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User Topic: OC Support Thread (BS Only)-New Thread
BMC0415
♀ Member
Member # 14038
Default  Posted: 12:02 PM, October 20th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Congrats Island so happy for you!

((Whalers)) I knew this was going to be hard for you, but you will get thru this. Lean on everyone here for support.


Me: 40+ Him: 40+
Married: 20+ years
D-Day: 3/7/07
Children: 24dd,23ds,21dd
10 yr. LTA 3OC w/OW 10,10,14 8/14/12-gave custody of twins to ex 8/16/12-DIVORCED!

Posts: 2910 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Maryland
repeatBS326
♀ Member
Member # 22068
Evil  Posted: 1:22 PM, October 20th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yay! 1/2 week of not seeing OW. Extra kid @home all week is added stress during homework time, but NOT seeing OW daily is relieving.

Oh, think OC is rethinking her new visitation schedule request. She was pestering DS14 yesterday (tugging on him, hitting him)...DS14 pushed her to ground & told her to stop. fWH overheard her comment of "this is going to be a long week."

[This message edited by repeatBS326 at 1:24 PM, October 20th (Wednesday)]


Me/BS:39(former cybersex addict 1992); fWH:41; DS:15; DS:11; OW:34; OC:10
Together: 22yrs; Married: 18yrs
D-day#1: Jan99, then FALSE R (subsequent conception of DS#2)
D-day#2: Told about OW/WH pregnancy July2000
D-day#3 (same mOW): 19sep2008

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Attemping R #3
Finesse026
♀ Member
Member # 25868
Default  Posted: 8:02 PM, October 20th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Congrats Island!!!


Together: 8.5 years
Married: 5 years
BW: 32
WH: 34
Angel baby: Nov. 09
OC born June '10

filed for D Oct. 15, served Dec 18
D final June 21, 2011


Posts: 1795 | Registered: Oct 2009 | From: Wonderland
eyesnowopen
♀ Member
Member # 28406
Default  Posted: 11:09 PM, October 20th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Congrats Island!


Me: selfish witch who didn't want three people in our marriage
Him: FT who thought he could have both of us and the OC too

Divorced..drama free...movin on!


Posts: 328 | Registered: Apr 2010
repeatBS326
♀ Member
Member # 22068
Default  Posted: 9:06 AM, October 21st (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Okay, last night I told fWH about a health issue I'm having which I'll need to see my physician about soon. This morning, fWH told me not to do my regular workout (from either 5:30-6 or 6-6:30) and to just relax. He said he wanted me to have one day this week that wasn't stressful. That if I'd wake DS10 & OC9 up, he'd make sure they got ready and all I had to do was get myself into the shower @6:30.

I don't know if he's noticed the stress I've had trying to get 1 extra child (who refuses to get up mornings) in the house, or he's worried about my health or what. Why is it just now, after almost 10 years of OC being in our lives, he's noticed the extra stress she's brought into my life. I would guess that the extra stress of OW/OC has taken 10-20 years off my lifespan.

Well, at least he did something good today. His health is kinda bad lately & I'm really worried about him. I know he doesn't say it, but I'm scared when I see the blood thinner (anticoagulant) is causing large bruises down his legs & all the household repairs/updates lately really wear him out. He's been cleaning like a crazy man. I'm so worried that he sees his health failing & wants to make sure everything is tip-top shape if he dies soon. Our neighbor had her mother visiting (only in her late 50s) last week. ILs read in the paper this week that neighbor's mom died in her sleep while visiting next door last week. We had wondered what all the police vehicles had been in the driveway/neighbor's yard for last Thursday. Maybe seeing death so close to home, really scared him.


Me/BS:39(former cybersex addict 1992); fWH:41; DS:15; DS:11; OW:34; OC:10
Together: 22yrs; Married: 18yrs
D-day#1: Jan99, then FALSE R (subsequent conception of DS#2)
D-day#2: Told about OW/WH pregnancy July2000
D-day#3 (same mOW): 19sep2008

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Attemping R #3
IslandWahine
♀ Member
Member # 29536
Default  Posted: 9:30 AM, October 22nd (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you everyone for your kind words! We are very happy and our daughter is doing quite well. I was able to focus all my energies on her and us...until we had to fill out the birth certificate paperwork. Seeing that was like an instant trigger and brought me out of my happy spot for a moment. I cried and fwh felt really bad that this whole situation reared its ugly head during such an important and beatiful moment. But we finished the paperwork and I made myself get it outta my head. I know you ladies would totally understand.

(((Repeat))) I hope everything health wise ends up ok with both of you.


Me: BS, 2 COM, M-14 years
FWH-finally hit rock bottom
11/09 D-day. R'ing
cOW: EVIL
OC: NC for our safety.
People say you donít know what youíve got until itís gone. Truth is, you knew what you had, you just thought youíd never lose it.-B.Scott

Posts: 960 | Registered: Sep 2010 | From: Somewhere out there....
eyesnowopen
♀ Member
Member # 28406
Default  Posted: 11:24 AM, October 22nd (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Island, please please please, enjoy your baby and don't let OW and OC take any of your joy away. Take your life back!

Anytime you think about something with her, think about your beautiful baby and family and know that you have won, you will have the family that she does not have, the one that is whole and complete :)


Me: selfish witch who didn't want three people in our marriage
Him: FT who thought he could have both of us and the OC too

Divorced..drama free...movin on!


Posts: 328 | Registered: Apr 2010
Whalers11
♀ Member
Member # 27544
Default  Posted: 2:03 PM, October 22nd (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Island, congratulations. I'm sorry I can't muster much more enthusiasm right now - hearing about new babies makes me sad. But I am happy for you.


Me: BGF - 33
Together 11+ years - not married, no children.
D-Day: 2/9/2010
OC Born: 10/9/2010
Status: He chose OW/OC and left immediately.

Posts: 2071 | Registered: Feb 2010
IslandWahine
♀ Member
Member # 29536
Default  Posted: 2:17 PM, October 22nd (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Whalers))) I totally understand.

Last year I had a miscarriage over the summer, a much wanted baby. It was an early loss, but a loss nonetheless. We had both decided to wait a year before trying because it being my 2nd loss (I had a loss before my son also) I had a very rough time mentally recovering. When I found out about OW being pregnant, it about ruined me. I felt so robbed. In fact I know if it wasnt for my son I wouldve considered taking my own life. This is something only my BFF, IC and fwh know. I couldnt stomach to hear of anyone else being pregnant (I had a few friends who were expecting). So I understand it being hard...been down a similar road.

(((Whalers))) again!!!


Me: BS, 2 COM, M-14 years
FWH-finally hit rock bottom
11/09 D-day. R'ing
cOW: EVIL
OC: NC for our safety.
People say you donít know what youíve got until itís gone. Truth is, you knew what you had, you just thought youíd never lose it.-B.Scott

Posts: 960 | Registered: Sep 2010 | From: Somewhere out there....
Finesse026
♀ Member
Member # 25868
Default  Posted: 10:39 PM, October 22nd (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Whallers...

I also know how you feel. I miscarried right after I found out about whore being pregnant. WH and I were trying months before he started ea/pa

I also miscarried last month. It will never be my turn.

Whore purposely got pregnant, had the first grandbaby in WH's family. And I miscarry twice?! WTF?! It isn't fair. I don't have children. I don't have family either (now that il abandoned me too). I am literally alone. All my friends have families and married. I have had three friends give birth THIS month (((sigh))) with two more to go before the end of November.

I'm with you Whallers. As much as I AM happy for my friends and Island...it reminds me of what I lost and what we (WH and I) should have had. Ass threw it all away for feel good about himself

(((whalers)))


Together: 8.5 years
Married: 5 years
BW: 32
WH: 34
Angel baby: Nov. 09
OC born June '10

filed for D Oct. 15, served Dec 18
D final June 21, 2011


Posts: 1795 | Registered: Oct 2009 | From: Wonderland
repeatBS326
♀ Member
Member # 22068
Default  Posted: 9:00 PM, October 24th (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Okay, just had to post. Knew you guys would understand. As OC is with us all week, she was walking through our bedroom from our bath to go to bed. On TV, a fertility test kit ad came on the TV. fWH is asleep & he didn't notice, but seeing OC & the kit and knowing OW was trying (along w/fWH trying) to get her preggers. It just made me cry. Wonder why after so long, it still bothers me so much?


Me/BS:39(former cybersex addict 1992); fWH:41; DS:15; DS:11; OW:34; OC:10
Together: 22yrs; Married: 18yrs
D-day#1: Jan99, then FALSE R (subsequent conception of DS#2)
D-day#2: Told about OW/WH pregnancy July2000
D-day#3 (same mOW): 19sep2008

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Attemping R #3
BMC0415
♀ Member
Member # 14038
Default  Posted: 10:49 PM, October 24th (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((repeat)) I understand as commercials like that bother me too. I feel like the OW planned at least the 1st OC. When I calculate his birth, it goes back to conception around OW birthday, guess my H was her birthday present.

The ovalution commercial bothers me, I know that OW did nto go that far too plan pregnancy, but it stings.


Me: 40+ Him: 40+
Married: 20+ years
D-Day: 3/7/07
Children: 24dd,23ds,21dd
10 yr. LTA 3OC w/OW 10,10,14 8/14/12-gave custody of twins to ex 8/16/12-DIVORCED!

Posts: 2910 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Maryland
Want2help
♀ Member
Member # 20547
Default  Posted: 11:52 PM, October 24th (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Repeat, I am 3 years out, and walking through the condom aisle at the supermarket gives me an anxiety attack.

I found condoms in my FWH's overnight bag and he gaslighted me (I guess he had packed them with intentions of using them with OW, but after her being knocked up came to light, he admitted to never using them, and she BRAGGED to me that they never used them (she said "I don't like the way they feel inside my body- don't try to tell me YOU use condoms when you sleep with him!"- bitch, we had been together for 6 years!).

OC was conceived a week or so after DDay. After I caught him with her and confronted them both, then kicked him out. I imagine it was during some kind of sick "make up sex" between them.

She actually told me "I thought if I got pregnant he would leave you. I never thought he'd leave me to be a single mom!" Yeah skank, because you can always expect a guy having an A to do the right thing?

All I can think of, when I see condoms, is that was all it would have taken to prevent something that has robbed me and my DD of so much.


BS- me.
FWS- him.
DDay 6/07 (immediately separated)
RDay 8/07
Surprise OC born 3/08 (NC)
6 years into successful R.
"That which can be destroyed by truth should be." -P. C. Hodgell

Posts: 1957 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: PNW
repeatBS326
♀ Member
Member # 22068
Default  Posted: 10:02 AM, October 25th (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hope everyone is okay. We kinda had a rough weekend. I don't know if it was OC being home all that time, or just me PMSing, or fWH's total lack of interest in appearing to want to be near me @all this weekend. Anyway, pray for us to have a nice weekend. OC is gone all week, COM are spending weekend w/my mom, and our 17th anniversary is Saturday.

Since OC's cell was in our bedside table (OC grounded from cell), I took an opportunity to browse through the pics. I have always thought OW was spying on us through OC's cell. Why would OC have a picture of my messy computer desk (really piled up w/papers)? Nobody was sitting there & no cats to take a picture of. I think OW has put OC up to snapping photos of our home, maybe for a future full-custody suit or just to laugh at us. I just don't get it.... Hmmm. Somehow, OC's picture of my desk got deleted, imagine that!

OW is calling more & more now, as OC's cell was taken. She called Saturday from their home # & said "I think OC just called me, can I speak to her?" OC hadn't even called her. I know she has caller ID...think she's fishin' and hoped fWH would answer. OW has no excuse to call our home all week this week, but I suspect she'll try to talk through OC as-usual. I told fWH that I thought OW was trying to talk to him, by calling so much...he thinks she is trying to prove the "good mommy" routine again. Who knows? I bet BH#2 doesn't know she's been calling 1-2 times daily to talk to OC. She never missed her that much b4 & pawns her off on Auntie so much, it isn't even funny.

I'm wondering...think OW could've put a read-receipt on OC's texts? She sent OC a picturemail/text about her sister....which I opened during snooping...maybe that's how she thought OC tried to reach her?

Ok, tell me guys....do you think it's okay to snoop on OC's cell for texts to/from OW. I just feel the need to know what info about us, that OC is sharing w/OW. I kinda worry with it in our table, if fWH might feel compelled to text OW if he gets lonely or something when I'm not home...I know, I still have trust issues concerning OW and always will.

[This message edited by repeatBS326 at 10:07 AM, October 25th (Monday)]


Me/BS:39(former cybersex addict 1992); fWH:41; DS:15; DS:11; OW:34; OC:10
Together: 22yrs; Married: 18yrs
D-day#1: Jan99, then FALSE R (subsequent conception of DS#2)
D-day#2: Told about OW/WH pregnancy July2000
D-day#3 (same mOW): 19sep2008

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Attemping R #3
IslandWahine
♀ Member
Member # 29536
Default  Posted: 1:19 PM, October 25th (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If I happent to be in the condom aisle I also have an anxiety attack. And then I get angry, thinking how $5 could've saved me $250,000 (which is just an estimate what child support is going to be over 20 years). I remember being so mad at my fwh and telling him I would've GIVEN him the freaking condoms if he really truly needed to have sex with someone else

I had to really get it out of him...but I did "the math" and determined that she got pg on the last time they were together because he used protection the other 2 times. It was break-up sex beecause he had went there to end it all. Skank. Funny how she knew 2-3 weeks later she was pg. I knew 2-3 weeks after I got pg because I was TRYING to get pg and timed it all. And yes, she said almost the same thing to him--how could he leave her like this to be a single mom to do it all on her own. She should've thought that one out as she was having no birth control sex with my husband who made it CRYSTAL clear she was just a dumb piece of ass. A reaction to his depression. NOTHING to him.

Repeat--your situation is so unique. I would say a quick peek wouldn't hurt, but that's because I'm inquisitive like that! I don't blame you for having serious trust issues with OW.

Hugs to all!!!


Me: BS, 2 COM, M-14 years
FWH-finally hit rock bottom
11/09 D-day. R'ing
cOW: EVIL
OC: NC for our safety.
People say you donít know what youíve got until itís gone. Truth is, you knew what you had, you just thought youíd never lose it.-B.Scott

Posts: 960 | Registered: Sep 2010 | From: Somewhere out there....
HurtInKorea
♂ Member
Member # 29947
Default  Posted: 10:16 AM, October 27th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think I have a different situation than most in this forum. I am a BH and My WW is carrying what is most likely the OM biological child. I put it that way, because, regardless of paternity, I am going to claim this baby as my own, and we are not going to let the OM even know she is pregnant.

I am stationed in Korea right now, so I will only get to see her in person 2 more times for 2 weeks at a time until I get home in May. Then we only have 2 months of the Pregnancy left. I am worried I might not feel as connected with this baby as I do my other two kids. I was with my wife through both the other pregnancies.

Is their anyone out there with this situation, or somewhat close? I can't decide if I want a paternity test to find out for sure.


Me:BH(28)
Her:WW(27)
OP(sperm donor): my ex best friend (agreed to walk away and never come back)
OC: 15 months, (my beautiful baby girl)
2 boys (6&9)
DD:21Oct10(our 10 yr together ann.)
Married 9 years

Posts: 53 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: Norman OK
IslandWahine
♀ Member
Member # 29536
Default  Posted: 10:43 AM, October 27th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello HurtInKorea. There are some awesome folks here who I'm sure will be able to give some good advice. I'm still in the beginning of my journey so I apologize if I dont have much insight.

What we learned first and foremost is to seek legal council. You have access to legal on base...I would make an appointment to find out your rights no matter what decision you make. Also to protect you and your family should OM find out. Your situation is unique but I'm sure more common than you think, unfortunately.

You know I asked my fwh if the tables were turned and I came home pg from another man...he said he most likely wouldnt stay. Aint that some....his reasoning is because it would be different since the kid would most likely be with us most of the time. So I say kudos to you HurtInKorea for wanting to try!

(((HurtInKorea))) and I hope others with more experience and insight post soon for you.


Me: BS, 2 COM, M-14 years
FWH-finally hit rock bottom
11/09 D-day. R'ing
cOW: EVIL
OC: NC for our safety.
People say you donít know what youíve got until itís gone. Truth is, you knew what you had, you just thought youíd never lose it.-B.Scott

Posts: 960 | Registered: Sep 2010 | From: Somewhere out there....
repeatBS326
♀ Member
Member # 22068
Default  Posted: 11:41 AM, October 27th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

HurtInKorea

You are not alone. There've been some other BH on here raising OC. I cannot recall the username, but one BH did not find out about his child being an OC until several years down the road, so it was very difficult for him as well.

Even though some of us are BW, there are many with OC in their homes daily or weekly and must have day-2-day contact with OC (caregiver) and sometimes even OW.

How do you feel about having a DNA test? Will the not knowing nag you for eternity? How do you think you'd treat OC differently, if you knew it wasn't yours very early on. What if OM showed up & asked for paternity test & you didn't know for sure either way?

I know for us, I also asked fWH how he'd feel if I carried another man's child & it was w/us daily or had joint custody w/OM? He said he did not think he could raise another man's child. Yet, I am expected to help raise another woman's child & treat OC as an equal in our home. I'm thinking there is a little bit of a double standard going on about whether the OC is from WH or WW straying.

I think for us, it would have been easier if OW had let me adopt OC and have her out of our lives. I just cannot say how I'd have felt about her though. I don't have strong mommy-love feelings toward OC. It's more like she's a little sister, or a child in need of my care, not like "she's my daughter." Until my fWH got hurt in 2005 (and per his request), I would not tell OC that I loved her, because I just didn't bond w/her like I did my own.

I respect you for trying to raise OC as your own. I think I'd want to know though....even if OM never knew the DNA results.

In our state, even if it was OC (and not COM), because you were married when OC was born, it would still be yours on birth certificate by default & if you D, you'd have to prove paternity if you didn't want to pay CS, and even then the state might still make you.


Me/BS:39(former cybersex addict 1992); fWH:41; DS:15; DS:11; OW:34; OC:10
Together: 22yrs; Married: 18yrs
D-day#1: Jan99, then FALSE R (subsequent conception of DS#2)
D-day#2: Told about OW/WH pregnancy July2000
D-day#3 (same mOW): 19sep2008

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Attemping R #3
IslandWahine
♀ Member
Member # 29536
Default  Posted: 5:13 PM, October 27th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well looks like I'm here to stay...got the results today and 99.9% without a doubt...well I guess you know what I'm saying...you've been there before...

Thank GOD my kids were asleep. I heard fwh sobbing in the bedroom, saw the letter...that's all I needed to see. Actually, I looked at it...then stormed out of the housing breaking shit along the way. I'm so numb right now...I wanted to hit him. I wanted to beat him. I think that's why I just broke shit. He now has court on Monday for CS. So my nightmare has fully began...I'm not a religious person but pray for me that I can get thru this...notice I said ME, not us, not him...right now I'm only thinking of me and the kids. I can't even focus on R right now because I'm so hurt, angry, upset, disgusted...


Me: BS, 2 COM, M-14 years
FWH-finally hit rock bottom
11/09 D-day. R'ing
cOW: EVIL
OC: NC for our safety.
People say you donít know what youíve got until itís gone. Truth is, you knew what you had, you just thought youíd never lose it.-B.Scott

Posts: 960 | Registered: Sep 2010 | From: Somewhere out there....
Want2help
♀ Member
Member # 20547
Default  Posted: 6:42 PM, October 27th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((IslandWahine)))))

We have been there, I'm so sorry. You probably won't even want to think about R for the next few days, maybe even weeks.

Keep posting, or feel free to PM me whenever you feel like you need to talk.

I hate it, it feels like another Dday.


BS- me.
FWS- him.
DDay 6/07 (immediately separated)
RDay 8/07
Surprise OC born 3/08 (NC)
6 years into successful R.
"That which can be destroyed by truth should be." -P. C. Hodgell

Posts: 1957 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: PNW
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