

Peace, love and prosperity to all in 2010! {{{LTA}}}


Posts: 808 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Canada
fairyfriend
♀ Member
Member # 11208
Default  Posted: 2:50 PM, December 31st (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for sharing those words of wisdom, lostsuol. I like them so much I am going to post them on my FB page.

Here's to a new year and a new decade! May they be happy and healthy ones for you all.

ff


DDay 1--Feb 99
Crappy IC, false R--spring 1999
A ended around April, 2003
DDay 2--September 26, 2004
DDay 3--September 26, 2005 when I found out the REST of the truth
8/8/09--Doing very well due to hard work on my and H's part

Posts: 1607 | Registered: Jul 2006 | From: far north Chicago suburbs
old dipstick
♂ Member
Member # 25598
Default  Posted: 3:08 PM, December 31st (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

njgal.

Sorry you are down. Holidays and a D-day are a bummer combination. You will get better. Hang in there.

booger bear.

Listen to what Lost Heart2 says. You did NOT cause the A. Your D-day is very recent. Things will get better.

Lost Heart2

Thank you. I'm glad I was able to provide some relief. I sometimes wonder if the humor is out of place here, but I can't seem to stop. I am a class clown.

UKgirl.

Thank you. I hope you have a good time this new years. What is a risque basque top? Maybe I should not ask? It sounds hot.

miracle.

Her cold is worse and she seems to have some stomach problems. I really do not want to play with any of her parts right now! I know I said "in SICKNESS or health", but what was I thinking?

Troi.

Welcome to the LTA group. There are a lot of good people here. They give good advice and comfort.

acres.

I read your story. That is quite a load to handle. I hope you make more progress in the new year.

lostsuol.

It sounds like he is trying. I hope you have a good time.

Tribe.

I want to wish everyone a happy new year. Tonight at midnight, I will have all of you in my thoughts.


Her WW 60
Me BH 60
M 36 yr
D-day#1 fall of 76 OM#1 2NS
D-day#2 summer of 89 OM#2 LTA 8 yrs OM#3 Short Term A


Posts: 751 | Registered: Sep 2009
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 3:25 PM, December 31st (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

troi: welcome to our little corner....

i wish i couldn't but i know that feeling well, for me the ow was well put in place way way before i ever met my ws....and yes it totally sucks when you don't have a before.....


lost soul: those words are totally looking at that grass is greener perspective which means they are so up my ally....thank you for posting them

enjoy that ray of sunshine, and little people do give an unsurmountable feeling of joy....

for the rest of it....prayers and thoughts are with you...

fairyfriend: happy new year to you too...


dip: keep on clowning...laughter truly brings joy to the soul...and for all of us our souls can use the boost....

(((((tribe)))))


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 9:30 AM, January 1st (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm not good with posting pics, so Dipstick, if this works, this is the basque (bustier, corset) I wore:

(took off the suspenders.....)


And a jacket quite like this with an above the knee leather skirt, black sparkly tights and knee high boots. I was one hot woman!!!

ETA - cool! It worked! (dunno how long for tho)
But I felt better than I had done in ages. We had a lovely dinner with red wine before going out and seeing in the New Year. And - I DIDN'T CRY!!! I hope everyone had the NYE they wanted and wish you all peace and love for the next year.

[This message edited by UKgirl at 9:40 AM, January 1st (Friday)]


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3328 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
toooldtoknow
♂ New Member
Member # 26881
Default  Posted: 9:29 PM, January 1st (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have my wife reading this thread because I see the same questions that I have. I think WW and I may have the longest M than anyone else on here. 45 years! BTW this all sucks.


Me:BS 68
Her:WS 64(gigi45)
Four affairs
Lots of questions but one thing for sure: I love her.
Opportunity may knock once,
But temptation bangs on the front door forever.

Posts: 44 | Registered: Dec 2009
toooldtoknow
♂ New Member
Member # 26881
Default  Posted: 9:40 PM, January 1st (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sitting here looking at my wife reading the thread and thinking how beautiful she is. At 64 she could pass for a 48 year old. Maybe that's my problem, I should have married an ugly woman so others wouldn't want her.


Me:BS 68
Her:WS 64(gigi45)
Four affairs
Lots of questions but one thing for sure: I love her.
Opportunity may knock once,
But temptation bangs on the front door forever.

Posts: 44 | Registered: Dec 2009
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 11:11 PM, January 1st (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

totk and gigi: welcome to our corner...

and a big resounding YES all this sucks...

ukgirl: YOU ARE ONE HOT WOMAN....in that outfit and out of it.....

btw happy new year all...

((((tribe))))


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
fairyfriend
♀ Member
Member # 11208
Default  Posted: 11:16 PM, January 1st (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I should have married an ugly woman so others wouldn't want her.

No, I don't think that would have worked, as my H's OW's H married an ugly woman.

UK girl, I am sure you were smoking hot! And, no, 52 is NOT to old to dress like the sexy woman you are! Good for you!


DDay 1--Feb 99
Crappy IC, false R--spring 1999
A ended around April, 2003
DDay 2--September 26, 2004
DDay 3--September 26, 2005 when I found out the REST of the truth
8/8/09--Doing very well due to hard work on my and H's part

Posts: 1607 | Registered: Jul 2006 | From: far north Chicago suburbs
toooldtoknow
♂ New Member
Member # 26881
Default  Posted: 8:59 AM, January 2nd (Saturday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No, I don't think that would have worked, as my H's OW's H married an ugly woman.
You might be wee bit prejudice there.

Ukg you would be hot in my book if you wear those. I'm just saying gigi....

Gigi and I had a good talk this morning and I encouraged her to make notes in her journal. I really believe that when you put things in print you are less likely to say untruths.
If you haven't read Gigi45's journal, I would encourage you to do so, both of us would welcome comment.


Me:BS 68
Her:WS 64(gigi45)
Four affairs
Lots of questions but one thing for sure: I love her.
Opportunity may knock once,
But temptation bangs on the front door forever.

Posts: 44 | Registered: Dec 2009
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 10:50 AM, January 2nd (Saturday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

totk i read your wifes journal, she seems to be really trying to remember and give you everything, i am sure the amount of info that she needs to give you is overwhelming at the very least...but from what i see she is giving you as many answers as she herself is remembering...the lack of memory from 35 years ago is another matter, for this one if her memories are truly repressed she may need help...its either that or she just doesn't have the ability to tell you everything, my ws was like that, he outright lied, he remembered plenty enough....but now i believe he doesn't really want to remember the rest and that may be gigi's issue as well,

you both need to be in mc and ic asap.....she especially....

totk you are a remarkable man, you seem to have accepted all of this quite well....your offer of an open marriage however i believe would have been foolish had she agreed.....

you are way too raw to make any decisions and/or choices that can and will have an affect on you personally and on your marriage.....each choice and decision made needs to be weighed on a regret scale.....if you feel that it will be a decision or choice that will hold regret somewhere down the line, then don't do it, and of course the opposite is also true...it the decision or choice is one that you will regret if you do not do it then do it....it is like giving yourself that 20/20 hindsight in reverse....

other then that the only other suggestion would be for gigi to post more in the wayward forum.....keeping up with her journaling, but posting there as well....

(((((totk)))))


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
toooldtoknow
♂ New Member
Member # 26881
Default  Posted: 11:00 AM, January 2nd (Saturday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Updated my profile today.


Me:BS 68
Her:WS 64(gigi45)
Four affairs
Lots of questions but one thing for sure: I love her.
Opportunity may knock once,
But temptation bangs on the front door forever.

Posts: 44 | Registered: Dec 2009
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 11:16 AM, January 2nd (Saturday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

totk:

why divorce her?...why not just have a vow renewal, or remarry her without the divorce.....

you have something i never had, you both have a before and you have time in between, it may not seem like it now, but that really is a precious gift when trying to reconcile.....you have tangible time to hold onto....don't let that go...


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
Topic Posts: 1000
Pages: 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11 · 12 · 13 · 14 · 15 · 16 · 17 · 18 · 19 · 20 · 21 · 22 · 23 · 24 · 25 · 26 · 27 · 28 · 29 · 30 · 31 · 32 · 33 · 34 · 35 · 36 · 37 · 38 · 39 · 40 · 41 · 42 · 43 · 44 · 45 · 46 · 47 · 48 · 49 · 50

Return to Forum: I Can Relate This Topic is Full
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.