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Wayward Side Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: How much does my BS hurt? ...
stilllovinghim
♀ Member
Member # 29971
Default  Posted: 7:09 AM, August 29th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bumped for Kbstr and anyone else who's lurking or a newbie or just needs a reminder...


“You have a choice. Live or die.Every breath is a choice. Every minute is a choice. Every time you don't throw yourself down the stairs, that's a choice. Every time you don't crash your car, you re-enlist.”
― Chuck Palahniuk, Survivor

Posts: 1942 | Registered: Oct 2010
Just-a-Statistic
♀ Member
Member # 31244
Default  Posted: 9:55 AM, August 29th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bumping for the author!


Me: 50; Him: 52
DDay 6/1/11; 3 known OWs

Posts: 550 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: far away
Deeply Scared
♀ Administrator
Member # 2
Red  Posted: 10:00 AM, August 29th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just-a-Statistic...

It's really not necessary to bump this when it was just bumped less then 3 hours ago.



"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)

My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.


Posts: 197294 | Registered: May 2002
Painfool
♀ Member
Member # 33227
Default  Posted: 12:54 PM, August 30th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you to everyone who has posted here from me too. I will certainly be showing my WS to try and help him gain some understanding of the pain he has caused, as he seems to think just seeing my tears and anger tell him.

Not so at all. I have wanted to die. I have felt (and still do) severe physical pain. My very soul is screaming and there is nothing I can do to change it.

Never would a person believe such pain existed unless they had experienced it themselves, which is one of the reasons I am so glad to have found this site!


Married 9 years, together 14.
1 child, aged 6.
WS (31)
Me (30)

The bad news is there is no key to happiness. The good news is it isn't locked.


Posts: 1871 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: United Kingdom
bellamaxjoy
♀ New Member
Member # 32927
Default  Posted: 12:42 PM, September 8th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

i was glad I found this, the words were perfect to share with my WH. I hope to God he processes them.

Posts: 31 | Registered: Jul 2011
wincings_sparkle
♀ Member
Member # 27129
Default  Posted: 11:50 AM, January 13th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bumping before lost.


"When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free."
- Catherine Ponder
Me-FWW. BH-wincing_at_light

Posts: 1594 | Registered: Jan 2010
Hatingit
♀ Member
Member # 34523
Shutup  Posted: 1:01 PM, January 13th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow, that really shows how much the BS hurts. I have just recently started to feel how badly this hurts, and have tried so hard to make it stop, to help everyone through it, to see if maybe there was something I can do, to say, to change, to help him get through it. I have stopped all activities, will not do it again as I have felt the strength of love, and will never betray that again. This, however, has touched me to the core, and will serve as a reminder of all the destruction As leave behind.


Divorce final 1/27/12. In the search for me and my why. No excuses, just work and improvements for me.

Posts: 96 | Registered: Jan 2012
BetrayedandLost
♀ Member
Member # 15994
Default  Posted: 1:54 PM, January 13th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

And that is exactly how I feel today.

Thank you for bumping....out had been a long time since I read that.


Me:37 WH 38
4 kids 8,6,3& 1
DD1: 8/3/07. 2 Mo online EA
DDay#2 11/1/10 2 Month EA/PA with ho-sistant
DD#3 1/14/11 False R...nc broken
DD#4 1/17/11 admitted continued PA
Trying

Posts: 520 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: OH
BaxtersBFF
♂ Member
Member # 26859
Default  Posted: 8:24 AM, February 5th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump


WH - 44
BW - gerrygirl

Posts: 6097 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Boise
Notadoormat
♀ Member
Member # 33925
Default  Posted: 5:58 PM, February 5th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

[This message edited by Notadoormat at 9:25 AM, March 27th (Wednesday)]


Posts: 127 | Registered: Nov 2011
BaxtersBFF
♂ Member
Member # 26859
Default  Posted: 9:14 PM, March 12th (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump


WH - 44
BW - gerrygirl

Posts: 6097 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Boise
broken <3
♀ Member
Member # 35098
Default  Posted: 8:40 PM, April 3rd (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So completely consumed with bouts of tears as I read this whole thread though. I emailed the link to ws with tears in my eyes. I am in the same boat as many - I have experienced many things in my life - FOO - rape, beatings and emotional scars that may never go away - PTSD- however those things happening to me as hard as they were, and trust me - "hard" is an understatement - now, thinking back - I wasnt blindsided... Not like this and I would go back to those horrible horrible times over this PAIN... this HURT - this complete and utter betrayal from someone I thought was my best friend... It. Just. HURTS!

[This message edited by broken


Me - BS mother of 15 month old identical twin girls (conceived during HB)
Him - serial cheater
R? Still not sure if this is a deal breaker...

Posts: 459 | Registered: Mar 2012 | From: West coast Canada
Lost333
♀ Member
Member # 35182
Default  Posted: 10:17 PM, April 3rd (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

These letters are so moving...my BH has said so many similiar things to me...as a WS I never knew how much it would hurt to hurt the person that loved you the most.


Me:29,WS/BS Him:27, BS/WS (DontTreadOnMe) His Dday 2/19/12. My Dday 9/29/12
Married: 2 yrs, together 4 1/2

"And the day came when the risk it took to remain tight inside the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom" Anais Nin


Posts: 689 | Registered: Mar 2012 | From: Midwest
stilllovinghim
♀ Member
Member # 29971
Default  Posted: 7:57 AM, April 6th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump


“You have a choice. Live or die.Every breath is a choice. Every minute is a choice. Every time you don't throw yourself down the stairs, that's a choice. Every time you don't crash your car, you re-enlist.”
― Chuck Palahniuk, Survivor

Posts: 1942 | Registered: Oct 2010
SierraGrace
♀ Member
Member # 24259
Default  Posted: 9:30 AM, April 6th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sadly, there are those of us who have expressed this, in writing, verbally, emotionally, in too many tears over too many years, but aren't actually EVER heard and will never be heard.

Blessings to those WS's who HEAR this and I mean REALLY HEAR this, and DO whatever it takes to help heal your BS's, yourselves, and your relationships.

But also, Blessings to those of us not so fortunate, because the damage feels permanent and unlike anything else in life.


BSO(me): 50-ish! How did THAT happen?
~♥~ Fur-kids: 5 Cats ~♥~
Adopt a pet! Save a life!

Posts: 1577 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Sunrises to Sunsets
stilllovingher
♂ Member
Member # 29959
Default  Posted: 7:23 PM, April 13th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump


The only difference between a butt kisser and a brown noser is depth perception.
I'm sure WAL would agree.

Posts: 2405 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: still BFE, but now BFE, CA
OktoberMest
♀ Member
Member # 34173
Default  Posted: 4:17 PM, April 16th (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My BH shod this to me early in R and It made me sad.

Retrospectively, it was too early for both of us to read and fully grasp.

We discussed it tonight a re read it. It made me cry this time. It is written so calmly and with such sadness , but no malice, anger or aggression.

This IS how my BH feels every day. I know because I feel he says this to me with each look he gives me. not the look when we're just chatting, but the look he has when I know he's thinking about the A. I feel his sadness in these moments.

The bit that really gets me...I am the biggest trigger. I can't change that, but I'd give anything to do so.

[This message edited by OktoberMest at 4:19 PM, April 16th (Monday)]


Me: FWW (35) Growing up at last.
LonelyHusband: BH (41)
Dday 1: 29/Oct/11; Dday 2:15/Nov/11; last TT 15/Mar/12
In R...working my arse off.
When you're struggling with commitment to your marriage, just imagine what it's like to be a penguin.

Posts: 558 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: UK
beautifulmess7
♀ Member
Member # 35259
Default  Posted: 5:25 PM, April 16th (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The words of that letter are so incredibly true. I wish that I had the eloquence to express it all that way. I think I will let my fWH read this because we have just been talking about something similar. It's hard for him to understand sometimes how the hurt can come up to surface seemingly out of nowhere one year post DDay.

Posts: 242 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Virginia
Aubrie
♀ Member
Member # 33886
Default  Posted: 1:37 AM, July 7th (Saturday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bumping for newbies


Me - FWW * Him - QuietStand

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne

"What if I fall?" Oh but my darling, what if you fly?


Posts: 6165 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: South, Y'all!
Brwneyes
♀ Member
Member # 34147
Default  Posted: 5:47 PM, July 7th (Saturday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Im so sad all the time. I mourn the second child we'll never have. I wish Id never met him.


Me- BS 34
Him WS 33

Together 15 years Married 12 1 child 3


Posts: 121 | Registered: Dec 2011
Topic Posts: 163
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