To you, your H, and the new baby on the way!!!
Oh wow! Congrats! Keep healthy & try not to let issues about OW sadden your pregnancy! Our DS10 was conceived after A#1 D-day during HB (false R). I can understand the trigger thing. Yes, OW will be upset that her CS is impacted by another child, but OH WELL! Our state also uses COM (or any child born to either parent) into the CS calc (which I think is good for COM's protection).
I don't think OW needs to know about your pregnancy though. She's not part of your family & I'm sure she'd just be rude & mean about it anyway. Yes, I'm thinking after new baby arrives healthy, his V should happen. Unless you want to add on to the house.
Keep us informed of all the good news!
I don't plan on telling her until we absolutely have to - I don't need any possible drama she might bring into it. And the V will happen this time - we are going to be pretty tight the way it is. 2 of our 3 girls share a room currently. We have another bedroom in the basement, but the windows are tiny. We are hoping to get larger windows put in so our ODD can move down there. And the other 2 DDs will probably have to continue to share a room for a while anyway. I'm not going to stress about it too much - it will all work out.
This weekend was good and awful. OW brought OC by Sat to IL's and of course came to see BIL. FWH and I saw OC at MIL's and held him for a while. Visit was about 3 hrs. She managed to stay the night (can't see after dark to drive) so it was her, OC and her 2 C in BIL's 35 ft travel trailer. Visit was good except for FIL saying how good BIL was with OC, like FWH needed to hear that. He also could not talk to OW about visitation without BIL trailing after. OW has said repeatedly that OC decisions are just between FWH and her, that I am not to be involved, shouldn't that be applied to boyfriends too?
Sun, we got up and went to church, then the lake. OW was still there holed up in BIL's trailer. FWH waited at MIL's hoping to OC, and OW left trailer, got in her truck with the C and left without a goodbye to ILs, chance for FWH to say goodbye to OC, nothing. FWH was P#ssed! It is like OW is trying to make BIL OC's daddy. FWH texted OW saying thanks for letting him say bye to OC, and they texted back and forth, OW said crap like she and BIL discussed it and whenever you want OC, just come get him, I gave you every opportunity. OW also said if FWH acted like a daddy, no one else would be called daddy by OC.
It's just so manipulative and childish! OW pushes so much. She was telling FIL how she would help him build fence and a greenhouse, but FIL doesn't like her, doesn't want her help.
I know ILs are happy that BIL has a girlfriend (1st in 20 yrs) and that OC is not subjected to random men, but jeez just quit talking about how great BIL is with OW's kids. I can only hope OW's scheming personality comes out eventually and the romance breaks up.
Sorry OW is playing games about seeing OC @IL's house. Really, really weird that OW is still w/BIL. Oh gosh, wouldn't it be more aweful if OW became SIL???? Do you think that BIL might eventually marry OW & adopt OC? That would be too much Jerry Springer!
I am glad that you guys got some additional time w/OC, but very awkward to have OW around so much (and w/her other children).
Do you think, that if she stays w/BIL, that she will be eventually accepted by FIL? I know, right now he doesn't want OW doing things around his house, but if she becomes a permanent fixture in BIL's life, I think that will probably change. Just know, never let your guard down. These OW cannot be trusted EVER. They still might be looking for fWH to be KISA @some point. When their intimate relationship(s) with OP change, they break up, D, become dissatisifed w/current relationships, fWH is a comfort-zone & old patterns die hard. fWH actually said, that once when he dropped off OC (right when OW & her then-boyfriend - now BH#2), that OW actually said "LOVE YOU" when fWH left her apartment. It was right in-front of her boyfriend & she'd been telling him that OC was ONS (after her D from BH#1). @the-time, boyfriend (now BH#2) didn't even know she left BH#1 & D, so she could be w/fWH.
The harder dynamic is that ILs seem to be encouraging BIL as "daddy figure" to OC. FWH is the one who went to prenatal appts risked R at one point doing this, has gone through amnio, ER visits, stayed with OC at hosp this month, and it seems like he is pushed aside for "new daddy". I empathize with FWH because I would never want anyone to be mommy to my child. No way!
I told FWH that all we can do is love OC when we have him, do the best we can for him, and when he is older, he will hopefully realize the difference.
I hope BIL and OW do not marry, I really don't see her being stable enough, she likes drama and to control. Her and 1st baby daddy had physical violence, her and XH had screaming fights, I don't see BIL getting into that. He also does not work, lives off ILs and OW does work, but seems to want a man to support her. I guess they could live off CS.
It was so funny yesterday, BIL asked FWH to trade 4 wheelers. FWH's is automatic and bigger. 1st BIL said that his 4 wheeler hurt his back, arm etc, then he finally said he wanted to take OW riding and "altered won't let OW ride the 4 wheeler". I was never asked and I honestly did not care, I told FWH at least the seat was vinyl and the skank would disappate outside. It's just so ironic how mean and awful I all of the sudden I am when BIL has known me for 15 yrs.
Oh well, if you can't inspire respect, instill fear!
I have been so busy lately I havent had much time to read and post.
Want2BOK CONGRATS!!!! I am so happy for you.
Repeat we are here for you to vent you can always PM me too.
As for my life. H and I are getting ready to move we need to be in a smaller place so we can save some money and move far away from OW. So I have been up to my ears in boxes and bubble wrap.
I casn't beleive it;s been a month we find out the results of the paternity test on Thursday. I am on pins and needles!!!!
Hugs to everyone I will let you know the outcome.
We will keep fingers crossed that DNA comes back as not fWH's child. We are here for you, either way. Congrats on smaller house...it just means less rooms to clean & smaller property taxes!!! And, if you took loss on the old house, next year's taxes will have some sort of neat-o credit for it. AND, you'll move into a place that's 100% clean. Leave half the stuff in boxes in attic & you'll feel like you're living in the penthouse suite.
I'm okay guys, really....I just get ANGRY sometimes & would rather blow-up here than @home.
First night of BB tournament 2n...almost end of season. OW asked if fWH wanted to take OC to game (and of course he did). Not sure if she's going, but she texted me:
To make it easier on everyone, she can go ahead & spend night tomorrow night & I'll get her back wed.
Hope that means OW will be a no-show 2n. That would be crazy if she went 2 game & then we took OC home on OW's night?
We had OC Thur afterschool through Monday 6pm. Took her back 6pm yesterday, then fWH got her off bus just minutes ago. OW might as well give OC to us....she's basically awake @OW's home 3-4 hours daily M-W & alternating Thurs. Most of that time is spent getting ready 4 bed or getting ready for school.
I hate weekday ballgames....throws my whole homework schedule off w/DS10 & OC. @least, that means the kids aren't making messes & dirtying dishes, when we're @ballgames.
Repeat, hopefully OW will just let you guys have OC. It seems like they just want to be involved just enough to stir the pot however (just from my CWS experience with mostly absent parents). Hopefully ball season will be easier this year.
I told FWH that when OC gets into extracurriculars, we would not sit by OW, we would attend, be there for OC, give congrats or whatever then leave. It'll suck if OW marries BIL and OC and her C go to school with COM, at least they are not in the same age group though.
Man, there is just so much involved! Oh well, one day at a time.
I need to vent just a minute. On the way to school, OC was telling me about all the home improvements they're making.
Just tell me how:
a family who's primary breadwinner (BH#2) who was laid off last year, who had both vehicles repossessed (had to buy older sedan w/cash), who was in credit card debt up to eyeballs can suddenly -
1. BH#2 got new primary job (kept 2nd job as cashier @fitness center nights & weekends)
2. OW draws disability
3. OW's children draw dependant-type disability (still don't know how much OC really gets in her check, but hope OW has to justify her spending like we did on OC's $$$)
Now, OW is getting manicures, per OC.
OC said this morning that "we are getting new hardwood floors for living room & kitchen AND Momma has ordered new living room furniture."
The only thing I can think is that they filed for bankruptcy to get out from under the credit card debt & lost the 2 cars in-the-process. Otherwise, I cannot imagine how they're making enough $$$ for all that & OW's mysterious disability (depression maybe???).
All this just pisses me off. We haven't had ANY new furniture in over 14 years. We had to go into hock last fall on Home Depot card for a new roof, as ours was leaking after 14+ years. DS13 & DS10 have med checks up the ying-yang because of new Dr. & new prescripts. OC is basically w/us all-the-time now & OW is getting OC's $$$. Even this morning, OC left her CHEAP boxed lunch (sandwich, snacks, milk) @home & I had to give her $5 of my last $11 bucks. We have some credit card debt for Christmas 2008 which was on a 0% interest credit card which starts drawing interest this month. We were never told that fWH owes taxes on SS disability checks (now we might owe IRS after I do taxes). fWH took $5000 out of IRA while he was laid off because medical bills & other stuff pulled us under. They said "possibly" no penalty because there's some clause for permanently disabled people about taking from retirement. We owe neuro Dr. $300 for fWH's. We owe OC's dentist for last fillings (wish OW would make her brush her teeth...fillings are expensive & she's had 5 or 6 now @our cost). We owe fWH's dentist for pulling his tooth & some fillings. PLUS, because we needed OC's room alone before we finished CS/custody stuff, we've had to rent a POD to store everything that WAS in our extra room (that's like $163/month). Here we are, taking care of our family & basically completely providing for OC's food & other stuff on a daily basis, and OW is sitting on her A$$ getting her nails done, new floors, & furniture. AND, OW's too F&CKING disabled (lazy) to go to OC's ballgames, while fWH sits there with a swollen leg in his wheelchair watching OC's game! His leg is so bad today from sitting up last night @game, that he cannot even bend it to get into wheelchair (he's basically bedridden again). AND, if fWH cannot see some swelling reduced by tonight, we'll probably have to go get ultrasound & go to Drs. tomorrow (maybe even hospital outpatient).
But, I was driving down the road listening to my Christian music this morning & thought. WAIT a minute. Why am I so upset about OW? I'm not jealous of her. She's admittedly in a loveless marriage. She's a worthless mother. She's a whore. Even though the's a newly born-again Christian, she apparently LIED on her SS disability claims. She seeks joy by wasting $$$ on material things. Look what I have in comparison: a husband who begged me to stay (panic attacks & almost suicide over losing me), two wonderful sons who are ADHD & smart as tacks, a nonchild who loves me like I was her own mother (maybe even more than OW), a wonderful brother & mom, a warm safe home, two paid-off vehicles, a good job which I enjoy, a best friend who supports me so much, friends @SI who really know what I'm going through. WHAT am I complaining about? Some people are living in shelters & have no family, or have lost homes to fire, flood, earthquakes, volcanos.
I AM TRULY BLESSED BY GOD. I just forget that sometimes & want to wallow in my own pity. I need 2x4s sometimes.
Like the odd man who approached me @park around holidays said "GOD is working on it." He is.
Now, I just need to focus on getting the kids finished w/this school year & keeping fWH healthy & ALIVE.
I have been in-a-panic lately because I am so worried about fWH's health.
Please pray for us & my sanity & that I keep remembering I AM BLESSED.
When I brushed OC's hair to put up for game last night, it was greasy. I asked if she bathed Monday night (we make kids bathe every school night). OC said that she didn't bathe Monday night (she bathed @our home Sunday night). I asked her "didn't you @least wash your girly parts & put on new underwear." She said, "oh yea, I put on clean underwear & clothes, but didn't wash anything." OC has a problem w/bladder leakage sometimes & has accidents about once or twice per month. I'm just hoping that she didn't smell like pee @school yesterday or anything. She also has dandruff & if she doesn't use dandruff shampoo b4 school, you can usually see flakes in her hair.
Just really pisses me off that OW didn't make OC bathe Monday night. He hair really was GREASY-looking & felt gross last night, but no time b4 game to make her shower.
I asked FWH about Easter. I know him and OW had to switch some visit dates for April, so I wasn't sure about Easter. We have an egg hunt for COM at our house. I don't want OW there. My family will be there and I choose not to subject them or myself to OW. I am trying to let go of anger and resentment to her, but I cannot socialize with her, not in my home.
OC is welcome, but OW is not, if BIL insists on bringing her, BIL is not invited either. I reminded FWH when he said he is not going to cut BIL out of his life, and I said I am not going to embrace OW. I said this is his dept, there is over a month to decide what to do, to think about it and figure it out.
BIL texted FWH about visitation talk, said he hoped FWH and OW got their differences settled, said he hoped the 4 of us would all get along. It must be nice in fantasyland, I've never been.
However, in the blessings dept I have a truly remorseful, supportive FWH. I have a wonder COM. I have a stepson who I am getting to know. I have all the basics of life, we are simplifying our finances, getting rid of clutter and taking the pressure off ourselves. God is good to us, and he will take care of the future. I am also thankful of my SI friends who have been there and know how I feel.
[This message edited by altered at 9:27 AM, February 24th (Wednesday)]
Sorry for the generalization.
I have many blessings as well: A wonderful son who makes every day brighter. Wonderflu friends and family who are a joy to be around, A H who is truly working to make things better and our M is getting stronger every day. And my SI Peeps who are in this with me and truly know EXACTLY what I am going through!!
When will you know about DNA today?
Please keep us posted, either way it turns out. I was crushed when the DNA letter came & since fWH is dyslexic, I had to read the "99.98% probability of paternity." I got weak in the knees & wanted to crumble down onto the floor. fWH was hugging me & saying so sorry. How my perception of the moment changes, now that I know OC was planned...he KNEW what the papers would say ALL ALONG, because OC was planned pregnancy. Was he truly remorseful & sorry, or just comforting me in-the-moment? He had already bonded w/OC, so I'm thinking he wasn't sorry @all.
Anyway.....if it turns out badly, we are here for you through it all.
Chandler, I too know what it is like to wait for DNA test results so my thoughts and prayers are with you. It is what it is, that is the way I had to think about it, now you have to decide how to handle it, that's the hard part. Altered I can't begin to imagine having to see the OW on a regular basis less enough having my BIL date her!
Keeping the boundaries sounds like it is going to be a full time job. AS far as the IL's encouraging your BIL to be the daddy figure for the OC, highly inappropiate. Your H is the father, like it or not and his brother should not be acting in this role. If it really bothers you both, I would not let it go. Good Luck hon.
Repeat, as always sending you good thoughts and prayers, you go thru so much with this situation, I just don;t know how you do it. Has anyone heard from Beajus? Haven't seen her in a while.
Everyone if you could please send mojo to my family as my grandchild from my ds will probably be born tonight or tomorrow at 36 weeks because the mother is in distress I would appreciate it. And yes I am getting a DNA test, because I have to protect my son as much as myself.
Hugs to all of us.
Sending thoughts and prayers your way.
Rooting for Chandler too!!
Now She has never wanted H to get a DNA test, and actually, since we dont want any contact w her we left it alone. im ok w that and he is too.
What do u all think about this?
I am so sorry we ae all going thru this cuz it sucks!!!
Chandler, hope to hear soon if you guys got any news.
As for Beajus, I see her on facebook, but haven't gotten any replies to PMs on SI. Hope she's okay. I was wondering if her common-law husband ever moved out since they were kinda S (residing together though), if they collected enough $$$ to fight for visitation of OC, or if they've even been able to see OC since Thanksgiving. I know she, the boys, & he all missed OC so much & truly love her.
Raindrops, sorry you are here. I would recommend fWH seek legal advice. If OW ever goes on public assistance for any reason, they may come after him for back-CS. If he makes rather good $$$, can you imagine how much CS would be owed & if they can even possibly charge interest on those amounts? I think, after us just having the verbal agreements for so long between fWH/OW (felt like she had utmost control over HOW he bahaved toward her & that I couldn't set boundaries or he'd lose visitation w/OC), it ended up being better once legal documents were in-place. That way, if OW got nasty about anything (visitation etc.), then everything was legal. For us, even though fWH was paying $400/month CS per verbal agreement & carrying insurance & having OC 3-4 days (or more) per week, we would have had to prove every dime & I quit keeping a calendar of visitation after 1st year probably. It would be hard to prove in courts that we had OC so much w/out good records & we'd have had to supply receipts/cancelled checks/etc. for any CS payments. Even if he is NC with both OW&OC, I think it will protect your family against possible future issues if you are able to get an agreement of NC in place & setup CS. (yea, nobody really wants to pay CS...really sucks, but we found out OW made more $$$ than both of us together for multiple years - she actually would've owed fWH).
Raindrops: And, who knows, the supposed OC might not be fWH's @all. That would certainly come back to bite her, huh?
If OC's team loses the game @8pm tonight, this is the last game this season!
If OC's team wins (never won any games this season), then we'l have to play in another tournament game either this weekend or next week.
Not sure if OW plans on attending game. Wish she'd take OC for us. fWH has extreme swelling in RT leg & had ultrasound for another clot yesterday. I just really worry if he sits up for 2 hours @game (pregame warmup & probable 15-30 minute delay of start), that he will be in severe shape later. He cannot even bend his knee enough to pull his body out of wheelchair up into the truck & drive. THIS is a case when OW should take OC to game. If fWH is really bad 2n when I get off work, I might even suggest that me & OC go alone (leaving him home w/2xDSs). I know he wouldn't want to miss the game, but he's in really bad shape.
Oh, OC peed all over herself after getting off bus yesterday. DS13 walked down driveway to get DS10/OC9 because fWH couldn't drive. fWH sprayed her pink suede fuzzy slipon clogs with Febreeze because it was so much pee, that it was in shoes too. I am just waiting for a nasty note from OW about sending OC w/out shoes for pickup. She refused to put them on because the febreeze was still wet & I refuse to send our good shoes for OWs house. fWH made her wear PJ pants also, 'cause we aren't sending any of the new clothes that we just got her to OW's house (might never see them again).