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Newest Member: Gladiator5 (45339)

Just Found Out     Print Topic    
User Topic: Honey, they always affair down
deepbreaths
♀ Member
Member # 36101
Default  Posted: 9:24 PM, July 13th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

AMAZING! Thank you!!


BS: 35
WS: 33
children: 2 yrs, one on the way
married 13 years

Posts: 102 | Registered: Jul 2012
deathbybetrayal
♀ Member
Member # 22478
Default  Posted: 2:52 PM, July 14th (Saturday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wish I could respond to all of you individually but know that I do read everyone's responses.

It will be four years for us this week and we are solidly in R. It's been a tough road but knowing he affaired down - waaaay down - has helped me regain my confidence, which in turn aided our R. I hope it does the same of every single one of you.

DBB


Married 10 years at DDay
Me: 53 Him: 52 - Desperately trying to unfuck the donkey.
DDay: July 16, 2008
FWH Epiphany: Aug.23, 2008 NC: Aug. 28, 2008

Posts: 5624 | Registered: Jan 2009
Edie
♀ Member
Member # 26133
Default  Posted: 3:00 PM, July 14th (Saturday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi DBB

The words 'affair' and 'down' paired together are almost a tautology, are they not?


Maybe a long walk in the Hindu Kush would do it?
BW (me) 52
FWS 55
Together 29 years; 2 DDs 15 & 12
Dday Dec 08 (confessed) Feb 09 16 other OW confessed. OW17 tried her unedifying hardest until Aug 09. R'd.

Posts: 5123 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: UK
deathbybetrayal
♀ Member
Member # 22478
Default  Posted: 3:11 PM, July 14th (Saturday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi EDIE yourself! Miss you and hope you're doing well.

The words 'affair' and 'down' paired together are almost a tautology, are they not?

Absolutely. I believe it more now (four years later) than I even did early on. Haven't seen many examples to prove it false that's for sure.

DBB


Married 10 years at DDay
Me: 53 Him: 52 - Desperately trying to unfuck the donkey.
DDay: July 16, 2008
FWH Epiphany: Aug.23, 2008 NC: Aug. 28, 2008

Posts: 5624 | Registered: Jan 2009
MartlArts
♀ Member
Member # 36130
Default  Posted: 3:37 PM, July 14th (Saturday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My H had an OEA with an old HS GF who tracked him down decades later. She is his age (10 yr older than me) but looks as if she could be my mom, except that my mom at 80 is much prettier than this woman in her 60s! However, my FWH admitted that when they were talking he was thinking of the teenager she once was, not what she is now. I am sure if she lived close and they met for coffee he would never have thought to talk intimately with her.


excerpt from an awesome quote "Forgiveness - the finishing of old business that allows us to experience the present, free of contamination from the past."

Posts: 1003 | Registered: Jul 2012
jandjs1st
♀ Member
Member # 36087
Default  Posted: 3:43 PM, July 14th (Saturday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I found this forum earlier this week. I love your post and it is so true. Many thanks to you and others who are so encouraging.


BW-32
FWH- 33
2 DD
Status - Working on it
d-day- April 21, 12

Posts: 180 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Southeast
Edie
♀ Member
Member # 26133
Default  Posted: 8:53 AM, July 22nd (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Maybe a long walk in the Hindu Kush would do it?
BW (me) 52
FWS 55
Together 29 years; 2 DDs 15 & 12
Dday Dec 08 (confessed) Feb 09 16 other OW confessed. OW17 tried her unedifying hardest until Aug 09. R'd.

Posts: 5123 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: UK
MistyMemories
♀ Member
Member # 36197
Default  Posted: 9:16 AM, July 22nd (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bump!!!

I found this several weeks ago, printed it out and read it daily. It has helped me to understand the Who, How, & Why.
And it really fits my situation as my hubby is in a serious depression.


You've become nothing more than a disappointing memory.

Posts: 105 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Ohio
helpmi
♀ New Member
Member # 36201
Default  Posted: 11:56 AM, July 22nd (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

i love this. give me some relief from my hell.

Posts: 21 | Registered: Jul 2012
tinysteps
♀ Member
Member # 36104
Default  Posted: 4:38 PM, July 22nd (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have said this before that this post has given me insight and most of all strength.It has helped me more than any other post or link on the Internet.
IT SHOULD BE REQUIRED READING for all Betrayed Spouses. Can it be posted permanently at the top of this forum?
Please
Peace


BS-Me (48)
WH-Him (54)
M-12yrs Together 15 years
D'Day April 20, 2012
On the R Rollercoaster

How will see the great things ahead of us if we keep looking back at the bad things behind us?


Posts: 83 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: My heart is at the beach
10YearsLater
♀ New Member
Member # 36097
Happy  Posted: 4:40 PM, July 22nd (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can add my certainty here that my WH did indeed affair down. On a similar note, even though my WH is better looking than her BH she affair-ed down too. My WH is a psychopath who will make her life a living hell.


Done being co-dependent.
A BS who gave ten years and is saying NO MORE after another affair. Learning to love myself again.
Last D-Day: 07/09/12 at 6:30pm

Posts: 15 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Atwater, Ohio
s+++forbrains
Member
Member # 18128
Default  Posted: 6:28 PM, July 22nd (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

LOVE THIS and it has truly helped me!! I have also shared it with other people who are in similar situations.

Posts: 178 | Registered: Feb 2008
mamak
♀ Member
Member # 35969
Default  Posted: 7:31 PM, July 24th (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I thank you so much for this post. I believe that my WH did affair down and wow does this post make me feel so much better!


Me - 37, Him - 34
Married - 12 years
Three kiddos (oldest is mine) - 9, 11,13
DDay #1 - 4/21/2012, Discovered 3 mo. EA (texts, phone calls, nude pics, sexting, 1 kiss)
R - 4/24/12. R going well

Posts: 287 | Registered: Jun 2012
Madmichaelj
♂ Member
Member # 35192
Default  Posted: 9:19 PM, July 24th (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What a wonderfully eye-opening post!

I however, after finding out just how low my Wife's AP was feel terrible.

I wonder each and every day why she would risk me and our beautiful family for a man 3 times divorced, 4 estranged children, no-contact orders on all the above, domestic violence history, last wife was a prostitute, kicked out of the Army for mental health conditions ( diagnosed as a sociopath) preventing him from carrying firearms, and she had sex with him in his shared apartment on a mattress on the floor, all the while I was in southern afghanistan fighting for the very freedoms that allowed her to stray. He was 6 years older then me yet half my rank and served only an eighth of my time. Got her drunk and had non-concentual sex the first time and after crying in church the next day she goes back to him for more...

Why oh why?

Stand in the fire my priest and friend tells me. I'm standing and it sucks!


"Yea Though I Walk Through The Valley Of The Shadow Of Death, I Will Fear No Evil"
Psalms 23

Posts: 112 | Registered: Mar 2012
Gottabekidding
♀ Member
Member # 35809
Revenge  Posted: 9:59 PM, July 24th (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This makes me feel better..I am a successful, professional who was living independently before I met him. I have always been proud of the fact that after my first husband passed away, I was able to provide a good living for me and my child. WH was cheating with biker chicks; 50 year old+ biker chicks..REALLY??? Of course, they were all telling him how he "deserved better" than me..these women who had never met me, and wouldn't know who I was if they ran into me in public. Sincerely hope I DO run into them one day..can't wait to let them know that I know EXACTLY who they are.

Posts: 65 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Georgia
Crushed38
♀ Member
Member # 30644
Default  Posted: 9:04 AM, July 26th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bump


It's amazing that someone can break your heart and you still love them with all of the little pieces. -unknown

Posts: 1540 | Registered: Jan 2011
tinysteps
♀ Member
Member # 36104
Default  Posted: 3:41 PM, August 5th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bump.
My favorite post on all of SI. It has soothed my broken heart over and over again.
Peace


BS-Me (48)
WH-Him (54)
M-12yrs Together 15 years
D'Day April 20, 2012
On the R Rollercoaster

How will see the great things ahead of us if we keep looking back at the bad things behind us?


Posts: 83 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: My heart is at the beach
Edie
♀ Member
Member # 26133
Default  Posted: 6:56 PM, August 17th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Maybe a long walk in the Hindu Kush would do it?
BW (me) 52
FWS 55
Together 29 years; 2 DDs 15 & 12
Dday Dec 08 (confessed) Feb 09 16 other OW confessed. OW17 tried her unedifying hardest until Aug 09. R'd.

Posts: 5123 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: UK
messedup96
♀ Member
Member # 35936
Default  Posted: 7:46 PM, August 17th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for this I ask myself why when I'm at home doing all the stuff a wife should do if he needs something when he works I bring it to him I take care of him when he is sick he's a baby when he is sick which I don't mind cause I'm needed and our kids I'm always there for the kids but, this Gutter Fish hardly ever has her kids every time I see her except once she had her kids. Ugh it still pisses me off


BS me 36
Dirtbag 36
1st A DD July 20th 1996 OW also married
2nd A DD Oct 19th 2002
3rd A DD July 17th 2012
2nd and 3rd With same psycho serial married men cheater gutter fish troll
Married 16 thisnov
Together 17 this dec
Friends 24next marc

Posts: 133 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: IL
ok4now
♀ Member
Member # 35896
Default  Posted: 8:27 PM, August 17th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((messedup96))
I know it sucks just know you are a good person and a wonderful mom and wife and hopefully he realizes what he has before it is too late. My WH OW single not a care in the world except work. She can fawn for him and give him all her attn. It is just sick. It was only an EA she refused to take it any further he still has to see her from time to time it is a customer. He forgets all I do, sometimes I fantasize that they actually get together and see how real life would be. She is fun but selfish. They do not realize what they have.
Hang in there you will see all your work will pay off if not in your marriage then in watching your kids grow up to be great adults due to your love, commitment and handwork.
Take Care,
K


BS - 39 (me)
WS - 33
DD - 6
D Day - 6/2/11 EA (would have been a PA if the OW was game)
"I'm not going to be the person I am expected to be anymore"
Blue de Chanel Commercial

Posts: 121 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Maryland
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