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Honey, they always affair down
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Thanks for this thread. It's hard to remind myself that if nothing else, no matter what she looks like, the OW does not have integrity or morals, and that is something I value more highly than outward appearances.
Just found this thread, and found the above from nekorb interesting. Unfortunately it means that my WH does not have the integrity and morals that I thought he had.
I would describe OW as "plain." She is in her mid-30s (about 24 years younger than WH) and has a law degree. From what he has told me thus far (still getting TT), it was just that she was "interested" - although according to him she describes herself as a lesbian and is now recently divorced from her female husband. (My comment was that she apparently is not a lesbian but is bi-sexual.)
A definite "hit" to my self-esteem that she was younger, more educated (smarter?), and a "lesbian" to boot.
Great post! And it's so true!!
My WBF did cheat down (I'm not just saying that). I look at this woman's picture and wonder how the heck he was able to get hard?! She is very unfortunate looking with stringy hair. She's 37 but looks 57 in the photo. (Not that 57 is old - just saying how she looks). It makes me sick to my stomach. Yes, I think the OW was broken and easy to get. She has no children, never been married, extremely intelligent but very ugly....probably doesn't have many guys that knock at her door & she probably gets used a lot. I know my WBF dropped his contact with her like a hot potatoe. Basically said he wanted to work things out with his gf of almost 6 years, said he made a mistake in ATL and asked her to lose his number. So she was left where she was when they met, used and broken. Maybe one day she'll learn to stop messing with married men or men in relationships.
I agree with the post. My WW affaired down. He is funny and gave her the attention she was looking for. That's all it took.
Yep, I can agree that my WH partnered down BIG time with a work colleague.
Some "innocent emails" with a "work friend" has blossomed into a full blown affair the minute I asked him to leave 3 weeks ago!
She looks like a lesbian, is butch & has the legs of a footballer & is twice my size. She lacks class & obviously substance. The only thing she has on her side is youth, she is 30, my husband & I 43. Even at 43, I would beat her in a beauty contest hands down & this is coming from someone who has low self esteem. When I was her age my husband was proud to have me on his arm. She does not resemble me in any way shape or form, inside or out. In fact with her interest in all things masculine, she seems to be the female equivalent of my H!
I am funny, educated, loyal & honest. I even made by H laugh in arguements! I showed him the world, he had never travelled until he met me.
It is clear to me that they are feeding off each other's neediness & boosting each other's ego. I just hope being together 24/7 is too much to handle & that this affair fizzles out just as quickly as it started.
If this is all it takes for my H to stray & lose his good moral character overnight WHY do I cry everyday hoping he will wake up to himself & come home
Slightly hesitant about following the anti-gay reference above without comment as it made me feel very queasy, so am bumping and commenting!
Bumped for Seekingguidance and Purplelilac.
This was great to find, i really needed this
What if they affair down with escorts but during divorce they start dating a nice younger girl as is my case. She knew he was not divorced and we were doing in house S when he started dating this one. What do others here think? Was she wrong dating him at that time and does that also qualify as affair down?
Bump for Cardnial
JerseyCowgirl: the chick probably thinks your ws has money so she is more attracted to her imagination than to reality. And, who knows what your ws has told her about his marital circumstances. Cheaters lie and needy OW's want to believe the lies so they can justify what they're doing.
Thank you for this. It made my morning better as I'm struggling right now. Something for me to tuck away and remember when I'm having a bad moment.
I keep reminding myself of this.
She is broken, which is why she, MOW, pursued WH to begin with, and WH is broken, which is why he allowed himself to be caught.
I'm trying to fix myself, so I'm not broken anymore. But I am terribly broken hearted right now.
I desperately want to send this to the OW. Would that be wrong?
Yes, it would be wrong, I think. Not a day goes by when I don't read something on SI that I think would be of benfit to my WS. Unfortuntely, they won't read it and even if they did it is unlikely to cause a Eureka! moment in their mind.
I have sent other excerpts from the internet to my CSTBXWW and she disregards them and belittles the content. Don't you know that their lurrve is real?!!
[This message edited by allatsea at 4:16 AM, February 3rd (Monday)]
Thank you for helping reinforce my new perspective that the unprincipled slattern was chosen over me because he needed to boost his self esteem by rescuing someone.
This is so true of my situation. So true. I'm thinner, better looking, more accomplished, better in bed. If you saw the two of us side by side you wouldn't believe he'd fuck her. Our friends who know the OW were all like, "well certainly there's nothing sexual there." He had to take pains to explain that there was, as nobody could believe it. Now he's trying, as OP says, to unfuck the donkey. He even can't believe it in hind-sight. The fact is it happened in plain sight and I didn't even accuse him because I simply couldn't believe he'd fuck her. She was, it turns out, in pretty hot pursuit, though. And she caught him at a ridiculously weak moment. Medically speaking, even. He has to take some serious psychoactive shit because of a medical condition. And she was worshipful. I'm his wife. I don't know all of his stuff. She worshiped. He knows he was an idiot.
And yes, women who go after married men are really fucked up. Anyone with any sense, any confidence, won't even consider that. It's sheer desperation. And yes, my husband used all of the classic lines: sexless, loveless marriage to a bitch, and she still couldn't keep him for a week. We've been married 21 yrs. She couldn't keep him for a week. That must feel great.
[This message edited by mezmer at 9:48 AM, February 11th (Tuesday)]
What you say is very sad. Women who have an ounce of integrity and self respect do not go for married men. Most people understand that it's messed up. She doesn't. That speaks volumes.
I thought I was crazy because my first thought on d-day was how trashy she is, my thought was if you were going to throw away your family, at least she should be worth it. She is not pretty, and very trashy. Now I understand. Lol. It makes it all make sense.
This makes sense. The exWbf is cheating with a woman who has 3 kids, divorced in 2012(husband filed which is interesting, why did he want to get rid of her?), foreclosure year before and 2 bankruptcies 10 years apart. She has a job but her online job profile has her making a kissy face. Seriously. She thinks he's going to rescue her I guess, because he works hard and saves his money but she's in for a surprise because if nothing else, he is very sensitive to gold diggers. He is done paying CS for his own kids, much less chipping in on some other man's. He will test her and she won't even know it until its too late.
She constantly sends him messages all day and texts and calls to tell him she can't stop thinking about him and misses him and he likes the ego stroke for now, but soon enough that will wear off and he will get sick of it.The thing they initially like about you will be the thing that they hate at the end. She's too desperate its obvious and how you get him is how you have to keep him. I have never had to run behind a man and kiss his behind.
I can see why this post has 44 pages of replies to it... PURE GOLD, BABY! 3 weeks after DDay, this has done more to restore my self esteem and get my mind on what I want. Brilliant post, truly.