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User Topic: Long Term Affair Thread X V I
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 10:39 PM, January 4th (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

hey tryn: welcome back...i am proud of you for coming off your meds....but dude kicking meds and us at the same time....good try though

you now are feeling the edge, the edge that the meds took off, it does get better....once in a while when there is alot of stress around for whatever reason, a xanax will help....

look at us for what we are a support group, there will be days when its too much and then there are the days when you can't stay away....and then you have some days that you find yourself in a somewhat happy medium...sad, but feel good about helping another....

and then there are those days when the dipstikitis sets in and you have the need to ramble on and on and on...

as far as divorce for me, no not yet, i will disconnect permanently from him where it really counts, emotionally....and i look forward to feeling that disconnect, i am tired of feeling pain, and anger and hurt and wrath....i don't want to be filled with hate...its too exhausting....and frankly he doesn't deserve it, it gives him still too much power over me....and that motivates me like nobodies business...


dip:

I really was not trying to punish her as much as I was not wanting to have anything to do with her. You are right, it is just money. I will not see that money again, but that does not matter. The betrayal is pissing me off.

all betrayal hurts, having had to deal with money betrayal yeah it pissed me off, it hurt...and it sucks, for me it came not first in my discovery, but early before i knew anything for sure about his wandering penis...i found out about the money, there was so much to find out about there too, my god this man betrayed me on every fucking level....but after finding out about the money i then found about the women, and every single fucking day this man trickle truthed me, i had to be in his face with everything that i kept on finding....i have to be honest after finding out about his wandering penis...the money seemed almost trivial, which it certainly was not....but now when i think of any of his betrayals my blood just begins to boil....it is like throwing salt into the wound....had your wife just betrayed you with money without the business of her affairs this betrayal would still bother you but i don't think it would bother you as much...on top of what she already has done though...it kind of brings it home that she just doesn't get what her behavior does to you or your marriage....kind of like what has she not learned yet...and for that i am so sorry...its so much more then the money....and thats something i still think you can address and use to bring up the rest of what is bothering you....its never too late to learn how to communicate...but you both have to want too...

Here is one that Dear miracle Abby will enjoy analyzing. New years, my W says, "It is a new year, lets make it better. We need to wipe the slate clean." I wish it was that simple.

since you enquired....of course she wants to wipe the slate clean....you haven't done anything and she has, she needs to even it up so that she doesn't really have to deal with it...and of course its not that simple, she's betrayed you now in several ways and still doesn't "get it"....im sorry dip....maybe its time for you both to go to ic and mc....she especially needs both....

signed: dear miraclabby

(((((sullymeishadomi)))))

sometimes life just sucks, and then there are times when its the people in your life the just suck....i am sorry for your pain...


((((tribe))))


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
trynhard
♂ Member
Member # 22698
Default  Posted: 6:26 AM, January 5th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey Iwantamiracle... I'm sorry to dump the support group... It is not about you fine folks at all... I just want one day NOT to think about infidelity. I was visiting way too often... I had to rid the "fog" and need to come here so much.. start living life again. It was time for me. I will always be around to help those dealing with infidelity. Be it money to retrouville or here on my knowledge and experience.

2010 will be a big year for me. I am not going to live my life in the past and accept what has happened to me.

I want to get my Lion back! I want fearless love, confidence, ego, pride, control over my emotions and my brain... to live again. I'm damn well going to get. It is about me being totally at peace and complete happy.

My sister-in-law's first husband commited suiside in front of her years ago. This summer we walked the beach and she told me the story, her pain, her grief. Everyone is different but I know I feel the same. I could feel her pain, something I could not ever before. She says in time, I will feel like a lion, but it takes time.

It's hard for so many to understand our feelings. We promised God and our spouses our life. Then, to have us minipulated through false reality. It is not easy.

I do love you all... Peace out.


[This message edited by trynhard at 6:38 AM, January 5th (Tuesday)]


Posts: 2636 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Indiana
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 6:54 AM, January 5th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

tryn: YOU WILL GET YOUR LION BACK...

thats the first step you know, claiming it....

and i understand the need to step away from anything and everything infidelity, unfortunately the world we live it will never be there in our lifetimes.....

i know you love us, just not too happy with what we represent....the pain here can be overwhelming on a good day....

if i may suggest, visit off topic and especially fun & games...it really is the lighter side, off topic can sometimes have pain, but its pain associated with real life apart from infidelity....for the most part i go there everyday as well as here....general and jfo can be too intense for me at times...

i go to waywards and post often, i feel if maybe i could light a bulb there yay, more often though i think the bulb won't light, but the fact that a wayward is posting gives me hope....its when its a wayward who has a bs here that i don't think they are there at least not yet for a higher purpose....the higher purpose of getting to who they really are....some of them do, unfortunately it seem more do not....most still lie to their bs's...but you never know when that bulb will turn on, so i keep on "tryn"...if you kwim....

oops i am ramblin again, better get in gear before dipstickitis is too acute...


still wishin for all of us to find peace...

[This message edited by iwantamiracle at 6:58 AM, January 5th (Tuesday)]


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 7:05 AM, January 5th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

totk: i just read pfm's response to you in wayward....i did tell you that the man was stupid, didn't i...

apparantly he didn't realize that you were a bs and that you have no need to get down on your knees...


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 9:34 AM, January 5th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

totk: i read your response in pfm's thread...

you are one remarkable man, possibly the most forgiving man i think i have ever seen....the response was one from a forgiveness pov, and not just for your wife....i can clearly see your love of "god" and if i offended you i am sorry....and i need to tell you i would post what i posted again, he mistook you for a ws, a distinction that does not belong to you...



i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
Lost Heart2
♀ Member
Member # 21793
Default  Posted: 1:19 PM, January 5th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Here is one that Dear miracle Abby will enjoy analyzing. New years, my W says, "It is a new year, lets make it better. We need to wipe the slate clean." I wish it was that simple.

Dont we all?
Every scornful word, every contemptuous look, every time he decided that the rules didnt apply to him. Every time he disappointed the children by not coming to a school event or scheduled play time or even family supper. Every time, he touched me with the same hand that touched other men's wives. Every time he said he loved me with the same breath he declared his love for the others. Every time he held each of our newborn babies, wondering when he would be able to call his OW next. Each and every time, I reached out for him but he was never there because he was loving somebody else's wife.

Apart from my children and the time I have spent with them, I would give back each and every moment in this M in a heartbeat.


LTA BS

Dday#1 02.06.06
Dday#2 28.11.06


Mind what you love. Mind how you are loved.


Posts: 471 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: London, UK
Lost Heart2
♀ Member
Member # 21793
Default  Posted: 1:19 PM, January 5th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

double post. sorry.

[This message edited by Lost Heart2 at 1:21 PM, January 5th (Tuesday)]


LTA BS

Dday#1 02.06.06
Dday#2 28.11.06


Mind what you love. Mind how you are loved.


Posts: 471 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: London, UK
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 10:24 PM, January 5th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((lh2)))))

i wish i could soothe you in person.....unfortunately with exception to school events only i could have written every word of your post....

that was our truth for so long....he chose not to be there, and in his own words even when he was there he really never was...

and now that pfm wants to be there, its too late for me, i hope its not too late for my dd......there are also times quite a few when he is there by choice but his head and heart are elsewhere, feeling sorry for himself or too busy trying to do everything he can to make it up to me he still misses the stuff that counts....exchanges between my kids, exchanges between my kids and all the little people we sort of adopted....basicall he still has no clue when to stop and just be, just listen or just watch....he still misses some special moments.....he does catch some, but still not enough....

although i don't think i will ever feel he could do anything right, well or enough....and i want too, i want to let it all go...letting it go is the path to true freedom...and true freedom will lead me to peace.....

sorry lh2...i is a ramblin agin....


((((lh2)))


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
lovinlife
♀ Member
Member # 17863
Default  Posted: 6:58 AM, January 6th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((((LH2))))))

Apart from my children and the time I have spent with them, I would give back each and every moment in this M in a heartbeat.

I am sorry...

So much pain, and I am sure all of us would do the same! The only difference for me is that the H that caused my pain doesn't really exist anymore! I sometimes am taken aback and my head just bobbles...

Kinda is scary that my H is so different, but he is, and I feel lucky and happy!

((((((IWAM))))))

Just know that I am here, sending you strength and hope. You are a remarkable woman and I have a feeling that this year will bring you good things!

Read PFM's post.... no words! You are so right... he just doesn't get it! Doesn't mean he never will, but at least he is aware that he has a problem...

((((((UKG))))))

I miss ya, and I'm glad that your trip went well.

This will be your year as well, because you need and deserve to be happy and quit looking behind, and focus on today!!

Sure wish Spring would hurry up!!

Keeping everyone in my thoughts.

Welcome to any newbies.

((((((LTA Tribe))))))

Lovin


Together more than half our lives.

I am woman, hear me ROAR!!
What you accept, you teach!

Me 53, WS 54
Reconciled for life!
DD 24, DS 27


Posts: 1159 | Registered: Jan 2008 | From: Missouri
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 8:38 AM, January 6th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

hey lovin, love love love it when yo ubreeze in, i could just smell that fresh air...
and different can be wonderful....the same and different....can obviously be a cool combo...


I have a feeling that this year will bring you good things!

can you do the psychic thing... and give me more details, like when and maybe even what????

Read PFM's post.... no words!

well this is where we differ, i always have words...

, its just not ladylike...

seriously, there are times i don't have the words either, and then there are the times that there are more words then i can get out....i am proud of myself though because when posting on his thread i think i show some decent restraint....eventually i don't want to even show restraint, i just want to move past it period...maybe thats what this year will hold for me, the final disconnection....that would be a yay...

((((tribe))))


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
ejs5
♀ Member
Member # 24607
Default  Posted: 10:03 PM, January 6th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well guess what I am back...was having good days I thought and he went and broke no contact by unblocking her on facebook, and messaging her he said in a moment of feeling lonely for himself I am devastated, but still want to keep on plugging away I hate his negativity...I can't post everything but I did post in the reconciliation thread OF course she is already to get back together and meet face to face courtesy of her post her facebook page. Oh and has already called him twice today blocked that but can't reblock on facebook for awhile. Uggh I hate myself.


DD June 2nd 2009
Me BW 38
Him WS 40
No reconciliation was all false 2.5 LTA now a couple of months affair...

Posts: 256 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Done
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 10:27 PM, January 6th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((ejs5))))):

Oh and has already called him twice today blocked that but can't reblock on facebook for awhile.

why can't you reblock?????...and he broke nc, he needs to go back to nc, like yesterday...


Uggh I hate myself

this is a major no-no...there is no reason in this world to hate yourself, you didn't do anything wrong....you wanted to believe, you wanted to make it work...there is absolutely nothing, NOTHING wrong with that....hating yourself it just not productive and worse its uncalled for....hate him, hate her, but don't hate yourself...right now you need to become your own best freind....

i am so sorry that you are in so much pain, i am so sorry that this man hurt you again....feel the hurt, its o.k. to hurt, it is not ok to hate yourself.....


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 10:33 PM, January 6th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

had a major mind movie tonite...i remembered a time when pfm and i were having sex, and because we didn't have sex too often due to foo issues, i remember stopping in the middle, looking up at him with tears in my eyes and asking him"don't you miss this, i miss this, dont you miss this"...he look at me, and just said "yes"...we went back to business and then there it came....the next words were "what does "SHE" want"...and we know who the she was now, it wasn't me....he never missed me in the sex, he just missed the sex...."SHE" was always there....and when i share this with him, he proceeds to tell me, that he does miss it....wtf is that, i am sharing my pain, do i want to hear what he misses....it always comes back to his feelings, for 23 years it always was about his feelings....and then he truly doesn't understand when i tell him that he just doesn't get "it"...he really believes he does...

[This message edited by iwantamiracle at 10:34 PM, January 6th (Wednesday)]


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 12:14 PM, January 7th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

today is a new day....i will not only survive but i will thrive....

i am determined to not only get past this, but to do so with more resolve, strength and crazy as it may sound a mission to be happy.....

i will move on, i will be healthy, happy and fulfilled in every way...

this is my vow to me, i am putting it out to the glorious universe...

i am told that when you put it out to the universe it comes to you....

so universe you are on notice....i want what i want...i will have what i desire....i am also told that i need to watch the wording...can't say want...because then i will always want...so i change it from want what i want to i will get my needs met in all aspects....

anyone on this we will thrive train...?


it is scarily quiet in here, and something tells me that its not quiet in a good way...so listen up people, we have been through a heart rending sich...but this will not only not break us, but it will make us stronger....we will grow from this crap and dammit we will prevail and find happiness......

i am taking a stab at assertiveness training....just decided this this minute....how am i doing?


((((tribe))))


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
booger bear
♀ Member
Member # 26584
Content  Posted: 2:14 PM, January 7th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

nice post iwantamiracle ...

let's put it all out there ... and hope the universe brings us what we truly deserve ...

our hearts & souls desire ...

it is the least we deserve ...


I am fiercely independent and I won’t apologize for it. I'd rather be single than settled.

Posts: 18711 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Here, but not there ...
lostsuol
♀ Member
Member # 13706
Default  Posted: 6:58 PM, January 7th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm cautiously hopeful that 2010 will be a better year for all of us...

Posts: 808 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Canada
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 7:59 PM, January 7th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

apparantly pfm didn't get the message...

my dd17 recieved her first college acceptance today, his first response was not a proud dad, no it was..."well iguess this means she has to fill out more papers,.." yada yada yada...so i look at him and tell him that that was a lousy response...he looks at me like i have 2 heads...it took a few more words and minutes for it to get through to him that this was supposed to be a proud moment first and foremost...


but i will get over my expectation levels for him....ooohhh an aha moment...i still expect things, some things to be different...i need to stop expecting anything...the only person i expect things from should be me...and i expect great things...

so anyways...yay my dd17 got her first acceptance letter today....yay...i am proud....holy shit i will have a kid in college...damn im gettin old...i gots to work on my list of to do things before i get some dentures..

thankyou booger bear, yes it is the least we deserve...

lostsoul: i would love to see you throw caution to the wind as they say....but to be really honest, i would feel the same way, i do feel the same way....

its a protective thing you know...low expectation equals low disappointment...so that when you get less, it hurts less....at least that is the theory...doesn't always work though....except when going to a movie...there it works 100% of the time...now if we could only replicate that in reality....


(((tribe)))


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 11:47 AM, January 8th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

eerie...still so quite....i wonder if i yell if i will get back an echo...


"aaaahhhhh"

nope no echo....but my dog, she's lookin at me like i am crazy...


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
old dipstick
♂ Member
Member # 25598
Default  Posted: 3:38 PM, January 8th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

miracle.

I can see that it is a little to quiet in here for you. You sound lonely. It looks like nobody is going to step up to the plate, so here I am.

Hugs miracle. Now quit yelling in front of the dog. She already thinks you are crazy. No need to prove it. All our dogs and cats (especially cats) think we are nuts. They just humor us.

That is pretty cool that your girl is going to college. I am sure that you are proud.

It is to bad that your H and several of our WS's "don't get it." Mine has that problem. She has Boarderline Personality Disorder. That is one of the problems with BPD. They do not think they have a problem, so they can't get it. Throw in a batch of Paranoid Personality and you run into a sometimes hard to handle situation. With BPD and PPD just getting them to IC would be a major accomplishment. PPD is very hard to treat, because the person will not trust the C enough to ever make much progress.

It is odd how someone with those types of disorders can be so "normal" most of the time but then turn the other way so quickly. It is a rollercoaster for sure.

Maybe this will cheer you up. I took your advice about the sex. Yes I finally gave in and did it. Now you are Dear miracle Abby/Dr Ruth.

ejs5.

I agree with miracle. Please do not hate yourself. He is wrong. NC is supposed to mean NC for ever. Not just until he is feeling lonely! He did wrong, not you.

Lost Heart2.

I am having trouble making a reply to your post. Those are powerful words. They apply to all us BS's in one way or another. No wonder we all say over and over, "how could they do that?"

Hugs to the tribe.


Her WW 60
Me BH 60
M 36 yr
D-day#1 fall of 76 OM#1 2NS
D-day#2 summer of 89 OM#2 LTA 8 yrs OM#3 Short Term A


Posts: 751 | Registered: Sep 2009
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 6:17 PM, January 8th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ah dip...you are my hero....and just in time too...

dd17 got a second letter today...and stupid, yes i said stupid me, waits for it...this letter came with the news that she has also been accepted into their honors program...very very cool...so back to stupid me.. i tell her, dd tell daddy about the big news...so he is reading the letter at the same time, sees she was accepted and sees the honor program acceptance too and here it goes...are you ready..."so whats the big news?..." "oh is that it, that she also made honors"... ....then he puts this big stupid ass smile on his face, and trumps it up like a f'kin peacock.....AAAAGGGGHHHHH....the man is just aaaGGGHHH...and then looks at me like i have 6 heads...becasue i am not bubblin over with joy....so i take 2 of my kids over to moviedate, come back and he is reading all the material from this college and starts asking me questions, so i tell him that i just don't want to discuss anything with him right now...his repsonse, "what did i do now?"...well i guess when he reads this he'll know what he did....end of rant....

poor dip, my hero you probably want to run away now..

anyways i am a superproud mom...she was accepted to an honors program...how cool is that...she applied to 8 colleges, 2 down 6 to go....

oh, btw...my dog is more insane then anyone i know...even pfm

we should have named her stupid, except for the fact that she knows how to open doors, the rest is pretty sad on an intelligence level, very very sad,...but she is amazing with babies and she still makes us laugh...stupid makes me laugh, except of course when pfm is the stupid one..

still eerily quiet in here though...first time i have ever seen it this quiet i think since i first found this corner...

hello, is there any life out there???


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
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