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Just Found Out     Print Topic    
User Topic: Honey, they always affair down
suckstobeme
♀ Member
Member # 30853
Default  Posted: 3:52 PM, May 14th (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nordicbabe,

He did. You wil see. Sometimes it takes a little more time to see how ugly the AP is on the inside when he or she is not horrible looking.

Trust us though, she's hideous. You will get snippets of her personality as time goes on and this post and mantra will become more and more clear.

Looks don't matter. I know they do in the beginning because that's all we usually have to go on. But they don't matter as time goes on. Her morals are obviously shitty. She is projecting sunshine and roses because her private life is fucked up. Her personality could be bitchy, clingy, crazy, possessive, nasty, controlling, all the things that we are not because we gave real love.

Don't worry. Her real colors will shine through and then your stbxwh will be kicking himself in the ass for the authentic love that he ditched.


BW - me
ExWH - "that one"
D - 2011
You get what you put in, and people get what they deserve.
Hard as it may be, try to never give the OP any of your power or head space.

Posts: 2506 | Registered: Jan 2011
Angelstar5
♀ Member
Member # 35276
Default  Posted: 4:39 PM, May 14th (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

im in the same boat as some others...20 yrs younger, 70lbs lighter, 5 inches shorter with a great tan and perky boobs.

Yes she was a hooker. But at the time he really had feelings for her, even tho he was drunk to them they were real.

I just do NOT UNDERSTAND how he could sleep with us both in a 24 hour period. I would think that he would have been feeling at least a little bit guilty but he obviously was excited...im sure he was thinking of her body and not mine, or reliving the experience using me.

yes her inside is ugly, but lately mine hasnt been that great either...its not normal to look at your husband and think "i wish you would drop dead...seriously"

all 1000% ugliness...all of it.


Me 47,WH 46 alcoholic/Married 25y
2 kids age 16 and 28
DDay #1-7/3/94 hooker, DDAY #2,2/10/12 found 100's of calls to a hooker gaslighting begins. DDay#3 3/26/12 proof/TT DDay#4 3/28/12 weekly sex with 2 hookers Dec-Feb. Several EAs

Posts: 753 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Fort Worth TX
yoshi7268
♀ Member
Member # 35519
Default  Posted: 5:01 PM, May 14th (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I too read this a while back and didn't believe it. I knew she was unattractive and fat but I still thought she must be a pretty amazing woman.
After reading it again now that some time has past I so believe it! Thank you for bumping this up again. I needed it.


ME-BS-41 WH-45
Married 23 years-together 27
5 beautiful children ages 15-25
Dday1-late June 2011
Dday2-early July 2011
Dday3- early August 2011
Another affair 7 years before.
R going well

Posts: 277 | Registered: May 2012 | From: yoshi7268
standinghere
♂ Member
Member # 34689
Default  Posted: 7:28 PM, May 14th (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have a hard time believing he affaired down. She's 20 years younger, at least 20 pounds lighter, at least 20 centimeters shorter and generally a big ball of sunshine and happiness.

And, almost certainly so screwed up mentally that she'd have an affair with an older man instead of finding someone her own age who she can really relate to. This isn't obvious to the outside world, it is often hidden by a big smile and nice clothes.

Why? Because someone her own age will think, after a while, "hey, I don't want to live my life with this mess" after they get to know her.

Your WS though hadn't gotten that far and was just thinking "wow, she must think I'm awesome" instead of working on his problems and wondering why he finds a woman attractive who he clearly cannot relate to.

My wife was a young and very attractive woman once, she is an older and very attractive woman now. She dated men who were old enough to be her father (she never told me this until after she confessed to her affair). She had the brains, the smile, the clothes, and she met me by chance. I was different, I was younger than her also.

When she had her breakdown, she had her affair with a guy who was older, and quite frankly "dumb" in her own words. You know, I thought there had to be more, that she had to love the guy or something. Seriously, I wouldn't do this. I've had some hot women come on to me over the years, but I don't want to be a cheater.

But this hit out of nowhere.

I'm thinking at the time, "Really, you want to leave me, for a guy who is an idiot."

Years later after I find out there was an affair I'm thinking "Really, you want to leave me, for a guy who is an idiot...and who cheats on his wife?" Man, did I ask questions, upon questions, and felt "there just has to be more".

What was so great about it that made cheating and destroying our family worthwhile?

It must have been fucking awesome. I've never experienced something that incredible.

I've also never been so screwed up mentally that I didn't care about my wife and children.

Yet, that is the man my wife had the affair with, and that is the woman (my wife) the OM had his affair with.

When my wife stopped being that woman, and came back and tried to repair the damage, then she was a better person. I don't know about him, apparently this was not an isolated thing for him.

20 yrs younger, 70lbs lighter, 5 inches shorter with a great tan and perky boobs.

But, a hooker, which makes it just so clear how messed up your spouse was. He was so messed up he had feelings for a hooker and thought they were real.

You are way better than that.



BH - Me - Late 30's (now late 40's)
WW - Her - Late 30's (now late 40's)
4 Children
Her - Love of my life...still is.
Reconciled - Partly...she can't get over it.
Her - Thunderstruck by what she did.

Posts: 894 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: USA
nightlights
♀ New Member
Member # 35471
Default  Posted: 9:12 PM, May 14th (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow! What a great post! I wish all the women who cheat with married men could read this. I wish I could send this to the women my WH slept with!! So true and so well said!


ME: BW,44 Him: WH,45 without a clue
DDay: 4/25/2012
Four beautiful, intelligent daughters 10, 11, 12 and 15yrs.
Married 17 yrs. WH cheating for last 7 years(admitted but who knows?)Multiple women. One employee.

Posts: 13 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: California
nightlights
♀ New Member
Member # 35471
Default  Posted: 9:14 PM, May 14th (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow! What a great post! I wish all the women who cheat with married men could read this. I wish I could send this to the women my WH slept with!! So true and so well said!


ME: BW,44 Him: WH,45 without a clue
DDay: 4/25/2012
Four beautiful, intelligent daughters 10, 11, 12 and 15yrs.
Married 17 yrs. WH cheating for last 7 years(admitted but who knows?)Multiple women. One employee.

Posts: 13 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: California
bellapump
♀ New Member
Member # 30684
Default  Posted: 10:18 PM, May 14th (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

THANK YOU. ABSOLUTELY WONDERFUL. YOU HAVE A TRUE GIFT.ASKING FOR ANGELS FOR YOU AND YOUR FAMILY.

Posts: 23 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: canada
nordicbabe
♀ Member
Member # 35419
Default  Posted: 12:16 AM, May 15th (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

And, almost certainly so screwed up mentally that she'd have an affair with an older man instead of finding someone her own age who she can really relate to. This isn't obvious to the outside world, it is often hidden by a big smile and nice clothes.

Why? Because someone her own age will think, after a while, "hey, I don't want to live my life with this mess" after they get to know her.

Your WS though hadn't gotten that far and was just thinking "wow, she must think I'm awesome" instead of working on his problems and wondering why he finds a woman attractive who he clearly cannot relate to.

I'm trying to believe that but not sure I do. She is successful at her job (first one bang out of university), they seem to have great fun working out together and generally planning good times.

I'm just his boring old wife who nagged a bit and got on with things. She's me 20 years ago. That's what irritates me. I was that girl when he met me. And then I grew up.


Posts: 1468 | Registered: Apr 2012
Edie
♀ Member
Member # 26133
Default  Posted: 3:12 AM, May 15th (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What’s is attractive about the OW is that they are the sickest, the weakest, the most injured of the pack. The insecure WH, wanting to feel strong and powerful, scans the herd for the easiest to kill. The self assured, the strong, the healthy will not do as those women want nothing to do with a married man. Our wayward husbands, needy and looking for someone to boost his ego, must look for someone beneath them, someone who will look up to him, someone who will make him feel superior, if only temporarily

For all those still struggling by invidious comparison to OW - YOU were largely irrelevant. It is the WH who does not like HIMSELF, is rejecting his boring old self/ family provider role, looks for a mirror to see another reflection of himself, and the 'mirror', the OW is exactly that, merely a mirror, a cypher who is so needy that she instinctively understands and accepts that admiring role. Look beyond your own insecurities and see those of the WS and the OP more clearly and the transactional basis on which the A was founded.


Maybe a long walk in the Hindu Kush would do it?
BW (me) 52
FWS 55
Together 29 years; 2 DDs 15 & 12
Dday Dec 08 (confessed) Feb 09 16 other OW confessed. OW17 tried her unedifying hardest until Aug 09. R'd.

Posts: 4960 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: UK
nordicbabe
♀ Member
Member # 35419
Default  Posted: 6:33 AM, May 15th (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ok, that sort of makes sense but still, he's screwing me from 20 years ago? Talk about being replaced with a younger version of me.

Except I never slept with married men, of course. Guess that's the big difference between us.


Posts: 1468 | Registered: Apr 2012
BaldwinBeauty59
♀ Member
Member # 35507
Default  Posted: 7:31 AM, May 15th (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The OW in my sitch is 10 years younger than me and much thinner. For months every time I saw the OW (which is daily) I beat myself up comparing the two of us. She has an ugly face but I was suffering thinking of her being so much younger and thinner than me. I assumed that she was firm and had perky breasts. I found a picture of her that she sent my H of herself in a bikini and lordy she shoulda covered her nasty self up. Yuck! Now when I look at her I see the flabby butt and saggy boobs and the fat rolls that she squeezes into the skinnest jeans on earth. I'm so glad that I found that picture because now I laugh at her pathetic attempts to look sexy. I haven't compared myself to her since. She must be spending a ton of money on Spanx.


Me - BW (53)
Him - WH (56)
OW - skanky whore coworker
Married 33 years
DDay1 8/10/11
DDay2 8/15/11
DDay3 8/28/11
2 grown children
Status - in R

Posts: 978 | Registered: May 2012
Angelstar5
♀ Member
Member # 35276
Default  Posted: 7:27 PM, May 15th (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I WISH PEOPLE WOULD NOT NOT NOT SAY THAT THEY AFFAIRED DOWN BECAUSE THE OW WAS FAT!!!

HOW DO YOU THINK IT MAKES ME FEEL TO KNOW HE SLEPT WITH A 27 YR OLD GIRL WHO WAS ALMOST HALF MY SIZE.

AFFAIRED UP!


Me 47,WH 46 alcoholic/Married 25y
2 kids age 16 and 28
DDay #1-7/3/94 hooker, DDAY #2,2/10/12 found 100's of calls to a hooker gaslighting begins. DDay#3 3/26/12 proof/TT DDay#4 3/28/12 weekly sex with 2 hookers Dec-Feb. Several EAs

Posts: 753 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Fort Worth TX
bellapump
♀ New Member
Member # 30684
Wink  Posted: 1:37 PM, May 16th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Angelstar5-my heart breaks for you.I am extremely over weight and the other woman was smaller but believe me he still "affaired down". Don't measure your worth in pounds. I know we tend to do that but you are so much more than a number on a scale. Asking for angels for everyone on this site.

Posts: 23 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: canada
itsovernow
♀ Member
Member # 35587
Default  Posted: 1:40 PM, May 16th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well said. Any woman that would take sloppy seconds can't be anything all that special. I through it out to my husband yesterday "do you wonder what she does in her down time?" Probably more down time if you know what I mean. I hope that got him thinking, but maybe he doesn't care.


feeling like I'm going crazy.
me 35
dh(wondering if he really wandered) 40
5 kids between us ages 1-17

Posts: 123 | Registered: May 2012 | From: crazyville
onedayatatime321
♀ Member
Member # 32585
Default  Posted: 1:56 PM, May 16th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Angelstar5, I understand what you are saying. The OW was 26 at the time (half my age) and roughly 30 lbs lighter than me. Was she prettier - no, even though she probably thinks so.

What did she have to do to keep her image? Worked out 2-3 hours a day, boob job, LASIK surgery, and massive dental work. Oh, and no kids. Think she doesn't have self esteem issues?

Me? Tall, thin, and aging gracefully. He affaired down. I'm faithful, a wonderful wife and grandmother, and full of love for others.

Don't compare yourself...you are wonderful.


Posts: 89 | Registered: Jun 2011
Edie
♀ Member
Member # 26133
Default  Posted: 2:56 PM, May 26th (Saturday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Maybe a long walk in the Hindu Kush would do it?
BW (me) 52
FWS 55
Together 29 years; 2 DDs 15 & 12
Dday Dec 08 (confessed) Feb 09 16 other OW confessed. OW17 tried her unedifying hardest until Aug 09. R'd.

Posts: 4960 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: UK
Edie
♀ Member
Member # 26133
Default  Posted: 2:56 PM, May 30th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Maybe a long walk in the Hindu Kush would do it?
BW (me) 52
FWS 55
Together 29 years; 2 DDs 15 & 12
Dday Dec 08 (confessed) Feb 09 16 other OW confessed. OW17 tried her unedifying hardest until Aug 09. R'd.

Posts: 4960 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: UK
missyb32641
♀ Member
Member # 35656
Flame  Posted: 6:56 PM, May 30th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know mine affaired down. Not only is she unattractive she cheated on her
first husband and father of her 3 children, has full custody and she is not even allowed visitation WTF. She must be a really fucked up person.She told my WH that her mean ole ex took off to an other state and she can't find him. BULLSHIT BULLSHIT BULLSHIT!!
It took me 5 mins on google
Her current SO is the OM from marriage
My WH almost lost me, the mother of his 2 kids, over that piece of shit whore.
Her current SO is the OM from her marriage, and guess what she told WH, he cheated on her. If its true I hear Karma calling. LOL


ME: BS 41
Him FWH 43
Married 20 years together 22 at the time.
Working thru R.

Posts: 271 | Registered: May 2012 | From: Florida
Edie
♀ Member
Member # 26133
Default  Posted: 12:31 AM, June 3rd (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bump


Maybe a long walk in the Hindu Kush would do it?
BW (me) 52
FWS 55
Together 29 years; 2 DDs 15 & 12
Dday Dec 08 (confessed) Feb 09 16 other OW confessed. OW17 tried her unedifying hardest until Aug 09. R'd.

Posts: 4960 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: UK
TooSadToCry
♀ Member
Member # 35123
Default  Posted: 10:42 PM, June 9th (Saturday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bump


Me: BS
Him: WH
Both 44
Together since we were 18
Married 24 years
2 Teenage Sons
Dday 2/22/12

Posts: 87 | Registered: Mar 2012
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