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Honey, they always affair down

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debi9kids posted 8/27/2011 21:22 PM

Oh wow.
Today is my D-Day and my husband isn't home. He's at work, because of the hurricane, in another state where OW lives and although we are doing great 1 year later, I still was feeling SO low.
Incredibly low.

And much as ALL of the comments seem to agree, this is perfection.
OW was SUCH a downgrade from me and I just couldn't understand it and allowed it to wreck havoc on my low, low self-esteem (basically feeling that if he could go with her, what must he really think of me...)

I will also agree though that OW is a predator. She is a re-peat offender, with ours being the 3rd marriage she has tried to destroy. (the other 2 she was successful)

Sorry, I'm being so long-winded.
Thank you! Sincerely.
Thank you.

TICKED OFF posted 8/27/2011 21:45 PM

Very well said. Why the heck do you think that most ws come running back home with their tail between their legs asking for forgiveness. They had no more intention of leaving the "horrible, dull, lifeless" marriage (or so the cheaters tell each other) than the man on the moon winking at us. It was meant only for fun, excitement, flattery, and free sex. It is just so sad the aftermath they leave behind.

Edie posted 9/12/2011 13:14 PM

Bump to avoid slippage.

If_I_Knew_Then posted 9/12/2011 13:28 PM

The more I learn, the more I see that it really was a huge step down.

It ties to her need to feel "more important" and like he needed her and her feelings that I don't need her as much as she needs me.

I think he may actually be "more" than she thought but she "projected" him down, to better feed her needs.

worst-year-ever posted 9/12/2011 17:23 PM

I was so hoping that someone would bump this. I needed to read it again.

The more I find out about her, this truer this is.

Painfool posted 9/13/2011 06:56 AM

Excellent post! And so spot on! Think every newly betrayed spouse should read this, I really do.

Thankyou

boontje posted 9/13/2011 17:08 PM

This was exactly what I needed to read today. OW has no idea how much pain she has caused, and never will, because she is a selfish user. I can only hope she doesn't destroy another marriage.

Edie posted 9/19/2011 12:47 PM

Bump

crickett posted 9/19/2011 17:54 PM

[This message edited by crickett at 3:32 PM, September 22nd (Thursday)]

militarymech posted 9/19/2011 18:36 PM

This may be true for men, but when my WW strayed, she did a HUGE step up...

I'm a RN... The OW (Yes my wife left for a woman) Is a Neurophysiologist (think top 1% of doctors) and a multi-millionare....

I'm smart, she's BRILLIANT. I'm well educated, She's Ivy League......

Like I said... Except for the fact that I'm a KISA, she wins almost every column

militarymech posted 9/19/2011 18:39 PM

This may be true for men, but when my WW strayed, she did a HUGE step up...

I'm a RN... The OW (Yes my wife left for a woman) Is a Neurophysiologist (think top 1% of doctors) and a multi-millionare....

I'm smart, she's BRILLIANT. I'm well educated, She's Ivy League......

Like I said... Except for the fact that I'm a KISA, she wins almost every column

anewbeachgirl posted 9/19/2011 18:45 PM

Militarymech:
Wow! That's a lot to deal with. I am praying, as I write-- for you and your family. I am so sorry you have to go through this. Peace be to you.

suckstobeme posted 9/19/2011 18:49 PM

militarymech:

I have to respond to your post because it's important for you and everyone else to know that the "down" concept sometimes does slap us right in the face in terms of the OP's looks, personality, education, etc. In a lot of cases, the OP is obviously beneath us in terms of the outside/surface factors that we can see right off the bat.

Other times, those surface factors appear to be either on par or even better than the BS. There are people here who will say that the OP was better looking, thinner, smarter, made more money, etc., etc., etc.

Either way, the choice of OP hurts.

What I want to say to you though is, it does not matter. None of this matters because, regardless of the surface, the OP is, by definition, lower. They are broken at the core. Upstanding, loyal, caring people don't actively contribute to the demise of a marriage and a family. Those kinds of people don't give married men and women a second glance. So, whatever is on the outside, the inside of OP is rotten.

I've said this many times before and, while it's a crass saying, it fits this situation to a tee - no matter how hard you try, you can't shine a turd.

Please take this to heart. I know it's hard to make the comparisons and that this hurts like hell. But this is not about your job or your level of education or the amount of money that you make. This is about two broken, selfish people.

KeepCalm_CarryOn posted 9/20/2011 13:02 PM

This was great to read today. Feeling down and nervous today as we're only a week out from D-Day and we have our first MC session tomorrow, this was a great pick-me-up...may have to copy and keep in a safe place!

laughagain? posted 9/22/2011 07:47 AM

Whenever I am feeling H did it 'cause he wanted someone smaller and more attractive I read this and it helps me get through another day.

annb posted 9/22/2011 17:20 PM

bump

Bassgirl posted 9/22/2011 20:19 PM

Thanks for the great post. It does help. But I am still trying to get a grip on the "why" of it.
Oh and he told me I was a better lover than her. Guess that was suppose to make me feel better.

worst-year-ever posted 9/22/2011 23:20 PM

Yep...I'm way better in bed too. Nice to know he thinks that NOW.

ungracie posted 9/23/2011 02:11 AM

My husband says he didn't affair down, he affaired under... Under a Rock. He said ap was not in my league since dday. He never wavered, even though I cried that ap must have been "more" some how. Then...I read ap's emails (emotional IQ..around 14, IQ..a few points higher). I saw what ap looked like (I laughed, I fucking laughed so fucking hard, think 53 year old troll doll with neon pink hair), I told him I would be ashamed to even say I touched that, he said "I am". Then he said "I told you, don't ever think you are less than in any way. I was the one that was less than, never you."

Jrazz posted 9/27/2011 01:08 AM

Needed to read this tonight. Bumping for anyone else who this might help.

lostmymarbles posted 9/27/2011 01:19 AM

ok
well i tried to work out why her?

yes she is pretty-slimmer than me-but different than me.
she has also been married 4 times and to the best of my knowledge told my ws she had had 3 affairs prior to him!like she should get a medal for it!
why would you be so stupid to think thta's a good thing to tell someone?
She was also not the brightest bulb in the box!

Me-I am younger than her-naturally blonde still at 45,have never dyed my hair-and i'm not a dumb blonde either :)Now I'm average size (thanks to not wanting to eat) but I wasn't that big to start with.I now it doesn't matter about looks now.

WS did say that he did feel superior to her-it was another dawning realization this weekend when we discussed her character-he admitted he just noticed these flaws initially but brushed them aside-

I feel we are getting somewhere that he admits she wasn't as marvelous as once thought!

He definitely affaired down

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