Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
Find a Local Couselor
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: SoCalBoy (43217)

I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: OC Support Thread (BS Only)-New Thread
SurvivingInCA
♀ Member
Member # 23898
Default  Posted: 6:50 PM, June 16th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((whalers & dreamer)))

Dreamer, I am absolutely shocked to hear that the A continued.

I am thinking of both of you and sending you all my good vibes.


BW – me/36, WH him/35
Married 4, together 7
Dday – 4/10/09
PA – 1/1/08 to 5/1/08 (5 rendezvous)
No Kids - had been trying 1/1/08 - 4/9/09
OC – 01/09/DNA despite H's male factor infertility (guess she got the one miracle sperm)
R'ing

Posts: 136 | Registered: May 2009
Finesse026
♀ Member
Member # 25868
Default  Posted: 10:30 AM, June 17th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Saw a picture of oc....

It looks exactly like H. I'm devistated.

Whore stole everything. My H (temporarily), my ILs, my baby.....my life....


Together: 8.5 years
Married: 5 years
BW: 32
WH: 34
Angel baby: Nov. 09
OC born June '10

filed for D Oct. 15, served Dec 18
D final June 21, 2011


Posts: 1795 | Registered: Oct 2009 | From: Wonderland
Mandilwen
♀ Member
Member # 27186
Default  Posted: 2:46 PM, June 17th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sorry Finesse. OC and DS2 look like they could be twins now. It sucks. And doubly so for your situation. Make sure to take care of yourself these next few months. I'm thinking about you and sending you strenghth to get through!


BS-34; WXH-32; DS8; DS3; OC3
DDay: SEPT 2008
Divorced: JUNE 2010

Posts: 318 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Indy
SurvivingInCA
♀ Member
Member # 23898
Default  Posted: 3:18 PM, June 17th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((Finesse)) I know exactly how you feel. Like you, I feel like the OW stole my baby and my chances at motherhood. I also remember seeing a pic of the OC on the DNA paperwork - the kid looks EXACTLY like my FWH - absolutely crushing. The A, the OC and his infertility issues completely shattered my heart (understatement of the century) but now, 14 months later things are looking up. With hardwork (FWH's and mine), the pain does ease. I don't think it ever goes away completely, but in my experience it doesn't steal all of my happiness anymore.

[This message edited by SurvivingInCA at 3:19 PM, June 17th (Thursday)]


BW – me/36, WH him/35
Married 4, together 7
Dday – 4/10/09
PA – 1/1/08 to 5/1/08 (5 rendezvous)
No Kids - had been trying 1/1/08 - 4/9/09
OC – 01/09/DNA despite H's male factor infertility (guess she got the one miracle sperm)
R'ing

Posts: 136 | Registered: May 2009
Finesse026
♀ Member
Member # 25868
Default  Posted: 3:42 PM, June 17th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Survivng-

Was you H always willing to do what you needed to r?

My H seems too....he hasn't seen oc since birth (not that I've asked him too), he's pretty good at letting me check up on him, he's fairly okay at letting me know what he's up to...

But

he says he has a hard time trusting me with my emotions if and when we see oc. WTF!? The only time I have "lost it" has been in our own home. For christ's sake! I didn't scream or yell at him or whore when I caught them in December!! I think I can manage! Is this his own insecurities?

Also, although he's living at home, he has yet to put his crap away. This to me doesn't show his committment to me or to us. He says "well, I come home don't I!" wth!? It's the little things I need for reassuance and I feel I don't get much.

Or

things are seemingly great...Tuesday we actually engaged in sexual activity, but then I got all crazy that night thinking he was lying...I was wrong this time. But I couldn't let it go and now it's crappy again. I don't know what to do anymore.

He says he's doing what's comfortable. I said you think this is comfortable for me!?! I told him it's good he's uncomfortable. It will remind you. Needless to say he didn't like that.

I don't know. It seems everywhere I read, WS who want R really show it and go out of their way for their BS. Mine isn't. I know this is a unique situation and even more guilt is involved....my H's self esteem is completely shattered...he was always the goldedn boy, and the good one...and doesn't know how to cope.

I guess I'm looking for ANY hope in this situation.

Right now I don't even know what I want now that I've seen a picture of oc. Damn. He should have been mine. He's beautiful. Truly. That almost hurts even more.

PLUS

my mil has been going to whore's house helping!?! WTF!!! She doesn't want to get involved, but she'll help the whore who wrecked her "other daughter's" M!? Has she even called me? Come by!? Nope. Not since February. That is another betrayal in and of itself.

Sorry...I got long. A lot going on. Any help thoughts anything will help.


Together: 8.5 years
Married: 5 years
BW: 32
WH: 34
Angel baby: Nov. 09
OC born June '10

filed for D Oct. 15, served Dec 18
D final June 21, 2011


Posts: 1795 | Registered: Oct 2009 | From: Wonderland
Want2help
♀ Member
Member # 20547
Default  Posted: 12:18 AM, June 18th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Finesse, I am so, so sorry.

I feel your pain, OC in our sitch is beautiful also, devastatingly so. Even with OW's sow-like looks, they somehow blended well with my H's looks.

My MIL is also very active in OC's life, and hasn't even met our DD. I think many of us lose our ILs in this sitch.

No advice really, just someone to commiserate.


BS- me.
FWS- him.
DDay 6/07 (immediately separated)
RDay 8/07
Surprise OC born 3/08 (NC)
6 years into successful R.
"That which can be destroyed by truth should be." -P. C. Hodgell

Posts: 1957 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: PNW
Whalers11
♀ Member
Member # 27544
Default  Posted: 9:57 AM, June 18th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It seems everywhere I read, WS who want R really show it and go out of their way for their BS. Mine isn't.

I know what you mean, Finesse. That is why I don't read too many other threads around here - because it really only depresses me.

Even though asshat says he is not in a relationship with her and he is just doing what he needs to do for the OC, as far as I am concerned, the A is still going on because he will not go NC with her.


Me: BGF - 33
Together 11+ years - not married, no children.
D-Day: 2/9/2010
OC Born: 10/9/2010
Status: He chose OW/OC and left immediately.

Posts: 2069 | Registered: Feb 2010
BMC0415
♀ Member
Member # 14038
Default  Posted: 10:04 AM, June 18th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((Finesse)) I know how you feel. I will never forget the day I looked at a picture of the OC and realized that he had my H's smile. My heart sunk. It is a sad and hard reminder everyday not only for me but my H.

As I have said before the OC stitch is a hard one that has a serious hold on a man. In order to try to R, the WS has to go any extra mile in this situation. If they can't give their all to support the marriage first, and deal with the OC situation second the chances of recovery are almost zero.

Everyone is in my thoughts.


Me: 40+ Him: 40+
Married: 20+ years
D-Day: 3/7/07
Children: 24dd,23ds,21dd
10 yr. LTA 3OC w/OW 10,10,14 8/14/12-gave custody of twins to ex 8/16/12-DIVORCED!

Posts: 2910 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Maryland
SurvivingInCA
♀ Member
Member # 23898
Default  Posted: 1:36 PM, June 18th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good question Finesse. Did my FWS do everything he could to save the M every single day from Day 1? No way – because he didn’t know how to. On d-day I realized how completely f*ed up and dysfunctional my H really was – I also realized that there was no way that he was going to become a healthy, functional partner overnight (esp. on his own) – it was going to be a learning process for both of us. Here is my long play-by-play of his commitment to R…

I remember thinking on d-day that I loved him and wanted to R, but I also knew that it was him or me, and that I wasn’t going to let him take me down again – it was a weird survival thing. This survival mentality was good for me but bad for R so I knew we needed a compassionate, objective guide to help to get through this. Also, I didn’t want to be the one to “teach” my FWH how to R, I was lost and emotionally adrift and I wouldn’t know how. My commitment to him was that I wouldn’t leave, I wouldn’t make any decisions for 6 months and I would do my best to work through MY issues caused by the A – he was responsible for HIS issues. I set some initial non-negotiable terms for R - MC, IC for him, combined finances, access to his email and phone records, complete honesty and I wanted a definitive arrangement worked out with the OW re: OC (he was in complete denial about this until d-day) – as we went through R, I delineated more boundaries. I also told him that he would have to find the MC and the IC, I didn’t want to have the “I don’t want to do MC cuz I don’t like our therapist” situation.

Believe me… he wasn’t jumping for joy with any of these things – he had lived a nice, cushy compartmentalized life and all of these things meant that the walls were coming down. It was uncomfortable for him. For instance, it took him 3 months to turn over the phone records and we fought about it constantly until he did. It came down to the fact that he was afraid that I would leave him if I saw them and by holding on to them he felt like he was in control of the situation (and me). But he finally realized that he wasn’t in control of anything and that the records were a deal breaker for me; if he didn’t show them to me I would leave anyway. So he eventually turned them over and in doing so, he felt like he was taking an enormous risk. When I saw them, I was disgusted by what I saw. This was a very difficult time for both of us … he felt like he had taken this risk for our relationship and made himself vulnerable, and my reaction was exactly what he had feared the most. And, he was mad at me because I had behaved exactly as he predicted. I think compartmentalization is a lot about manipulation, and this was probably one of the first times he wasn’t/couldn’t manipulate our relationship – he couldn’t orchestrate the outcome, he just had to face the consequences.

I think FWSs go through stages just like BSs. In my experience my FWH went through the following stages – there were a lot good things and growth that happened in each of these stages, but these were the predominate frustrations and challenges that I felt I was facing with his attitude:

D-day – 3 mo – Like me, FWH shocked and afraid. FWH was completely motivated by guilt to “do whatever t takes” for R. I heard a lot of: “I love you; you are the only one for me; I am sorry; you are the love of my life; I know we can get through this; what can I do?”

3 mo – 6 mo – The guilt started to wear off, he was still abiding by boundaries, but resented them and he also tested them. I heard a lot of: “I am a new man; I have grown so much; you are the one that is holding us back – why can’t you just get over this?; I made a mistake and I paid the price; I forgive myself, I need to get on with my life; I am not answering anymore questions; I can’t say I’m sorry for the rest of my life”

6 mo – 8mo – Fatigue, FWH was holding on to last remnants of compartmentalization, I think he did this so as not to be completely vulnerable. He also had this kind of trapped sentiment of “now our relationship sucks – and it will probably suck forever, but I made my bed and now I have to lie in it” I heard a lot of: “Is this what our relationship is going to be like forever? This is who I am, there are just some things I can’t change; I am over this; maybe you should continue therapy on your own; I know you are never going to trust me again”

8 mo – 14mo – Happened kind of suddenly… acceptance of what he did, true remorse and owning it. FWH understands how important the boundaries are to me and totally lives within them and has internalized them. He is receptive and accepting of my feelings. I see sporadic but amazing and uncharacteristic behaviors from FWH like checking in with me consistently (without resentment), expressing his feelings voluntarily (not often), exploring and sharing how he feels about his family interactions/relationships. Hearing a lot of: “I am sorry that I put us in this position, I will never forgive myself (only heard this once – but it made an impression); I love you; I am happy to check in with you I know it makes you feel better; stop asking me if I am following the boundaries”

14 mo+ - TBD

I am sure my FWH would recount the last 14 months differently. I don't know how he would break it down. Again, I think R is a HUGE learning process for FWSs – I am skeptical when I hear stories about FWSs who “get it” right away. I think FWS have to completely rewire themselves and that takes a lot of effort, reflection and time, and as a BS it is hard to be patient and supportive of the process especially while we are working through our own immense pain. I think there is a sweet spot that happened between 8mo and 14 mo where I had processed a lot of my pain, and he learned to accept what he did and that created a new "opening" in the relationship - at least that's what I hope is happening.


BW – me/36, WH him/35
Married 4, together 7
Dday – 4/10/09
PA – 1/1/08 to 5/1/08 (5 rendezvous)
No Kids - had been trying 1/1/08 - 4/9/09
OC – 01/09/DNA despite H's male factor infertility (guess she got the one miracle sperm)
R'ing

Posts: 136 | Registered: May 2009
eyesnowopen
♀ Member
Member # 28406
Default  Posted: 5:54 PM, June 18th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We are seeing the lawyer on Monday to start the case for asking for a DNA test once the OC is born. I know I need to ask about visitation, neutral place for visitation, child support amount etc. Anything else I should be asking about? I just want to be totally prepared when we talk to the lawyer.


Me: selfish witch who didn't want three people in our marriage
Him: FT who thought he could have both of us and the OC too

Divorced..drama free...movin on!


Posts: 328 | Registered: Apr 2010
Finesse026
♀ Member
Member # 25868
Default  Posted: 10:21 PM, June 18th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good luck eyeswideopen! When I went to the lawyer I also asked about protecting me and my finances. What H should do to protect US as a family...just a thought...I am sure more wise suggestions will come your way.


Surviving, Want, Whalers, and BMC....

THANK YOU!

Seriously...if this site and this forum didn't exsist....I would be done. DONE. With the world...


6 mo – 8mo – Fatigue, FWH was holding on to last remnants of compartmentalization, I think he did this so as not to be completely vulnerable. He also had this kind of trapped sentiment of “now our relationship sucks – and it will probably suck forever, but I made my bed and now I have to lie in it” I heard a lot of: “Is this what our relationship is going to be like forever? This is who I am, there are just some things I can’t change; I am over this; maybe you should continue therapy on your own; I know you are never going to trust me again”


I think this is where we are. Although our first d-day was in Sept. The second was in Dec....and thus, I suppose, the real start of limbo/R. That fits my H to a TEE! A FREAKING TEE!! He is constantly saying "I can't believe this is my life" (refering to my constant checking) and "Is this how our life is going to be?" WOW. WOW. True eye opener. Truly. I feel he is still hiding things...I can't always tell...I have been wrong a couple of times this week! But tough shit! At least I WAS wrong, you know? He seems to think that I will not be able to handle oc when I see him in person. I may not...but I have NEVER lost it outside our home. I think I could manage. I have some how amazingly survived all this! Right?! He seems to be still testing boundaries and complaining about how crazy I am for asking varifying questions too....so who knows. But it was SO wonderful to see a sort of time line. OMG! I literally sighed a breath of relief! I am NOT CRAZY! So I guess we are between the 3-6 and 6-8. Wow. Just Wow.


Okay....so maybe I can hang on a little longer. Who knows!? Saw IC today and right before checked somethings....they didn't add up...anyway, now that I am home and researching my discoveries....I could be wrong again! ARH! I posted about it in IT....grr....I hope I am wrong...but geez! Twice in a week! I guess (I hope) it's a good thing!


Keep you all posted. THANK YOU SO MUCH! You don't know how much I love each of you. I wish you were all here so I could take you out and hug each one of you! Seriously...


Hugs to you all!

(((group hug)))


Together: 8.5 years
Married: 5 years
BW: 32
WH: 34
Angel baby: Nov. 09
OC born June '10

filed for D Oct. 15, served Dec 18
D final June 21, 2011


Posts: 1795 | Registered: Oct 2009 | From: Wonderland
stretch13
♀ Member
Member # 26894
Default  Posted: 9:25 AM, June 20th (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

good luck and ((finesse)). i'm glad to see you having some hope, i know it waxes and wanes. i'm trying to take the timeline and use it myself to feel better. my WH is somewhere along the continuum, pretty far actually, probably because of a lot of 180 action. i just wish i could get paternity over with, the moment of "truth" behind me, to know WTF i'm dealing with!!!

i'm struggling right now. WH has been good...but sad, which makes me a little sad. now it's fathers day and i'm HATIN it. i want to reach out to him, do nice things, acknowledge what a great father his is to our beautiful DD1 and how much she loves him.

but what about the other little girl with no father? what's fatherhood to him? he chooses to exercise it arbitrarily from his pants, but only "celebrate and participate" when it's cute and part of the "dream." have i mentioned the abortion in college, the unknown/unlikely/no dna one in NJ from just after college that he hardly seems to even wonder or about (and certainly doesn't seem to care), then my kid and this OC? that makes at least 4, only one of which wasn't an "oh crap why didn't i wrap it??!!"? baby.

i'm trying not to go down that road, but i can barely call my own dad because i want this day to just be a regular sunday. i was fine with regular sunday. in a great mood actually, until i saw the father's day stuff start.

i'm sorry, i'm just fed up with this emotion. if i didn't have my own baby from this, after two years of trying with him, and i saw that beautiful OC (her pictures threw me down the rabbit hole for weeks, she looks like a black n white version of my WH)...i really feel like without my DD, either he or i would be dead right now. i know that sounds extreme, but it's really not. i wanted a baby my whole life, wondered if i'd ever be able to have one because of ALL kinds of health problems when i was younger...thank GOD for my littlebean. she's saved us all. (maybe including ow, i feel so crazy sometimes.)

sigh.

sorry to vent, i just hate this holiday. officially. fuck it.


http://www.facebook.com/hardheadpress
http://www.amazon.com/Eli-Ely-Ezekiel-Tyrus/dp/0986042900/

http://hardheadpress.com/

life must be rich and full of loving--it's no good otherwise, no good at all, for anyone - j. kerouac


Posts: 3929 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: east coast
stretch13
♀ Member
Member # 26894
Default  Posted: 10:00 AM, June 21st (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

well i survived it fairly well. my dad did not get a phone call, though i sent wishes through my brother. i'm visiting my dad and family in less than two weeks and will be delivering and setting up his father's day present from my sister and me.

i sent WH part of my post after i wrote it yesterday morning. i didn't do it to beat him up, i told him it was so he would know why i didn't do anything for him, even get him a card from DD.

i took littlebean to my sister and BILs, hung out a while, came home and took a much needed nap, nursed some cramps, ug (sorry tmi). i made WH go get her on his own so he could spend some time with just her on his holiday. that assuaged any crappy leftover guilt i was having....plus i got a nap. we had an ok night after all that.

at least that's over for this year.

[This message edited by stretch13 at 10:01 AM, June 21st (Monday)]


http://www.facebook.com/hardheadpress
http://www.amazon.com/Eli-Ely-Ezekiel-Tyrus/dp/0986042900/

http://hardheadpress.com/

life must be rich and full of loving--it's no good otherwise, no good at all, for anyone - j. kerouac


Posts: 3929 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: east coast
repeatBS326
♀ Member
Member # 22068
Default  Posted: 11:06 AM, June 21st (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Father's Day was okay. I got up early b4 church and made french toast. DS10 woke up around 2AM (weird sleeping schedule this summer) and he told fWH Happy FD. OC9 was being a butthead, so she refused to tell him when DS13 told him. She wouldn't even hug him. OC went home @5PM. We had McDs takeout for lunch (per fWH's request), after church & some grocery shopping. It was nice in the evening though....when the house got quiet and COM were playing. fWH wanted to just watch TV w/me.

I tried to get fWH a collector's knife set, but part of it was out-of-stock & they called too late to reorder something else. Ended up getting him a Roomba (robot vacuum) for his SAHD chores, a grill set, and a rib rack for grill.

OC's the one who called Wed night and asked if she could come Thurs instead of Fri. OW didn't seem to know anything about it, but said she must have her this Thurs night (good, we've got tutoring all evening anyway and I couldn't be pickup @park for OC). Too many calls involving OW in background lately....pisses me off.

Our whole house had that stomach bug, which OC now says OW had first (even though she acted like OC might have food poisoning). Think it was just excuse to call fWH on his b-day, no real concern for us maybe getting sick.

OC is behaving so badly...even fighting w/DS13 (her favorite brother).

It almost came out of my mouth...almost. Here's what I wanted to say when OC kept talking about her poor mom yesterday:

my husband cheated on me with your stupid mom. I don't want to hear about her ever again. I hate her and she's tried her best to ruin my marriage for over 10 years now and she left her first husband to try to take my husband.

Here's what I said though:

I don't really care to hear about your mom's ankle anymore.

We were at dinner with my mom and brother on Saturday. OC kept talking & talking about OW. I could see my mom and brother cringing. She was going on & on about OW's tattoos. One for deceased brother, one for OC (teddy bear on ankle), then one on other ankle (wolf). I so wanted to ask fWH if the wolf was for him. It is eating at me....I think it'll kill me, if it is. Because he acted like the one on my hip for our 15th anniversary (right after d-day) was the only tattoo anyone had for him....GOD, I hope he wasn't lying to protect my feelings. It'd be my luck that her nickname for him is "wolfie" and the tattoo is for him! OC said OW's getting another tattoo for OC's toddler sister.

It makes my family very uncomfortable when OC talks about OW. I mentioned something to MIL today about OW sending OC to our home being sick (MIL asked about the illness and referred to OW's offer to keep OC on fWH's b-day due to food poisoning). MIL basically said, "well, I've gotta go." I guess since she had been friends w/OW and OW's momma, she just doesn't want to hear me badmouthing OW. That really sucks. OW is such a bad person and people are just so tired of me trying to convince them of it. Maybe I'm the bad person, for staying when my husband begged and cried for me to after D-day#3/A#3? Maybe they'd have preferred that OW was their DIL instead and next-door-neighbor? There is no way that OW would stick around and deal with stepsons and caring for fWH...she just doesn't know what life is like with a paraplegic and two ADHD sons....SHE would bail on him. I'm confident that OW isn't a caregiver and she's not tough enough to handle MY life. She only saw the frisky, loving side of fWH during A#3, she doesn't see the bad days...he never told her how hard it is to be in a wheelchair. I still think that she'd drop her toddler & BH#2 in a second, and run to fWH, if he just snapped his fingers and said "I want you." It just gets old sometimes....feeling like there's a force outside our M, praying & wishing for our M to fail. And, then thinking maybe ILs are wishing that too.

[This message edited by repeatBS326 at 11:11 AM, June 21st (Monday)]


Me/BS:39(former cybersex addict 1992); fWH:41; DS:15; DS:11; OW:34; OC:10
Together: 22yrs; Married: 18yrs
D-day#1: Jan99, then FALSE R (subsequent conception of DS#2)
D-day#2: Told about OW/WH pregnancy July2000
D-day#3 (same mOW): 19sep2008

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Attemping R #3
SurvivingInCA
♀ Member
Member # 23898
Default  Posted: 2:02 PM, June 21st (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There have been some challenging times for many folks on this board in the last few weeks and I think it is safe to say that Father’s Day is a tough day for our crew even at its best. That said, I thought that I would share some good news…

Those who don’t know my story, here is the quick recap/timeline…
• Jan 2008, my FWH and I started trying to conceive. FWH begins long-distance A that same month.
• Jan 08 – May 08 – FWH has A with out-of-town OW – 5 rendezvous in 5 months, OC is conceived in April 08 on their last rendezvous.
• May 08 – FWH breaks it off with OW
• Aug 2008 – FWH finds out that OW is pregnant and tells her he wants nothing to do with her. FWH NC with OW until Jan 09.
• Oct 2008 - We find out that our likelihood of conceiving naturally is almost impossible because of male factor infertility. I am still in the dark about A.
• Jan 09 – OC is born, I am still in the dark. OW starts contacting FWH for $$
• March 2009, I find out about the OC a few days before my pregnancy test after our second IUI (artificial insemination) and the day we were about to sign a contract for IVF if the IUI didn’t work – which it didn’t. I learn that despite all odds and probabilities, FWH managed to impregnate the 37 yr old OW during their fling. Needless to say, with the marriage in ruins, I didn’t sign that contract and we embarked on the rollercoaster ride of R.
Ugh…recapping those dates, I can’t believe that this is my life!

Anyway, now for the good news. After 9 months of holding on for dear life on the rollercoaster, FWH and I decided that our M was finally on terra firma and we were committed to staying together. Given my age and knowing how long the IVF process could take we didn’t have the luxury of years to wait and we decided to move forward with IVF again. So, in February we started our first round of IVF and I am happy to report that I am now 19 weeks pregnant! I honestly thought that I would never, ever, ever be pregnant – I thought my shot at motherhood was over. After feeling soOO “unlucky” for so long, it feels great to finally feel “lucky”. FWH and I still have our issues but we continue to work through them – we are in a good place and I feel like we are ready to take on the rollercoaster of parenthood together (I think this new rollercoaster will be a lot more fun!)

I have no idea what we will tell our child about the OC when that time comes (we are NC and our families do not know about the situation), but for now…today… things are good.

November 17 – here I come!


BW – me/36, WH him/35
Married 4, together 7
Dday – 4/10/09
PA – 1/1/08 to 5/1/08 (5 rendezvous)
No Kids - had been trying 1/1/08 - 4/9/09
OC – 01/09/DNA despite H's male factor infertility (guess she got the one miracle sperm)
R'ing

Posts: 136 | Registered: May 2009
repeatBS326
♀ Member
Member # 22068
Default  Posted: 2:18 PM, June 21st (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh wow! Congrats SurvivinginCA!

That is such good news.

Take good care of yourself & you're in my prayers.

Don't worry about what to tell COM about OC for now....relax and enjoy being the center of attention (until baby comes). Milk it too! Get fWH to do all the midnight craving runs & rubbing feet/back.

Don't worry about your age either. My old classmate is 38 and she has an almost 2-year-old daughter and a healthy newborn son.


Me/BS:39(former cybersex addict 1992); fWH:41; DS:15; DS:11; OW:34; OC:10
Together: 22yrs; Married: 18yrs
D-day#1: Jan99, then FALSE R (subsequent conception of DS#2)
D-day#2: Told about OW/WH pregnancy July2000
D-day#3 (same mOW): 19sep2008

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Attemping R #3
Mandilwen
♀ Member
Member # 27186
Default  Posted: 2:35 PM, June 21st (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yay, congrats surviving! I am so glad this worked for you! Have fun growing the little one and enjoy your blessing!


BS-34; WXH-32; DS8; DS3; OC3
DDay: SEPT 2008
Divorced: JUNE 2010

Posts: 318 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Indy
BMC0415
♀ Member
Member # 14038
Default  Posted: 2:39 PM, June 21st (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Surviving! Congrats! All my kids are November babies its a great month!

U take care of yourself, I am rooting for you and your family.


Me: 40+ Him: 40+
Married: 20+ years
D-Day: 3/7/07
Children: 24dd,23ds,21dd
10 yr. LTA 3OC w/OW 10,10,14 8/14/12-gave custody of twins to ex 8/16/12-DIVORCED!

Posts: 2910 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Maryland
dreamer1
♀ Member
Member # 13716
Default  Posted: 6:28 PM, June 21st (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Congrats, Surviving.

There is always a silver lining under the darkest clouds :)

I am a Novemeber baby, and just love my birth month, probably like most people. LOL


S(he) Be(lie)ve(d)
Me-BS 48
Him-FWH 50
Friends 34 yrs-Married 26 yrs
D-Day 1/20/2007
LTA-To Many False R to count and D-days, Last D-day June 11,2010
4 stepchildren SS 28, SD 29, Twin SS 2yrs.
Twin OC, born 6/23/2008
Trying to see if R is pos

Posts: 558 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Arizona
Want2help
♀ Member
Member # 20547
Default  Posted: 8:12 PM, June 21st (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OMG SurvivingInCA!!

Congratulations!!!

My FWH and I got conceived within days of our 1 year R anniversary also!

I am so happy for you, I just HAD to run into the other room and tell my H (who barely had any recollection of what I was talking about, but that kind of good news you just have to tell someone!!)

Congrats!! Congrats!! Congrats!!


BS- me.
FWS- him.
DDay 6/07 (immediately separated)
RDay 8/07
Surprise OC born 3/08 (NC)
6 years into successful R.
"That which can be destroyed by truth should be." -P. C. Hodgell

Posts: 1957 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: PNW
Topic Posts: 1000
Pages: 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11 · 12 · 13 · 14 · 15 · 16 · 17 · 18 · 19 · 20 · 21 · 22 · 23 · 24 · 25 · 26 · 27 · 28 · 29 · 30 · 31 · 32 · 33 · 34 · 35 · 36 · 37 · 38 · 39 · 40 · 41 · 42 · 43 · 44 · 45 · 46 · 47 · 48 · 49 · 50

Return to Forum: I Can Relate This Topic is Full
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.