Divorced and remarried to XBH
I want to reconcile some days and some minutes I just want to move on...
All these things we ask in your son Jesus's name.. AMEN
My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.
I'm seriously struggling with my belief/faith in God. Please pray that God will make himself known to me now, that I may begin to heal, for my WW, and especially for my DS--I'm not much good to him right now.
Thank you! I am praying for all here as well.
I too have struggled with my relationship with God because of this. Not God's fault... at all.
No, this has nothing to do with God, it has to do with sin and this fallen world we live in. God does not bring us pain, but when we get into the pain we can grow and heal and be risen from the dead into new life.
He can help us win and become stronger through the experience, God makes a way, God can take on our suffering and help us as we seek Him and cling to Him as we deal with the fallout.
Think about the refining of gold...think about how these trials can refine us into better vessels to do His work on Earth, teaching us to forgive and to be grateful for what we have despite how we are treated. God loved us while we were still sinners. Jesus showed us how to love and forgive, but that does not mean we have to stay in bad relationships which are emotional abusive and defile our agreements. NO! God hates divorse for the wrong reasons, but he allows us to escape bad marriages when we cannot take it.
10 commandments...that was all. One of them was clear about sexual sin within marraige and about keeping the marriage bed pure. When defiled we are not commanded to stay in the marriage, I'm sorry it is not bibilical to say you must stay in a marriage when the spouse is cheating. NOPE and I dont care what the Pope says. It is clear in the Gospels. God bless all that come here.
The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to set the oppressed free Luke 4:18
He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds - Psalm 147:3
[This message edited by steppingup at 5:17 PM, August 1st (Friday)]
St Rita endured a difficult marriage.
Link to the novena.
I already feel I am being helped by this! Hope it helps others!
I grew up going to church but didn't really feel a deep, abiding relationship to God, just a superficial connection to some of the people I met there (I thought it was deep and abiding, but not really). However, those people didn't have problems. Everything was fine. No problems. That community attitude contributed to the difficulties I had opening up to individuals and being able to say "I'm not okay."
I started veering away from church-going when I was in college. I spent many years weaving in and out of dedication. The last time I attend a service was Mother's Day 2012 (check my tagline; a connection?) I haven't really looked back.
However, part of what exacerbates the church/ God thing for me is the fact that when I broke down sobbing at my AP's house (before we had intercourse, but after we'd come too close to it), instead of sending me home to my BH, instead of sending me to a counselor, instead of recognizing that I was really messed up, he prayed for me! (And continued to be a willing participant) Even at the time, that prayer felt like a hypocritical farce on both our parts. Nothing about him or his lifestyle indicated a religious ideology. I was married; he was living with his girlfriend. And he thought God would listen?! I remember telling him that I was pretty sure God didn't even know who I was anymore.
That's the long walk off of a short pier. The funny thing is that, even considering all this, when I read the list of names on BlakeSteele's original post, I was looking for my name or my BH's name. I'm going to be left pondering why that is for a while.
Thanks for letting me butt in.
[This message edited by Neznayou at 6:40 AM, September 4th (Thursday)]
Married: April 9, 1994
Caught at AP's house: 10 Aug 2012
Admitted PA: 12 Aug 2012
TT ended: Jan 2014
This is the first time in the ICR forum...was pointed here through a mis-step of mine as I posted a prayer list in R forum. Didn't intentionally violate the rules of SI but I see that I have.
SI has been a benefit to me over the past 2 years...but the driving reason behind most of my change and continued efforts in restoring our marriage is.....God.
I did life and marriage my way for 30 years....which jived with how much of society does life and marriage.
Neznayou....I have added you both to my prayer list. I sooooo here you when you wrote "I'm not okay." and how you wanted to say that to folks around you....but was simply not done.
Wife and I have spent decades hiding from ourselves...specifically our feelings and the reality that real pain exists in our lives....some serious, traumatic level pain occured in our formative years.
Impossible to be authentic with others when you aren't first authentic with yourself. But to do so is VERY humbling and often PAINFUL!
Have learned that pain does NOT equal unhealthy.
Rejoice in all things.
Still working on that...but am growing towards that.
Having an AP pray is odd...but makes perfect sense in this spiritual battle. Satan loves confusion and uses temptation to keep you confused.
He didn't order Eve to bite the apple....he simply asked "Did God really tell you not to eat that fruit?" He brought doubt (confusion) into her mind and she did not rebuke it...did not fact seek. She gave into her feelings and used them to direct her actions.
I did this by choosing to use porn.....the many lies I believed, often in line with society's view on porn, helped me do what my selfish desire tempted me to do.
My wife choosing adultery.....the many lies she told and believed, tying into the "happiness is a goal" societal lie, helped her do what her selfish desires tempted her to do.
I have lived in fear since age 12. Didn't fully realize it but coping skills are often developed out of fear and ones need to protect themselves. They are useful for short periods of time...like the body going into shock after a physical injury...but are no way to live a healthy life.
God does not give us a spirit of fear. He gives us a spirit of love, power and self-discipline.
Love--agape love...not eros love (romantic, emotional love. Though certainly that should be a part of a healthy marriage)
Power--free will. We have the power to choose.
Self-discipline. God gave us feelings and emotions for a reason...but He also calls us to be obedient to him...and that takes self-discipline. We must not give into selfish desires.
This is some sort of battle.
But I now realize our M was under attack from the moment we got engaged. Satan hates M and family...he wants us to be isolated and alone so that he may pick us off one by one.
God hates D....He created M and family to do exactly what satan hates, for us to have a strong unit from which to make our way through this broken world. Refining and maturing as we do....eventually being redeemed and called home to Heaven. He does not expect us to be perfect before we are saved....Jesus did that work for us.
I pray Gods will be done. I pray I have the courage to be obedient to that prayer, realizing it requires me to mature past my selfish desires. I think this is what is meant, in part, when it is said we are to "die to self in order to live".
I am such a work in progress......
[This message edited by blakesteele at 10:03 AM, September 4th (Thursday)]
Thank you so much for your encouraging words! I still have chills that last night when I was so discouraged I opened up SI right to your thread. So, I personally am glad for the "mistake" on where it was posted or I wouldn't have seen it! Divine intervention? I think so!
I shared your thought with my FWH and he was touched. He isn't actually on SI, but I read things to him. I really admire people who overcome addictions/challenges/obstacles. I too believe it is through Him that we truly change and heal.
FWH is sorry today, taking responsibility and recommitting to doing the work. He does have the tools he needs and knows the key is USING them!
I so appreciate the prayers coming our way! God IS with us!