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Topic: One Night Stand Support Thread - II
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hurting38
♀ Member
Member # 29829 |  Posted: 3:53 PM, March 22nd (Tuesday), 2011 |     |
I am working on tracking down the email address the picture was forwarded to...its based out of sunnydale CA....not IL . Sunnydale is no where near where he use to live either. Nothing is making sense here? I paid $10 and the info on the roland account is unlisited yet I can pull up his email account and get detailed info about him. Its like someone is hiding behind the roland account. This is unbelievable! Its almost like its a duplicate shell , I dont think my H is this tech savvy. WTH?
DD#1-7/9/10 WH=32 Me=38
ONS(on 7/5/10) w/ stranger out of town. He confessed,I had no idea.
tt truth 3/22-3/28 true D day #2 3/28/11 cyber A spanning 2 1/2 yrs
3/11/11 d day #3-found texts/phone calls to "friend", its an exit affair.
Posts: 301 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: ILLINOIS | tsol25
♀ Member
Member # 29461 | | Posted: 5:35 PM, March 22nd (Tuesday), 2011 | |
Hurting,
this sounds so confusing! The only reason I can think someone would send a picture to show the difference after a surgery (especially one without a face) would be after something that would drastically change their physical appearance. But then why not update the facebook profile? I'm not too tech savy either but try googling the email address it was forwarded too. When I did that I got a lot of sites (not necessarily bad ones) that he had signed up for with that account. Maybe you can catch a profile with the email and see if it appears to be your wh. The investigative forum is better at this than me. I also think you can mess with the location of an email account. I think I remember you saying your wh is doing something engineering (sorry if I'm remembering this wrong) but that's generally a techy field and even if it has nothing to do with computers, maybe it's a base. I don't like the underwear and I don't like the deleted message. But I do hope that this is just your wh being an idiot and nothing more. 
Jana,
In your case I sort of agree that it's best to stay out of assbrain + family's business. He sounds like a nutcase. The only situation with someone I feel I should tell would be with the online twit. She's engage  at 19 and they've only be consistently together for less than a year right now . So I SORT of feel like her fiance should know what he's signing up for. He doesn't like her use of the website that was causing issues a few months ago but don't worry "wbf is gay"  I had to mock wbf for that. When I get angry I'm usually bitter and sarcastic so "Aww hunny, you like this online skank so much, you let her tell her bf that your gay? Isn't that noble of you" To which he replied "I didn't know she said that until now" "Ok, but don't ya kinda think that signals a problem?" Ok, I'm digressing. But I did really want to send him all of the conversations I had. Now I've taken the stand that she's not messing in my life so I won't mess with hers. Maybe not the one that will win me a humanitarian award, but that's the way it'll be for now.
Plt,
Am contemplating a vacation by myself to clear my head, before we make permanent decisions.
I think this sounds like a good idea. In the summer, I'm planning a weekend away with girl friends which is so unlike me, my getaways are always with wbf. But even though things are getting better, I think some time without him will do me well.
So I finally (I hope) got through to wbf on the fact that if I do in fact enter his thoughts throughout the day, he would do well to text me and say so. So, he set an alarm to text me he can be so dense sometimes. BUT, yesterday he slept through this alarm and texted me later in the afternoon. Today, he again slept through his alarm, but he CALLED me (just as I was telling poopylala I was going to throw him over a cliff). A phone call is so out of the norm for us (I'm not a fan of phone conversations at all) and for the most part it made me really happy. That list is still taking a toll on my head I think. I've been more down than my recent "normal". For some reason also, I've been thinking about the details and how I don't have many. I think it's triggered by the list, setting my mind back to the past but I don't know if I want to ask for them.
me - tsol, that's all for now
Posts: 1202 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Canada | JanaGreen
♀ Member
Member # 29341 | | Posted: 9:38 AM, March 23rd (Wednesday), 2011 | |
((tsol)) It always takes me a few days to recover when something like that (the list) happens. I'm sorry you're feeling down!
hurting, I'm worried about you! I hope everything is ok and that he had some very good explanations for this crap. (((((hurting)))))
We're both in our 30s. One beautiful 3-year-old daughter.
Posts: 5093 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South | hurting38
♀ Member
Member # 29829 | | Posted: 2:19 PM, March 23rd (Wednesday), 2011 | |
hello everyone,
I wish I could say I am any closer to the truth this is a long one so here it goes. I swear this is going to be the MOST bizarre story ever.
I happened upon a photo like I said of a woman from the neck down . The email was in the sent file but no signs of it in any other file. It was forwarded to an address roland7878@-------com , my husband's account that i was on is ronin7878----------com.
I think I told you before about the check I did to verify some of the email info, and H information is out there ,name address, photo etc...its quite scary all the info. He has given me all passwords including this email, school , fb and myspace(which he is hardly ever on). I really only check fb and this one . recently he switched his primary to a gmail account because of his andriod phone requires he has one.
I figured out that the woman was a my space/fb friend that he uses for gaming ie... mafia wars, mobsters etc... and emailed her asking about the photo.
In the meantime, WH said he has spoken to her a couple of times over IM but the last time was about 1 year ago and never really more than chit chat and usually about the games. She emails me back saying in fact she just talked to WH a couple of weeks ago, once before her corrective surgery and once again after when she asked him if he wanted to see the results and he said yes, last week.
My husband was calm and confused by this whole thing. I had already texted him by this point that he needed to call into work and figure this out. I told him I wanted him out tonight because he was lying to me. He swore again he was not.
I get home and confront him with her emails. He reads them and looks at me and says " I dont know what to say, I know this looks bad, and I dont know who this woman talked to but it was not me." He was not defensive, just looked exhausted and confused.
As far as the photo, when I asked him why there was a photo of a woman on his email account, he pulled it up and said oh my god, i have no idea where that came from?
The dilemma.....he came forward with the ONS, why confess to that and not to this? During our discussion last night I said, this is not a dealbreaker but I need to know, the lady said you were never inappropriate with her so this is not a federal offense here, just a boundary issue. WHY wouldnt he take the opportunity at that point to throw her under the bus, say something like yeah we talked and she sent it , i never asked for it or something along those lines?
He admitted how bad it looked and that he can understand why I am so upset and he wouldnt believe me either but he has no idea what this is all about.
So either my H is an evil genius that left all this identifying info out there in cyber space connected to his ronin account and is lying to me,while simotaniously proceeded to create a false roland account and backtrack to cover his tracks OR he was hacked. I know how it sounds, hard to believe myself but none of this makes sense!!
At that point last night, he talked about ending it because this is what he was afraid of, if something suspicious came up, we would be knocked back down to d day again. He cried and said he was so sorry for the ONS and destroying our marriage.
I asked him so you are giving up? He said he doesnt want to but he does not know how much more of this he can take. Me neither I replied.
I told him I love him and want to believe him and dont want him to go but I wont fight him if he leaves.
Some time passed, he helped me get the kids to bed. I melt down, sobbing in the bathroom while he holds me. He tells me there is no way he is going anywhere tonight with me in this condition. He held me while I sobbed and he cried too. He says, I hate watching what I have done to you with all of this, I am so sorry , I love you. If I talked to her I would admit it,but I did not I swear.
Once I regained my composure and settled down, I said, I am ok, if you want to go, go ahead . He turned to me and said that he doesnt want to leave either, he hopes we can get through this but what this is doing to me(hurting) if its all too much and you want me out, I want you to know that I will not abadon you financially. You have been so good to me when you shouldnt of (meaning ONS) and supporting me and I will keep helping out with the household expenses as long as I can. You deserve at least that after what I have done to you with the ONS. 
He gave me an out, I did not take it....does that make me a fool? I dont know.
There has been absolutely NOTHING that has been out of place with what he tells me and what I find. He has ALWAYS proven himself consistent ,never lying to me about any of this. Full transparency with the emails, yet this woman seems VERY convincing so I really dont think she is duping me on her end.
So we are still together but my heart is mangled. Our resolve is weakened a great deal . He has shut down the ronin account and is in the process of shutting down my space(he has blogs on there he wants to keep so he needs to download), has promised to eliminate all his female gaming friends from FB.
The only thing I have left to try is I am dropping $100 (ouch) for a service through emailfinder.com to get guaranteed details about who owns that roland account. He does not know I am doing this, its for my own piece of mind but honestly, i dont know if it will get me anything concrete. With all the info that I saw floating out there in his WH name, anyone can open another email account in WH name pretty easily if you know what I mean.
I know, its sounds crazy and like bullshit but this man is NOT a player, plus why the HELL lie about this and not the ONS to begin with? I am at a total loss....The other thing is WHY do this on an account that he knows I check?
You can 2x4 me guys, I understand.
On a diff note, yesterday when all this crap was falling down, I get a call for a 3rd and final interview for a job in my field working for my current large employer making several thousand more a year :) What a day!
[This message edited by hurting38 at 2:27 PM, March 23rd (Wednesday)]
DD#1-7/9/10 WH=32 Me=38
ONS(on 7/5/10) w/ stranger out of town. He confessed,I had no idea.
tt truth 3/22-3/28 true D day #2 3/28/11 cyber A spanning 2 1/2 yrs
3/11/11 d day #3-found texts/phone calls to "friend", its an exit affair.
Posts: 301 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: ILLINOIS | tsol25
♀ Member
Member # 29461 | | Posted: 2:54 PM, March 23rd (Wednesday), 2011 | |
Holy crap hurting,
I don't know. That is really more confusing than my brain can handle!
Note that I'm speaking from where I am/'ve been. That being said, wbf confessed to the ons literally ASAP! He called me on a day when we weren't going to be seeing each other. He called in the morning -hes rarely even alive during the AM. But he would not admit to the online thing. He also lied about asking someone out 3 years ago (I like to believe that he's grown since that point) but the theory behind TT -im not saying that's what this is just saying the theory -that the wh decides what to tell bs. They decide what they can or cannot handle and what they should and should not hide. In my case none of it made sense. "I will tell her that I had a ons but not that I talk to someone online". Ok going off topic here. For me it seems to familiar.
It is very possible for someone to create a fake account but who and why? It could be a stranger who wants to do less than stellar things. If you could see what else is going on in that account.
But why would he use the account he know you check? Sigh...I'm hoping you get some more information and I hope its good.
me - tsol, that's all for now
Posts: 1202 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Canada | hurting38
♀ Member
Member # 29829 | | Posted: 2:58 PM, March 23rd (Wednesday), 2011 | |
ugh....good point tsol...keep them coming guys... i need opinions
DD#1-7/9/10 WH=32 Me=38
ONS(on 7/5/10) w/ stranger out of town. He confessed,I had no idea.
tt truth 3/22-3/28 true D day #2 3/28/11 cyber A spanning 2 1/2 yrs
3/11/11 d day #3-found texts/phone calls to "friend", its an exit affair.
Posts: 301 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: ILLINOIS | JanaGreen
♀ Member
Member # 29341 | | Posted: 3:17 PM, March 23rd (Wednesday), 2011 | |
I want SO BADLY to believe him. I kept checking today to see if you'd updated.
I want to think, like you - why would he confess to the ONS but hide this?
I think tsol's points are very valid.
Maybe to him online stuff isn't "real" cheating but a ONS crossed the line?
I don't want to think that, I want to think that this woman is completely confused, that she's been talking to someone else.
I would continue your investigating, hurting. I think it's possible that this is all just a big mistake but there are just so many loose ends here.
I'm so so terribly sorry. (((((HURTING)))))
We're both in our 30s. One beautiful 3-year-old daughter.
Posts: 5093 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South | JanaGreen
♀ Member
Member # 29341 | | Posted: 4:04 PM, March 23rd (Wednesday), 2011 | |
This may sound kind of drastic, but what about a polygraph?
We're both in our 30s. One beautiful 3-year-old daughter.
Posts: 5093 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South | hurting38
♀ Member
Member # 29829 | | Posted: 4:37 PM, March 23rd (Wednesday), 2011 | |
Nope I draw that line at that. Not only are they not reliable, if I have to be in a relationship where that is necessary, forget it.
I wont do it.
Going to wait to see what this search gets me and go from there I guess.
DD#1-7/9/10 WH=32 Me=38
ONS(on 7/5/10) w/ stranger out of town. He confessed,I had no idea.
tt truth 3/22-3/28 true D day #2 3/28/11 cyber A spanning 2 1/2 yrs
3/11/11 d day #3-found texts/phone calls to "friend", its an exit affair.
Posts: 301 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: ILLINOIS | tsol25
♀ Member
Member # 29461 | | Posted: 4:51 PM, March 23rd (Wednesday), 2011 | |
I too have been on the edge of my seat over this. I REALLY REALLY hope that it's a mess of a confusion. I'd keep trying to talk to both of them though, see if you can find a glitch anywhere. Also your wh said that he did talk to her (a year ago), that means he admitted to knowing her....
The only thing I can think is that she has two of her friends confused? But she told you his name etc right? dlfkjadklfjaldkjf
I'm going to stop thinking via keyboard because I over-analyze and it's not going in the direction I want. Tsol going on standby
me - tsol, that's all for now
Posts: 1202 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Canada | hurting38
♀ Member
Member # 29829 | | Posted: 8:31 AM, March 24th (Thursday), 2011 | |
I am workingon 4 hours of sleep....this is seriously crazy. I am closer to some truths but no closer to definitive proof.
I am hoping to catch him in a direct lie but some of his behavior is too questionable to ignore.
I ended up punching my wall repeatley and screaming and throwing my phone last night so i am waiting here at work (they happen to have a promptcare in the medical building I work in to get my hand xrayed. fortunately it was my right hand and I am left handed. I can type with a little pain.
I sent this woman another email to get more answers and will hopefully have a more complete story soon enough.
DD#1-7/9/10 WH=32 Me=38
ONS(on 7/5/10) w/ stranger out of town. He confessed,I had no idea.
tt truth 3/22-3/28 true D day #2 3/28/11 cyber A spanning 2 1/2 yrs
3/11/11 d day #3-found texts/phone calls to "friend", its an exit affair.
Posts: 301 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: ILLINOIS | hard_yards
♀ Member
Member # 23549 | | Posted: 8:50 AM, March 24th (Thursday), 2011 | |
(((hurting38)))
Can you take the day as a sick day? Is there anyone IRL that you can lean on right now? I'm so sorry that you find yourself in this position after all the hurt you've been through and the hard work you've done.
I hope you get some answers soon.
Hugs honey.
I feel like I'm in a parallel universe... everything looks the same... but something's just not right...
Posts: 1096 | Registered: Apr 2009 | tsol25
♀ Member
Member # 29461 | | Posted: 10:25 AM, March 24th (Thursday), 2011 | |
T/j
Hurting I'm a lefty too!
My head is spinning right along with you. When you say some of his behaviour is too questionable, what do you mean by that? Is he doing things that suggest this is his account and there is an issue? Or that there are things that make this less possible?
Oh I'm so sorry! I hate that this is happening. Were going to have to rename our thread to ONS support + other miscellaneous things our stupid ons-having ws do (((Hurting)))
me - tsol, that's all for now
Posts: 1202 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Canada | JanaGreen
♀ Member
Member # 29341 | | Posted: 10:31 AM, March 24th (Thursday), 2011 | |
Hurting, I'm just sick right now thinking of what you must be feeling. I'm so so terribly sorry. GOD. I am so angry at him for doing this shit after you forgave him and let him stay in your life.
We're both in our 30s. One beautiful 3-year-old daughter.
Posts: 5093 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South | hurting38
♀ Member
Member # 29829 | | Posted: 1:48 PM, March 25th (Friday), 2011 | |
i will post more later....please send me strength and positive thoughts today at 3:45pm cst I am interviewing so I dont want to go into detail just before I walk in there.
I all but have the smoking gun. He did it, he does not know I know for sure ,my last hope is that he is planning on fessing up to all this this weekend AFTER this interview because he knows how important this interview is to me.
I think i just lost my best friend. 
DD#1-7/9/10 WH=32 Me=38
ONS(on 7/5/10) w/ stranger out of town. He confessed,I had no idea.
tt truth 3/22-3/28 true D day #2 3/28/11 cyber A spanning 2 1/2 yrs
3/11/11 d day #3-found texts/phone calls to "friend", its an exit affair.
Posts: 301 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: ILLINOIS | tsol25
♀ Member
Member # 29461 | | Posted: 2:25 PM, March 25th (Friday), 2011 | |
Oh hurting, I was so worried yesterday when I couldn't get on to check for updates. Hoping for all the best with your interview and all that's going on
(((Hurting)))
me - tsol, that's all for now
Posts: 1202 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Canada | poopylala
♀ Member
Member # 30119 | | Posted: 2:44 PM, March 25th (Friday), 2011 | |
I found out wbf sent a letter claiming OW#1 (didn't know anything at that time, thought she was just an online gaming friend) was the best thing that ever happened to him and he was sorry he lied (about having a gf the whole time...) Anyways I found out because I went through his main email account and in the sent folder was that email that he sent to a secret email account. I managed to get into the secret one where I found the sent email to OW#1 and right above it were the pics we took together on Halloween which was like a week and a half after this email was sent. Ironic that he'd have those two things on that email account. I immediately confronted wbf about the email and he was so shocked that I found anything out but lied about the relationship he had with OW#1- claimed it might've been slightly more than just friends. This lead to me snooping some more and 2 days later I found hotel confirmations from him and OW#2's stay where they had a ONS. I found out in January by talking to OW#1 that it was actually a OEA turned PA and that his trip to visit a friend with cancer in Dallas was actually to visit her for a whole weekend. When I confronted him about the ONS he confessed but totally lied until I called him out on it about his PA with OW#1. He later told me he didn't tell me the full truth when I blatantly asked if he slept with OW#1 because he "knew I'd leave him" yet immediately after I asked if he slept with OW#2 and he said yes. 
I never understand what goes on in their minds...
Hurting, I'm so sorry and I don't know what you mean by "he did it" other than maybe he did make that other account? I truly hope not because that's just such an awful feeling finding these secret accounts. I read somewhere that when they leave these little traces of clues behind it's because they subconsciously want to be caught.. I think it's more arrogance really. Sorry for the tangent but I really really hope you're doing okay and that youre interview is going well.
BGF (me)- 24
FWBF (him)- 23
in a LTR
forgiven and in R :)
"To err is human.
To forgive,
divine"
Posts: 909 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: Houston, TX | JanaGreen
♀ Member
Member # 29341 | | Posted: 2:56 PM, March 25th (Friday), 2011 | |
I all but have the smoking gun. He did it, he does not know I know for sure ,my last hope is that he is planning on fessing up to all this this weekend AFTER this interview because he knows how important this interview is to me.
Oh SHIT. SHIT SHIT SHIT.
I am so so so sorry.
Hurting, DAMN IT, I am so fucking angry for you right now.
I'm so sorry.
I hope the interview went well despite all this.
I am so sorry.
We're both in our 30s. One beautiful 3-year-old daughter.
Posts: 5093 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South | peacelovetea
♀ Member
Member # 26071 | | Posted: 3:38 PM, March 25th (Friday), 2011 | |
OHHHHH Hurting. I don't know what to say. I hope your latest update sounds worse than it is. And I hope you ROCKED that interview!!
Not much new to report here, just waiting for MC on Monday night to go over potential options. Continuing to try to articulate what I need right now. Had interesting discussion with WH yesterday about his lack of emotional expression making me anxious and putting a wall between us. He says he doesn't know if he wants to change that. Guess that helps me make up my mind. Yet today he is texting me nonstop. Go figure.
Oh, and he has been reading SI.  I wanted him to do that for a long time but now it makes me a little ... not freaked out, but... I don't know. Think he has looked up my posts? This is supposed to be my safe space... He says he may post on Wayward about our situation to get feedback. I think that is great, actually. He has been reading Not Just Friends on the recommendation of SI posts. On one hand I am so happy to see him finally doing all this. On the other, I am LIVID that he is doing this now, NOW! When I had started moving on. WTF.
Hurting, will be refreshing often. {{hugs}} [This message edited by peacelovetea at 3:41 PM, March 25th (Friday)]
BW, SAHM
D-Day: 6/5/09, drunken ONS on business trip, confessed immediately, transparent, remorseful but emotionally clueless
M 11 years, 3 kids
4/12 Tried to R for 3 years, have decided to D
12/31/12 D final
Posts: 355 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: PacNW | hurting38
♀ Member
Member # 29829 | | Posted: 10:02 PM, March 25th (Friday), 2011 | |
short again because I still havent eaten other than 2 bananas and a bunch of water today. gonna force myself to eat. I will give all the details over the weekend.
quick summary....
I figured out how to get into the roland7878 email. it was his, there was 1 explicit photo of this same woman, with her breast hanging out. it was a screen shot of her on the left and text on the right with her sign in and his sign in . She was saying, I am so shy its kinda dark in here. He is saying LOL, its ok, you dont have to if you dont want to. Ok here I go she says 
fast forward through ALOT of shit and my WH does not know I have contacted her again. End up talking to her hubby who is aware of what went on and they have a full disclosure marriage and is ok with online only stuff to a certain extent. He finally sends me this after I beg him for some answers....wife intially denied anything inappropriate ever happened between them . Here is the final message
Dear hurting,
Ok now is the time for me to be straight with you. I am understanding and sympathic to what your going thru. To be perfectly honest my wife did not disclose all the info, based on a request by your husband, who via email requested she does not reply to any email communication from you. So actually she received this email after you and her started communication and Gab is very loyal to her friends and their wishes. So she was merely doing what had been asked of her by him. Otherwise if she had gotten this email earlier you would not have recieved as much info as you did. Yes we are absolutely positive it was him because she saw him on webcam. She usually will not do open her webcam unless the other party will do the same, so she can validate she is actually talking to who she thinks she is. The webcam imagines matched of what is on Myspace and Facebook. So may not think he has a webcam but he does have it somewhere.
Just as a FYI just about all the conversation between him and her were initiated by him.
Sorry to and to provide this info and the fact that these activities have so caused so much issue.
I looked them both up on fb and they seem legit, ie....they are married, have pictures of kids, not some kooks that would make this shit up.
I am only hoping he is going to fess up on his own tonight now that the interview is done. he knew how vitally important it was to me and I am hoping at least this is why he has been lying since I found the orginal picture. If he does not, I will give him the copy of what just showed you guys and go from there.
Even if he fesses, it doesnt change the fact that he had done this online thing in the past and had not planned to tell me obviously ever. the one thing from this ONS I could hold on to was that at least he never lied
If the date on the email that the boob picture was taken is the same date it actually happened, it was in nov 2010, when we were in counseling . I did not think to look and see if I could ascertain when the boob picture happened and it all happened so fast and he has deleted all of it (another long part of story).
I just want the truth.
willl post more this weekend.
ps i ROCKED on the interview . I am so proud of myself...I wont know for 2 weeks though but I am pretty darn confident they will offer to me....today is the happiest and saddest day wrapped in one. I cant believe any of this.
There is SO many other pieces of damning evidence i am skipping because of time, will get to them soon. [This message edited by hurting38 at 10:11 PM, March 25th (Friday)]
DD#1-7/9/10 WH=32 Me=38
ONS(on 7/5/10) w/ stranger out of town. He confessed,I had no idea.
tt truth 3/22-3/28 true D day #2 3/28/11 cyber A spanning 2 1/2 yrs
3/11/11 d day #3-found texts/phone calls to "friend", its an exit affair.
Posts: 301 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: ILLINOIS | | Topic Posts: 934 | |
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