There were only a few movies that boys hadn't seen or that were kinda kid-friendly for males. We decided on Clash of Titans 2d (they didn't have 3D @our theater).
OC said "I don't want to see this, after OW, BH#2, & I watched the new Miley Cyrus movie, we snuck into this one for free because BH#2 wanted to see it." What a good Christian example OW has set for OC! Our theater is downsized for the winter months & they don't have people watching as-closely for this sort of thing. Isn't sneaking into movies w/out paying, kinda juvenile? I thought only teens did that, out of peer pressure.
Anyway. We enjoyed our dinner @Ihop...never been there before. They have a special running right now. Kids under 12 eat free (1 per adult entree served). DS10/OC9's meals would've been completely free except cost of drinks, but both OC & DS10 were starving & insisted on having a 2nd plate of food. M-Th 4PM-10PM is the running deal for free kids' food, incase you guys have an Ihop around running same deal for COM/OC.
jeez, just sh*t all over a kid's holiday why don't ya OW?! I can't believe that! Maybe she just told OC that because they don't get her gifts, and are too lazy to do the Santa stuff. Or, want all the "good mom credit" for actually remembering the kids on holidays.
That just breaks my heart for your OC.
OW's C were at my MIL's house dying eggs and IT WAS THE 1ST TIME THEY DYED EGGS. Her oldest C is 11 and they have NEVER dyed eggs. OW's GP died at Easter, so they never did anything at Easter. I could not believe it!! If he died at Christmas, would you just ignore it too!? Heck, you can buy vinegar, eggs and food coloring with Foodstamps, no excuse We dyed eggs with COM and made OC an egg with his name. COM enjoyed it soo much, I was sorry we only did 12. We hunted eggs, OC was asleep and COM not interested, so her C hunted eggs. FWH, COM and I had a little egg hunt for COM at our house later.
FWH was p*ssed at OW. Her CS and Foodstamps came in on the 1st and she bought tons. She also bought beer and since legally you can't buy beer with FS, guess she used C's money. BIL said they spent $200 on OC, FWH said oh did you get diapers? BIL said no, cereal and formula. I told FWH to NOT buy formula, between WIC and FS she has more than enough.
I am angry too. I am facing furloughs at work, losing $200 a month starting Aug, and OW and BIL do not work and live off C's money!!
One of the reasons my H decided to be mostly NC (he talks to her on the phone occasionally and sends Christmas/B-day gifts) is that he didn't think he could handle being a part-time dad. By not really knowing her, it is easier for him to detach. He also wanted to keep that option open for OW to get married and her new H to adopt so that she could have a "normal" family unit (although that isn't exactly normal anymore). He wanted OW to give OC up for adoption in the first place so that she would have a good home with 2 parents that love and wanted her.
It is a crappy situation no matter how you look at it. You guys have to do what works for you. If you are ok with either senario, tell him and let him decide. That was something that I had a hard time with, but after a couple of months of agonizing, I felt like it wasn't my decision to make. I just had to decide what I was willing to live with, and I told him that I'd support him no matter what he choses to do regarding OC.
OC is 3 now, and he is really thinking about going to visit her. I'm just worried that he'll do that and cause more confusion for OC if he decides that it isn't what he wants. I'm not really thrilled about the timing - I don't need anymore stress during the pregnancy and I know that OW will be contacting us more if he does go see OC. Buut - I'll deal with whatever I guess. :)
BMC: Oh my. What will happen to OC & twins, if you & fWH separate? Do you continue to be joint guardians of twins & OC (or do twins go into foster care and fWH take full custody of OC)? I know you've grown to love all of OW's children that've been in your care. (((BMC)))
(Biggest hug I have ever given on SI).
Saturday, on way to mom's in fWH's truck (yes...this is trigger-truck, the make-out mobile & motel transport). OC got new messenger bag (which OC insists is backpack...that's another ongoing arguement)...OC gave her friend (who rides the same bus) her old purple bag. OC didn't ride bus on 4/1 (OW's b-day)...so, DS10 sees the bag on the bus & thinks OC left it. DS10 isn't a very helpful child & especially where OC is concerned (we sometimes make him take her homework folders 2 school when she leaves them on kitchen table). DS10 brought it home & gave to fWH...thinking OC lost it on Wed 3/31. Well, we are in truck Saturday. DS10 sees the bag & tells OC that "I got your bag off bus, you left it." OC9 goes off. She starts RANTING about how she gave the bag to her friend & she had permission from OW to give it to her friend. Then she says "my mom said I could give it to friend & it is NONE of your business." DS10 was actually doing something good in my opinion.
@mom's, OC9 started shoving DS10 around. She has a bad habit of doing that on playground @school (if 3rd&4th play together) & she picks on him on the bus so her friends will laugh. DS10 weighs about 56 lbs & OC9 weighs over 110 lbs (plus she is 1 ft taller than him). OC9 has been grounded numerous times for picking on DS10 @school/bus. She was shoving him outdoors @mom's & everyone except me & DS10/OC9 were in mom's garage. OC9 started kicking DS10 in privates & I told her to stop (she just looked @me). DS10 started shoving her like a football player does...I let him. They spent about 30-40 minutes, pushing & shoving, OC9 trying to hit DS10 in groin & DS10 ended up punching her on chestbone & in gut (OC has no breasts). I wouldn't let them hit face, made OC quit pulling OC's clothes, & no wrestling on porch or near concrete or trees. DS10 didn't back down...OC9 is going to get her butt kicked some day by DS10 (and I might not be around to stop him from going off on her). At what point do I just tell fWH that OC is too rough on DS10 and I don't want her coming home if she won't leave DS10 alone? Grounding from cell is next...I just feel it's becoming necessary.
Then, yesterday, fWH was home alone w/them after school(b4 I got off work). OC9 asked if fWH could put a window fan in her window (our A/C is down & we've been using window fans & borrowed window A/C unit for living room). fWH cannot get his wheelchair into OC9's messy room (yet again). He asked DS13 to put it in window for OC9. When he was done, fWH told OC9 to tell DS13 "thank you." She wouldn't. She just looked @fWH and stared holes through him. DS13 didn't HAVE to do it for OC9. fWH kept telling her to thank her brother & she absolutely refused (wouldn't move a muscle & had her arms crossed & staring @fWH). fWH made DS13 go into OC9's room & remove the window fan and then told her no playing & do her homework in living room (she usually does on her bed instead). I don't know if OW is putting OC up to it, or OC is just acting-out. I cannot stand her some days....when you tell someone to do something & they say "no" or just glare @you.
And, fWH is going to have to talk to OW about OC's texts. I browsed through them the other day when her cell was on charger in our bathroom. She had text from her 11-yr-old cousin...describing a dream where a guy "spent night" in her room & her family was all in house & they all had dinner etc. I would almost consider this to be bordering on sex talk/wet dreams or something. OC9 does not need to be exposed to such stuff & if that's all that she & cousin text about, it needs to stop. fWH told OC that if she doesn't stop wasting their afternoon time together, texting OW...that she might as-well not even come afterschool.
fWH must've gotten really made @her yesterday, because he said he yelled @OC so loudly for ignoring him & refusing to thank DS13, that DS10 started crying. DS10 said he'd never seen his dad so mad & it really scared him. I'm surprised he didn't spank OC, but he just yelled. He had a really bad headache when I came home...his blood pressure goes sky-high (on meds) when he's stressed or angry.
You know, if it were any other kid picking on DS10 @playground or on bus, I'd go to principal. But, since it's OC9, I am torn. I don't like the OC9 is becoming a bully. OW complained that she shoves her toddler sister (4) around...and, we notice that OC9 will go out of her way to "bump" into DS10 or DS13 in the shoulder as she passes them in a room...like she's trying to prove she's tough or something.
[This message edited by repeatBS326 at 7:51 AM, April 13th (Tuesday)]
As far as how to handle it for now, you have to find her currency (maybe her cell). My kids are young enough that time-outs still work (but not for long). With my oldest, we often take away her video game or ipod or even TV. I don't think you should treat her any differently than you treat your COM as far as discipline - you seem to treat her the same as far as the good things you do for her so why not the punishments as well. I think your FWH did the right thing by having your DS remove the window fan - it is just unfortunate that he had to do the work for nothing, ya know. Making sure that the punishment fits the infraction is important.
Her usual punishment is no TV cable (she hates when I disconnect her cable & take her DVD/VCR). We bought a refurbished PC for the kids (theirs died)...she might not like losing it. The cell is probably what needs to go as punishment. OW might complain, but if OC has emergency, there are 3 other cells & a landline @our home. OC has always been free to call OW if she choses...she just calls & texts her a lot w/her cell now. Her poor attitude really disrupts home life. She didn't have behavior issues like this before. DS10 has always been jealous of OC9 though. I completely understand. She does have the benefit of having both mom & dad when she's w/us...which, generally takes effort/time away from COM to do things for OC.
From what I can tell, OC only picks on DS10 @school & on bus. I don't think she bullies anyone else. I think she feels she can get away w/it because fWH isn't around to stop her. The only way fWH knows about it, is if DS10 basically "tattles" on OC. There isn't much supervision during recess (teachers relax under shade trees - understandibly) & the bus driver is busy on her cell most days I've seen her dropping off kids (how can U watch for bullies, if you are driving bus, making stops, & carrying on cell conversation).
I really think I'm going to encourage fWH to allow OW to get OC afterschool on her M-W. She gains no benefit from being around fWH, if she's busy texting...except we know OC gets fed. I told fWH last night, maybe you should make OC bathe Mon. afterschool, so he knows she bathed Sun night & Mon (and the accident issues won't cause odor in school). OC is still having accidents by not going to restroom often enough...she rarely has nighttime accidents.
I keep forgetting OC is only 9...because she is almost as-tall as me & weighs same as DS13 & can wear some women's clothes & wears 6.5 women's shoes. Is her behavior normal for a 9-yr-old girl toward her siblings (especially when in split homes)?
[This message edited by repeatBS326 at 9:50 AM, April 13th (Tuesday)]
There isn't much supervision during recess (teachers relax under shade trees - understandibly) & the bus driver is busy on her cell most days I've seen her dropping off kids (how can U watch for bullies, if you are driving bus, making stops, & carrying on cell conversation).
That would really bother me. There should be a teacher supervising the kids at recess. We always have recess supervisors. And honestly, I'd report the bus driver for talking on a cell phone while driving a bus. I don't know that there is a law against it where you live, but that is absolutely not safe.
I think having OW pick her up M-W would be a good start for your family. It would keep you from having to deal with OW on a daily basis and keep the stress out of your home and away from your COM.
This just doesn't seem very fair to you & twins. The whole purpose of you requesting to be their guardian, was so they could remain with the man they thought was "dad" and to be w/their brother. Do you think fWH will go NC with them, since they really aren't his? And, here you are with twins, no support from State since they wouldn't do the foster parent route. And, fWH owes you no CS for twins. How are you guys going to make it? Aren't you helping support your adult son & sometimes his gf & grandchild? Since your older children love COM, OC, & OW's children all the same (like siblings), will they help you with the kids?
Does OW pay CS through state for OC & twins? Since you are basically co-guardians of twins, if you D, would fWH be legally required to offer some support? Is fWH capable of caring for OC by himself? I mean, some men are not "hand's on" fathers & he might just drop OC off w/you, if it becomes overwhelming.
As far as getting CS from my H, just wouldn't happen. He is not related to the twins in anyway and the courts gave them to us because of me. The judge said that because I am a good,stable parent, he left the kids in our care, so I hate to say it, but my H is not really a factor per the judge. The judge wanted us to tell twins that he is not their father, but we didn't think it was good for them and don't plan on telling them until when they are a little older.
Honestly we have been together since my H was 22 years old, I don't beleive he could live on his own, less enough with a problem child, but if this is the route he wants, we will see.
[This message edited by BMC0415 at 2:19 PM, April 13th (Tuesday)]
OC situations are difficult, there are no "perfect" solutions, just do what feels right to you and your WH. Be sure to communicate, be a united front and keep boundaries. Take your time, don't let anyone rush you. The decision to R is a personal one, just like the decision to forgive. There is a manual on the old forum that talks about what steps to take, legal and otherwise. Please take care of you.
BIL and OW have set the date, Aug 13th (Friday the 13th, how appropriate ) I wonder if they are going to last that long, BIL is sitting on his A$$ doing nothing, not even taking care of OC, they have not gotten to move out of the 30 ft travel trailer yet, it will be at least 2 more wks. But, OW is getting free room and board, school for her C until 5-6 (after school activities) free truck repairs, babysitter for OC by MIL and FIL (MIL cannot even watch COM as she had carpal tunnel surgery ) COM is in daycare which she is actually having more fun in than at MIL's. ILs said they'd pay 1/2 of daycare costs. It is just so frustrating hearing OC over there when COM stays at daycare. But, OW is helping ILs move so she can get their house. I am sooo ready to get off this place. But, I am being cut back to 36 hrs and paying off stuff will have to be put aside. Sorry for the whining, at least things with M and R are going strong.