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Honey, they always affair down

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deepbreaths posted 7/13/2012 21:24 PM

AMAZING! Thank you!!

deathbybetrayal posted 7/14/2012 14:52 PM

I wish I could respond to all of you individually but know that I do read everyone's responses.

It will be four years for us this week and we are solidly in R. It's been a tough road but knowing he affaired down - waaaay down - has helped me regain my confidence, which in turn aided our R. I hope it does the same of every single one of you.


Edie posted 7/14/2012 15:00 PM


The words 'affair' and 'down' paired together are almost a tautology, are they not?

deathbybetrayal posted 7/14/2012 15:11 PM

Hi EDIE yourself! Miss you and hope you're doing well.

The words 'affair' and 'down' paired together are almost a tautology, are they not?

Absolutely. I believe it more now (four years later) than I even did early on. Haven't seen many examples to prove it false that's for sure.


MartlArts posted 7/14/2012 15:37 PM

My H had an OEA with an old HS GF who tracked him down decades later. She is his age (10 yr older than me) but looks as if she could be my mom, except that my mom at 80 is much prettier than this woman in her 60s! However, my FWH admitted that when they were talking he was thinking of the teenager she once was, not what she is now. I am sure if she lived close and they met for coffee he would never have thought to talk intimately with her.

jandjs1st posted 7/14/2012 15:43 PM

I found this forum earlier this week. I love your post and it is so true. Many thanks to you and others who are so encouraging.

Edie posted 7/22/2012 08:53 AM

MistyMemories posted 7/22/2012 09:16 AM


I found this several weeks ago, printed it out and read it daily. It has helped me to understand the Who, How, & Why.
And it really fits my situation as my hubby is in a serious depression.

helpmi posted 7/22/2012 11:56 AM

i love this. give me some relief from my hell.

tinysteps posted 7/22/2012 16:38 PM

I have said this before that this post has given me insight and most of all strength.It has helped me more than any other post or link on the Internet.
IT SHOULD BE REQUIRED READING for all Betrayed Spouses. Can it be posted permanently at the top of this forum?

10YearsLater posted 7/22/2012 16:40 PM

I can add my certainty here that my WH did indeed affair down. On a similar note, even though my WH is better looking than her BH she affair-ed down too. My WH is a psychopath who will make her life a living hell.

s+++forbrains posted 7/22/2012 18:28 PM

LOVE THIS and it has truly helped me!! I have also shared it with other people who are in similar situations.

mamak posted 7/24/2012 19:31 PM

I thank you so much for this post. I believe that my WH did affair down and wow does this post make me feel so much better!

Madmichaelj posted 7/24/2012 21:19 PM

What a wonderfully eye-opening post!

I however, after finding out just how low my Wife's AP was feel terrible.

I wonder each and every day why she would risk me and our beautiful family for a man 3 times divorced, 4 estranged children, no-contact orders on all the above, domestic violence history, last wife was a prostitute, kicked out of the Army for mental health conditions ( diagnosed as a sociopath) preventing him from carrying firearms, and she had sex with him in his shared apartment on a mattress on the floor, all the while I was in southern afghanistan fighting for the very freedoms that allowed her to stray. He was 6 years older then me yet half my rank and served only an eighth of my time. Got her drunk and had non-concentual sex the first time and after crying in church the next day she goes back to him for more...

Why oh why?

Stand in the fire my priest and friend tells me. I'm standing and it sucks!

Gottabekidding posted 7/24/2012 21:59 PM

This makes me feel better..I am a successful, professional who was living independently before I met him. I have always been proud of the fact that after my first husband passed away, I was able to provide a good living for me and my child. WH was cheating with biker chicks; 50 year old+ biker chicks..REALLY??? Of course, they were all telling him how he "deserved better" than me..these women who had never met me, and wouldn't know who I was if they ran into me in public. Sincerely hope I DO run into them one day..can't wait to let them know that I know EXACTLY who they are.

Crushed38 posted 7/26/2012 09:04 AM


tinysteps posted 8/5/2012 15:41 PM

My favorite post on all of SI. It has soothed my broken heart over and over again.

Edie posted 8/17/2012 18:56 PM

messedup96 posted 8/17/2012 19:46 PM

Thank you for this I ask myself why when I'm at home doing all the stuff a wife should do if he needs something when he works I bring it to him I take care of him when he is sick he's a baby when he is sick which I don't mind cause I'm needed and our kids I'm always there for the kids but, this Gutter Fish hardly ever has her kids every time I see her except once she had her kids. Ugh it still pisses me off

ok4now posted 8/17/2012 20:27 PM

I know it sucks just know you are a good person and a wonderful mom and wife and hopefully he realizes what he has before it is too late. My WH OW single not a care in the world except work. She can fawn for him and give him all her attn. It is just sick. It was only an EA she refused to take it any further he still has to see her from time to time it is a customer. He forgets all I do, sometimes I fantasize that they actually get together and see how real life would be. She is fun but selfish. They do not realize what they have.
Hang in there you will see all your work will pay off if not in your marriage then in watching your kids grow up to be great adults due to your love, commitment and handwork.
Take Care,

btl1980 posted 8/17/2012 21:25 PM

deathbybetrayal - those were the most empowering words i've read to date (and heaven knows i've read a lot!!).

i think i'll make it a habit to read that at least once daily. thanks so much!

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