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Honey, they always affair down

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flo rida posted 12/6/2009 11:47 AM

Girl, I stayed home from church today and received the best sermon from you I have ever heard. Thank you and God bless you.

Thinking hurts posted 12/6/2009 11:56 AM

Thanks for the post and thanks for the bump. I have been feeling down lately and don't really know why, just consumed by thoughts of the OW even though things are going great with my FWH. I will keep this and reread it often. It really does fit our situation and I need to remind myself of that. I am the one he chose and he really did throw her under the bus. This post is also helpful for those of us who are still trying to R after a year. Thanks so much.

Edie posted 12/6/2009 15:30 PM

So what happens when we catch him with her? Most often he leaves her where he found her, at the end of the row, at the back of the pack – even weaker and more injured than when he found her. She’s worse for the wear. Trust me, it is her self-esteem that is eroded, not ours. After all, she wasn't able to keep him ..how pathetic that she's given the answer to the test, gave it her all, and she still failed? Self-esteem erosion 101.

I find it sad that I am relishing a further loss of esteem in another woman. But I do - she imagined herself so special that she could make up for loss of me, his children, his friends, his life. I cannot fathom the dichotomous lack of self-esteem, and arrogance in being a predatory OW; but I can imagine the come-uppance of the rejection, and the fighting off of reality with fantastical and desperate self- delusion, the indignity of fishing trips...it's really sad ...

BUT

And it's grand. Just grand.

JustKeepSwimmig posted 12/6/2009 15:46 PM

Thank you for you post DB! Of course I wish I had read that when I first arrived here. But it is just as good now.

Thinking hurts posted 12/8/2009 21:31 PM

I love your wording Edie. It is a quotable quote.

NeverForget posted 12/8/2009 22:26 PM

Thank You!!!

I Love This

BUMP

million tears posted 12/8/2009 22:27 PM

I read this almost every day. I so appreciate the poster.

4honeys posted 12/8/2009 22:52 PM

THANK YOU!!! Incredible, you hit it straight on. Every newbie needs to read right away. Should be the home page!!!!! Imediately made me feel better.

Thanks for the HELL YAH!

Hurting_Truth posted 12/8/2009 22:58 PM

Ive seen this throughout the years. My uncle, my brother.

I was very young when my uncle left his wonderful wife for a much younger women. But that women wasnt a fraction of his first wife. I was a child and could see the difference.

It is an allusion something like dumbing down on school testing and saying everyone has gotten smarter at test time. Base acceptance standards are lowered so a person can "feel good" about recieving something less than the best.

I watched my brother go through four wives. The first was the best and the last was the worst.

[This message edited by Hurting_Truth at 11:02 PM, December 8th (Tuesday)]

beajus posted 12/15/2009 00:21 AM

Bump for the new people

booger bear posted 12/15/2009 01:31 AM

That is a wonderful statment .. right up tp the part where he chooses me instead of her.
What happens what do you say when he chooses her ... not me ?
That is my story I fought and am still fighting best I can without being desperate and needy, but he still claims love for her ...

tornandtormented posted 12/15/2009 02:10 AM

Thank you so much that is exactly the pick me up I needed. Maybe I will get a few hours of sleep tonight after all... the betrayal is only 2 week sold & I am by no means out of the woods yet. Thank you for you insight.

lemony.2008 posted 12/15/2009 02:48 AM

Thanks so much DBB!

The insecure WH, wanting to feel strong and powerful, scans the herd for the easiest to kill. The self assured, the strong, the healthy will not do as those women want nothing to do with a married man. Our wayward husbands, needy and looking for someone to boost his ego, must look for someone beneath them, someone who will look up to him, someone who will make him feel superior, if only temporarily. What better way for an insecure person to feel powerful, and admired, than to pick the least of the bunch?

Yup...couldn't possibly agree more. Thanks for sharing your wisdom with us!

Inaturmoil posted 12/15/2009 05:28 AM

I never forget th day i contacted her and the first thing she said to me was "It was him he contacted me" As if she had nothing to do with it!
Stepping down to a weak blameshifter is true in my case.

I thank you for this post as i have used over a year trying to figure out why WH's stay with their BS.
This is definately a good reason, they know that if they go then the chances of returning are reduced. They don't dare take that chance.
You are so right these WS's do have an element of weakness. Thinking it was so brave to betray gave them a kick, watching the BS in pain gave them power. Their conscience gave them hell.
Put them into reconcilliation which for many can only be described as purgatory.
Yes, we win but we also have to clean up the mess they left behind. That takes true strength and a whole bucket full of real love.

Inaturmoil posted 12/15/2009 05:28 AM

I never forget th day i contacted her and the first thing she said to me was "It was him he contacted me" As if she had nothing to do with it!
Stepping down to a weak blameshifter is true in my case.

I thank you for this post as i have used over a year trying to figure out why WH's stay with their BS.
This is definately a good reason, they know that if they go then the chances of returning are reduced. They don't dare take that chance.
You are so right these WS's do have an element of weakness. Thinking it was so brave to betray gave them a kick, watching the BS in pain gave them power. Their conscience gave them hell.
Put them into reconcilliation which for many can only be described as purgatory.
Yes, we win but we also have to clean up the mess they left behind. That takes true strength and a whole bucket full of real love.

moonchild53 posted 12/15/2009 05:47 AM

Wow, this is so true! The woman my SO fooled around with is trashy, not even pretty, I found her on Facebook and on another website she created, she's horrible! I asked him why would he even allow such a woman to touch him and he couldn't answer. I also insisted he get tested for stds right away, because judging from her website she gets around!

I suppose there is comfort in the fact that we are all the stronger, more beautiful/handsome ones! It still hurts though!

Postpartum Pain posted 12/15/2009 08:06 AM

Just wanted to say thank you to DBB. I'm only 5 days post DDay and while this made me sob, I needed to hear it. Thank you. Also, I *LOVE* your siggy

lookslikeaduck posted 12/15/2009 10:18 AM

bump

beajus posted 1/6/2010 22:06 PM

Bump :)

btrayedbyhim posted 1/6/2010 22:20 PM

You know...I wondered why my WH went for a fat (she weighs 100 pounds more than me according to her BH), lazy (she does nothing all day but ignore her children and post on FB, etc.), psycho (she lives in internet fantasy land), ambitiousless (she never had a job-I have my own company) skanky MOW. I actually worried "what does she have that I don't"?

NOTHING!

GREAT POST! Almost makes you feel sorry for her...NOT!!!!!!!!!!!

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