(((stretch))) sending lots of hugs your way today.
alexa071, hope you are doing okay. Any news about what you plan on doing about OC (the son you've been raising as COM)?
See on FB that OW is happy, enjoying church, enjoying family, eating at nice restaurants. I don't know why it bothers me so much that OW is "acting" like everything is wonderful, yet in the back of my mind I know she's still pining away for fWH. OC said she isn't sleeping in her marital bed again & I just have so much fear that since she took OC's other phone (the TracPhone), that somehow she'll figure out how to mask her texts that I'd blocked from fWH's cell....or that she will try and hook-up again w/fWH. I just don't know if our M is strong enough for fWH to resist her. He acts like it is, but I know he will never stop loving mOW, no matter how much he denies it. I just feel that she's still a 3rd-wheel in our M.
OC wasn't home this weekend, as OW had relatives in from out-of-state and asked for OC all weekend....so we get her the extra Thurs this coming week. Oh, how I wish fWH had not chosen to give OW a child. How I wish we could have fixed things before he had any of the As w/OW. I have this nagging feeling that something OW's mother told me (that he brought a date to the party where OW/fWH first hooked up in a swap w/OW's BH#1)...I just cannot get fWH to admit there were other As besides OW (during M). And, now he's backed out of a pre-M PA, saying it never got physical (it'd be just my luck that fWH had another OC out there too that I don't know about) - well not that it wasn't physical in some shape or fashion, just not sex involved (said he couldn't do it - felt guilty and broke things off). I don't believe it.
Good new though, ILs did deed us the land we live on. They refused to get their lawyer to put the "survivorship" clause in the deed though, so we either have to pay to get the deed redone to add that, or have us both write a will leaving the other 1/2 to the survivor so OW won't have her grimy hands on it, by managing OC's inheritance. Only problem with a will is, that it goes into probate instead of nothing happening if fWH passed away. I just feel so uneasy about fWH's health & OW somehow being in charge of part of our home. I might just sign a quit-claim and give everything (including the financing/mortgate) to OC if something bad like that happens and cut my losses. I be damned if I'm gonna beg OW about anything to do w/our home we paid for over 16 years. Or I might just deed my share & the mobile home to ILs and move. After EA/PA#3, I just don't feel like it's home yet again. I still feel like a visitor. Do any of you feel like your home isn't yours anymore...like everything is just temporary?
i've been trying to detach from that house for months, especially the nursery i designed for DD. it's the only renovated home in the house. custom woodwork, lighting, my soul. at least DD has had a great year and a half in there.
so it looks like Oct/Nov i'll have to move finally. get closer to work, closure of some kind. ive sort of been looking forward to it but now that some company is putting money down on my home, it's all getting real again. like triggers, new ddays coming (paternity), all the things that make it feel brand new.
i'm not doing well this week. i've been pms-ing i guess, which shouldn't be bad since i'm on the pill (sorry tmi) but i'm a wreck. i had a few drinks at the pool bar yesterday afternoon, fell asleep in my room for a few hours and missed dinner, then didn't sleep again all night. still up. i keep trying to eat but i feel like i'm disappearing.
i'm sorry to sound so desperate, i'll be ok in the end. i'm supposed to be working today but i bailed on day one of the conference. i used house paperwork and cramps to justify this, when it's really just depression and anxiety. some days are just too much, yeah?
life must be rich and full of loving--it's no good otherwise, no good at all, for anyone - j. kerouac
I don't know how things are here. I am doing my best to simply take care of me. It's WH's turn to do the work. Don't get me wrong, he does do things I need....they are just not the ones I have specifically asked for.
Anyway.....there has been no sign of whore. Nothing. I haven't seen any calls or emails. I don't know how accurate this is....I am afraid that WH would keep it from me. I just don't know. My gut IS NOT acting up; I just find it strange that whore simply disappeared?! Don't get me wrong....If this is the case AWESOME! I have wished for nothing less! Well.... I just don't know. I have check WH work phone (the one I can't pull records) and I haven't seen anything. Any numbers I don't recognize, I write down and call. Nothing. Of course....he could delete the calls...even though he promised that he wouldn't. And I don't have access to his work email. This is the one that makes me nervous. I amd going to ask him to log me in so I can poke around. I just know he will not like it. I don't really care....it's just all strange. Nothing? For almost two months? Really?!
WH has also made NO attempts to see oc (again, fine by me!). He knows that I am to go with him NO MATTER WHAT. I do have gps tracking on WH and he goes to work and comes hom. So, I don't know.
Should I just be thankful!?
I guess I am just afraid that the whore will raise her ugly head over something. I am hoping that whore just moves back with her lame family almost two hours away (fingers crossed!). I don't know....
Perhaps I am reading too much into it all. Perhaps things have been going relatively smoothly and I am waiting for something to bump it all up!? ARG! Why can't BS's just be!?
Thanks for listening....
filed for D Oct. 15, served Dec 18
D final June 21, 2011
Finesse, I am glad you don't seem to have anything to do w/OW right now. I always feels better when we check & confirm NC. Sounds odd that he hasn't seen OC, but it may not seem as-real to him, if he's NC w/OC. Maybe afraid of bonding w/OC.
And, I am very fortunate that since fWH went on disability for his paraplegia, he's a SAHD. I still have to do my fair share (more some days than others), but it is nice to not worry about where my children are or who is caring for them most days during the summer.
School starts Aug 9th. Still up-in-air about OC's afterschool on COM's tutoring days. We'll see. I did bring it up in passing, that tutoring would still be on M/W summer schedule until 3rd week of Aug and that I didn't know what we'd do about OC...I said "maybe OW could get OC afterschool for a week or two and then on Weds through Aug, since they have church anyway and we have tutoring?" He didn't say anything about it.
[This message edited by repeatBS326 at 2:05 PM, July 19th (Monday)]
So sorry about the rough times some of us are going through lately.
Glad for the progress in your R eyeswide. Actions do speak so much louder then words, especially since I guess we have heard it all before.
Things are going pretty well in our M and R. I just feel very tired. I feel like we are just in a rut. I am still healing from my leg break, in an air cast now until 9/1. We are trying to keep the house in order, visitation with OC, COM is not sleeping much. I just feel like me and FWH are ships that pass in the night. I am going to have to make time for intimacy, even just a lunch date. MC said we need more fun.
I feel less anxiety with OW, not because her and BIL's M is secure but I think because FWH sees her for who she is (not a good person). He is trying to keep his boundaries, he discourages OW's attempts to steer the conversation away from OC. I have tried to focus on me instead of OW's actions, motivations etc. I know I don't trust her, I know she is selfish and immature that's all I need to know, I need no more information.
FWH and I are a united front and I think we are much stronger than before. We have OC drama (sickness ect), lazy freeloading BIL and OW, IL issues, but we stick together and communicate.
so there's that. and then there's this. paternity results should arrive to WH's email any time now. they didn't use a legal chain of custody to do it. apparently he just couldn't get cooperation from grandparents/doctors et al in ethiopia, so the grandmother of OC just did the swab at home and shipped the kit back to the dna center in the states. it all happened very efficiently once the he got the ball rolling. i keep wondering if i'll ever believe the results if they are negative.
i feel ok, kind of, but like all the icky is lurking just under my skin waiting to erupt. thank god i have plenty of my own "as-needed" head meds. lol. this waiting is awful. i've tried to push away and forget about it, but now that it's imminent, i'm feeling it. could be today, could be next week. work is great and pretty distracting. it's so weird, my career couldn't go much better right now and i barely feel "present." some compartmentalized portion of me keeps having good ideas, lol.
i know some of you really know what i'm going through at this specific time post dday w/OC. thank god for all of you.
((altered)) i'm still so afraid of all the things you mentioned. even though WH are good at fun, life doesn't always lend itself to that, especially over time and with drama. i've been softening toward him lately because he's been so great. he's reminding me that it used to be so easy to be with him. he also says he has no bond or feelings toward OC, and i believe him. all that could change though.
i did the paperwork for the offer on my house this morning (just under %60 of what we owed). we'll see if the banks accept it and how long it takes. i already started cruising home listings again last night though i won't be moving until at least fall/winter.
eyes - i hope things are still going well for you out there
Everyone have a wonderful weekend. We had a nice family night out @Pizza Hut and OC/DS10 didn't hardly fight at all...then power outage around 9PM so OC & DS10 were afraid and spent about 2 hours piled up in our bedroom listening to the radio and clutching glo-sticks (hardly no moon last night).
And my office is usually dead on Fridays (at least after lunch anyways). I tend to take DS13 or DS10 with me, for company (yes, I'm kinda afraid of being alone for 8 hours in a business office). OC actually begged to go w/me today, but fWH wanted to spend time w/her since she'd been gone so long so DS10 came w/me. It is nice to know that OC would like spending time w/me for 8 hours though.
[This message edited by repeatBS326 at 2:56 PM, July 23rd (Friday)]
I did call WxBF to let him know about the death, as he was a part of this family for so long. The conversation was pleasant. He said he would like to get together in person soon to "explain some things".
Quite honestly, I'm not interested in doing that. I feel like I have made great progress towards accepting what has happened and beginning to move on with my life - I don't want to allow him the opportunity to set me back.
I'm really trying to focus on myself and getting my life back on track. You know, the whole "living well is the best revenge" idea?
I believe the karma bus will eventually make it's way to his neighborhood...
It went something like "how much older is DS10 than I am?" It confuses her some that DS10 has a December birthdate in 1999 and her b-day is Jan 2001, yet they are only 1 year apart. I explained to her about them being 13 months apart and that DS10 was a newborn when OW got pregnant w/her. That DS13 was only 4 when she was born and DS10 just turned 1. She was then mentioning how she came early. I told her that she was due on Jan 20th (born on 13th) and that DS10 was due on Dec 20th (born on 10th via planned C-section). She thought it odd that they could've been EXACTLY 13 months apart, if born on due dates.
I don't know what OC does with this info in her young head, but I could just hear the gears turning. One day, it will sink in that her birth was completely against our M. All she knows now from what her mom told her, is that OW & fWH loved each other when she was conceived and OW/fWH wanted her very much.
Man I worry about when OC gets old enough to understand the completely messed up situation that he was born into. FWH and OW can't really even say they loved each other, that they planned for OC. They had random sex on OW's couch. I'm sure OW will spin it where she is a huge victim, that she loved FWH and he betrayed her etc. etc.
OW is trying to get a job. She does not trust BIL or her C to take care of OC, so she says she will probably put OC in daycare. FWH opened his big mouth and said that is OW stuck with a job, he would pay 1/2 daycare! We are in a large financial crunch right now and cutting corners wherever we can. OW gets WIC, FS, Medicaid and child support, yet she is always whining about not having money for wipes, formula etc. They sponge off of IL's. I told FWH that he needed to insist on Early Headstart or a liscensed daycare. FWH does not need to use OUR money to pay someone who will just neglect OC, when BIL can do it for free.
Why on earth would anyone marry a man who doesn't work, wants to be waited on hand and foot, and does not help with the kids?!
You would hope that fOW married BIL for LOVE, but I believe that if she couldn't be w/fWH, she took the next best thing, being part of his extended family. Maybe thinking she could spark things up at some point again....or maybe wanting to just rub his face in it every day (trying to make him jealous of somone else being her lover & playing father to fWH's child?).
And, I don't know why (unless he's disabled & cannot work), that she'd marry someone who wasn't working (I mean that intentionally chooses not to work and isn't SAHD or doing anything useful)....my mom's good-4-nothing 2nd husband used to do that...he'd work enough for beer, then spend months & months lounging around on the couch boozing it up when he could hock something or worked a few hours here & there....never substantial gain. And, he was too "good" to take real paying jobs like restaurant work or grocery store work. I never got those kinds of people.
How is she getting WIC, FS, Medicaid if she's now married? I thought some of that kinda drops off even if you have a live-in BF. Is the CS from her other baby-daddies and what she syphons from your family not enough to provide for them. And, she certainly gets enough from WIC & your hubby for formula etc. That's what really pissed us off, when OW's mother told fWH that OC didn't have formula/diapers and she & hubby had been buying them for OC because OW had spent the $400/month on her own bills and OW's mother had been babysitting for free (OW lived w/her mom & young stepdad after A#1 & way until after OC was almost 1 and she and BH#2 finally shacked up together in an apartment & sent OC to daycare finally). She was bringing in tons of $$$ for working, yet she wasn't giving any to her mother for rent or childcare. She made too much for WIC or anything like that.....even though she wouldn't tell fWH how much she really made until he asked for proof of income when he paid to have the CS/custody orders drawn up (when they had been in the midst of A#3 and she trusted him completely w/her income info.)
It's really sad that to know that OC is cared for right, he had to offer the much-needed money of your family. Doesn't your family need the $$$ to care for COM and weren't you saving up for a new place?
[This message edited by repeatBS326 at 7:23 AM, July 27th (Tuesday)]
Big hugs for you.
Stretch, sorry about the results. At least the answer is there. Do you know what you want to do? How did your hubby act with the news? Sucky, sucky, sucky.......
I've been doing good. Been talking with someone new and it is refreshing. Only word about obm (other baby mom) is some paperwork problems. Seems her country doesn't think she needs to come here for that long, lol! Taking bets my douchebag ex marries her so they don't have this problem. My former mil said that is her next worst nightmare. She actually told me she wished I would have just separated instead of divorced so he couldn't marry her. But she understands why I did. Crazy.........
Yes, the universe gives what you give. Be a skank, get skanked, lol!
FWH is devastated. he sees that this is likely the nail in the coffin of our M. i love him SO much, we were the "perfect" couple, with some issues of course, but so obviously, sickeningly in love. he's my best friend, i can't believe this is real, especially since he finally "showed up" for his life again, and on purpose this time! he really is a delightful person. i can't adequately express my regret that he made a child with this woman. it's the bullet from the gun, it's the bump-bump-oh-shit under the car.
at least i think it is. today. and a lot of days. seemingly more and more days. and i needed to know, for sure that's a good thing. i will feel the relief of that soon, as soon as the shock of all the suckage wears off.
i tortured myself some. i went and looked at the PDF of the DNA results he got by email yesterday. it made my heart pound out of my chest like i needed to run from a cheetah. then i accidently left myself logged into his email, clicked back on it an hour later thinking it was my account. i saw the body of the same email and my heart must have thought there was a wild boar nearby because, again, i was ready to flee or fight something very fast, dangerous and/or powerful.
i'm beside myself. literally. i'm watching all of this happen to me and just letting it happen. time. time. time. time. time. there, some passed.
do i sound crazy? i feel crazy. a friend warned me recently - sometimes you gotta let some of the crazy out.
Thanks everyone for the kind words after I posted last time. It's still very hard every day to just get through the day without triggering but so far I'm still hanging in here. It helps that OW hasn't contacted us, at all, in over two months now. Not sure what is going on with her, she may have someone advising her to leave us alone so that maybe we won't push the paternity test when OC arrives. She even found out that it's a boy and hasn't bothered to let us know. But as I said before, thanks to a very good friend on here, we know it's a boy.
We went to see our three month old nephew last weekend. As I watched his mother hold him and rock him and just love him and kiss him, i questioned my ability to do the same to this OC when he gets here. I know I would never neglect a baby in my care, even HER baby, but can I truly give it love and bond with it? I question this because I will be the main caretaker of this baby when it is here because WH works ten hours a day.
Our lawyer said we should ask for full custody but would probably end up with joint custody, unless the baby is born with drugs in it's system. In that case, they would rush a paternity test and it would probably go home with us from the hospital. That scares me too, am I ready to be a full time mom again?
Oh, that's another thing I wanted to mention, she isn't going to her regular prenatal check ups, just having ultrasounds done where she works. That makes me question her drug use too, makes me think she is probably afraid they will find drugs in her urine or if they take blood for some reason. Who knows what is going on with this crazy woman?
Hugs to everyone!
Divorced..drama free...movin on!
i feel like two different people. one of them sees my sweet man (out mowing the lawn right now at the house where he no longer lives.) and he's so desperate. then there is the rest of me. stone cold and calling lawyers.
anyway, i just wanted to check in, see how things are going around the horn, so to speak. everyone ok? i guess i always think no news is...well...hell...it's just no news i guess. learnt that lesson, i did.