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Things that every WS needs to know

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HUFI-PUFI posted 6/23/2010 01:48 AM

A shameless bump for Scared66 so he can gain a better understanding of what is happening in the head and heart of his wife.

starsfadingaway posted 6/28/2010 03:32 AM

Bump for me to re-read and WhyAmILikeThis

I hope it may help you


WhyAmILikeThis?? posted 6/30/2010 01:49 AM

BUMP for all the newbies like me who needed this advice. This is the BEST I have seen and I have been searching since D-day relentlessly

wincings_sparkle posted 7/3/2010 20:51 PM


uncertainone posted 7/6/2010 09:27 AM

bump for newbies

wincings_sparkle posted 7/18/2010 10:44 AM

Bump for new members.

tryingtofindaway posted 7/18/2010 13:46 PM

This is very helpful considering I just found this place today. It's definitely given me alot to think about more importantly helps me to have faith in what I'm feeling.

RKT429SS posted 7/19/2010 11:12 AM

BS here, but please don't delete/move.

I just sent this post to my WW. We are in R, 4 months since D-day. She read it and responded back. I'm going to quote her and not leave a thing out. Hopefully it will help both sides relate:

I've read over the entire posting and the comments that were added. I still don't get all the acronyms, but I gather that I need to target being a FWS - not sure what the F stands for though. Much of what was in the text are things you have mentioned to me in one form or another. It was amazingly powerful to have it all written down in one place - I'll try to read over this every day or so, just to remember what you are going thru.

I'm not doing so great with the patience - I want to move on and that's not fair to you and your grieving. I'm trying to forget and focus on the future and you need time to reflect on the past - I need to be better at remembering that. I am truly remorseful - I realize that I had all the 'fun' and you have only gotten gut-wrenching pain and suffering for my actions. I want to make things right between us and I am committed to working it out. I just need to keep remembering that you need time and this isn't something that can be fixed overnight. I struggle with the fact that I had to end things so finally (there really was an end point) and that you can't do that - it will take time for you to come to terms with everything and that won't happen immediately or even any time in the near future.

I truly feel powerless when you have your moments - and I feel especially at those times that you're going to come to the conclusion that all this pain and suffering isn't worth all the effort and that you're going to walk away. It doesn't help that I don't know what to say or do when you are at these low points and that frustrates me to no end. I know that you say you love me, but when I see how much pain I've caused you, I wonder if the love you have for me is enough to get us thru this. And knowing that you don't believe half of what I say, I hesitate to tell you how much I love you and need you, not knowing whether or not you'll believe me when you're so down.

I'm sorry that you feel that I'm yelling at you - its truly my frustration bubbling up. I don't know how to fix things and I get anxious and frustrated. I'm an emotional person and have a tough time keeping those emotions under control when we have our discussions. When I try to keep my emotions under control, I worry that you'll think I don't care. So generally, this is another lose-lose for both of us.

You just need to keep reminding me to be patient and to re-read this posting.

I do love, cherish and need you. You are amazingly forgiving and I'll try to be worthy of your forgiveness. I'm so very sorry for causing you this pain and I will continue to try to be patient as we move forward in our healing. I never want to cause you any pain and I vow to do whatever it takes for you to love and trust me again.

Love, Me

[This message edited by RKT429SS at 11:16 AM, July 19th (Monday)]

Trying2Survive2 posted 7/19/2010 17:35 PM

ALl i can say is WOW.
Best Damn post i ever read.

Thank you so much for posting this...

deeppurple posted 7/19/2010 17:43 PM

That is so so powerful - Im crying - i wish my WW would write that to me - I would feel so much better.

whatdoto posted 7/22/2010 10:25 AM

I printed it out and read it to my WH last night. He thanked me and now I thank YOU.

Hope24 posted 7/29/2010 10:14 AM


let it be me posted 7/30/2010 11:10 AM

bump.... first thing I printed out for my WH and he has read and read and read it... printed out next a few things from the healing library and then downloaded the book (suggested by some on here) 'Infidelity Crisis'....
I believe just giving him the resources and tools WH needs right now as coping mechanisms has truly made the difference in where our M sits as to possible reconciliation... Thanks HUFI for your willingness and courage to share!!!!!!!

wincings_sparkle posted 8/1/2010 12:09 PM

Bump for newbies

BrokenRoad posted 8/1/2010 20:02 PM

prayformiracle posted 8/1/2010 21:35 PM

Bump for new members.

let it be me posted 8/2/2010 11:49 AM

bump because i needed to re-read this and still know it is good information....

WhatIdo posted 8/2/2010 12:23 PM

Thank you for this. We are only one week away for D-day, but I think this will be invaluable as time, healing, and recovery, go forward from here. Thank you.

wincings_sparkle posted 8/4/2010 20:54 PM

staywithme posted 8/4/2010 20:56 PM

I keep copies of this everywhere. I read it all the time - one of the best post on here.

crushedhim posted 8/4/2010 23:23 PM

I have read this post several times and each time I get something new out of it. Thanks for this post for us WS. We need all the help we can get.

You say to sincerely apoligize. What do you do if you think the words I'm sorry are also a trigger?

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