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Just Found Out     Print Topic    
User Topic: Honey, they always affair down
flo rida
New Member
Member # 26441
Default  Posted: 11:47 AM, December 6th (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Girl, I stayed home from church today and received the best sermon from you I have ever heard. Thank you and God bless you.

Posts: 1 | Registered: Dec 2009
Thinking hurts
♀ Member
Member # 20902
Default  Posted: 11:56 AM, December 6th (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for the post and thanks for the bump. I have been feeling down lately and don't really know why, just consumed by thoughts of the OW even though things are going great with my FWH. I will keep this and reread it often. It really does fit our situation and I need to remind myself of that. I am the one he chose and he really did throw her under the bus. This post is also helpful for those of us who are still trying to R after a year. Thanks so much.


Me: BS 56, FWH 54
M: 16 years
1 child - 12 y.o boy
DDay: 08/04/08
2nd DDay: 08/15/08 (our anniversary!)
3rd DDay: 9/12/08
In R and steadily getting better.


Happiness is found along the way, not at the end of the road.


Posts: 338 | Registered: Sep 2008 | From: Co
Edie
♀ Member
Member # 26133
Default  Posted: 3:30 PM, December 6th (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So what happens when we catch him with her? Most often he leaves her where he found her, at the end of the row, at the back of the pack – even weaker and more injured than when he found her. She’s worse for the wear. Trust me, it is her self-esteem that is eroded, not ours. After all, she wasn't able to keep him ..how pathetic that she's given the answer to the test, gave it her all, and she still failed? Self-esteem erosion 101.

I find it sad that I am relishing a further loss of esteem in another woman. But I do - she imagined herself so special that she could make up for loss of me, his children, his friends, his life. I cannot fathom the dichotomous lack of self-esteem, and arrogance in being a predatory OW; but I can imagine the come-uppance of the rejection, and the fighting off of reality with fantastical and desperate self- delusion, the indignity of fishing trips...it's really sad ...

BUT

And it's grand. Just grand.


Maybe a long walk in the Hindu Kush would do it?
BW (me) 52
FWS 55
Together 29 years; 2 DDs 15 & 12
Dday Dec 08 (confessed) Feb 09 16 other OW confessed. OW17 tried her unedifying hardest until Aug 09. R'd.

Posts: 4960 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: UK
JustKeepSwimmig
♀ Member
Member # 19269
Default  Posted: 3:46 PM, December 6th (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for you post DB! Of course I wish I had read that when I first arrived here. But it is just as good now.


Mr. JKS - EA/PA
DDay - April 2008

Posts: 2143 | Registered: Apr 2008 | From: Canada
Thinking hurts
♀ Member
Member # 20902
Default  Posted: 9:31 PM, December 8th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I love your wording Edie. It is a quotable quote.


Me: BS 56, FWH 54
M: 16 years
1 child - 12 y.o boy
DDay: 08/04/08
2nd DDay: 08/15/08 (our anniversary!)
3rd DDay: 9/12/08
In R and steadily getting better.


Happiness is found along the way, not at the end of the road.


Posts: 338 | Registered: Sep 2008 | From: Co
Nicki519
♀ Member
Member # 26311
Default  Posted: 10:26 PM, December 8th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank You!!!

I Love This

BUMP


BS, Me, 41
WH, 41
Married 12yrs, Together 17yrs
D-day #1 May 25, 2009
D-day #2 June 21, 2009
8 yr old Son
19 yr old Step Daughter
In Recovery

Posts: 226 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: The South
million tears
♀ Member
Member # 24416
Default  Posted: 10:27 PM, December 8th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I read this almost every day. I so appreciate the poster.


2 year LTA-double betrayal, D-day 1-26-2009 and many months of TT. 2 more recent d-days-way overstepped boundaries.

Married 27 years. Together 29.

3 children 24, 21, 14

OW sex addict and romance addict according to MC.


Posts: 1562 | Registered: Jun 2009
4honeys
♀ New Member
Member # 26452
Default  Posted: 10:52 PM, December 8th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

THANK YOU!!! Incredible, you hit it straight on. Every newbie needs to read right away. Should be the home page!!!!! Imediately made me feel better.

Thanks for the HELL YAH!


There may be times when we are powerless to prevent injustice, but there must never be a time when we fail to protest.
- Elie Wiesel

BS-35
WS-37
4 kids: 2,3,7 and 14
D-Day 12-05-09

beginning R


Posts: 15 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Arizona
Hurting_Truth
♂ Member
Member # 23587
Default  Posted: 10:58 PM, December 8th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ive seen this throughout the years. My uncle, my brother.

I was very young when my uncle left his wonderful wife for a much younger women. But that women wasnt a fraction of his first wife. I was a child and could see the difference.

It is an allusion something like dumbing down on school testing and saying everyone has gotten smarter at test time. Base acceptance standards are lowered so a person can "feel good" about recieving something less than the best.

I watched my brother go through four wives. The first was the best and the last was the worst.

[This message edited by Hurting_Truth at 11:02 PM, December 8th (Tuesday)]


Freedom is just another word for - Nothing Left to Lose..borrowed from yewtree
mstbx has already given everything away there is nothing left for me to lose.

Posts: 278 | Registered: Apr 2009 | From: Midwest
beajus
♀ Member
Member # 21386
Default  Posted: 12:21 AM, December 15th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bump for the new people


me BS 29 him WH 30
Together for 10 yrs
5 little boys 8,7,7,4,2
Dday 7-09-08
OC born 3-30-09
R- 8-1-08
Have OC 75% or more of the time
H works with OW
S. 7-30-09 NOT A related.
12-09 OW absconded with OC
1-2010 we filed for custody

Posts: 1396 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: NE iowa
booger bear
♀ Member
Member # 26584
Frustrated  Posted: 1:31 AM, December 15th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That is a wonderful statment .. right up tp the part where he chooses me instead of her.
What happens what do you say when he chooses her ... not me ?
That is my story I fought and am still fighting best I can without being desperate and needy, but he still claims love for her ...


I am fiercely independent and I won’t apologize for it. I'd rather be single than settled.

Posts: 18711 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Here, but not there ...
tornandtormented
♀ New Member
Member # 26660
Default  Posted: 2:10 AM, December 15th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you so much that is exactly the pick me up I needed. Maybe I will get a few hours of sleep tonight after all... the betrayal is only 2 week sold & I am by no means out of the woods yet. Thank you for you insight.


me: BW (35)
him:WH (35)

married 13 years
D-Day: dec 2009


Posts: 21 | Registered: Dec 2009
lemony.2008
♀ Member
Member # 20125
Default  Posted: 2:48 AM, December 15th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks so much DBB!

The insecure WH, wanting to feel strong and powerful, scans the herd for the easiest to kill. The self assured, the strong, the healthy will not do as those women want nothing to do with a married man. Our wayward husbands, needy and looking for someone to boost his ego, must look for someone beneath them, someone who will look up to him, someone who will make him feel superior, if only temporarily. What better way for an insecure person to feel powerful, and admired, than to pick the least of the bunch?

Yup...couldn't possibly agree more. Thanks for sharing your wisdom with us!


Feel the feelings and drop the story. - Pema Chodron


Posts: 2243 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
Inaturmoil
♀ Member
Member # 22526
Default  Posted: 5:28 AM, December 15th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I never forget th day i contacted her and the first thing she said to me was "It was him he contacted me" As if she had nothing to do with it!
Stepping down to a weak blameshifter is true in my case.

I thank you for this post as i have used over a year trying to figure out why WH's stay with their BS.
This is definately a good reason, they know that if they go then the chances of returning are reduced. They don't dare take that chance.
You are so right these WS's do have an element of weakness. Thinking it was so brave to betray gave them a kick, watching the BS in pain gave them power. Their conscience gave them hell.
Put them into reconcilliation which for many can only be described as purgatory.
Yes, we win but we also have to clean up the mess they left behind. That takes true strength and a whole bucket full of real love.


Posts: 362 | Registered: Jan 2009 | From: Europe
Inaturmoil
♀ Member
Member # 22526
Default  Posted: 5:28 AM, December 15th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I never forget th day i contacted her and the first thing she said to me was "It was him he contacted me" As if she had nothing to do with it!
Stepping down to a weak blameshifter is true in my case.

I thank you for this post as i have used over a year trying to figure out why WH's stay with their BS.
This is definately a good reason, they know that if they go then the chances of returning are reduced. They don't dare take that chance.
You are so right these WS's do have an element of weakness. Thinking it was so brave to betray gave them a kick, watching the BS in pain gave them power. Their conscience gave them hell.
Put them into reconcilliation which for many can only be described as purgatory.
Yes, we win but we also have to clean up the mess they left behind. That takes true strength and a whole bucket full of real love.


Posts: 362 | Registered: Jan 2009 | From: Europe
moonchild53
♀ Member
Member # 26620
Default  Posted: 5:47 AM, December 15th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow, this is so true! The woman my SO fooled around with is trashy, not even pretty, I found her on Facebook and on another website she created, she's horrible! I asked him why would he even allow such a woman to touch him and he couldn't answer. I also insisted he get tested for stds right away, because judging from her website she gets around!

I suppose there is comfort in the fact that we are all the stronger, more beautiful/handsome ones! It still hurts though!


Posts: 187 | Registered: Dec 2009
Postpartum Pain
♀ Member
Member # 26524
Default  Posted: 8:06 AM, December 15th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just wanted to say thank you to DBB. I'm only 5 days post DDay and while this made me sob, I needed to hear it. Thank you. Also, I *LOVE* your siggy


BW-28(me) WH-33(him)
3 amazing children- 11yoDS, 6yoDS, 2yoDD
Together 12Y; Married 7Y
DDay#1- 12/10/09- 3 month EA/PA with our banker.
DDay#2 1/4/10- earlier 3 month EA OW#2
R'ing

Posts: 171 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: State of Confusion
lookslikeaduck
♀ Member
Member # 12103
Default  Posted: 10:18 AM, December 15th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump


BS oct 2009 ..... never make someone your priority if they only make you a option

Posts: 374 | Registered: Sep 2006
beajus
♀ Member
Member # 21386
Default  Posted: 10:06 PM, January 6th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bump :)


me BS 29 him WH 30
Together for 10 yrs
5 little boys 8,7,7,4,2
Dday 7-09-08
OC born 3-30-09
R- 8-1-08
Have OC 75% or more of the time
H works with OW
S. 7-30-09 NOT A related.
12-09 OW absconded with OC
1-2010 we filed for custody

Posts: 1396 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: NE iowa
btrayedbyhim
♀ Member
Member # 26941
Default  Posted: 10:20 PM, January 6th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You know...I wondered why my WH went for a fat (she weighs 100 pounds more than me according to her BH), lazy (she does nothing all day but ignore her children and post on FB, etc.), psycho (she lives in internet fantasy land), ambitiousless (she never had a job-I have my own company) skanky MOW. I actually worried "what does she have that I don't"?

NOTHING!

GREAT POST! Almost makes you feel sorry for her...NOT!!!!!!!!!!!


As of Dec 2009:
Me: BS46
Him: FWH39 - NC w/ MOW
Married: 20 years / R???
Kids: 3
D-Day: 9-28-09
Fuck Him

Posts: 365 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: an island at the beach (aka heaven)
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