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Wayward Side Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Things that every WS needs to know
jewel123
♀ Member
Member # 22863
Default  Posted: 6:13 PM, December 18th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bump cause this deserves to be on the first page.


BS me 44
H 46 (paulie)
married 25 years (hs sweethearts)
dday 8-08
DS19
DS23
New love is the brightest, and long love is the greatest, but revived love is the tenderest thing known on earth. -Thomas Hardy
Reconciled! :)

Posts: 5524 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: MO
True723
♀ Member
Member # 25632
Default  Posted: 5:54 AM, December 19th (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for this- so so so accurate.


Me- BW/35
Him- WH/35
DDay August 14, 2009, NC broken end of August, Reconciling
1 daughter

Posts: 57 | Registered: Sep 2009
sadallthetime
♀ Member
Member # 26845
Content  Posted: 10:35 AM, December 19th (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you so much for this post. I just joined SI and sent this to my WH. He read it this morning and says it really helps him. It also helps me.


Me-BW 60 now, FWH 64 now, 2 adult kids
DD#1 7-21-09 11 yr. affair w OW 30 yrs. younger who is an "escort". DD#2 7-23-09 Long Term EA with mutual friend DD#3 10-3-09 1 1/2 yr PA with escort #2 DD#4 10 yr. EA w/old GF

Posts: 104 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Florida
sadallthetime
♀ Member
Member # 26845
Content  Posted: 10:35 AM, December 19th (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

[This message edited by sadallthetime at 10:36 AM, December 19th (Saturday)]


Me-BW 60 now, FWH 64 now, 2 adult kids
DD#1 7-21-09 11 yr. affair w OW 30 yrs. younger who is an "escort". DD#2 7-23-09 Long Term EA with mutual friend DD#3 10-3-09 1 1/2 yr PA with escort #2 DD#4 10 yr. EA w/old GF

Posts: 104 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Florida
silencesoloud
♀ Member
Member # 23669
Default  Posted: 10:31 PM, December 31st (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump for trying


BS (me) 30's
WH 30's
high school sweethearts
4 kids S17 , D9 , S6 , S 10 months
Agreed to NC 11/15/2010
was never actually NC
Multiple affairs , hookers , porn , you name it .
hurting like hell still but working through it for ME .

Posts: 554 | Registered: Apr 2009
Textbook Case
♀ Member
Member # 24977
Default  Posted: 9:49 AM, January 7th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump


BW- me
FWH- 5-year EA/PA plus really poor boundaries with coworkers
Married 30 years (college sweethearts)
Reconciling...

Posts: 2735 | Registered: Jul 2009
sodeeplysaddened
♀ Member
Member # 26709
Default  Posted: 3:02 PM, January 7th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow, great. I cried and then copied and emailed it to my WH who is trying but just doesn't know how.


WH - 49
BS - 47 (me)
dday1 - 11/16/09
dday2 - 12/1/09
dday3 - 1/13/10
Dday 4 -10/21/12 - trolling Craigslist again

married 16 years, 2 kids: 11 DD, 13 DS
In process of R


Posts: 249 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: In R.
Juliet
♀ Member
Member # 17673
Default  Posted: 4:24 PM, January 7th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow. I hope this keeps getting bumped up. I'd never seen it before but it is greatly appreciated and will be shared.


Dday #1 -12/22/2007
Dday #2 - 1/1/2008 - same OW
R- 3/2008
Married 2/14/2010
Dday #3 - 2/11/2011 - TT finally ended w/6 additional OW and NC broken once

Posts: 304 | Registered: Jan 2008 | From: Virginia
fwdmoving
♀ New Member
Member # 27244
Default  Posted: 5:09 PM, January 20th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

i sent this to my WS...thank you!

Posts: 14 | Registered: Jan 2010
manAscending
♂ Member
Member # 26919
Default  Posted: 10:42 PM, February 1st (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bumping this great post for new WS to the site.

Posts: 1648 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Ontario
Textbook Case
♀ Member
Member # 24977
Default  Posted: 5:59 PM, February 11th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bumping again - best damn post on this site!


BW- me
FWH- 5-year EA/PA plus really poor boundaries with coworkers
Married 30 years (college sweethearts)
Reconciling...

Posts: 2735 | Registered: Jul 2009
hc09
♀ New Member
Member # 26994
Default  Posted: 8:48 PM, February 11th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello, I am a WS, and I have to admit this post made me break down and cry a few times, from the shame of my actions, and from the further realisation of what my actions have done to the love of my life.

I agree with and understand the necessity of the actions listed... I am grateful that someone has put all these wonderful tips in one place (i agree it should go into the healing library as some other commenters have mentioned).

I showed this to my BS, and I am looking forward to discussing how he feels about what was written, and how he would like it applied to our situation.

All I want in the world is to reconcile, and to do everything right that I can for my amazing BS.

Thank you again for posting this.


Me - 23, WS
Him - 26, BS
Together 6.5 years.
D-Day 1: Dec 19th, 2009,
TT'd until,
D-Day 2: Jan 29th, 2010
R-Day: Jan 29th 2010


Posts: 18 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Kitchener, Ontario
Sham
♀ New Member
Member # 27535
Default  Posted: 3:38 PM, February 12th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am the WS and this was a wonderful post.
Thank you so much for sharing this.
I certainly agree with all that it says and I have been doing everything I can to show my husband how remorseful I am and how thankful I am that he is willing to reconcile.


WS: Me
D-day: February 3, 2010
In Reconciliation: Because of the unbelievable love and forgiveness of my husband.

Posts: 15 | Registered: Feb 2010
Lalena75
♀ Member
Member # 27215
Default  Posted: 2:27 PM, February 14th (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you thank for this post I think my fwh gets it really really gets it now I printed this out and he read it and for the first time he was able to talk to me about his A's without being angry and defensive that was one of the greatest gifts I could have this weekend.


Me(BS):35 Him(FWH):35 2 kids 14, 8 Together 15 yrs, M for 12 D-day #1 8-28-02 D-day #2 11-17-08 still getting TT which leads to D-day #3 01-26-10 admitted to 3 ow 15 years ago, currently in an EA with my now ex friend they deny it so we are headed for d.

Posts: 134 | Registered: Jan 2010
FragileFlower
♀ New Member
Member # 27545
Default  Posted: 3:28 PM, February 15th (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just wanted to bump this, because it's such a wonderful post!


Me-BSO 50
Him-WSO 53
DDay 12/20/09
R 1/15/10
Proposed 3/6/10
Shopped for rings 3/13/10
TT 3/14/10
Still trying...why?

Posts: 16 | Registered: Feb 2010
manAscending
♂ Member
Member # 26919
Default  Posted: 12:16 PM, February 26th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump

Posts: 1648 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Ontario
HUFI-PUFI
♂ Member
Member # 25460
Default  Posted: 12:47 PM, March 23rd (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bumpity bump bump for some of the newbies and as a refresher for the rest of us.


Donít listen to your head, itís easily confused. Donít listen to your heart, its fickle. Listen to your soul, God doesn't steer you wrong.

Posts: 3280 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: Azilda, Northern Ontario
Crossbow
♂ Member
Member # 15224
Default  Posted: 1:50 PM, March 25th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Excellent post, it really is. I am glad you posted it here where other Waywards will read it.

You not only describe exactly what was happening to us, thankfully you described exactly the things my FWW did - and those were the only things that could save our M.

2.5+ years out, and I still suffer from some of the fallout of her infidelity. The nightmares return sometimes, the insomnia is profound and severe as opposed to pre-A, when it was only "bad." I still struggle with feeling unattractive, second-best, and at times the "unfairness" of it all still rankles. She got the fun & excitement, and all I got was the worst misery of my life, through no fault of my own. These things happen so much less often than they used to, and aside from the severe insomnia, everything has improved dramatically.

I simply cannot stress how utterly traumatizing it is to be a BS. And I was desperate to feel better, no desire to "wallow" or anything like that. It just takes a long damn time, even with a FWS doing everything "right."

Thank you again. Great post.


DDay 7/4/07 found out about online/sexting EA with OM
DDay 7/25/07 found out about OW
In R

2 DSs, ages 8 and 6
DD, 1


Posts: 9376 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Utah
Alex52
♂ New Member
Member # 27915
Default  Posted: 7:24 PM, March 26th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank You for posting this. My WW is reading it right now. ai really thnk she will finally understand. Thank You again.

Posts: 1 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: Columbus, Ohio
islandgrl
♀ Member
Member # 22010
Default  Posted: 7:53 PM, March 26th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

HI
HUFI-PUFI asked if anyone knew who the author of this is. It is a compilation by MessedUpandDown. Well, I remember reading this (probably cause it is so good) but it was as a pdf I had requested by email from the author when it was in draft form and asking for opinions on it. (I also never clean up my email box -lol)

yeh at the time I thought we were fine & didn't realize it was a false R, so I didnt even give it to WH -but it might be a good time now.

Here is the intro for it:

Received: Saturday, June 20, 2009, 1:26 PM

Attached is the article. Before you read it or share it, here are some things you need to know about it...

1. This really started as a project. I was collecting passages from various authors to create one coagulated, cogent article, written for the WSs to understand what is happening to BSs in the early stages. I wanted it to be thorough, but short enough that it could be read in just a few minutes - an article, not a book.

2. I found some great stuff, but also found some of it to be poorly written, incomplete and lacking "suggested" advice on the best way to handle things. Many articles just painfully "hit them over the head" (nobody wants that, right?) instead of being "firmly informational". And many that were informational, lacked specificity in suggested actions.

3. So I amalgamated all this stuff, spliced and edited it, added to it, finalized it and sent it to my wife. She has responded positively to it. (She's even asked for suggestions as to what else she might read.)

I would really appreciate your feedback. Let me know what you think, what your spouse thought, if it helped either of you, if it spurred some positive reaction, etc. (You can send me a PM or email)

Best of luck to you. Hope everything works out to your satisfaction - and happiness!

Regards,
Messed Up - And Down

Thanks to "Messed Up - And Down"


Me: BS (47)Him: WS (47) Together: 28 years Kids: 3 boys
suspected Aug 08, C Day: Dec.6,2008 OW - skanky co-worker "just friends"
Broken NC: many times(last attempt Aug 7,2010-no reply from OW)
getting there....

Posts: 286 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Canada
Topic Posts: 412
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