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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: OC Support Thread (BS Only)-New Thread
Dealan-de
♀ Member
Member # 13166
Default  Posted: 10:50 AM, March 5th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OW sounds like a real piece of work.

Thank you for the hugs.

Work is not the piece I think she is...

Oh, one more vent. I was talking to a fellow BW/wCof the OC, and they had taken their OC to get a haircut.

Now, I'm not fussy about hair. I've done things to my own hair that would scare goats....

But see...every time OW has OCDS, she cuts his hair. With a weedwhacker, I think.

Hair grows right?

No big...and at least she's "playing" at being mom. But OCDS's hair grows straight outta his hair and stands on end till it's about 4-5 inches long on top. It's spikey and coarse as all get out. I call him "el gallo loco" (the crazy rooster). Now his hair is almost done growing out since the last time she got them. There's only a bit in the back that sticks up (think Hispanic Dennis the Menace, but WAY cuter)...and that tart's gonna f-up his hair again.

ARGH.


I never had to take the Kobayashi Maru test until now. What do you think of my solution?

RECOVERED


Posts: 106 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: Texas
repeatBS326
♀ Member
Member # 22068
Default  Posted: 11:15 AM, March 5th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dealan-de,

I completely understand. We have public transit around here, so she'd really have no excuse ($4/ride per person & they pickup inside county). A lady w/kids @daycare, used to dropoff kids in the county van. I guess, maybe she needs cab fare for the dropoff???

I agree, it really sucked that she made fWH sound like the bad guy.

When OC realized she couldn't see OW's mother unsupervised, OW blamed fWH "it's your daddy's fault." Well, no, it's OW's fault for allowing her pot-smoking momma around OC @all, once she realized OC was witnessing it. What that woman does on her own time is her business, but when she's caring for OC...she shouldn't be going 2 her "sewing room" and smoking "funny cigarettes." This is OC's description of what granny does in her sewing room. Conveniently, OW told fWH about her mother's drug habit.... fWH became the badguy, but OW agreed to ALL the terms of papers (including only supervised visits w/granny)....she is just as-guilty because she agreed. fWH has said all along, if OW's mom can pass a drug test, then she could have OC overnights.

Anyway....it's always much easier for OW to blame fWH for any issues, than own-up to their own crappy parenting.

I got pissed this bb season because OW signed OC up for BB, but then said "since we only have 1 car now, I can only come to home games"...then she missed, was late to, or talked on cell through most of games she showed for. She probably came to 5 of the 20+ games.

Some day, these OC will realize which parent is making an effort & which one isn't. They will realize which parent keeps promises & can be depended on. But, even in D situations, it's the same....one parent comes out smelling like roses & the other like manure. Once they reach adulthood & know everything....how will they rewrite their own history & perception of what is going on now?

Make good memories w/OC....hopefully, that's what they'll tell their grandchildren about their lives w/us.

OC supposed to go to OW's Saturday @2pm. Let's see if OW (or OW's MIL or OW's sister) ends up being the one taking OC & her sister (OW/BH#2 daughter) to circus. I think sometimes, OW says "we are going to movies, circus, Blues Clues on Ice, Dollywood" and it ends up being OW's MIL or sister (OC's auntie) that are doing the running & OW sits @home on her fat a$$. She should be going to help manage all the kids. OC sometimes seems disappointed that OW didn't tell her who was really taking her. Sometimes, she knows up-front.


Me/BS:39(former cybersex addict 1992); fWH:41; DS:15; DS:11; OW:34; OC:10
Together: 22yrs; Married: 18yrs
D-day#1: Jan99, then FALSE R (subsequent conception of DS#2)
D-day#2: Told about OW/WH pregnancy July2000
D-day#3 (same mOW): 19sep2008

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Attemping R #3
repeatBS326
♀ Member
Member # 22068
Default  Posted: 11:27 AM, March 5th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

altered,

Are they moving next 2 you in a trailer or something? Is it MIL/FIL's land or something?

NOTE: we live on FIL's land in a double-wide next door to MIL/FIL & down hill from BIL/SIL & MIL/FIL. Good thing it's 10 acres, or we'd be very cramped. Our plans of a nice country home on our own land w/big porch were crushed when OC came along & then fWH's disability didn't help in the finances. I guess, this is how it's supposed 2 be. FIL is supposed to give property to fWH this spring, but I cannot see that happening right now. They are feuding w/neighbor over property line.

I'll keep you guys in my thoughts & prayers this weekend.

(((Chandler))) hope visitation goes well

(((dealan))) curious to see if she shows up. Hope he gets a nice sporty Alfalfa haircut! Get some trimmers & just buzz the whole thing off when he gets home :)


Me/BS:39(former cybersex addict 1992); fWH:41; DS:15; DS:11; OW:34; OC:10
Together: 22yrs; Married: 18yrs
D-day#1: Jan99, then FALSE R (subsequent conception of DS#2)
D-day#2: Told about OW/WH pregnancy July2000
D-day#3 (same mOW): 19sep2008

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Attemping R #3
altered
♀ Member
Member # 25116
Default  Posted: 1:01 PM, March 5th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We live on IL's land, 10 acres, ILs were going to given FWH 1/2 and BIL 1/2 but since CS could put a lien on FWH's land and OW could get BIL's land if they married and D, I don't think that is in the cards. We live in a trailer house on one end, BIL lives in travel trailer behind IL's. They are planning to buy a used trailer house, move it 30 freaking feet from us to fix it up, then set it up on the other end of the 10 acres. BIL is totally supported by ILs. We pay all our bills including CS, 1/2 of daycare for OC. FWH offered to buy some formula until we found out from BIL OW gets $600 Foodstamps and can very well buy her own formula. It's so upsetting, it's like our feelings don't matter. But, we planned to buy our own land someday, we have just gotten a huge kick in the a$$ to do it now. What really gets me is whatever we do it will somehow be "our problem", like we should be "over it" by now. Like the A, OC, broken trust, hurt feelings etc. is nothing.

One good thing, it has brought me and FWH even closer. We are the only ones we can rely on.

[This message edited by altered at 4:30 PM, March 5th (Friday)]


Married since 5/99
BS-36
WH-39
1 COM
D-Day 6/27/09
In R OC born 12/15
D-Day #2 8/19/13

I want to be the kind of woman I want my daughter to be-Jewel

Posts: 205 | Registered: Aug 2009 | From: Heartland
Dealan-de
♀ Member
Member # 13166
Default  Posted: 1:15 PM, March 5th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Holeee batshit.

$600 for foodstamps?????

And here I was gettin' ed-u-ma-cated thinking it would lead somewhere.

I went into the wrong buisness.


Thank you Repeat. Are you taking bets on who your OC sees more this weekend? I think I'm going to lay my money on OW's MIL today. Just a gut feeling.

Since it's been so long, I'm also betting that our OW's mother is hounding her about the OCs and that OW's new flavor of the month will be coerced with the promise of sex if he'll haul her out to get the kids and bring them back.

We'll see, huh?

[This message edited by Dealan-de at 1:19 PM, March 5th (Friday)]


I never had to take the Kobayashi Maru test until now. What do you think of my solution?

RECOVERED


Posts: 106 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: Texas
repeatBS326
♀ Member
Member # 22068
Default  Posted: 1:30 PM, March 5th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If I had to put $$$ on it, I'd bet OW's MIL also, but I may be surprised. Bet she & toddler sister spend weekend there also until Sunday night.

Dealan-de: If I had to place bets on whether your OW gets kids, I'd bet she doesn't show. She might be too busy w/new piece, to worry about seeing kids. Otherwise, I'd guess she'd call daily to see how school went, wouldn't U?

$600 foodstamps...how many illigitmate children does OW have, that are on public assistance? Does she get WIC (extra aid for women/children) for certain food items too? We have that here & we kept suggesting OW get on that for formula, but we didn't know she was making $70,000 annually when she worked. I didn't mean it that way, wasn't she the one who made a career of getting knocked-up & drawing public assistance & CS. There are reasons for being on foodstamps etc. that don't involve the extremes OW lives daily. Didn't want it to sound like I was condemning people who get in dire straights & need assistance like that.

Altered,

Sounds like you live in redneck-ville also. ILs are supposed to split property 3 ways (per promise), but haven't seen it yet. Bad thing is, if fWH dies & has no will, land will be split 4 ways btwn me/OC/DS13/DS10, unless they put a clause in deed like "in event of fWH's death, property falls back to heirs of FIL/MIL." That would be like something ILs would do...they always said that if fWH ever died, I'd have to move. They don't want DILs (me or BIL's wife) shacking up w/another man on their property & they could evict me quite easily.

BIL/SIL live way up top on hill in monster double-wide (72x32). MIL/FIL live in middle in single-wide. And we live down hill in a valley next 2 creek in a 24x40 double-wide (we bought as newlyweds 1994, to replace fWH's old 1972 singlewide he got for around $4000).

[This message edited by repeatBS326 at 1:41 PM, March 5th (Friday)]


Me/BS:39(former cybersex addict 1992); fWH:41; DS:15; DS:11; OW:34; OC:10
Together: 22yrs; Married: 18yrs
D-day#1: Jan99, then FALSE R (subsequent conception of DS#2)
D-day#2: Told about OW/WH pregnancy July2000
D-day#3 (same mOW): 19sep2008

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Attemping R #3
repeatBS326
♀ Member
Member # 22068
Default  Posted: 1:35 PM, March 5th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Me/BS:39(former cybersex addict 1992); fWH:41; DS:15; DS:11; OW:34; OC:10
Together: 22yrs; Married: 18yrs
D-day#1: Jan99, then FALSE R (subsequent conception of DS#2)
D-day#2: Told about OW/WH pregnancy July2000
D-day#3 (same mOW): 19sep2008

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Attemping R #3
Chandler
♀ Member
Member # 23038
Default  Posted: 1:40 PM, March 5th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have just realized that My H's paychecks will be nill once CS starts coming out. Some of you may know that he has children from other relationships before he even knew me. He pays 1 $300 a month and 1 $200 a month already. add the $300 for OC and on his part-time hourly pay he night bring home $100 for us WTF!!!!!

OW that has OC gets $400 in food stamps. We are going to be lucky to be able to put food on the table.

What did I do to deserve this?


ME:BS Him:WS
D-Day: Too many I lost count
OC born Jan 09
"If happy ever did exist, I would still be holding you like this, all those fairy tales are full of shit, one more fucking love song I'll be sick" -Maroon 5

Posts: 1335 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Somewhere I never wanted to be
repeatBS326
♀ Member
Member # 22068
Default  Posted: 1:46 PM, March 5th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Chandler,

You & your family did nothing to deserve this.

Is there any way fWH's CS for his previous children can be adjusted now?

I guess, fWH is going to have to dance as male stripper to make up difference or sell internet porn! Just joking.

Once his CS comes out, would you guys be eligible for food stamps basically living on your income alone? Well, OW cannot take more $$$ than he makes, right? Why is it now, that fWH only works part-time? I forgot, did U mention? Is there a medical reason?


Me/BS:39(former cybersex addict 1992); fWH:41; DS:15; DS:11; OW:34; OC:10
Together: 22yrs; Married: 18yrs
D-day#1: Jan99, then FALSE R (subsequent conception of DS#2)
D-day#2: Told about OW/WH pregnancy July2000
D-day#3 (same mOW): 19sep2008

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Attemping R #3
repeatBS326
♀ Member
Member # 22068
Default  Posted: 1:55 PM, March 5th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Chandler,

And you know what sucks even bigger, is that fWH has to pay on that income to IRS, but never sees a dime...but, it doesn't count to OW as income whatsoever as the taxes are already paid on it! And, what if they didn't take enough for state & fed taxes, then you'll owe IRS on $$$ given to OC.

Could you guys get a clause put into CS papers, that you rotate who claims OC? We did. That would really help. And, if he pays part of daycare, you could claim a certain amount deduction on taxes also.


Me/BS:39(former cybersex addict 1992); fWH:41; DS:15; DS:11; OW:34; OC:10
Together: 22yrs; Married: 18yrs
D-day#1: Jan99, then FALSE R (subsequent conception of DS#2)
D-day#2: Told about OW/WH pregnancy July2000
D-day#3 (same mOW): 19sep2008

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Attemping R #3
Chandler
♀ Member
Member # 23038
Default  Posted: 2:06 PM, March 5th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Repeat
He is working part-time because he can't find anything else right now. He has been applying for full time positions but he needs to work overnight since we cannot afford daycare, and nothing is out there.

I don't know about the claiming of OC he does not pay for daycare.

His other children are older so we do not have that long to pay and he does not want to risk an increase so we are leaving it alone.

And since we only have 1 child my income is too much for any food stamps. If I were a slut with a bunch of kids I gould get help but just one doesn't cut it.


ME:BS Him:WS
D-Day: Too many I lost count
OC born Jan 09
"If happy ever did exist, I would still be holding you like this, all those fairy tales are full of shit, one more fucking love song I'll be sick" -Maroon 5

Posts: 1335 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Somewhere I never wanted to be
repeatBS326
♀ Member
Member # 22068
Default  Posted: 2:34 PM, March 5th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Starting this year, we can claim OC alternating years as dependant.

We never claimed daycare expenses on OC, except one year that I had to send OC to DS10's daycare because OW was sick (contagious w/lung infection) and wasn't supposed to be around OC for a whole week.

Is he allowed to claim his other children either?

Too bad he couldn't get unemployment for a while, was he laid off & unemployment ran out?

I know how it is, fWH & I worked opposite shifts for many years & each of us caring for DSs really made a difference. Childcare costs around $4000+/child annually here & only $600 is deductible on taxes. Being ships in night really hurt our M though....think that's what helped lead to EA/PA#1 (OW was more available than a mommy of toddler who worked full-time). Meeting his co-worker/friend's wife who was feeling neglected & was a BW, well...he was such a handsome KISA to a 21-year-old newlywed who's husband (BH#1) had a vasectomy pre-M to OW.


Me/BS:39(former cybersex addict 1992); fWH:41; DS:15; DS:11; OW:34; OC:10
Together: 22yrs; Married: 18yrs
D-day#1: Jan99, then FALSE R (subsequent conception of DS#2)
D-day#2: Told about OW/WH pregnancy July2000
D-day#3 (same mOW): 19sep2008

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Attemping R #3
Chandler
♀ Member
Member # 23038
Default  Posted: 2:39 PM, March 5th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He does not have joint custody with the others so he cannot claim them.

He was on unemployment and it ran out.


ME:BS Him:WS
D-Day: Too many I lost count
OC born Jan 09
"If happy ever did exist, I would still be holding you like this, all those fairy tales are full of shit, one more fucking love song I'll be sick" -Maroon 5

Posts: 1335 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Somewhere I never wanted to be
repeatBS326
♀ Member
Member # 22068
Default  Posted: 2:46 PM, March 5th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would so be worried about OW living on same property. Will she be coming over to borrow a cup of sugar in her nightie, while UR @work...tring to start trouble? If it's w/in your means, I'd definately move.

SIL is kinda a OW. Found out after D-day#3, that indeed SIL had given fWH a bj once, before DS13 was born & we were spending time w/SIL watching videos & such @our home. He'd walked her & niece home. I still don't trust that nothing else happened...if I knew for sure, I'd even ask fWH to get DNA on our niece (him being such a stud & all). GOD, wouldn't that be awful.....niece actually being another OC! I really think fWH is sex addict & just fell-in-love w/OW somehow along the way.


Me/BS:39(former cybersex addict 1992); fWH:41; DS:15; DS:11; OW:34; OC:10
Together: 22yrs; Married: 18yrs
D-day#1: Jan99, then FALSE R (subsequent conception of DS#2)
D-day#2: Told about OW/WH pregnancy July2000
D-day#3 (same mOW): 19sep2008

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Attemping R #3
dreamer1
♀ Member
Member # 13716
Default  Posted: 3:49 PM, March 5th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((REPEAT))

I feel for you.... I have the same thoughts, just about every other day. Did I do the right thing for ME...

How can I let this be forgiven, so many things happened at the hands of FWH, that were directed toward me, and yet I stayed.. WHY??? I question if I am that insecure of a person to venture on my own, or is this because I truly do love the man.. I know that before OW came into our lives things were almost as perfect as I thought a relationship could be, so was this his weak moment, and we just get past this hurrdle, but I don't know if I can ever see that before relationship we ever had, now. So many things were so in my face, and now OW will be a part of our lives forever, can I do this, I just don't know sometimes...

One day I want to D, the next I think that time is all I can hope will make it less painful, but it is that what if question. I do not have children with FWH, so nothing keeps staying for the sake of the kids. I am trying to get a college degree, but that is going to take another four years to obtain, and have looked for a job for three months now, with no luck. So financially I am kind of stuck, but I try to not look at it from that perspective, as I know that I can be less chosey on my own.

I just get sooooo sad sometimes, that FWh could hurt me so deep, is that love? I would never hurt someone I loved soooo bad to their face, as he did too me. I don't know if I can ever get past what he did to my face, and even behind my back for so long. How do you do that?

Sorry REPEAT, did not mean to go off on me, but wanted you to know that I completly understand where you are coming from, and know that your cry is heard, and felt.


S(he) Be(lie)ve(d)
Me-BS 48
Him-FWH 50
Friends 34 yrs-Married 26 yrs
D-Day 1/20/2007
LTA-To Many False R to count and D-days, Last D-day June 11,2010
4 stepchildren SS 28, SD 29, Twin SS 2yrs.
Twin OC, born 6/23/2008
Trying to see if R is pos

Posts: 558 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Arizona
want2bok
♀ Member
Member # 19913
Default  Posted: 4:14 PM, March 5th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Chandler - in your state is there a limit to the % of income that can be garnished from ones check? Here is is limited to 55%.


BS - me 32
WS - him 32
3 beautiful girls - 11, 9, 7 and angel baby 7/9/10
D-Day 1/07 - 1+ yr PA
OW 35
OC born 12/06
R since 2/07 and going well

Posts: 135 | Registered: Jun 2008
Want2help
♀ Member
Member # 20547
Default  Posted: 5:15 PM, March 5th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Chandler, in my state, they can only take 50%, regardless of how much child support is ordered.

They are trying to raise OC's to $500 a month, and it is almost $300 from H's daughter from his previous M.

That is $8oo a months. If that ends up being more than 50% of his pay, he pays his 50% and the rest goes into arrears.

It sucks, to see him work so hard, for so many hours a week, pay his CS, and still see arrears piling up.


BS- me.
FWS- him.
DDay 6/07 (immediately separated)
RDay 8/07
Surprise OC born 3/08 (NC)
6 years into successful R.
"That which can be destroyed by truth should be." -P. C. Hodgell

Posts: 1957 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: PNW
Chandler
♀ Member
Member # 23038
Default  Posted: 7:30 AM, March 8th (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

They said that they took into considerqtion how much he is already paying, and it is just a flat percentage per child so that is what they took.

Whatever that means.


ME:BS Him:WS
D-Day: Too many I lost count
OC born Jan 09
"If happy ever did exist, I would still be holding you like this, all those fairy tales are full of shit, one more fucking love song I'll be sick" -Maroon 5

Posts: 1335 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Somewhere I never wanted to be
Dealan-de
♀ Member
Member # 13166
Default  Posted: 7:52 AM, March 8th (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Pay up, Repeat, she showed.

It's a chop job FOR SURE this time. To get a buzz line THAT uneven I think she was drunk AND stoned. Shit. It looks like a palsied grandmother had at it during an epileptic seizure.

To top it all off she brought them home in CRAP clothes that didn't fit them. When asked where their school clothes were, she said she has them (she picked them up after school).

They were wearing cute stuff, too. The jeans OCDD came home in were so highwater you could see her shins. And the shirt OCDS had worn over was new. I would dress them in crap on her pickup days (if we knew for certain she was coming), but I HATE dressing them in CRAP to wear to school.

This sucks rocks.


I never had to take the Kobayashi Maru test until now. What do you think of my solution?

RECOVERED


Posts: 106 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: Texas
Chandler
♀ Member
Member # 23038
Default  Posted: 8:18 AM, March 8th (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The only good thing about this is that his other children are almost 18 like in 2 years so it is only going to REALLY SUCK for a little while. After that it is just going to kind of suck. I am trying to see the silver lining.


ME:BS Him:WS
D-Day: Too many I lost count
OC born Jan 09
"If happy ever did exist, I would still be holding you like this, all those fairy tales are full of shit, one more fucking love song I'll be sick" -Maroon 5

Posts: 1335 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Somewhere I never wanted to be
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