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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Long Term Affair Thread X V I
lostsuol
♀ Member
Member # 13706
Default  Posted: 6:03 PM, January 18th (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good one, tryn! I needed that smile today.

Posts: 808 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Canada
ejs5
♀ Member
Member # 24607
Default  Posted: 6:33 PM, January 18th (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well my husband broke nc first and seems remorseful but she has shared her email and new cell on facebook...so after 6 months she is still ready to be with him and is waiting for that time. I think it is just sick...if he does go that route there is no way in hell I will keep the whole affair away from my children as they get older no way is she ever, ever going to be involved in my children's lives. Of course I wouldn't tell them now, nor do I ever want to because I want things to work out between us.


DD June 2nd 2009
Me BW 38
Him WS 40
No reconciliation was all false 2.5 LTA now a couple of months affair...

Posts: 256 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Done
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 9:46 PM, January 18th (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((ejs5)))): exactly how did he break contact...? and how did you find out?..and as much as she sought him out he didn't have to respond..i am so so sorry...that really really sucks..


oh dip: i love that poem...and tryn: that pic...totally rocks it....

what a lucky girl, i've got 2 great men writing and making pictures for me...

o.k. you asked for it:

for my dear friend, dip
and of course tryn too...

you know i won't take no lip
and nor will take some poo

i will though take a trip
alas if only to go to the loo...

now fairy can you translate that to french it will make it sound so so much better..


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
fairyfriend
♀ Member
Member # 11208
Default  Posted: 11:39 PM, January 18th (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Certainement!

Pour mon cher ami Dip
et bien sûr tryn aussi.

Vous savez que ne me la fais pas!
Et je m’en fiche.

Je ferai un voyage,
hélas si seulement au VC.

OK, so it doesn't exactly rhyme now, but it sounds great!

ff

PS it was a fast translation, so no promises on how good a job I did!


DDay 1--Feb 99
Crappy IC, false R--spring 1999
A ended around April, 2003
DDay 2--September 26, 2004
DDay 3--September 26, 2005 when I found out the REST of the truth
8/8/09--Doing very well due to hard work on my and H's part

Posts: 1607 | Registered: Jul 2006 | From: far north Chicago suburbs
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 6:33 AM, January 19th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

fairyfriend:

since i don't know how to read, translate or speak french it not a problem for me anyways...

thank you for the translation...i bet it sounds positively elegant in french...so who care that it doesn't rhyme....

everything in french sound like making love


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
trynhard
♂ Member
Member # 22698
Default  Posted: 7:15 AM, January 19th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Iwant... Your poem is a bunch of crap.

it's hilarious


Posts: 2636 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Indiana
old dipstick
♂ Member
Member # 25598
Default  Posted: 10:18 AM, January 19th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

tryn.

Good job with the art work. I thought my poem was so good that there was no room for improvement. I was wrong. My top notch poetry combined with your art is worthy of the grand prize anywhere.

miracle.

I did not think I could talk you into writing a poem. I'm impressed. I did like it. Good job. I'm glad I got to read the english version first. I would not have known how to take the "cher ami Dip" line. Yes, you are a lucky girl!

ejs5.

Has OW shared her email and new cell on her facebook or his facebook. Why would your H be reading her facebook? Can you block her from his? No contact does not allow for any contact between your H and the OW. No exceptions.

Hugs to the tribe.


Her WW 60
Me BH 60
M 36 yr
D-day#1 fall of 76 OM#1 2NS
D-day#2 summer of 89 OM#2 LTA 8 yrs OM#3 Short Term A


Posts: 751 | Registered: Sep 2009
fairyfriend
♀ Member
Member # 11208
Default  Posted: 10:54 AM, January 19th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

cher ami = dear (male) friend

chere amie = dear (female) friend.

But you probably knew that!


DDay 1--Feb 99
Crappy IC, false R--spring 1999
A ended around April, 2003
DDay 2--September 26, 2004
DDay 3--September 26, 2005 when I found out the REST of the truth
8/8/09--Doing very well due to hard work on my and H's part

Posts: 1607 | Registered: Jul 2006 | From: far north Chicago suburbs
old dipstick
♂ Member
Member # 25598
Default  Posted: 12:27 PM, January 19th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you my chere amie fairyfriend.


Her WW 60
Me BH 60
M 36 yr
D-day#1 fall of 76 OM#1 2NS
D-day#2 summer of 89 OM#2 LTA 8 yrs OM#3 Short Term A


Posts: 751 | Registered: Sep 2009
trynhard
♂ Member
Member # 22698
Default  Posted: 3:15 PM, January 19th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ejs5... Has your H given you a 100% commitment in an R? It sounds like he is a bit “wishy washy” about your R.
It won’t matter if he sees her FB crap or not… If they want, they both will always be able to contact one another… And not a darn thing you, nor I, can do anything about it.
If you want your family, you want to try to reconnect with your H, asked him to make the commitment to try harder. Then, go to Retrouvaille. My wife changed after we attended. It changed both of us. It will help you in life to communicate, not only with your H, but kids too. It will change your life.
I sent you a private message.

Posts: 2636 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Indiana
fairyfriend
♀ Member
Member # 11208
Default  Posted: 3:16 PM, January 19th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

de rien!


DDay 1--Feb 99
Crappy IC, false R--spring 1999
A ended around April, 2003
DDay 2--September 26, 2004
DDay 3--September 26, 2005 when I found out the REST of the truth
8/8/09--Doing very well due to hard work on my and H's part

Posts: 1607 | Registered: Jul 2006 | From: far north Chicago suburbs
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 8:11 AM, January 20th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

good morning all

i hope everyone of you is doing well today....and if not i am sending some of that famous si mojo your way...god will know how to direct it i am sure....

oh and hugs too


(((((tribe)))))


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
old dipstick
♂ Member
Member # 25598
Default  Posted: 9:37 AM, January 20th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Merci chere amie miracle.

This place is great. Before SI, I could not write poems or write in french. Now I am doing both. There is hope for me yet.

I do hope that I do not mess up and say something inapproprate trying to use the new language. That could be embarassing.

Merci fairyfriend.

Spring is just around the corner. Hugs to the tribe.


Her WW 60
Me BH 60
M 36 yr
D-day#1 fall of 76 OM#1 2NS
D-day#2 summer of 89 OM#2 LTA 8 yrs OM#3 Short Term A


Posts: 751 | Registered: Sep 2009
njgal480
♀ Member
Member # 24938
Default  Posted: 9:22 PM, January 20th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Everyone on here sounds so upbeat! Guess reconciliation is going well....
Wish I could say the same ...
I continue to ride an emotional roller coaster.
I went back to IC and today I think I saw boredom and resignation in her eyes....
I think she is exhausted from all of this mess already!
Don't get me wrong ..she's always been reassuring and encouraging...but, here I am back on her couch again...crying about whether or not I can ever get over my husband's 5 yr long affair..


Me- BS
Him- WH
Long term marriage
D-day- Jan. 2007
5 yr. LTA
Reconciled.


Posts: 3139 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: NJ
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 10:40 PM, January 20th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

njgal:

sometimes all we have are illusions...and sometimes when the pain is still there and you really don't want to wallow in it, you look for something else, especially humor...

for me personally there is no reconcilliation, i am merely learning to live with a man who i no longer consider a husband except in name...

and for you, you have nthing to apologize for....especially since your husband is not doing what "you" need for him to do for "you" to heal...which means that you need to find a way to heal yourself..

no one deserves to live in this kind of pain all the time, hell we don't deserve to live in this kind of pain any of the time...especially since the pain was not caused by our own choices..

if you are no longer getting any solace, answers, peace or just even a safe place to feel all you feel without guilt then maybe its time to find a new ic....

(((njgal)))


dip: your french is "ooohhhlala"


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
honesttoafault
♀ Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 11:01 PM, January 20th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello everyone. I tried to backtrack and read earlier posts, but it was taking so long. I didn't know where to post. I could either go LDA, OC, or LTA. <sigh>

WH had an 8 or 9 year LTA/marriage. He's still at the "can't remember" stage when I ask him questions.

I'm still reeling with the pain and trying to understand how he could live a double life like that. How, when I look at old phone bills now, that when he was in constant contact with her, we were getting along so well, and I even felt close to him?

I feel he's giving me "lip service" with "I love you" and I still want to be married to you, etc. but see little action.

I guess my question to you guys is this: although I still love him and hope for true R, how can I get over this LTA? It's like he invested so much into it (bought her an apartment, furniture, had 3 kids with her (they are overseas)

Of course he can't have NC because of the kids.

People ask me what I want. But what if what I want, I can't have? (full and true R)

I'm sorry, I was doing well, but the rollercoaster has started again.


Posts: 1903 | Registered: Jan 2010
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 11:28 PM, January 20th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

hello honest and welcome to out little corner..as to where to post, you can post at all of them at any given time, you will find you niche...as to your questions..

first and foremost your wh needs to step up, be completely truthful, remember as much as possible and he needs to work harder then he ever has before....without him doing what is necessary reconcilliation will never be true...

you have an enormous amount of stuff to deal with, take it one step, one day and sometimes one minute at a time...remember to take care of yourself as well, eat well, exercise and breathe...nice deep even breaths to collect yourself, your thoughts and at times your sanity...

and then you need to work on you...you have a lot of your own healing to do, i hope you are in ic...i was once told by the c i was seeing at the time that i suffered my own 9-11...he was right...this is a traumatic event, and even if the marriage survives, you need to grieve for what you thought you had, for the person you thought you married...

one step at a time...

(((((honesttoafault))))


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
honesttoafault
♀ Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 11:43 PM, January 20th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you Iwantamiracle.

Yes, I'm going to IC. WH told me he "doesn't believe" in MC or IC.

I guess I'm just coming out of a "fog" myself. The fog that I believed every crumb he offered in words, because I wanted so desperately to believe. I wanted so desperately to believe that we could "fix" this, have a better marriage, that I was fooling myself.

No, he is not doing anything like he should. He can't have NC because of OC. I can't check what's going on because of Long distance and he travels overseas for business.

I think my main problem is that I knew since DD what I should do, but am afraid to do it. I do love the SOB, why, I don't know anymore.

They don't get it do they? I though he was my husband, my lover, my best friend, my family. I put all my eggs into one basket.

Sorry, just having a bad day. It's so hard when people in real life are telling me just to get rid of him, but I can't just yet, nor do I really know if I want to. I keep waffling back and forth. I'm not sure I know what I want.

Thanks for listening.


Posts: 1903 | Registered: Jan 2010
lovinlife
♀ Member
Member # 17863
Default  Posted: 6:28 AM, January 21st (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((((honest))))))

Sorry, just having a bad day. It's so hard when people in real life are telling me just to get rid of him, but I can't just yet, nor do I really know if I want to. I keep waffling back and forth. I'm not sure I know what I want.

Thanks for listening.

Welcome to the tribe and so very sorry that you have joined us.

My opininion about what people in real life are telling you.... don't listen! Unless they have walked in your shoes, they just don't have a clue.

This is all so new yet. You are hurt and in shock and that is SO normal. Just getting thru the day is sometimes impossible and difficult.

As to making any decisions... you should take all the time you need. First you should take care of you... it's just too soon, and of course you still love and care about your H, it's so normal. Love doesn't just go away in the face of pain!

Post as often as you want and read as well. try and find some alone time just for you, as often as possible... and just breathe...

Sending you hope and strength for the journey ahead!

Lovin


Just wanted to add a hello to the rest of the tribe! It's almost Friday, and I can't wait!!
Hubby and I are picking up our new RV.
Spring needs to hurry, cause I just want to go camping!!

Love to all...


Together more than half our lives.

I am woman, hear me ROAR!!
What you accept, you teach!

Me 53, WS 54
Reconciled for life!
DD 24, DS 27


Posts: 1159 | Registered: Jan 2008 | From: Missouri
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 9:09 AM, January 21st (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

hey lovin: where will the first stop be?...if you ever get to new york, near or around long island, the boroughs or even jersey give me a hoot and holler...

honest: i will tell you that without your wh doing the work your chance of a healthy reconcilliation are nil....and i am so sorry for that...if you choose to stay i believe you should be prepared for what lies ahead...and no matter what decision you make in the future you still need to work on healing yourself...and that means taking a step back from all things possible, taking care of you...

i undertand that nc is not an option...but the contact that he does have can be minimal...has he broken it off with her?...at least has he told you that he has broken it off with her? and if i read your profile correctly he married this woman at the same times as you....and there is yet another ow...

my heart so aches for you...this really really sucks...please take care of you...

(((tribe)))


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
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