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Honey, they always affair down

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DancinOnThinIce posted 8/10/2013 22:13 PM

Bump again.

strongerdaybyday posted 8/10/2013 22:40 PM

New member here! Boy was that something I needed to read! and it's true. He's begging for me to forgive and told her to f*ck off and that I was irreplaceable. She said, "I can change your mind" he said, "no, no you can't"

Thanks for this!!

undonelife posted 8/12/2013 12:55 PM

Guess I'm not there yet. I feel he affaired up. She is 20 years younger. Skinny. Beautiful long hair. Has a nursing degree. I'm none of those those things. I'm 54 overweight thinning hair. They had a lot in common in the medical field & working for the same business. They texted all night and all day about work , life, kids, sex. 12,000 text +/- in 3 months. She was good in bed and always there anytime night or day for him in any possible way she could be. I can't compare. I don't really want to compare anyway. He's an ugly 52 year old man but she "loved" him anyway. Aside from her being a lying sack of shit & a weird egg for falling for an old man she's way more than me. Still working to get at the "he affaired down" place. I 180'd him & was happy without him & he hightailed it back to me. He's working hard to repair but I wish we had just gone our separate ways.

purplejacket4 posted 8/12/2013 22:40 PM

Undone life:

OW has to be incredibly broken and without values to have an affair with someone twenty years older who is married with children. I know because my mother did that. She had big time daddy issues. On the surface she may have appeared better but underneath the superficial layer she was broken.

strongerdaybyday posted 8/12/2013 22:45 PM

I agree with purplejacket - the OW for my WH has daddy issues as well - apparently, he was never around.

TS68 posted 8/12/2013 22:48 PM

i appreciate this, but it does not make me feel any better because i dont care about her... i care about the fact that my husband does not love me anymore

strongerdaybyday posted 8/12/2013 23:01 PM

TS68 - did he say this to you? if he did i'm so sorry. if he didn't please know that an affair isn't about love, it's about selfishness and self-gratification. My WH says that "I never loved her. It was about sex, and someone that didn't argue with me."

At the time my WH cheated we were both stressed and arguing and he stupidly confided in her. She tried her hardest to break up our marriage because her son needs a father and our 3 children will "get over it". After he finally got his sense back he created a NC agreement with me regarding her. That's when she really ramped up her attempts to contact me to tell me her side of the story and that "I deserved the truth" when in reality she was pissed at him and was trying to hurt him.

phoenixrivers posted 8/13/2013 00:17 AM

I stand corrected:

Me: Ph.D.

OM: maintenance man, user and
drug addict

Not enough gumption (either of them) to find someone outside of work environment where they won't jeopardize their jobs.

emotionalgirl posted 8/25/2013 11:45 AM


Someone bumped this a few days after I came to SI, and even though I have never seen the OW, it made me feel tons better...bumping it for all the new folks. It is worth the read!

By the way....a million thanks to deathbybetrayal for the initial post.

Girlietoo posted 8/25/2013 12:39 PM

The OW in our sitch is younger, skinner, and Engineer in Training...certainly seems to have a lot more going for her than I do.

However, I have something she doesn't have. Self respect and dignity. I would never stand for some old guy giving me 30mins of his time in the front seat of the car and then washing up to go home to his wife. She begged him to come see her "for coffee" she sent him half naked pictures... all to lure him to her. And he wouldn't go. That certainly proves that young and skinny didn't get her what she wanted.

Oh! My husband is an asshole for doing what he did. I don't blame her for corrupting him or anything of the sort. In fact, I feel as though he used and took advantage of a very nieve young woman who clearly has sexual issues.

Broken6 posted 9/6/2013 21:43 PM

Bump. I love this post and I copied to a word doc so I could read it often. It makes me feel better about a lousy situation. My WH was on my computer and found it. He made a snide comment. Doesn't make it any less true.

Blackhair posted 9/6/2013 22:25 PM

Bump! Love to read it again!

Blackhair posted 9/7/2013 06:59 AM

Bump again!

[This message edited by Blackhair at 7:00 AM, September 7th (Saturday)]

Broken6 posted 9/7/2013 15:36 PM

So it doesn't go to page 2, bump it again. It really is uplifting. It cements what we all think, the OP is a bottom-feeder.

Ashland13 posted 9/8/2013 11:40 AM

I try to believe this and it makes sense, but he gave up 20 years of M for OW and a host of other things...ruined his life for her...still I believe a shred of this idea because it helps to explain the kind of person who wouldn't send him packing.

What it does is make me so sad for the person he's become, if this is the did I ever think I knew him?

Edie posted 9/25/2013 16:15 PM

Very glad to return and see that this has not fallen off into archive freefall yet and that it is being kept and bumped.

heartbrokeninaz posted 9/26/2013 07:28 AM

Great post! It is true 100% Even my spouse told me this about his PA. He chose her because he knew she would. Not that she was attractive, not smart, not even a person you can have a conversation with. We all need this reminder every day.

MJane posted 9/26/2013 07:47 AM

Thanks for this - I was thinking the other day (as I cried at wedding photos) that while it kills me how he deceived me all these months how the hell could OW live being on beck & call for a lunch time sex session or when I was out of town - never being in public place, never introducing him to friends - what sort of a crappy existence would that be & what kind of a person wants that life knowing he is going home to an unsuspecting wife (he "no longer loves"!) - and the minute she forced the issue on my doorstep she got dropped - what kind of a woman takes that crap? I just don't want to feel I am as bad by keeping a H who showed deep disrespect and disloyalty...that is where the conflict comes in

MJane posted 9/26/2013 07:49 AM

strongerbytheday - my OW also wanted to "tell me the truth" to be fair to me (!!) Fair would be to keep clear of a married man with a pregnant wife....she wanted my life in every way - my home, my son, my H - and let me know she'd touched them all - sick

suposd2btheonly1 posted 9/26/2013 14:48 PM

Coming up on two months since my life took a turn for the worse and I'm so thankful I read this. Your post gave me a whole new way of thinking. Thank you so very much

bionicgal posted 9/26/2013 17:20 PM

I know, I was shocked when I first read this thread. . . I was still in threatened mode. Once I took a long, hard look at her, and myself, I realized that it was totally true. My H literally picked the least accomplished woman we knew. The least. Not that accomplishments in the outside world are everything, but seriously . . . it was kind of liberating and insulting at the same time.

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