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Honey, they always affair down

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Edie posted 2/6/2012 11:52 AM

Coming back to Harlowe: there is always something that is inferior about the OW. Inferior to the WS that is, and chosen by the WS so that he can feel superior. Often it's simply the OW's lack of any real self-esteem and the placement therefore of the WS on a pedestal.

The WS needs to look down, not up. If he wanted to look up, he'd look at you. If you get my drift.

2yrs+recovering posted 2/6/2012 12:14 PM

At 3 yr antiversary and this still is what the BS needs to hear. Thank you for keeping this thread alive!!!

MammaMia posted 2/6/2012 21:19 PM


Amen!!!! true words. Thanks for telling the truth to the world.

Edie posted 2/18/2012 14:00 PM


the_goat posted 2/20/2012 15:56 PM

this thread deserves a good bump!

Fathful123 posted 2/20/2012 16:05 PM

This is so true!!! The OW/AP is quite unattractive. Her husband even said as much. My WS really went to the dog shed for her.

sri624 posted 2/20/2012 17:16 PM

HELL YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!

jasonguitarboy posted 2/24/2012 12:40 PM

The other man in our situation was a trade up in my opinion. ME-5'9" 230lbs (overweight) him, 6'3" dark skin, very muscular (could bench 401).
Yeah, did wonders for my self image.

standinghere posted 2/25/2012 04:22 AM

Really, they always do.

Superficially it may not look like it. The other person may be ___________ have bigger ________ or more _________ (fill in the blanks with anything you want). But, they are still "the other" not "the one" in all but a few cases.

I think most of us worry that they may be "the one" and we are "the mistake". But almost always they are "the mistake".

My wife had the affair. The OM was in her own words, after she got to know him "dumb" and they had "nothing to talk about".

4 years later, me still not knowing about the affair, I was in a bank one afternoon, to get some paperwork taken care of, and the young woman, attractive physically, very friendly, half my wife's age as well as mine, was very accommodating and made sure to kneel down in front of me in her skirt and low cut blouse to go through the papers (I was sitting in a chair...I doubt she wanted to show me her was probably all just business).

I was sex starved at home, a residual of my wife's affair was an aversion to sex which had been there to some degree before the affair as well, but I knew that I didn't want to hurt my wife and kids...and I knew that the nice young lady at her best couldn't hold a candle to my wife even on her below average days.

My wife asked me why I stayed with her through the years, I told her the truth. I had dated taller women, thinner women, and younger women, but I had been bored with all but one other person till I met her.

I'm not trading down.

Edie posted 3/1/2012 10:49 AM


shattered123 posted 3/8/2012 10:52 AM


BetrayalHurts posted 3/8/2012 11:03 AM

I love this....thank you so much. The only thing my WH's OW had over me was she was 25 years younger..she definitely was not prettier or have a better figure and her personality was awful...and she was lazy to top it all off....this I know from working with her.

To make a long story short...your post has made my day!!!!

Offhispedestal posted 3/8/2012 11:12 AM

T H A N K Y O U!!!!!!

IrishLass518 posted 3/8/2012 11:19 AM

He ended up with OW cause I stopped letting him cake eat. He is still blaming me and has said he waited 40 years to find her and be with her. I can't help but laugh, she buys it. If she were that important, nothing I said or did would have kept him in our marriage. He would have left and stayed gone. He didn't and he proves his own position every day. He said he couldn't leave me cause I would take the house, I gave him the house in the divorce and now it is in foreclosure cause he hasn't made the payment, guess it wasn't that important after all so why did he stay for 3 plus extra years? Cause he affaired down and he knew it then and he lives with it now!!

PeaceLove187 posted 3/8/2012 12:41 PM

In a weak moment of obsessing, I Googled the AP's fiance. I still can't find his contact information but did see that his mother passed away in August. That struck home because my H and the AP declared "soulmate" status shortly after his mother's nearly fatal stint in the ICU. So while my H's mother was deathly ill, I was ignoring my work and staying by his side, being as supportive as I could possibly be. While her fiance was mourning the death of his mother, the AP was desperately fighting to keep her A alive.

Yep, I'd say my H affaired down.

sandy78 posted 3/8/2012 16:21 PM

When I became suspicious of the A I ended up searching for the OW on facebook...when I saw her picture I kind of laughed at myself because she didn't seem very attractive. I told myself I was being silly, he would never go for someone that looked like her. Ugh.

LivinginLimbo posted 3/8/2012 18:15 PM


I didn't read all of the replies but the original post is amazing.

Edie posted 3/13/2012 14:39 PM


annb posted 3/14/2012 09:24 AM

bumping to top

Mormegil posted 3/14/2012 18:28 PM

Ugh, for me it sucked to read this...basically the OW described here is my WW. Her self esteem IS really low and in the middle of a MLC =\ She is however very physically attractive, especially for her age.

[This message edited by Mormegil at 6:29 PM, March 14th (Wednesday)]

silverslug posted 3/16/2012 20:10 PM

Good post.

The OM was 22, a highschool dropout, crackhead, alcoholic, and lived in his parents basement. He was just an escape for her.

My now ex wife ended up having the OM move in with her in the worst part of town after our divorce was final, and she was pregnant and she quit her job.

She traded down.

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