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Just Found Out     Print Topic    
User Topic: Honey, they always affair down
♀ Member
Member # 32756
Default  Posted: 3:39 PM, July 19th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

wow, just wow.

The OP just hit home. I'm tempted to forward this to my WH. Or the OW. But that won't accomplish anything except make me feel better for a moment. And feeling better for a moment isn't what I need. Because its like a high that goes away and leaves you at a new low. Instead, I will keep my equilibrium and strength and smile when I think of this.

Posts: 142 | Registered: Jul 2011
♀ Member
Member # 32410
Default  Posted: 4:00 PM, July 19th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I guess I needed to read this again today. The problem I am having is this: I don't need to hear these words from others in my shoes. I need to hear these words from my own WH and I don't think I'll ever get them. He has ended the A (well, she ended actually, but he is no longer interested). He tells me all the time that he will never do this again. He tells me that he will work on our R and M. He tells me that I need to heal and he will do whatever he can to help me heal. BUT he won't talk badly about OW/xBF. And THAT kills me!!!

I truly can't understand what he saw in her. I know the woman--better than even he did. Okay, I never fucked her, but I know her heart, I know how she thinks, I know what lies she had to tell herself and him and me to keep this bullshit up for almost a year!!! I grew up with that c*** for God's sake! AND I just want to hear from him that she is a skanky, mother-fucking, piece of shit, whore faced bitch! (or something along those lines... ) But he doesn't speak ill of her and that just bites.

I want him to hate her as much as I do. I want him to tell me that she is NOTHING compared to me. I want to hear from him that chosing her--or anyone for that matter--over me was stupid and selfish and fruitless. I want to hear how amazing I am for trying R after he fucked up so badly. I want, I want, I want...

Sorry for the rant... and BTW, now I know what 'bump' means. Thanks!

me--40 BS
him--46 WH
5 kids--13, 10, 8 & 6 (and stillborn would be 14)
"Have the utmost concern for what's right rather than who's right."

Posts: 135 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: Oregon coast
♀ Member
Member # 31582
Default  Posted: 4:50 PM, July 19th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I want him to hate her as much as I do

This was always very important to me. I actually made my WH say it.

He should hate her if only because her actions hurt me. This does not discount what he did. WH should do what makes you feel better!

BS (me)60 FWH 72
Married 35 years
4 children and 3 grandchildren
5 yrs into R.
Now that he has changed and become the man he should have been all along, why should I start over?

Posts: 563 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: New Jersey
♀ Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 6:14 PM, July 19th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Another AMEN here!

My STBXH's cumdumpster is everything you said - especially trash!!

"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 14208 | Registered: Jul 2011
♀ New Member
Member # 32833
Default  Posted: 9:23 PM, July 19th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This post is great! I have been struggling to understand how my WH could possibly downgrade as extreme as he did. This homewrecking bitch is so freaking ugly, you wouldn't even believe it.

One of the most common comments I've heard about her is that she looks like a man! She has an ugly face, double chins, a dumpy body best described by one of my friends as a "squatty dumptruck" and a haircut that looks like she stuck her finger in an electrical socket. It is so hard to wrap my mind around this extreme downgrade, so I'm finding this post really helpful.

I do agree that the OW is often a predator. In fact I just described her this way today to my WH before I read this post. She was a "friend" who was there to comfort him and help him de-stress when we were having problems.

More like a pathetic and trashy predator who saw an opportunity to get with a MM while he was not thinking straight. Talk about low class and no morals. Not that I'm saying my WH wasn't to blame too- he definitely was. But if this skank was actually a friend to him, she would've encouraged him to work on his marriage and not help him be unfaithful and possibly ruin his marriage.

Posts: 19 | Registered: Jul 2011
♀ Member
Member # 32475
Default  Posted: 9:45 PM, July 19th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You should really feel so proud that your words truely hit home for somany of us!!
Thank you again,cause I needed to read that tonight..

Posts: 303 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: RI
♀ New Member
Member # 31907
Default  Posted: 7:04 AM, July 20th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

so glad I found this post this morning Very well put

Posts: 11 | Registered: Apr 2011 | From: washington pa
♀ Member
Member # 23674
Default  Posted: 8:48 AM, July 21st (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You can live the way you believe this is your opportunity to let your life be one that lights the way~F.Battistelli

God's hand was an avocado branch

Posts: 14226 | Registered: Apr 2009 | From: Chrys a lis
♂ New Member
Member # 32842
Default  Posted: 1:09 PM, July 21st (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My wife definately went to the bottom of the barrel to find hers. When they met almost 3 years ago she had left me and met him then when she found out he was still sleeping around she wanted to come back to me and I let her without knowing about him.

Last summer he was in an accident and his married sister, that knows my wife is with me called her to say he might not make it (too bad he did) and she knew he would want her to come see him, when he woke up from coma he gave her a I want you back letter.

So this year we had decided I was going to move out to get pain meds straightened out (2 back surgeries lots of pain) she says she contacted him to get him back for cheating on her 3 years ago, I guess because I wouldnt be home, it gave her something to do.

Anyway I have one year till retirement from Military, him 30 years old, thinks he can be a singer, lives with mom, no car, no job, loves to smoke pot, and drive around back roads drinking bear.

Posts: 10 | Registered: Jul 2011
♀ Moderator
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 2:23 PM, July 21st (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Long live this post!!!! I'm always glad to see it again.

Nothing ever goes away until is has taught us everything we need to know. - Pema Chodron

Posts: 24870 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
♀ Member
Member # 32784
Default  Posted: 4:15 PM, July 21st (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have to say that reading this post makes me feel so much better.

Thank you for the great post and keeping it alive.

A little self esteem boost never hurt anyone

DD#1- 7/3/11 (Says it was EA affair only)
DD#2-3/26/12 (Same OW,Admits it progressed to PA)
WS wants to R, seems to be doing everything right, but I just don't know if I have it in me.

Posts: 77 | Registered: Jul 2011
♀ Member
Member # 32004
Default  Posted: 2:20 AM, July 22nd (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

i reread this again,and i must say this single post has been one of the most healing things i have ever read. it saved my self esteem and helped me look at myself with respect and honor. thank you for this gift!

me BS 33yrs old, one 3.5yr old
him WS 33yrs old
affair of 4 years
married 5.5yrs
DD March19/2011

Posts: 304 | Registered: Apr 2011 | From: canada
♀ Member
Member # 32783
Default  Posted: 11:48 AM, July 25th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

goodness, this fits ww to a "T". OW has been in ER four times in the last 3 months, has a tumor and a drain in head for tumor. and because of tumor had to have gastric bypass one year ago and has had a hernia because of it. she looks 45 but is only 32.
Me have been told i look 30yo but a i am 43yo. no joke. thanks to never smoking no to drugs. yes i am 280 lbs,have hypothyroidism, light asthma,and a history of depression. however i've never been to ER until about three years ago for an abcess in my lower leg. otherwise i am healthy.

dday 7/10/2011
ME = BW 44yo
3 spoiled rotten dogs
I am a strong woman
if difficulties make you stronger this shit is going to make me unapproachable in a dark alley.

Posts: 178 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: carolina
♀ Member
Member # 26133
Default  Posted: 2:49 PM, August 8th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Maybe a long walk in the Hindu Kush would do it?
BW (me) 52
FWS 55
Together 29 years; 2 DDs 15 & 12
Dday Dec 08 (confessed) Feb 09 16 other OW confessed. OW17 tried her unedifying hardest until Aug 09. R'd.

Posts: 5542 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: Europe
♂ Member
Member # 21836
Default  Posted: 8:27 PM, August 13th (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The hardest part of forgiveness is accepting it from others...
Me BH 44
Clarrissa FWW 44
D-Day 04 Oct, 2008

Posts: 2740 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: Ohio
♀ Moderator
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 1:32 PM, August 20th (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bumppetty Bump Bump!

Nothing ever goes away until is has taught us everything we need to know. - Pema Chodron

Posts: 24870 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
♀ Member
Member # 23890
Default  Posted: 10:50 PM, August 23rd (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." Joseph Campbell...So, If fear was not a factor - what would you do?

Posts: 4403 | Registered: May 2009 | From: New England
♀ Member
Member # 33039
Default  Posted: 12:34 AM, August 24th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Very, very true. The most recent OW sent me an email telling me she just took my WH out for a "test drive." She told me "You are insecure and not attractive so get a tummy tuck and wear some makeup...Maybe that would help." I am insecure but not unattractive. She is very unattractive however, but think she's very hot. I also do NOT need a tummy tuck as my stomach is the one thing I take pride in and I wear makeup everyday- it's just natural and not in bright blues, greens and whore looking like hers. I didn't respond to her email but want so badly to tell her "You are the woman who screwed my husband in a hotel bathroom while your two children were sleeping in the beds...You win the mother of the year award!" I mean seriously, what kind of trash does that. (Yes, I include my WH in that statement. Even to this day that part of the A is what bugs me the most) She is trash, she makes everything about her....when my WH told her no more she told him he wouldn't be able to stay away. She resorted to saying she was pregnant. She is desperate and all I can do is pray that someday she gets what she deserves.

Me BS 35
WH 33
Married 7 years
D-Day #1 June 30, 2011
D-Day #2 Aug 13, 2011
Children: 1 daughter, 5 years old and 1 son, 2.5 years old

History, despite its wrenching pain, cannot be unlived, however, if faced with courage, need not be live

Posts: 496 | Registered: Aug 2011
♂ Member
Member # 21836
Default  Posted: 8:07 PM, August 25th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The hardest part of forgiveness is accepting it from others...
Me BH 44
Clarrissa FWW 44
D-Day 04 Oct, 2008

Posts: 2740 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: Ohio
♂ Member
Member # 33181
Default  Posted: 9:05 PM, August 27th (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you... you have made it so much clearer... GOD BLESS YOU.

"I don't want to spoil the rest of your movie... but at the end everything will be all right."

Posts: 461 | Registered: Aug 2011
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