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Honey, they always affair down

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deathbybetrayal posted 11/17/2009 18:40 PM

Yesterday, I was having a conversation with another SIer and a couple of the things we talked about are recurring topics Ė especially for the newly betrayed wife. After DDay, we take such a hit to our self-esteem, and question what it was about the other woman that was so attractive to our husbands? Why did they get the best parts, when we were left with the worst? The truth is, that is not how this works. She is not more attractive. She does not get the best parts.

Whatís is attractive about the OW is that they are the sickest, the weakest, the most injured of the pack. The insecure WH, wanting to feel strong and powerful, scans the herd for the easiest to kill. The self assured, the strong, the healthy will not do as those women want nothing to do with a married man. Our wayward husbands, needy and looking for someone to boost his ego, must look for someone beneath them, someone who will look up to him, someone who will make him feel superior, if only temporarily. What better way for an insecure person to feel powerful, and admired, than to pick the least of the bunch? The fact is Ö they always trade down. If she happens to be prettier, or thinner Ė itís just pure luck that the wrapping is worth more than the gift inside. Whatís inside, is no match for you. Youíre beautiful, and faithful, strong and possibly the mother of his children. The truth is, the OW could be anyone, anyone slow enough to be caught and willing to accept what little our husbands had to offer.

She accepts the very worst parts of our husbands; the liar, the cheater, the deceiver, the broken man. His behavior is lower than low, but thatís okay with her. Sheís accepts trashy behavior, because she is trash. She has no self-esteem because she knows her value Ö her value as the weakest, the most injured of the herd. She accepts his cheating ways and lowlife behavior because she knows her place in the pack Ė and itís at the end of the row. Bringing up the rear, itís just a matter of time before someone singles her out, and uses her for his own selfish reasons in his quest to be admired.

So what happens when we catch him with her? Most often he leaves her where he found her, at the end of the row, at the back of the pack Ė even weaker and more injured than when he found her. Sheís worse for the wear. Trust me, it is her self-esteem that is eroded, not ours. After all, she wasn't able to keep him even considering he was in a "loveless, sexless" marriage to a "cold-hearten woman." Because isn't that the way it always is? How pathetic that she's given the answer to the test, gave it her all, and she still failed? Self-esteem erosion 101.

Retake your position at the front of the pack. More often than not, itís you heís fighting for; it's you he's sorry for; itís you heís trying to be a better man for. Regain your strength. Retake your rightful place.

Betrayal hurts, I know. Boy, do I know. But remember, when they find someone weak enough to have an affair with, they always affair down.

Power and peace to all of the newly betrayed wives today.


nooneeverthought posted 11/17/2009 18:44 PM


[This message edited by nooneeverthought at 6:45 PM, November 17th (Tuesday)]

just breathe. posted 11/17/2009 18:46 PM

I LOVE this. Thank you.

Grace Under Fire posted 11/17/2009 18:47 PM

Beautiful. And so very, very true.

fightofmylife posted 11/17/2009 18:52 PM

Well said deathbybetrayal. I feel so much better now.

moonlightdragon posted 11/17/2009 18:52 PM

just what I needed read today.. thank you :)

annb posted 11/17/2009 18:52 PM

This is so, so true.

After I discovered the A, I realized OW could have been ANYONE. It had nothing to do with her personality, her education, her looks. It had to do with her willingness to take the remnants of someone who is not hers. The remnants......

She stroked his ego. Period. They had nothing in common except the sex chatter online. Nothing but chit chat. Absolutely nothing.

OW sold her soul for the morsels she would received from my WS. Morsels........They talked over the internet, but she lived across the country and they didn't even "know" each other. It was superficial nonsense.

In my situation, OW was not prettier, she was not smarter, she thought her BIG BOOBS were her special prize. Too bad she didn't know, something only a wife would know, that my WS is not a "boob" guy, he loves arshes.

OW thought my WS was her KISA. She meant so much to him that on D Day he threw her under the bus and NEVER LOOKED BACK EVEN WHEN SHE DESPERATELY TRIED TO MAKE CONTACT. She was the LEAST OF THE BUNCH.

And that is who most OW are, desperate, self-loathing. Willing to have little snippets of time with another woman's H.

Debs posted 11/17/2009 18:53 PM

yehh I feel so good now.. true in our case too! But what does that say about our WS???

lost_in_space posted 11/17/2009 19:03 PM

Thank you so much for this.

I'm gonna copy it and keep it to reread on days that are rough. In fact I might start my day reading it for a while so it permanently sinks in!

steph posted 11/17/2009 19:13 PM

Well written. In our case however, the OW HAD to be young and pretty, mine is a shallow one...........

elly posted 11/17/2009 19:20 PM

Thank you, this is so true and as a person who "just found out" I needed to hear this!!!

mourningtheloss posted 11/17/2009 19:24 PM

DBB, you just made my DAY!!! Thanks I needed to read that.

imagoodwitch posted 11/17/2009 19:30 PM

AMEN sisters!

Thanks DBB, you always make me feel better!

Danu posted 11/17/2009 19:31 PM

Even though it's been a long time since I just found out, I needed to be reminded of this, thank you!

lyndee posted 11/17/2009 19:34 PM

Thank you DBB. This is a keeper. Copying it to my journal.

This is the most incredibly accurate description of OW I've yet to read.

deeplysad posted 11/17/2009 19:46 PM

What a fabulous post DBB. You described my FWH's whore perfectly.

Sandi120 posted 11/17/2009 19:57 PM

THANK YOU! This is exactly what I needed today. This is why this site is the BEST!

used up posted 11/17/2009 19:58 PM

You made my day!

WantToSmileAgain posted 11/17/2009 20:01 PM

I believe this is the best post I have read! So, so very true! Thank you!

LisaReg posted 11/17/2009 20:07 PM

DDB, you are dead on. I so needed to hear these words tonight. My wh had his A with his college girlfriend. It just eats at me constantly. Did he really love her all this time? Did he settle for me and has been stuck here with his 2nd choice for 14 years?
Your post helped me see for a minute that she truly is sloppy seconds. She is the one who got the shaft. He didn't marry her. He dumped her back in college. He just can't handle growing up and hitting 40. He wanted to go back to his youth with his trashy little gf from 20 years ago. She was trash then and still is. DDB, you are my angel tonight.

[This message edited by LisaReg at 8:23 PM, November 17th (Tuesday)]

anotherstatistic posted 11/17/2009 20:08 PM

This is so what I needed to read today. DBB, I don't even know you and I love you! This one is going in the survival handbook I've started, with a tab for easy reference.

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