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User Topic: OC Support Thread (BS Only)-New Thread
repeatBS326
♀ Member
Member # 22068
Default  Posted: 10:02 AM, April 9th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We did our new tradition of no game night, eating out, & added a movie last night.

There were only a few movies that boys hadn't seen or that were kinda kid-friendly for males. We decided on Clash of Titans 2d (they didn't have 3D @our theater).

OC said "I don't want to see this, after OW, BH#2, & I watched the new Miley Cyrus movie, we snuck into this one for free because BH#2 wanted to see it." What a good Christian example OW has set for OC! Our theater is downsized for the winter months & they don't have people watching as-closely for this sort of thing. Isn't sneaking into movies w/out paying, kinda juvenile? I thought only teens did that, out of peer pressure.

Anyway. We enjoyed our dinner @Ihop...never been there before. They have a special running right now. Kids under 12 eat free (1 per adult entree served). DS10/OC9's meals would've been completely free except cost of drinks, but both OC & DS10 were starving & insisted on having a 2nd plate of food. M-Th 4PM-10PM is the running deal for free kids' food, incase you guys have an Ihop around running same deal for COM/OC.


Me/BS:39(former cybersex addict 1992); fWH:41; DS:15; DS:11; OW:34; OC:10
Together: 22yrs; Married: 18yrs
D-day#1: Jan99, then FALSE R (subsequent conception of DS#2)
D-day#2: Told about OW/WH pregnancy July2000
D-day#3 (same mOW): 19sep2008

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Attemping R #3
altered
♀ Member
Member # 25116
Default  Posted: 5:07 PM, April 9th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((repeat))))

jeez, just sh*t all over a kid's holiday why don't ya OW?! I can't believe that! Maybe she just told OC that because they don't get her gifts, and are too lazy to do the Santa stuff. Or, want all the "good mom credit" for actually remembering the kids on holidays.

That just breaks my heart for your OC.

OW's C were at my MIL's house dying eggs and IT WAS THE 1ST TIME THEY DYED EGGS. Her oldest C is 11 and they have NEVER dyed eggs. OW's GP died at Easter, so they never did anything at Easter. I could not believe it!! If he died at Christmas, would you just ignore it too!? Heck, you can buy vinegar, eggs and food coloring with Foodstamps, no excuse We dyed eggs with COM and made OC an egg with his name. COM enjoyed it soo much, I was sorry we only did 12. We hunted eggs, OC was asleep and COM not interested, so her C hunted eggs. FWH, COM and I had a little egg hunt for COM at our house later.

FWH was p*ssed at OW. Her CS and Foodstamps came in on the 1st and she bought tons. She also bought beer and since legally you can't buy beer with FS, guess she used C's money. BIL said they spent $200 on OC, FWH said oh did you get diapers? BIL said no, cereal and formula. I told FWH to NOT buy formula, between WIC and FS she has more than enough.

I am angry too. I am facing furloughs at work, losing $200 a month starting Aug, and OW and BIL do not work and live off C's money!!


Married since 5/99
BS-36
WH-39
1 COM
D-Day 6/27/09
In R OC born 12/15
D-Day #2 8/19/13

I want to be the kind of woman I want my daughter to be-Jewel

Posts: 205 | Registered: Aug 2009 | From: Heartland
tryinagain2010
♀ New Member
Member # 27469
Default  Posted: 12:50 AM, April 10th (Saturday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ok So I need some advice again. My FWS was served papers a couple of weeks ago. He is doing the paternity test and we know that he will have to pay CS. But the OW and OC live in a different state. H is very torn about what kind of relationship he wants to have with OC. Not sure what is in best interest of everyone we have 3 COM ages 10, 8, 5. Since they live out of state he would only see a couple times a year. On one hand we feel she should know her father but really not going to be able to establish a relationship. No matter what we do it will be crappy situation for OC. Because if he chooses not to have contact she will probably come knocking on our door in 18 years anyway. Ugh way don't they think. This is when I occassionaly feel the desire to walk away and let him shovel all his
I know that everyone will have differing opinions but all thoughts will be helpful. We are torn and know we have to present a united front!


FWH 35(him)
BS 37 (me)
Married almost 9 years
Together 11
DDay 1 12/31/2007
DDay2 1/12/2010 OW called to tell there is OC born Oct. 2009
Trying to Reconcile but it is a slow process.

Posts: 50 | Registered: Feb 2010
want2bok
♀ Member
Member # 19913
Default  Posted: 10:05 AM, April 10th (Saturday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Our situation is similar - we have 3 COM (and 1 on the way) and OC lives in state but several hours away.

One of the reasons my H decided to be mostly NC (he talks to her on the phone occasionally and sends Christmas/B-day gifts) is that he didn't think he could handle being a part-time dad. By not really knowing her, it is easier for him to detach. He also wanted to keep that option open for OW to get married and her new H to adopt so that she could have a "normal" family unit (although that isn't exactly normal anymore). He wanted OW to give OC up for adoption in the first place so that she would have a good home with 2 parents that love and wanted her.

It is a crappy situation no matter how you look at it. You guys have to do what works for you. If you are ok with either senario, tell him and let him decide. That was something that I had a hard time with, but after a couple of months of agonizing, I felt like it wasn't my decision to make. I just had to decide what I was willing to live with, and I told him that I'd support him no matter what he choses to do regarding OC.

OC is 3 now, and he is really thinking about going to visit her. I'm just worried that he'll do that and cause more confusion for OC if he decides that it isn't what he wants. I'm not really thrilled about the timing - I don't need anymore stress during the pregnancy and I know that OW will be contacting us more if he does go see OC. Buut - I'll deal with whatever I guess. :)


BS - me 32
WS - him 32
3 beautiful girls - 11, 9, 7 and angel baby 7/9/10
D-Day 1/07 - 1+ yr PA
OW 35
OC born 12/06
R since 2/07 and going well

Posts: 135 | Registered: Jun 2008
Tibiria
♀ New Member
Member # 28220
Default  Posted: 5:10 AM, April 12th (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am just beginning this journey of the OC. See the OW is due the end of May, and I am terrified of how I am going to feel and or react. Not only do I have to deal with the pain on the lies and A, I have to deal with the fact that he knocked the OW up. HELP!!!!


BGF:34
WBF:28
Together:1yr 3mths
D-Day#1:10/?/09
D-Day#2:3/10/10
Same A
TT: 6 months and counting

Posts: 7 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: St. Louis, MO
BMC0415
♀ Member
Member # 14038
Default  Posted: 10:20 AM, April 12th (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In case you don't get over to the general forum, my H and I are seperating, not A related. His choice and I am tired.

((Tibieria))


Me: 40+ Him: 40+
Married: 20+ years
D-Day: 3/7/07
Children: 24dd,23ds,21dd
10 yr. LTA 3OC w/OW 10,10,14 8/14/12-gave custody of twins to ex 8/16/12-DIVORCED!

Posts: 2910 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Maryland
repeatBS326
♀ Member
Member # 22068
Default  Posted: 11:55 AM, April 12th (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Tibiria))) R with OC involved is a long drawn-out process of dealing with continued contact w/OW...unless your family chooses to go NC w/OC & OW. Nobody can make those choices for you or fWS. Seeking IC was the only way I survived OC's birth & first few months after paternity was established. I had to go on ADs for a while, around OC's first B-day. I really makes it much easier, if fWH is completely remorseful & sets some boundaries up-front about OC. In my case, I really wish fWH had gotten everything legal a long time ago, so kissing-up to OW for visitation wasn't involved. I think we'd have come out better in long-run w/M & R (and no repeat EA/PA) if fWH had made it more like a business deal (even though he knew it was a planned pregnancy & whatever they had in their stupid heads when OC was conceived). We are here for you, no matter which route you go about OC.

BMC: Oh my. What will happen to OC & twins, if you & fWH separate? Do you continue to be joint guardians of twins & OC (or do twins go into foster care and fWH take full custody of OC)? I know you've grown to love all of OW's children that've been in your care. (((BMC)))


Me/BS:39(former cybersex addict 1992); fWH:41; DS:15; DS:11; OW:34; OC:10
Together: 22yrs; Married: 18yrs
D-day#1: Jan99, then FALSE R (subsequent conception of DS#2)
D-day#2: Told about OW/WH pregnancy July2000
D-day#3 (same mOW): 19sep2008

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Attemping R #3
BMC0415
♀ Member
Member # 14038
Default  Posted: 12:05 PM, April 12th (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

repeat, thank you for being a listening ear. I will keep custody of the twins as I am their legal guardian, my h is listed as and/or on their paperwork. His son, is his son, he has custody and the papers say that he can't leave him in anyone else's custody, so he leaves he will have to take him with him. I have done all I can, I am tired.


Me: 40+ Him: 40+
Married: 20+ years
D-Day: 3/7/07
Children: 24dd,23ds,21dd
10 yr. LTA 3OC w/OW 10,10,14 8/14/12-gave custody of twins to ex 8/16/12-DIVORCED!

Posts: 2910 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Maryland
repeatBS326
♀ Member
Member # 22068
Default  Posted: 12:14 PM, April 12th (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

BMC...I am so sorry. After all you've been through w/fWH & sticking around to be so good to all the children. I know you & twins will miss OC & H.


Me/BS:39(former cybersex addict 1992); fWH:41; DS:15; DS:11; OW:34; OC:10
Together: 22yrs; Married: 18yrs
D-day#1: Jan99, then FALSE R (subsequent conception of DS#2)
D-day#2: Told about OW/WH pregnancy July2000
D-day#3 (same mOW): 19sep2008

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Attemping R #3
Want2help
♀ Member
Member # 20547
Default  Posted: 12:22 AM, April 13th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((((((((BMC)))))))))))

(Biggest hug I have ever given on SI).


BS- me.
FWS- him.
DDay 6/07 (immediately separated)
RDay 8/07
Surprise OC born 3/08 (NC)
6 years into successful R.
"That which can be destroyed by truth should be." -P. C. Hodgell

Posts: 1957 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: PNW
tryinagain2010
♀ New Member
Member # 27469
Default  Posted: 1:15 AM, April 13th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((BMC)) So sorry to hear you are going through this all the advice you have given has been so helpful!! Hope everything works out for the best for you. Hugs!!!


FWH 35(him)
BS 37 (me)
Married almost 9 years
Together 11
DDay 1 12/31/2007
DDay2 1/12/2010 OW called to tell there is OC born Oct. 2009
Trying to Reconcile but it is a slow process.

Posts: 50 | Registered: Feb 2010
repeatBS326
♀ Member
Member # 22068
Default  Posted: 7:42 AM, April 13th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Holy cow! I don't know if we can handle OC anymore. She has always been a sweet & loving child. Not much trouble @school. Now, I don't know if she's losing her mind or what. She is a real terror. And, I feel torn between being a reasonable parent for DSs & OC and protecting DS10 from a bully (OC9).

Saturday, on way to mom's in fWH's truck (yes...this is trigger-truck, the make-out mobile & motel transport). OC got new messenger bag (which OC insists is backpack...that's another ongoing arguement)...OC gave her friend (who rides the same bus) her old purple bag. OC didn't ride bus on 4/1 (OW's b-day)...so, DS10 sees the bag on the bus & thinks OC left it. DS10 isn't a very helpful child & especially where OC is concerned (we sometimes make him take her homework folders 2 school when she leaves them on kitchen table). DS10 brought it home & gave to fWH...thinking OC lost it on Wed 3/31. Well, we are in truck Saturday. DS10 sees the bag & tells OC that "I got your bag off bus, you left it." OC9 goes off. She starts RANTING about how she gave the bag to her friend & she had permission from OW to give it to her friend. Then she says "my mom said I could give it to friend & it is NONE of your business." DS10 was actually doing something good in my opinion.

@mom's, OC9 started shoving DS10 around. She has a bad habit of doing that on playground @school (if 3rd&4th play together) & she picks on him on the bus so her friends will laugh. DS10 weighs about 56 lbs & OC9 weighs over 110 lbs (plus she is 1 ft taller than him). OC9 has been grounded numerous times for picking on DS10 @school/bus. She was shoving him outdoors @mom's & everyone except me & DS10/OC9 were in mom's garage. OC9 started kicking DS10 in privates & I told her to stop (she just looked @me). DS10 started shoving her like a football player does...I let him. They spent about 30-40 minutes, pushing & shoving, OC9 trying to hit DS10 in groin & DS10 ended up punching her on chestbone & in gut (OC has no breasts). I wouldn't let them hit face, made OC quit pulling OC's clothes, & no wrestling on porch or near concrete or trees. DS10 didn't back down...OC9 is going to get her butt kicked some day by DS10 (and I might not be around to stop him from going off on her). At what point do I just tell fWH that OC is too rough on DS10 and I don't want her coming home if she won't leave DS10 alone? Grounding from cell is next...I just feel it's becoming necessary.

Then, yesterday, fWH was home alone w/them after school(b4 I got off work). OC9 asked if fWH could put a window fan in her window (our A/C is down & we've been using window fans & borrowed window A/C unit for living room). fWH cannot get his wheelchair into OC9's messy room (yet again). He asked DS13 to put it in window for OC9. When he was done, fWH told OC9 to tell DS13 "thank you." She wouldn't. She just looked @fWH and stared holes through him. DS13 didn't HAVE to do it for OC9. fWH kept telling her to thank her brother & she absolutely refused (wouldn't move a muscle & had her arms crossed & staring @fWH). fWH made DS13 go into OC9's room & remove the window fan and then told her no playing & do her homework in living room (she usually does on her bed instead). I don't know if OW is putting OC up to it, or OC is just acting-out. I cannot stand her some days....when you tell someone to do something & they say "no" or just glare @you.

And, fWH is going to have to talk to OW about OC's texts. I browsed through them the other day when her cell was on charger in our bathroom. She had text from her 11-yr-old cousin...describing a dream where a guy "spent night" in her room & her family was all in house & they all had dinner etc. I would almost consider this to be bordering on sex talk/wet dreams or something. OC9 does not need to be exposed to such stuff & if that's all that she & cousin text about, it needs to stop. fWH told OC that if she doesn't stop wasting their afternoon time together, texting OW...that she might as-well not even come afterschool.

fWH must've gotten really made @her yesterday, because he said he yelled @OC so loudly for ignoring him & refusing to thank DS13, that DS10 started crying. DS10 said he'd never seen his dad so mad & it really scared him. I'm surprised he didn't spank OC, but he just yelled. He had a really bad headache when I came home...his blood pressure goes sky-high (on meds) when he's stressed or angry.

You know, if it were any other kid picking on DS10 @playground or on bus, I'd go to principal. But, since it's OC9, I am torn. I don't like the OC9 is becoming a bully. OW complained that she shoves her toddler sister (4) around...and, we notice that OC9 will go out of her way to "bump" into DS10 or DS13 in the shoulder as she passes them in a room...like she's trying to prove she's tough or something.

[This message edited by repeatBS326 at 7:51 AM, April 13th (Tuesday)]


Me/BS:39(former cybersex addict 1992); fWH:41; DS:15; DS:11; OW:34; OC:10
Together: 22yrs; Married: 18yrs
D-day#1: Jan99, then FALSE R (subsequent conception of DS#2)
D-day#2: Told about OW/WH pregnancy July2000
D-day#3 (same mOW): 19sep2008

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Attemping R #3
want2bok
♀ Member
Member # 19913
Default  Posted: 9:11 AM, April 13th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm wondering if her acting out is because she is jealous of your COM. They have a mom & dad still married and in the same home - same thing with her little sister. I really think that if you guys and OW can swing it, some sort of therapy would be helpful for her. All she has over your COM is size/bullying. Is she a bully to other kids at school?

As far as how to handle it for now, you have to find her currency (maybe her cell). My kids are young enough that time-outs still work (but not for long). With my oldest, we often take away her video game or ipod or even TV. I don't think you should treat her any differently than you treat your COM as far as discipline - you seem to treat her the same as far as the good things you do for her so why not the punishments as well. I think your FWH did the right thing by having your DS remove the window fan - it is just unfortunate that he had to do the work for nothing, ya know. Making sure that the punishment fits the infraction is important.

Good luck!


BS - me 32
WS - him 32
3 beautiful girls - 11, 9, 7 and angel baby 7/9/10
D-Day 1/07 - 1+ yr PA
OW 35
OC born 12/06
R since 2/07 and going well

Posts: 135 | Registered: Jun 2008
repeatBS326
♀ Member
Member # 22068
Default  Posted: 9:42 AM, April 13th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She's been mostly okay during Spring Break, except the day or so of picking on DS10. She just went back to OW last night (she'd been w/us since last Tuesday 4/6).

Her usual punishment is no TV cable (she hates when I disconnect her cable & take her DVD/VCR). We bought a refurbished PC for the kids (theirs died)...she might not like losing it. The cell is probably what needs to go as punishment. OW might complain, but if OC has emergency, there are 3 other cells & a landline @our home. OC has always been free to call OW if she choses...she just calls & texts her a lot w/her cell now. Her poor attitude really disrupts home life. She didn't have behavior issues like this before. DS10 has always been jealous of OC9 though. I completely understand. She does have the benefit of having both mom & dad when she's w/us...which, generally takes effort/time away from COM to do things for OC.

From what I can tell, OC only picks on DS10 @school & on bus. I don't think she bullies anyone else. I think she feels she can get away w/it because fWH isn't around to stop her. The only way fWH knows about it, is if DS10 basically "tattles" on OC. There isn't much supervision during recess (teachers relax under shade trees - understandibly) & the bus driver is busy on her cell most days I've seen her dropping off kids (how can U watch for bullies, if you are driving bus, making stops, & carrying on cell conversation).

I really think I'm going to encourage fWH to allow OW to get OC afterschool on her M-W. She gains no benefit from being around fWH, if she's busy texting...except we know OC gets fed. I told fWH last night, maybe you should make OC bathe Mon. afterschool, so he knows she bathed Sun night & Mon (and the accident issues won't cause odor in school). OC is still having accidents by not going to restroom often enough...she rarely has nighttime accidents.

I keep forgetting OC is only 9...because she is almost as-tall as me & weighs same as DS13 & can wear some women's clothes & wears 6.5 women's shoes. Is her behavior normal for a 9-yr-old girl toward her siblings (especially when in split homes)?

[This message edited by repeatBS326 at 9:50 AM, April 13th (Tuesday)]


Me/BS:39(former cybersex addict 1992); fWH:41; DS:15; DS:11; OW:34; OC:10
Together: 22yrs; Married: 18yrs
D-day#1: Jan99, then FALSE R (subsequent conception of DS#2)
D-day#2: Told about OW/WH pregnancy July2000
D-day#3 (same mOW): 19sep2008

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Attemping R #3
want2bok
♀ Member
Member # 19913
Default  Posted: 11:52 AM, April 13th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There isn't much supervision during recess (teachers relax under shade trees - understandibly) & the bus driver is busy on her cell most days I've seen her dropping off kids (how can U watch for bullies, if you are driving bus, making stops, & carrying on cell conversation).

That would really bother me. There should be a teacher supervising the kids at recess. We always have recess supervisors. And honestly, I'd report the bus driver for talking on a cell phone while driving a bus. I don't know that there is a law against it where you live, but that is absolutely not safe.

I think having OW pick her up M-W would be a good start for your family. It would keep you from having to deal with OW on a daily basis and keep the stress out of your home and away from your COM.


BS - me 32
WS - him 32
3 beautiful girls - 11, 9, 7 and angel baby 7/9/10
D-Day 1/07 - 1+ yr PA
OW 35
OC born 12/06
R since 2/07 and going well

Posts: 135 | Registered: Jun 2008
repeatBS326
♀ Member
Member # 22068
Default  Posted: 1:56 PM, April 13th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

BMC,

This just doesn't seem very fair to you & twins. The whole purpose of you requesting to be their guardian, was so they could remain with the man they thought was "dad" and to be w/their brother. Do you think fWH will go NC with them, since they really aren't his? And, here you are with twins, no support from State since they wouldn't do the foster parent route. And, fWH owes you no CS for twins. How are you guys going to make it? Aren't you helping support your adult son & sometimes his gf & grandchild? Since your older children love COM, OC, & OW's children all the same (like siblings), will they help you with the kids?

Does OW pay CS through state for OC & twins? Since you are basically co-guardians of twins, if you D, would fWH be legally required to offer some support? Is fWH capable of caring for OC by himself? I mean, some men are not "hand's on" fathers & he might just drop OC off w/you, if it becomes overwhelming.


Me/BS:39(former cybersex addict 1992); fWH:41; DS:15; DS:11; OW:34; OC:10
Together: 22yrs; Married: 18yrs
D-day#1: Jan99, then FALSE R (subsequent conception of DS#2)
D-day#2: Told about OW/WH pregnancy July2000
D-day#3 (same mOW): 19sep2008

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Attemping R #3
repeatBS326
♀ Member
Member # 22068
Wink  Posted: 2:02 PM, April 13th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Here's a little funny. OW lies to OC about OW's age. She told OC she turned 32 on her b-day & that she quit aging when she turned 29. I looked @OC's birth certificate (which lists OW's maiden name & birthdate)...I can subtract. OW is 33. OC has told me twice that OW is only 32.


Me/BS:39(former cybersex addict 1992); fWH:41; DS:15; DS:11; OW:34; OC:10
Together: 22yrs; Married: 18yrs
D-day#1: Jan99, then FALSE R (subsequent conception of DS#2)
D-day#2: Told about OW/WH pregnancy July2000
D-day#3 (same mOW): 19sep2008

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Attemping R #3
BMC0415
♀ Member
Member # 14038
Default  Posted: 2:16 PM, April 13th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((repeat)) I have some issues like that with OC, but not as bad as you are having. I am hoping we can work this out, but I will not let him make me choose between my grandchild and him because he will lose my grandchild has never betrayed me. I was going to go after the OW for CS, but I would only be eligible for $147 a month for the girls, my H did not want any for his son,OW is on SSI, and it just was not worth the hassle. I do get $40 a month for each child as part of her SSI and well I have just settled for that. All of my adult children have jobs and my son supports his child and helps me. My kids have helped form day one. That is why I sat them down and made the decision to keep the OC a family decision, because without my kids, I couldn't do it. So, I could make it, it would just be harder.

As far as getting CS from my H, just wouldn't happen. He is not related to the twins in anyway and the courts gave them to us because of me. The judge said that because I am a good,stable parent, he left the kids in our care, so I hate to say it, but my H is not really a factor per the judge. The judge wanted us to tell twins that he is not their father, but we didn't think it was good for them and don't plan on telling them until when they are a little older.

Honestly we have been together since my H was 22 years old, I don't beleive he could live on his own, less enough with a problem child, but if this is the route he wants, we will see.

[This message edited by BMC0415 at 2:19 PM, April 13th (Tuesday)]


Me: 40+ Him: 40+
Married: 20+ years
D-Day: 3/7/07
Children: 24dd,23ds,21dd
10 yr. LTA 3OC w/OW 10,10,14 8/14/12-gave custody of twins to ex 8/16/12-DIVORCED!

Posts: 2910 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Maryland
altered
♀ Member
Member # 25116
Default  Posted: 3:41 PM, April 13th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((BMC))))))
So sorry for your S. At least FWH made a choice instead of cake eating or A. I know that you will do all you can for the twins, they are lucky to have you. Please take care of you too.

(((Tibiria)))
OC situations are difficult, there are no "perfect" solutions, just do what feels right to you and your WH. Be sure to communicate, be a united front and keep boundaries. Take your time, don't let anyone rush you. The decision to R is a personal one, just like the decision to forgive. There is a manual on the old forum that talks about what steps to take, legal and otherwise. Please take care of you.

BIL and OW have set the date, Aug 13th (Friday the 13th, how appropriate ) I wonder if they are going to last that long, BIL is sitting on his A$$ doing nothing, not even taking care of OC, they have not gotten to move out of the 30 ft travel trailer yet, it will be at least 2 more wks. But, OW is getting free room and board, school for her C until 5-6 (after school activities) free truck repairs, babysitter for OC by MIL and FIL (MIL cannot even watch COM as she had carpal tunnel surgery ) COM is in daycare which she is actually having more fun in than at MIL's. ILs said they'd pay 1/2 of daycare costs. It is just so frustrating hearing OC over there when COM stays at daycare. But, OW is helping ILs move so she can get their house. I am sooo ready to get off this place. But, I am being cut back to 36 hrs and paying off stuff will have to be put aside. Sorry for the whining, at least things with M and R are going strong.


Married since 5/99
BS-36
WH-39
1 COM
D-Day 6/27/09
In R OC born 12/15
D-Day #2 8/19/13

I want to be the kind of woman I want my daughter to be-Jewel

Posts: 205 | Registered: Aug 2009 | From: Heartland
Whalers11
♀ Member
Member # 27544
Default  Posted: 5:25 PM, April 13th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((BMC))


Me: BGF - 33
Together 11+ years - not married, no children.
D-Day: 2/9/2010
OC Born: 10/9/2010
Status: He chose OW/OC and left immediately.

Posts: 2070 | Registered: Feb 2010
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