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Newest Member: buckstopshere (44911)

Wayward Side Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Things that every WS needs to know
Blackhair
♀ Member
Member # 39451
Default  Posted: 4:43 AM, September 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bump!


M: 10 years
DD:5 DS Twin: 2 yrs old
DDay: Earlier 2013, WS flew/met many times with a Philippine girl found online (20 yrs younger)
SA finalized 6 months after DD. divorcing...
I am determined to fly even with broken wings and a broken heart!

Posts: 177 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Canada
morethantrying
♀ Member
Member # 40547
Default  Posted: 6:21 AM, September 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

did anyone give it to the WS and what was their response...what about if it is already 8 months after DDay?


Affairs - hard on us both - but love will win.
Me: BS 55
Him: WS 62
Married 32 yrs.
dday TT from 12/2012-2/2013)...

Posts: 284 | Registered: Sep 2013
selfishme
♂ New Member
Member # 40659
Default  Posted: 9:07 PM, September 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

thank you so much for posting this. It has helped me see the ways to comfort my BS.

Posts: 1 | Registered: Sep 2013
Simple
♀ Member
Member # 18814
Default  Posted: 4:18 PM, September 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wonderful post. My FWH figured this out himself, thankfully, through reading various books, prayers, good friends, and on his own. I can attest that although not perfect in his implementation this is what my FWS had done and it worked. We are 5 years in R now.

[This message edited by Simple at 4:19 PM, September 19th (Thursday)]


Love is a choice.

True love is harder to come by than soul mates. True love requires work.

Ignorance can be cured with knowledge. There is no cure for being an idiot.


Posts: 927 | Registered: Mar 2008
conflicted88
♀ New Member
Member # 40793
Default  Posted: 5:59 AM, September 27th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I printed this out for my WS. He's sitting next to me reading this as I write I post. Thank you thank you to whoever took the time to write this.

Posts: 7 | Registered: Sep 2013
LosferWords
♂ Guide
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 6:47 PM, September 30th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump

Posts: 7025 | Registered: Dec 2010
SisterMilkshake
♀ Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 11:43 AM, October 3rd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9641 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
LosferWords
♂ Guide
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 8:56 PM, October 8th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump

Posts: 7025 | Registered: Dec 2010
SpaceJane
♀ Member
Member # 40303
Default  Posted: 2:42 PM, October 19th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just bumping it. I feel this should always be on the first page, as a BS I feel like all WS should read this. Thank you.


Me BS: 29
SAWH: 29
M: 3yrs ; T: 12yrs
DDay1: 8/11/13 confessed to tip of the iceberg.
DDay2: 8/26/13 Found secret email, 7 yrs of CL casual encounters, dating websites, massage parlors, etc.

Posts: 61 | Registered: Aug 2013
lloyddobler
♂ Member
Member # 41050
Default  Posted: 8:27 AM, October 25th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bump. Among many, many helpful things I have read, this may prove to be the most helpful, esp if I can get WW to read it. Thanks to jjct for pointing it out to me!


Me: BH, 38
WW: 36
Married 9 years; together 12
D-Day #1: Oct. 18, 2013 (3-year ongoing long distance PA; August 2010-October 2013)
D-Day #2: Nov. 8, 2013 (an affair prior to the one mentioned above... June 2009-summer 2010[?])
19-month old son

Posts: 55 | Registered: Oct 2013
nicjean83
♀ New Member
Member # 40959
Default  Posted: 11:35 AM, October 25th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WOW! As newly WS having a hard time understanding my BH ( He is not fully opening up to me we are only 3 weeks in) This was the best read I have found yet. I plan to put all the things i your post in action. I too have a hrd tim opening up. i was taught to stay emotionally shut down my whole life. So speaking my thoughts and emotions are not in my nature at all. Something Our MC is working with us on. tytyty for your post again!


Me- WS- 30
Him BS- 35
A- 1 month
Kids 1 age 6
D-day- 10/6/2013

"Just as night is followed by day,so to your dark times will be followed by brighter days"


Posts: 23 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Menifee Ca
SurprisinglyOkay
♀ Member
Member # 36684
Default  Posted: 6:43 PM, November 3rd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bumpity bump


FWS me 36 (recovering addict)
BS him 39 AFrayedKnot
Together 7 years
2 children


"Your secrets keep you sick"


Posts: 1133 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: 221B
Oldernotwiser
♀ Member
Member # 36408
Default  Posted: 1:14 PM, November 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I shared this w my H, he made no effort to read it on his own so I read it with him, later he read it alone. Never said anything, so I asked what did you think of the "letter" we read? He said he couldn't remember what it said, we read it aloud again, this time got the response- how long did you have to look till you found someone who wrote what you think? He said it's not his view of things. I feel betrayed again, he says there is no such thing as healing or working through this. It's a mind set to just put it in the past & move on. I guess that's how he managed to deal with himself for the years he hid the truth, just isn't working for me. Thanks for the great advice, hope someone does better than us because of it.


Me BS 54
WH 55
Married 34 years
2 grown sons
2 PA ? EA's didn't develop due to discovery

Posts: 85 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: midwest USA
TheBestMe
♀ Member
Member # 39476
Default  Posted: 5:30 AM, November 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

[This message edited by TheBestMe at 8:00 AM, November 11th (Monday)]


ME Doing Better
WH Trying As Best He Can
Married 23 years
Status: Working towards friendship
D Day #1 - 2007 My gut told me
D Day #2 - 2010 His D told me
D Day #3 - 1/11/2013 OW Confirmed
LTA 7 years

Both feet pointed forward; positive


Posts: 427 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Inner Peace
Deeply Scared
♀ Administrator
Member # 2
Red  Posted: 6:47 AM, November 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

TheBestMe...

Your comment is extremely insulting to those in here trying to work through their issues.

Your H maybe as you described, but not the WS's in this forum..

Please be more respectful when posting in here.

Thank you.


"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)

My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.


Posts: 197715 | Registered: May 2002
Oldernotwiser
♀ Member
Member # 36408
Default  Posted: 9:56 AM, November 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sometimes I think we as BS are in a different mindset about what we read. I found the letter expressed so much that I have felt, I thought it described what I would like to have from him very well. That is why I shared it, hoping to open an honest conversation. His response made me feel worse. Hearing that someone else didn't get a great response was good for me.
Yesterday I received an email from Affair Recovery which had a PDF on trust, I read it X2, got up my nerve & shared it with spouse, maybe it was the timing, maybe it was that the letter to WS having just recently been read, IDK, he actually listened, asked some questions & we talked! I discovered that he feels very unsafe talking, reacts with defensiveness because of this. All I have felt is closed off from the affairs, like he has secrets, he has felt I would take whatever he discloses and use it against him. So my hope is we are going to talk more with less fighting, more understanding on both sides and FINALLY make some forward progress. Today I would say- don't give up, something will eventually break thru the shell. Thanks to everyone on SI for making this a place where it is safe to feel what we feel, and thanks for any encouragement, advice & commiserating! We all need to know we are not crazy to keep trying. Sorry too long.


Me BS 54
WH 55
Married 34 years
2 grown sons
2 PA ? EA's didn't develop due to discovery

Posts: 85 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: midwest USA
SurprisinglyOkay
♀ Member
Member # 36684
Default  Posted: 7:14 PM, November 7th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump


FWS me 36 (recovering addict)
BS him 39 AFrayedKnot
Together 7 years
2 children


"Your secrets keep you sick"


Posts: 1133 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: 221B
TheAmazingWondertwin
♀ Member
Member # 40769
Default  Posted: 5:09 PM, November 8th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Will ask him to read this. Amazing.


Everyday is a new day, some good, some bad.
Me- BS 39
Him- FWS
14 years- 2 middle school children
DDay- 07-24-2013
NC broken from August 6- 24, 2013
Avalanche of Truth on November 14, 2013
Length of A: June 10th to Dday- with broken NC

Posts: 474 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: East Coast
TheBestMe
♀ Member
Member # 39476
Default  Posted: 7:48 PM, November 8th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

[This message edited by TheBestMe at 8:01 AM, November 11th (Monday)]


ME Doing Better
WH Trying As Best He Can
Married 23 years
Status: Working towards friendship
D Day #1 - 2007 My gut told me
D Day #2 - 2010 His D told me
D Day #3 - 1/11/2013 OW Confirmed
LTA 7 years

Both feet pointed forward; positive


Posts: 427 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Inner Peace
iwillNOT
♀ Member
Member # 40605
Default  Posted: 12:17 AM, December 1st (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bumping


Me: BS, 43
Him: WH, 44
Together 21 years
Married 14 years
Kiddos 2,6,8,10
Dday#1 2004, 3 years after EA/PA co-worker MOW
Dday#2 8-6-13, 13 months EA/9months PA with co-worker MOW - caught not confessed
Rugsweep now, pay later. Ask me how I know.

Posts: 503 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Midwest
Topic Posts: 409
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