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Things that every WS needs to know

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jewel123 posted 12/18/2009 18:13 PM

Bump cause this deserves to be on the first page.

True723 posted 12/19/2009 05:54 AM

Thank you for this- so so so accurate.

sadallthetime posted 12/19/2009 10:35 AM

Thank you so much for this post. I just joined SI and sent this to my WH. He read it this morning and says it really helps him. It also helps me.

sadallthetime posted 12/19/2009 10:35 AM

[This message edited by sadallthetime at 10:36 AM, December 19th (Saturday)]

silencesoloud posted 12/31/2009 22:31 PM

bump for trying

Textbook Case posted 1/7/2010 09:49 AM


sodeeplysaddened posted 1/7/2010 15:02 PM

Wow, great. I cried and then copied and emailed it to my WH who is trying but just doesn't know how.

Juliet posted 1/7/2010 16:24 PM

Wow. I hope this keeps getting bumped up. I'd never seen it before but it is greatly appreciated and will be shared.

fwdmoving posted 1/20/2010 17:09 PM

i sent this to my WS...thank you!

manAscending posted 2/1/2010 22:42 PM

Bumping this great post for new WS to the site.

Textbook Case posted 2/11/2010 17:59 PM

bumping again - best damn post on this site!

hc09 posted 2/11/2010 20:48 PM

Hello, I am a WS, and I have to admit this post made me break down and cry a few times, from the shame of my actions, and from the further realisation of what my actions have done to the love of my life.

I agree with and understand the necessity of the actions listed... I am grateful that someone has put all these wonderful tips in one place (i agree it should go into the healing library as some other commenters have mentioned).

I showed this to my BS, and I am looking forward to discussing how he feels about what was written, and how he would like it applied to our situation.

All I want in the world is to reconcile, and to do everything right that I can for my amazing BS.

Thank you again for posting this.

Sham posted 2/12/2010 15:38 PM

I am the WS and this was a wonderful post.
Thank you so much for sharing this.
I certainly agree with all that it says and I have been doing everything I can to show my husband how remorseful I am and how thankful I am that he is willing to reconcile.

Lalena75 posted 2/14/2010 14:27 PM

Thank you thank for this post I think my fwh gets it really really gets it now I printed this out and he read it and for the first time he was able to talk to me about his A's without being angry and defensive that was one of the greatest gifts I could have this weekend.

FragileFlower posted 2/15/2010 15:28 PM

I just wanted to bump this, because it's such a wonderful post!

manAscending posted 2/26/2010 12:16 PM


HUFI-PUFI posted 3/23/2010 12:47 PM

Bumpity bump bump for some of the newbies and as a refresher for the rest of us.

Crossbow posted 3/25/2010 13:50 PM

Excellent post, it really is. I am glad you posted it here where other Waywards will read it.

You not only describe exactly what was happening to us, thankfully you described exactly the things my FWW did - and those were the only things that could save our M.

2.5+ years out, and I still suffer from some of the fallout of her infidelity. The nightmares return sometimes, the insomnia is profound and severe as opposed to pre-A, when it was only "bad." I still struggle with feeling unattractive, second-best, and at times the "unfairness" of it all still rankles. She got the fun & excitement, and all I got was the worst misery of my life, through no fault of my own. These things happen so much less often than they used to, and aside from the severe insomnia, everything has improved dramatically.

I simply cannot stress how utterly traumatizing it is to be a BS. And I was desperate to feel better, no desire to "wallow" or anything like that. It just takes a long damn time, even with a FWS doing everything "right."

Thank you again. Great post.

Alex52 posted 3/26/2010 19:24 PM

Thank You for posting this. My WW is reading it right now. ai really thnk she will finally understand. Thank You again.

islandgrl posted 3/26/2010 19:53 PM

HUFI-PUFI asked if anyone knew who the author of this is. It is a compilation by MessedUpandDown. Well, I remember reading this (probably cause it is so good) but it was as a pdf I had requested by email from the author when it was in draft form and asking for opinions on it. (I also never clean up my email box -lol)

yeh at the time I thought we were fine & didn't realize it was a false R, so I didnt even give it to WH -but it might be a good time now.

Here is the intro for it:

Received: Saturday, June 20, 2009, 1:26 PM

Attached is the article. Before you read it or share it, here are some things you need to know about it...

1. This really started as a project. I was collecting passages from various authors to create one coagulated, cogent article, written for the WSs to understand what is happening to BSs in the early stages. I wanted it to be thorough, but short enough that it could be read in just a few minutes - an article, not a book.

2. I found some great stuff, but also found some of it to be poorly written, incomplete and lacking "suggested" advice on the best way to handle things. Many articles just painfully "hit them over the head" (nobody wants that, right?) instead of being "firmly informational". And many that were informational, lacked specificity in suggested actions.

3. So I amalgamated all this stuff, spliced and edited it, added to it, finalized it and sent it to my wife. She has responded positively to it. (She's even asked for suggestions as to what else she might read.)

I would really appreciate your feedback. Let me know what you think, what your spouse thought, if it helped either of you, if it spurred some positive reaction, etc. (You can send me a PM or email)

Best of luck to you. Hope everything works out to your satisfaction - and happiness!

Messed Up - And Down

Thanks to "Messed Up - And Down"

looking forward posted 3/26/2010 20:06 PM

Please remember that if R is to happen, both BS and WS have to heal.
~ Remorseful WW

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