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Honey, they always affair down

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lostmymarbles posted 9/27/2011 01:19 AM

well i tried to work out why her?

yes she is pretty-slimmer than me-but different than me.
she has also been married 4 times and to the best of my knowledge told my ws she had had 3 affairs prior to him!like she should get a medal for it!
why would you be so stupid to think thta's a good thing to tell someone?
She was also not the brightest bulb in the box!

Me-I am younger than her-naturally blonde still at 45,have never dyed my hair-and i'm not a dumb blonde either :)Now I'm average size (thanks to not wanting to eat) but I wasn't that big to start with.I now it doesn't matter about looks now.

WS did say that he did feel superior to her-it was another dawning realization this weekend when we discussed her character-he admitted he just noticed these flaws initially but brushed them aside-

I feel we are getting somewhere that he admits she wasn't as marvelous as once thought!

He definitely affaired down

Ellejay posted 9/27/2011 01:46 AM

I also thought today that if the OW(plural) were lesser than me in the eyes of my stbxh than I guess the same applies to him in the eyes of the OW who were cheating on their H's?

I don't think that side of it has occurred to him yet.


UKgirl posted 9/27/2011 05:01 AM

Yep Ellejay. They both affaired down. He affaired down with because she was easy meat, a guarantee through their previous history, someone who felt entitled and didnít give a shit about anyone but herself. She could never measure up to me. She affaired down with WH because he was a man willing to cheat on his wife, a man who had no morals about fucking another manís wife and who paid for it all on expenses.

They always affair down because decent people donít have affairs.

shocked4 posted 9/27/2011 05:20 AM

Thank you so much. At first I obsessed about what they looked like (imagination only). Then I found one weighed more than me and the other is 12 years older. I was shocked at that one. I had just assumed they were better than me. I still struggle with this so thank you.

whyreally posted 9/27/2011 10:13 AM

I hate that she is younger (22) I hate that she is skinny... though I am too...

but... she knows about me... she knows about my kids... so obviously she is ok with a deadbeat dad and a deadbeat husband... I agree she accepts him at his worse.. which I WILL Not do... I deserve better!

Hurt To The Core posted 10/3/2011 20:33 PM

Thank you!!!! Although I am 4 months out I still compare myself to her. I might have to keep rereading this post.

surviving101 posted 10/3/2011 20:36 PM

This is probably the post that helped me the most in my darkest hour.

Thank you!

cobraadvice posted 10/3/2011 20:40 PM

Me too, thank you! I am 4 1/2 months out from D-Day and agree they affair down. I think to make themselves feel better. The only thing my WH AP has is a Dentist for a husband so a much bigger home, more toys, expensive cars and more money.... I laugh thinking that she thought my WH could leave me and give her this? Not after his huge alimony and he is in construction, we barely make ends meet and I am happy with what I have :)

Ellejay posted 10/12/2011 17:03 PM

Last night my 13 year old DD said to me (and she was laughing at the time). "Mum, I'm not just saying this, but I found some pictures on Dad's cell phone the other day of OW2. They were normal pictures, nothing bad. BUT......God she's ugly!! Don't tell Dad I said that though because I don't want to hurt his feelings".

I didn't have the heart to tell her that it really isn't anything about looks, it's about finding someone with the same low morals as he has. I won't destroy her image of her Dad though. I'm sure she'll come to that realisation in her own time, in her own way.


isthisforreal posted 10/13/2011 09:31 AM

If only we could share photos of these pathetic AP here. I showed a picture of FWH's blowjob biker bitch, to my BAN friends (beyond affairs network), they were horrified. There was an audible gasp and then "Oh my god, she looks like Cruella de Ville!"

[This message edited by isthisforreal at 9:32 AM, October 13th (Thursday)]

npain posted 10/13/2011 21:34 PM

This was just the post I needed to lift my spirits today. The OW was 11 years younger than me and thinner, but I agree, they definitely affair down. Cause no "real" woman would stoop to that level. There's a reason they were just sleeping with them and married to us, isn't there? N ot every ho you can bring home to momma...

emotiona hell posted 10/13/2011 23:01 PM

I didn't have the heart to tell her that it really isn't anything about looks, it's about finding someone with the same low morals as he has.

Ellejay, WEll said
( how do you do the quotes)

[This message edited by emotiona hell at 11:04 PM, October 13th (Thursday)]

life4 posted 10/20/2011 08:20 AM

Love, love love this! Thank you sooooo much! Wish I read this 5 months ago!

bellamaxjoy posted 10/21/2011 07:59 AM

this was a gift to me this morning. I know in my heart he affaired down, but my insecurities take over and I think, I need to be thinner, prettier, better sex, understanding,.,,,,agggggg
I know that I am much better looking that she, but she is skinny, and I am not heavy but not skinny. I am 5 months out and still needed this.

LvIsaLonelyRd posted 10/21/2011 08:29 AM

Beautifully stated and all so very true! Thank you for this post, it is highly up-lifting!

Edie posted 10/24/2011 06:29 AM


SusanR posted 10/24/2011 06:36 AM

One of the all time great posts on SI! Bump. Bump. Bump.

Helped mr tremendously in the early going when my self-esteem was rocked.

Many thanks!

Fighting2Survive posted 10/28/2011 11:18 AM

For StrgrThanIThght.

StrgrThanIThght posted 10/28/2011 18:39 PM

Wow, what a great post. In my sitch, the MOW was the predator, and my WS was the weakest in the herd at her workplace. She picked him off by stroking his ego on a daily basis.

I found out from her BS that she was married before, and cheated on her first husband the same way. A fact, BTW, she neglected to tell my WS. He thought he knew her so well. So well, in fact that he destroyed a two-decade relationship with me. Ain't that a slap in the face for him?

GK109 posted 10/29/2011 08:57 AM

Great post!!!

anxiousme posted 10/29/2011 09:53 AM

This is the best thing I have read in a week. I just got in touch with the OW's BH yesterday, and now my WS is having nightmares about me dating someone. He then proceeded to tell me he deleted all female friends from his phone accept for his son's mom, who he had his EA with, and asked me to delete all my guy friends. I don't think its fair at all because I have never done anything to betray his trust and have been an open book from the beginning. The OW is no prize...especially in the looks department and at first I felt even worse about myself because he went for a less attractive person than me, but this really made me feel a ton better

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