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Just Found Out     Print Topic    
User Topic: Honey, they always affair down
debi9kids
♀ Member
Member # 33208
Default  Posted: 9:22 PM, August 27th (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh wow.
Today is my D-Day and my husband isn't home. He's at work, because of the hurricane, in another state where OW lives and although we are doing great 1 year later, I still was feeling SO low.
Incredibly low.

And much as ALL of the comments seem to agree, this is perfection.
OW was SUCH a downgrade from me and I just couldn't understand it and allowed it to wreck havoc on my low, low self-esteem (basically feeling that if he could go with her, what must he really think of me...)

I will also agree though that OW is a predator. She is a re-peat offender, with ours being the 3rd marriage she has tried to destroy. (the other 2 she was successful)

Sorry, I'm being so long-winded.
Thank you! Sincerely.
Thank you.


Me: 42 Him: 41
OW: 43 (crazy stalker)
Married: 18 years, together 22
Children: 20 ds, 19dd, 18dd, 16ds, 15ds, 15ds, 12ds, twins: 7dd & 7ds
confirmed OC 3ds

Posts: 163 | Registered: Aug 2011
TICKED OFF
♀ Member
Member # 8291
Default  Posted: 9:45 PM, August 27th (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Very well said. Why the heck do you think that most ws come running back home with their tail between their legs asking for forgiveness. They had no more intention of leaving the "horrible, dull, lifeless" marriage (or so the cheaters tell each other) than the man on the moon winking at us. It was meant only for fun, excitement, flattery, and free sex. It is just so sad the aftermath they leave behind.

Posts: 2465 | Registered: Sep 2005
Edie
♀ Member
Member # 26133
Default  Posted: 1:14 PM, September 12th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bump to avoid slippage.


Maybe a long walk in the Hindu Kush would do it?
BW (me) 52
FWS 55
Together 29 years; 2 DDs 15 & 12
Dday Dec 08 (confessed) Feb 09 16 other OW confessed. OW17 tried her unedifying hardest until Aug 09. R'd.

Posts: 5133 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: UK
If_I_Knew_Then
♂ Member
Member # 32968
Default  Posted: 1:28 PM, September 12th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The more I learn, the more I see that it really was a huge step down.

It ties to her need to feel "more important" and like he needed her and her feelings that I don't need her as much as she needs me.

I think he may actually be "more" than she thought but she "projected" him down, to better feed her needs.


Me: BH 50
Her: WW 50
2 Adult kids
D-Day #1 (3 parts) 03
D-Day #2 6/11

Posts: 728 | Registered: Aug 2011
worst-year-ever
♀ Member
Member # 33003
Default  Posted: 5:23 PM, September 12th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was so hoping that someone would bump this. I needed to read it again.

The more I find out about her, this truer this is.


Me: BW
Him: FWH
4 kids & 20 years together
DD: 7/7/11
OW1: 3yr+ LTA
OW2: My xBFF
Trying to R

Posts: 1282 | Registered: Aug 2011
Painfool
♀ Member
Member # 33227
Default  Posted: 6:56 AM, September 13th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Excellent post! And so spot on! Think every newly betrayed spouse should read this, I really do.

Thankyou


Married 9 years, together 14.
1 child, aged 6.
WS (31)
Me (30)

The bad news is there is no key to happiness. The good news is it isn't locked.


Posts: 1871 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: United Kingdom
boontje
♀ Member
Member # 33247
Default  Posted: 5:08 PM, September 13th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This was exactly what I needed to read today. OW has no idea how much pain she has caused, and never will, because she is a selfish user. I can only hope she doesn't destroy another marriage.


Me: BS
Dday: June 2011
Working on R, one day at a time

The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them.”
― Ernest Hemingway



Posts: 965 | Registered: Aug 2011
Edie
♀ Member
Member # 26133
Default  Posted: 12:47 PM, September 19th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bump


Maybe a long walk in the Hindu Kush would do it?
BW (me) 52
FWS 55
Together 29 years; 2 DDs 15 & 12
Dday Dec 08 (confessed) Feb 09 16 other OW confessed. OW17 tried her unedifying hardest until Aug 09. R'd.

Posts: 5133 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: UK
crickett
♀ New Member
Member # 33393
What?  Posted: 5:54 PM, September 19th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

[This message edited by crickett at 3:32 PM, September 22nd (Thursday)]


me 55
WH 57
We have two grown children


Posts: 46 | Registered: Sep 2011
militarymech
♂ Member
Member # 33362
Default  Posted: 6:36 PM, September 19th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This may be true for men, but when my WW strayed, she did a HUGE step up...

I'm a RN... The OW (Yes my wife left for a woman) Is a Neurophysiologist (think top 1% of doctors) and a multi-millionare....

I'm smart, she's BRILLIANT. I'm well educated, She's Ivy League......

Like I said... Except for the fact that I'm a KISA, she wins almost every column


D-Day: 9/11/11 - 11 years, 9 months and 8 days after we met and fell in love.
The Worst Day of my life: 10/15/11. The Day I hurt the one who ripped my heart out

Posts: 314 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: Chicagoland
militarymech
♂ Member
Member # 33362
Default  Posted: 6:39 PM, September 19th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This may be true for men, but when my WW strayed, she did a HUGE step up...

I'm a RN... The OW (Yes my wife left for a woman) Is a Neurophysiologist (think top 1% of doctors) and a multi-millionare....

I'm smart, she's BRILLIANT. I'm well educated, She's Ivy League......

Like I said... Except for the fact that I'm a KISA, she wins almost every column


D-Day: 9/11/11 - 11 years, 9 months and 8 days after we met and fell in love.
The Worst Day of my life: 10/15/11. The Day I hurt the one who ripped my heart out

Posts: 314 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: Chicagoland
anewbeachgirl
♀ Member
Member # 32667
Default  Posted: 6:45 PM, September 19th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Militarymech:
Wow! That's a lot to deal with. I am praying, as I write-- for you and your family. I am so sorry you have to go through this. Peace be to you.


Me:BS
Him: I divorced him...not much else to say! married: 3 years
Sep:10-2011
Div: 2/11
Kids: 1 Daughter-grown & married
Picking up the pieces of a sweet shattered dream.

Posts: 101 | Registered: Jul 2011
suckstobeme
♀ Member
Member # 30853
Default  Posted: 6:49 PM, September 19th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

militarymech:

I have to respond to your post because it's important for you and everyone else to know that the "down" concept sometimes does slap us right in the face in terms of the OP's looks, personality, education, etc. In a lot of cases, the OP is obviously beneath us in terms of the outside/surface factors that we can see right off the bat.

Other times, those surface factors appear to be either on par or even better than the BS. There are people here who will say that the OP was better looking, thinner, smarter, made more money, etc., etc., etc.

Either way, the choice of OP hurts.

What I want to say to you though is, it does not matter. None of this matters because, regardless of the surface, the OP is, by definition, lower. They are broken at the core. Upstanding, loyal, caring people don't actively contribute to the demise of a marriage and a family. Those kinds of people don't give married men and women a second glance. So, whatever is on the outside, the inside of OP is rotten.

I've said this many times before and, while it's a crass saying, it fits this situation to a tee - no matter how hard you try, you can't shine a turd.

Please take this to heart. I know it's hard to make the comparisons and that this hurts like hell. But this is not about your job or your level of education or the amount of money that you make. This is about two broken, selfish people.


BW - me
ExWH - "that one"
D - 2011
You get what you put in, and people get what they deserve.
Hard as it may be, try to never give the OP any of your power or head space.

Posts: 2848 | Registered: Jan 2011
KeepCalm_CarryOn
♀ Member
Member # 33374
Default  Posted: 1:02 PM, September 20th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This was great to read today. Feeling down and nervous today as we're only a week out from D-Day and we have our first MC session tomorrow, this was a great pick-me-up...may have to copy and keep in a safe place!


You are not dealing with rational people or situations. Normal thought processes won't work...story of my life.

Me- BW, 30
Him- fWh, 36
Mostly R'd, minus a few scars...bought a house and got a puppy...And baby makes 3! She arrived August 2013


Posts: 2042 | Registered: Sep 2011
laughagain?
♀ Member
Member # 30559
Default  Posted: 7:47 AM, September 22nd (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Whenever I am feeling H did it 'cause he wanted someone smaller and more attractive I read this and it helps me get through another day.


Me: BS 48
Him: WH 52
Dday 1: 9/9/2010 (2 days after 25th anniversary)

Posts: 57 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: United States
annb
♀ Member
Member # 22386
Default  Posted: 5:20 PM, September 22nd (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump

Posts: 7603 | Registered: Jan 2009 | From: Northeast
Bassgirl
♀ New Member
Member # 33339
Default  Posted: 8:19 PM, September 22nd (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for the great post. It does help. But I am still trying to get a grip on the "why" of it.
Oh and he told me I was a better lover than her. Guess that was suppose to make me feel better.


Do not confuse kindness for blindness.
D- day 8/18/11

Posts: 46 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: Arkansas
worst-year-ever
♀ Member
Member # 33003
Default  Posted: 11:20 PM, September 22nd (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yep...I'm way better in bed too. Nice to know he thinks that NOW.


Me: BW
Him: FWH
4 kids & 20 years together
DD: 7/7/11
OW1: 3yr+ LTA
OW2: My xBFF
Trying to R

Posts: 1282 | Registered: Aug 2011
ungracie
♀ Member
Member # 31901
Default  Posted: 2:11 AM, September 23rd (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My husband says he didn't affair down, he affaired under... Under a Rock. He said ap was not in my league since dday. He never wavered, even though I cried that ap must have been "more" some how. Then...I read ap's emails (emotional IQ..around 14, IQ..a few points higher). I saw what ap looked like (I laughed, I fucking laughed so fucking hard, think 53 year old troll doll with neon pink hair), I told him I would be ashamed to even say I touched that, he said "I am". Then he said "I told you, don't ever think you are less than in any way. I was the one that was less than, never you."


Me:50BS
married 26 years
together for 29 years
DDay:04/12/10 EA/PA
Working at R

The most authentic thing about us is our capacity to create, to overcome, to endure, to transform, to love and to be greater than our suffering.
Ben Okri


Posts: 1089 | Registered: Apr 2011 | From: canada
Jrazz
♀ Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 1:08 AM, September 27th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Needed to read this tonight. Bumping for anyone else who this might help.


Cherish those who seek the truth but beware of those who find it. - François-Marie Arouet

Posts: 17909 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
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