Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
Find a Local Couselor
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: charlichuck (44233)

Just Found Out     Print Topic    
User Topic: Honey, they always affair down
BullGirl
♀ Member
Member # 23685
Frustrated  Posted: 1:58 PM, November 20th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU. Haven't been here in a while (work is nuts). I needed some inspiration today and this is IT!!!! I feel so, so much better now. (((((((deathbybetrayal)))))


Me: BW, 42
Him: WH, 50
Married 5 years, together for 6
4 legged children (2 boys)
D-Day - 3/23/09
Filed for divorce and looking forward to whatever the future holds.

Posts: 241 | Registered: Apr 2009 | From: Dallas, TX
deathbybetrayal
♀ Member
Member # 22478
Default  Posted: 2:16 PM, November 20th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You are welcome.

As a side bar - this was never meant to excuse the behavior of the wayward spouse, or to deflect blame away from them. The original intent was inspired after spending about an hour on the phone with a newly betrayed spouse who was having a difficult time in resolving the issue that the OW was in some way "better than her."

I've seen it so many times (and watched myself do this so I know first hand) that soon after DDay, that the BW is down, on the ground, in a fetal position, experiencing gut-wrenching pain - and then to actually see the OW in person or a photo, and all of the "he threw me away for 'that'????"

They are not looking to "trade up," and more often than not, they don't want to "trade" at all.

It was written for BWs - as I imagine a BH's response might be different. Not that the pain is different, but the self esteem issues of the male ego are different.

Hugs and peace to everyone today who is suffering, in pain, or somewhere else along the path to recovery.

Edited for another stupid typo.

[This message edited by deathbybetrayal at 2:37 PM, November 21st (Saturday)]


Married 10 years at DDay
Me: 53 Him: 52 - Desperately trying to unfuck the donkey.
DDay: July 16, 2008
FWH Epiphany: Aug.23, 2008 NC: Aug. 28, 2008

Posts: 5624 | Registered: Jan 2009
Pepper_95
♀ Member
Member # 25858
Default  Posted: 3:38 PM, November 20th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Another Thank You for this!

Watching my father have multiple A's growing up and seeing some of the OW, I had to wonder WTH he could have been thinking.

Now with my WS, I have been left wondering the same thing. My WS has told me that he has the wife that his co workers dream about (they apparantly tell him how lucky he is). DH has an EA/texting with two people employed at his company, both of whom are just the polar opposite of everything he has ever been interested in. I think he just soaked in the adoration they gave him. Whatever!


"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

Posts: 186 | Registered: Oct 2009 | From: limbo
ImDone09
♀ New Member
Member # 26156
Default  Posted: 3:43 PM, November 20th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

yeah but what if they don't leave her, and they leave you....what does that say about the BW.


"Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option."

Posts: 18 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: Illinois
Where2Now
♀ Member
Member # 21701
Default  Posted: 5:35 PM, November 20th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

yeah but what if they don't leave her, and they leave you....what does that say about the BW

ImDone - in my opinion it's saying they both deserve one another. Honestly I'm not trying to be smart here - I see you are a new poster. No BW ever, ever deserves to have to deal with this - they are never responsible for anyone else's poor judgement calls.


Me - 57
WH - 62
D-Day 8/13/08
OW - 28
Married 39 years
D/Day #2 - April 4, 2010 - husband confessed to a couple of times of unprotected sex with a prostitute - just prior to the ambulance coming to the house to take him to the hospital.

Posts: 241 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: Colorado
deathbybetrayal
♀ Member
Member # 22478
Default  Posted: 5:39 PM, November 20th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It says that they are still foggy, perhaps to the point of fucktardation.

Even if they leave, it does NOT mean that they are trading up. For the life of me, I can't imagine why anyone would want a partner they just pulled away from someone else.

For the record, my first husband had an A and left for the OW (9 days after seeing her for the first time since college - we had been married 16 years) and in fact, he married her. She was a total mess. Their marriage was a total shamble. He left her two years later AFTER she ruined his relationship with his children, sucked every penny she could out of him, losing their home, cars, everything including his dignity. Did he trade up just because he married her? I think not. Ask him today and he'll tell you the same thing. We get along quite well now.


Married 10 years at DDay
Me: 53 Him: 52 - Desperately trying to unfuck the donkey.
DDay: July 16, 2008
FWH Epiphany: Aug.23, 2008 NC: Aug. 28, 2008

Posts: 5624 | Registered: Jan 2009
ImDone09
♀ New Member
Member # 26156
Default  Posted: 7:15 PM, November 20th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I asked because I am the one who was screwed over by my husband, he left me and is now with her and she is NASTY! Makes me feel like shit.


"Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option."

Posts: 18 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: Illinois
foreverchangedwi
♀ Member
Member # 15368
Default  Posted: 1:44 PM, November 21st (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In my opinion the majority of adultery takes place between people who are morally broken.

There is nothing about a woman or man that will cheat to honor or respect.

Thus the inner fight I have in reconciling with "MY" cheater.
But I have a prior relationship with him. I know that he is remorseful, sorry, ashamed, pissed at himself, most of all, I love him.
Her, I don't owe anything but a bitch-slap.


BW-me
FWH-him
D-Day-1/24/06


The measure of a person is not based upon the words that they speak, but upon the choices that they make- {Borrowed from lieshurt}


Posts: 1557 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Florida
ShatteredAndDone
♀ Member
Member # 26067
Default  Posted: 1:56 PM, November 21st (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

fucktardation

Thank you dbb That is a great word!!

[This message edited by ShatteredAndDone at 1:56 PM, November 21st (Saturday)]


Never make someone your priority, when they only make you an option.
Trust the instinct to the end, though you can render no reason. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Posts: 1476 | Registered: Nov 2009
lookslikeaduck
♀ Member
Member # 12103
Default  Posted: 7:56 AM, November 26th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bumping


BS oct 2009 ..... never make someone your priority if they only make you a option

Posts: 374 | Registered: Sep 2006
lookslikeaduck
♀ Member
Member # 12103
Default  Posted: 3:47 AM, November 30th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bumping again just to keep this great post up there


BS oct 2009 ..... never make someone your priority if they only make you a option

Posts: 374 | Registered: Sep 2006
realgood2u
♀ Member
Member # 20940
Default  Posted: 11:44 PM, December 5th (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump


http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/phi/187640237.html

"Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live."


Posts: 378 | Registered: Sep 2008
onhold
Member
Member # 17394
Default  Posted: 5:08 AM, December 6th (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

in my case he affaired 15 yrs younger and qualifications and pay higher.

should i feel better or worse? sure i think he affaired down in finding a female with no morals


Posts: 88 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: Erurope
2muchhurt
♂ Member
Member # 22071
Default  Posted: 6:24 AM, December 6th (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow!!!..Thanks for the bump and the insight on this one. I never knew how women thought of the OW. It is different for men.

Posts: 68 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Alabama
invictus
♀ Member
Member # 21623
Default  Posted: 6:49 AM, December 6th (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for bumping this -- it really put a few things into perspective for me.

I have never wondered whether OW might be in any way "better" than me, but I did think I wanted to know just WHY this one was "special" enough to end a 31 year marriage. -- bottom line, she wasn't.

My faith, family and friends have helped me through this to the point that I realize I am the special one. I am too special to be cheated on and treated poorly. Sometimes, I am overwhelmed at all the love and support that has been freely given, and I am extremely grateful.

This post drove it home for me.

Now, if the EX will just honor the dissolution that was deemed equitable in court without trying to be "relieved" of any of it... my healing can be completed.

THANK YOU for this post, the responses and the bump up.

"i"


♥ One should rather die than be betrayed. There is no deceit in death. It delivers precisely what it has promised. Betrayal, though ... betrayal is the willful slaughter of hope. ~Steven Deitz

Posts: 1862 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: Texas
Sereneaspiration
♀ Member
Member # 25296
Default  Posted: 6:50 AM, December 6th (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There are so many wonderful, insightful and helpful posts here at SI but this one in particular is one that really hit home with me and one I definitely needed to read!

Beautiful, brilliant!


Me (BW)-42 yo,EWH - 42yo,DD - 14
DS - 18yo
Married 3/15/92
Ddays: 12/26/1995, October 2008 (EA and sexually explicit emails),4/10/2009 (ONS A), 8/31/2009 (5 year A w/coworker), 10/5/2009 WH broke NC
C Separation
Reconciliation

Posts: 263 | Registered: Aug 2009
simplelife
♀ New Member
Member # 26402
Default  Posted: 8:59 AM, December 6th (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

this is good to read and to constantly remind us of our self-esteem while rebuilding it. THANK YOU SO MUCH deathbybetrayal, i needed that today.

during our initial confrontations, i asked my WH if the OW knew he was married and he said yes. i already told him i knew right then and there i was better than her because there is no way one should get involved with a married person. i told him i was brought up with good breeding and being unscrupulous is not in my dictionary.

if they choose to continue their affair - they deserve each other.


Posts: 16 | Registered: Dec 2009
bbee
♀ Member
Member # 17840
Default  Posted: 11:09 AM, December 6th (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for the bump! And thanks, DBB, so much. It's still something I struggle with at times. Yes, she's fourteen years younger than I, prettier, more athletic, more exciting (as in adventurous.) But she is also a mentally and emotionally broken person who went after my husband when she knew full well he was married. She wanted my life. Well she has him, and my house. And I have my self-respect.


This above all: to thine ownself be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Hamlet, Act I, Scene 3

Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none.

All's Well That Ends Well, Act I, Scene 1


Posts: 6645 | Registered: Jan 2008 | From: SE US
Murphydog
♀ Member
Member # 26365
Funny  Posted: 11:25 AM, December 6th (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

THIS ROCKS...Deathbybetrayal, you have articulated this situation beautifully....wow, wow, wow..this is a print out for me


BS-me
FWS - him trying hard to find the man I married

Posts: 80 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From:
heartbroken75
♀ Member
Member # 24311
Default  Posted: 11:43 AM, December 6th (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow, thanks DBB and thanks to everyone for bumping it up.
I really needed to read this today.


BS me:35
FWH him:39
married 15 years, together 16
children 19, 15, 14 & 13
D-day# 1 8/29/08
D-day# 2 9/29/08
D-day# 3 10/15/08
You may regret your silence once, but you will regret your words often.

Posts: 65 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Texas
Topic Posts: 914
Pages: 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11 · 12 · 13 · 14 · 15 · 16 · 17 · 18 · 19 · 20 · 21 · 22 · 23 · 24 · 25 · 26 · 27 · 28 · 29 · 30 · 31 · 32 · 33 · 34 · 35 · 36 · 37 · 38 · 39 · 40 · 41 · 42 · 43 · 44 · 45 · 46

Return to Forum: Just Found Out Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.