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Honey, they always affair down

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eyesnowopen posted 5/24/2010 09:12 AM

I read this about three am, can't believe I have missed this one till now. But anyway, it is so true! He even admits she is emotionally scared, immature and psycho, along with low self esteem plus she's not very attractive due to a scar on her face and glass coming out of her forehead (from a car accident where the loser she was with at the time left her there after he wrecked her car) so other than her being a lot skinnier than me, she sounds like a real winner, huh? i love it, love every single bad detail about her lol

jessicasremorse posted 5/24/2010 13:24 PM

Amen, sister.

Lalagirl posted 5/24/2010 15:30 PM

Wow - I can't believe I missed this one till now either eyesnowopen!

And boy is it true. Scarily true. Both FOW were broken, needy, insecure, broken-homers. Alcoholics. FWH was bound and determined to "fix" them - as his ego was in the pits.

Great post!



Star727 posted 5/24/2010 15:45 PM

Since I personally know OW cause she's a coworker, I know I'm the exact opposite of her and thats okay. I would rather it be with someone opposite cause this woman is not a very nice one. She looks good on the outside with a couple of things wrong: she wears skanky clothes to her office job. they are short, loud multi-colored with matching shoes. She's a bit on the shapely side so the men like watching her walk away but they are always joking about how they want to "hit that". With me, we are great friends and I have quality conversations with the guys.

I think he chose her as an ego boost to show the "fellas" at the work "hey man, I'm hitting that".

So, I'm glad she and I are not a like. She has reputation, I don't.

Cee64D posted 5/26/2010 15:50 PM


Edie posted 5/31/2010 15:16 PM


notasaint posted 6/1/2010 10:02 AM

Glad I saw this today! I've been feeling really fat and ugly the last couple of days. I've never seen OW (prefer to keep it that way) but WH tells me she comes nowhere close to me physically nor personality wise.

She knew about me yet chose to be a sloppy second and knew she'd destroy a relationship in the process. She's a serial OW which makes sense because why would any GOOD man want someone like that?

I will continue to do my hair, put on my makeup and jewelry, spritz on some perfume and be the woman I know I am even if I feel broken inside.

afraidshesgone posted 6/1/2010 10:17 AM

thanks for finding this and bringing it back around... My wounds are still fresh and i needed a pick me up. I saved it to my journal with an entry title 'read me and remember'

deathbybetrayal posted 6/1/2010 21:25 PM

Hope you all are doing a little better today.


Edie posted 6/4/2010 07:05 AM

Bumped for new members.

(and to make sure it doesn't fall off the edge of page 25)

romanticidiot posted 6/4/2010 10:03 AM

BH here saying that this thread is not helping me. Don't like to think of my WW as the "trade down" for OMM. Doesn't do much for my self-confidence.

tuscandreamer posted 6/4/2010 13:16 PM


I can understand where you are coming from. It actually really angers me that my H did affair down. He risked everything for someone who isn't worth it, at least IMHO.

Hurtwife/mom posted 6/4/2010 14:05 PM

Mine affaired down and It was a huge hit to my self esteem as I though maybe I was worse thank I thought. I realize now that is not the case.

annb posted 6/4/2010 14:39 PM

death, I had to come back to this today....your words speak volumes to so many of us. :)

luvlys posted 6/4/2010 21:37 PM

Glad to read this post. made me smile through the tears today
struggling with reconcilation

MoreBluetiful posted 6/4/2010 21:58 PM

But what about people whose H had an EA? It wasn't about sex. And in my case he didn't come back for me. He chose her. Told me he settled for me when we got married less than a year ago (after dating 5 years), and that now he knows he can do better. It just seems like none of these "uplifting" things apply to my situation at all.

luvedmypbear posted 6/4/2010 22:08 PM


While I believe in the concept that the AP is always a step down because they compromise morals to get involved with a married person, I agree that it is difficult to think of my WS as a step down. But, the MOW's BH must think so, if he thinks about my WH at all.

Honestly if you put MOW and I next to each other and WH and MOW's BH next to each other, there's good and bad to all 4 of us. No winners in the game of infidelity IMHO.


Your WH is speaking in Fog-speak, do not buy in to it. You are not less than and AP. You did not betray your marriage vows. Stand tall. Be proud.

Thanks again to DBB for helping us put some of this into perspective. I know when DD was fresh in my life last July, I compared everything about me to MOW, as I had known her for over 1o years. I was baffled.
She was not better than me, yet my WH was willing to throw our M for a short lived PA with her.

Turns out it wasn't about her or me, only WH. His issues, his stuff.

Broken10 posted 6/5/2010 06:46 AM

Thank you so much, I just read this for the first time today, and I really needed it.

freedomtochoose posted 6/6/2010 02:31 AM


I'm like you I tossed him out tring to wake him up but he went straight to her. But the sad thing is he is broken as well as her. He was so hooked up on what made he feel good even though it was based on lies and deciet. He was blinded to what he has lost. Mine too said rubbish about settling but they would say anything to make their actions justified it is easier to start something new that stay a put in the hard yards to make a relationship work. They took the easy road but they have not learned anything just avoided a difficut situuation. Their next relationship will suffer the same issues at some time - trust ones in particular. We however will use this experience to grow and become stronger more beautiful people inside where it counts and our future relationships will be founded on honesty and trust.

I have learnt through this whole painfully ugly mess to not take anything the WS says personally he is speaking through his arse.

TICKED OFF posted 6/6/2010 03:22 AM

Boy isn't that the truth or at least in most of the cases I know of where an a took place.

H's whore was (still is) about 4'10, 140lbs, long black frizzy hair, uneducated, speaks with a heavy accent and looks like she is storing nuts in her cheeks for the winter.

I am completely the opposite.....attractive, thin and in great shape, work out daily, run, walk, and am educated.

In h's case he really did affair down to the gutter with his neighborhood prize.

Edie posted 6/6/2010 03:59 AM

I agree that it is difficult to think of my WS as a step down. But, the MOW's BH must think so, if he thinks about my WH at all.

My interpretation of DBB's point (written about OWs more than OMs, I think) is that it is the very compliance and complicity in deceit (and all else) that means it is a step down for all parties. A needy person chooses a needy AP, because that's all they can get (or all they perceive they can get), because their own opinion of themselves is not good. All round its a deceit and self-delusion of its opposite. Wonderful people do not have affairs (and to any FWS who thinks I am judging them, you may be wonderful now, but you weren't during the affair), but APs have to pretend to each other and themselves that they are wonderful in an ever-escalating process of self-justification, aggrandisment and delusion.

(But I know what you mean about your WS, )

[This message edited by Edie at 4:03 AM, June 6th (Sunday)]

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