SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Inspired by my good friend Willow, I thought it might be fun to read more funny bad date stories. Those of you celebrating Singles Awareness Day (or S.A.D, usually celebrated on Feb. 14th) can have a chuckle and be thankful....

I'll start.......

I did Match for a while after my divorce and though I had a specific age limit in my profile, I was contacted by a man 17 years my senior. He had no profile picture. Still, he owned a wine store, and given my love for wine and really the chance to get out, I agreed to go to dinner with him one night.

I met him at his store as he was closing up. I could immediately tell that I had ABSOLUTELY no physical attraction for this man whatsoever. Still, I though perhaps it would be nice to have a new friend.

He gave me a glass of wine while I walked around his store and he was wrapping up closing the store. It was a nice store.

He then asked where I want to go. Guys, if you don't already know this, part of the way we size you up is where YOU CHOOSE to take us. For me, you get major bonus points for NOT TAKING ME TO A CHAIN RESTAURANT. He decided we would go to Outback Steakhouse. On the way there, he discussed double-penetration porn.

During the course of our dinner conversation, I learned about his ex-wife whom had divorced him 17 YEARS earlier, his emergency protective orders she had gotten against him, etc. Now, given the nature of my job, i tried to give him the benefit of the doubt that he had divulged that information to me because he suspected that I would have known about it already. He asked me no questions. At all. Nothing.

Several days later, we were talking on IM and he asked me to run his ex wife's criminal history. That's when I told him that it was lovely to have met him, but I didn't feel it was useful to get involved with a man who still had so much emotion for another woman.

Let's hear it!!! We need bad date stories!!!!

Hold on, let me go get my composition notebook ...

well...i did it on a dare. my friend and i bet a steak dinner on whether or not i could find someone fun to date picked from the classified ads.

i said i could. she said i couldn't.

i picked an electrician who said he had nice hair.

he was a really nice guy. very quiet. very tall. very thin. very long mullet.

we met at church. it was so boring i declined to go to lunch afterward...

friend said that didn't count. she picked my next date.

he was in the 'medical industry'. he was the guy that drew blood for a lab. we met at pizza hut.

'former bodybuilder' was WAY former...like 10 years ago.

he loved his dogs--his dealbreaker was a girl had to be ok with his dogs kissing him.

loved his country music. loved his nascar and loved his crash derby destructo ring...AND he played dungeons and dragons. level 15 dungeon master or something.

endless quotes in elvish. endless quotes in klingon. i didn't want to admit i understood him.

he ate all the pizza. i was nauseated seeing his food masticating, and lost my appetite.

so he ate my piece.

i said 'good night', hightailed it to my friend's house and gave her a gift cert for her steak dinner.

Oh geez. I know I've posted these before but it's been a while. FWIW, these were all guys from dating sites.

I shit you not, these are all true and happened to me.

1. A guy with a decent pic contacted me. His profile seemed interesting. He was a widower with two kids.

After a couple of emails, I met him at a local park. He was wearing a stained t-shirt with a hole in the belly area and wrinkled shorts. He looked nothing like his picture, which had to have been at least several years old.

I was going to turn around and walk the other way when he spotted me. Of course.

So I had no choice but to go introduce myself. After the initial hello part, he excused himself, walked over to his car and out came his disabled son.

He then introduced me to his son as his "girlfriend".

The rest of the meeting consisted of him talking about "If we got M, you would work and I would stay home and take care of the house and kids."

2. I met another guy at a local cafe type of place. I went in and ordered a coffee, looked around and didn't see anyone that looked like his pics. In fact there were only a few couples and one guy talking to two women at a corner table.

So I went outside to wait in my car. Since I had given him a description of my car I figured he'd find me easier.

I notice the guy who was talking to the two women walk out of the cafe and straight to my car. I thought, "Oh dear God no" as he knocked on my window.

After a brief introduction, we went inside. It turns out that while he was waiting for me, he decided not to waste an opportunity to hit on two women who had come in together.

At that point, we chose a table and he immediately got up, said he was hungry and needed to eat and walked to the counter. He never asked me if I wanted anything....until he got back and was stuffing his face as fast as he could. I think he managed to ask me between bites but I'm still not sure.

The entire conversation after that consisted of him bashing his X for being mad that he was behind in CS payments.

3. The next most memorable one was the guy who said he was "self employed". Uh huh. He was collecting welfare and stealing cable/internet from his neighbors.

In fact, I've noticed that "self employed" on a dating profile usually means unemployed. Not that there is anything wrong with being unemployed but lying about it from jump kinda gives the wrong impression. Ya know?

Well this was a long time ago, prior to meeting my husband in fact, but it was a bad date...

The son of a family friend of ours went to the same college I did. We chatted from time to time at college - he came from a very nice, upper middle class family with the same wholesome values I was raised with. He told me a friend of his had seen us talking, asked who I was, and was interested in getting to know me. Given what I knew of Tom (the family friend son), I assumed his friends would be similar, so I agreed to be introduced. The guy - Todd - seemed really nice in our few brief discussions, so I agreed to a date.

Todd came over to make me dinner at my apartment (roommates were out but I had the guys next door checking in on me... lol). He had asked what I liked to eat, and we discussed seafood, so he brought a seafood dinner to cook. Um - kind of. His idea of a seafood dinner was Tuna Helper. Except for the fact that he only brought the box of helper... no tuna or other things. Fortunately, I had tuna in my cupboard...

He also brought a "nice bottle of wine" - Boone's Farm Strawberry Hill.

While I was skeptical about how it started, I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt. We sat down to eat, and he began talking to me about what he likes to do in his free time. That involved lots and lots - and did I say lots - of pot smoking. And vandalism. And stealing vehicles from the university, like the backhoe they were using to excavate around the bell tower. He drove it into the front of the basketball arena. Suddenly, I realized who was sitting in my kitchen - the guy I had been reading about in the papers for the past two months. He was awaiting sentencing and rich daddy had him out on bail. "Don't worry, I really am harmless. I just like to have fun," he assured me.

I should have kicked him out then, but morbid curiousity let him stay. He had brought a movie to watch - Barfly with Mickey Rourke. He said it was a classic - the best movie of all times - and he really identified with Rourke's character. Yeah, I was beginning to see that.

While the movie was on, he regaled me with more stories of stupidity. The night culminated him him telling me that he only wore pink panties... and him dropping his pants to reveal that he had on pink lace women's underwear.

I got up and opened my front door, and loudly asked him to leave at that point. He said "How about a kiss?" And I distinctly remember telling him "You don't really want to do that because this date has caused me to throw up in my mouth several times."

I ended up changing my phone number because of this guy... and never speaking to family friend son Tom again for what he had done to me! (Well, I did talk to him once to tell him what an ass Todd was... but he also claimed Todd was harmless!)

I tried Match and my dates consisted of:

1. A guy who was convinced that MI5 was after him.

2. An alcoholic who thought that his Irish ex had set the IRA onto him.

3. A guy who spent the entire date crowing about how he had managed to hide all his finances from his ex and hardly had to pay any CS for his kids.

4. A guy who had had an American girlfriend he lived with who he said was a real bitch. He tried to move out when she was out of their home and described a less than appealing vision of her coming home to find him somewhat bizarrely in boxer shorts with his bags packed. When he finally left her he somehow managed to 'find' a diamond ring of hers in his luggage and told me he was going to sell it on ebay. I just looked at him and told him to give it back because it was not his. However, he ignored me and carried on to tell me that her father was CIA and that he was convinced they were after him.

After that I gave up. I have wondered ever since what it is about me or my profile which attracts nutters with intelligence agency paranoias!

My best had to be the weekend of Jan 29th which I already wrote about.

And the boy at the bar who was my distraction is gone because I found out he was a pot smoking, living with a drug dealer, not over his ex kinda guy. It is STRAIGHT out of the first season of Weeds.

Have a date this Friday. I am fairly sure, my bad dates have just begun. LMAO!!

He was wearing a stained t-shirt with a hole in the belly area and wrinkled shorts.

I am just going to cherish that one for a bit. TOO funny...I just know mine is coming...

It didn't even get to the "date" stage. Actually, I shouldn't post on this thread, but it is related.

He sent me an email on Match. It generated an email to me notifying me that someone emailed me. I got that email on my iPhone while away from my desk. From the Match app, I read his email and briefly looked at his profile. But like I said, I was working and just read it while walking from one meeting to another.

A short time later I get another email from him wanted to know what I thought about his profile. Sorry, that just pissed me OFF. I felt like it was Step 1 of getting involved with a stalker. Ick

AlwaysSomething - to get the true effect of it, you must also picture long curly belly hairs sticking out of the hole.

This is long, sorry!

Since my D, I have dated one guy (Super Boy) but was set up on one blind date…

My one GF, who I’ve gone out with before and always had fun, has a nice normal BF. She asked me several times if I wanted to meet BF’s best friend, I told her no (I’d actually JUST met Super Boy and we were in that getting to know each other stage). So anyway, GF invites me out - ‘a bunch of them are going to dinner, then dancing…’ I ask if this was a blind date set-up, she said no. I told her again, I wasn’t interested if it was & she assures me it’s not. (I refuse to call this an actual date b/c I wasn’t into it to begin with).

So we decide to meet at this restaurant (of course I drove myself). I see that it IS a set-up and while I’m annoyed, I thought – well, WTH, we’re supposed to go out after maybe it’ll be fun.

About halfway through dinner, I’m tempted to run out. This guy was loud, like obnoxiously so. He was shitty to the waitress, a real smart ass. She was obviously just wanting to do her job – this ass is asking her to turn around so he can take pics of her (yeah, like her ass. Classy!), he’s telling her to lighten up and stuff like that. When the bill comes, he bitches up a storm about his food and demands it be taken off the bill (he’s CURSING at the waitress over a like $5 taco or whatever). I don’t know – when I go out and it’s not super, I just pay my tab, leave a tip and never go back. Unless the food or service was really awful, I don’t bother complaining – but I guess this guy wasn’t having it. I was so embarrassed. So we all decide to head out to go dancing, GF promises me some of her other fun GF’s will be there, so I think – why not try to enjoy some of the evening.

The BEST part of the dinner deal was that on the way out, I see a girl I know. She’s the neighbors of one of my ‘school mom’ friends!! So there I was on this shitty ‘date’ and I had an audience! I don’t know her real well, but enough that we know who each other is. OMG, I wanted to die.

We leave the restaurant and all follow Loser. He stops at a gas station. I’m thinking he needs smokes, gas, whatever…nope! He goes in and buys “road beers” for everyone (me, him, GF and her BF). I’m like are you fucking kidding me?! I toss it in the back (unopened) and continue on this ridiculous journey. We get to the club and I literally like run into the back and hide out for a bit. I ended up meeting this other gal who was kinda stuck babysitting her buzzed up friend so we hung out while her friend tried to hook up. That was actually fun talking to her. Then pops in Loser and I was like I am OUT! I told my GF I was feeling really sick and I had to go right then. I felt kinda bad, but at the same time, I couldn’t believe she thought I’d be into that dude! Like thanks! There’s lil more to it, but that was the gist of the shit!

Oh and I totally called my ‘school mom friend’ the next day to fill her in b/c #1, it WAS funny as hell and #2, I didn’t want her to hear from this other friend that I 'date' freaks. Later that night she calls me back to tell me the neighbor chick DID call her. Thank goodness I did damage control so school mom friend had my back! It’s actually like the story of their ‘hood parties b/c they’re neighbors and many of them know me. Ha ha…not! LOL!

Last summer, say in July or something. Early in the summer. I went out on a date with a guy who I was set up with by a friend. we'd had some good phone conversations prior to the date.

We met at a trendy bar half way between both our places. my first tip off should've been that the bartender knew his name and drink. Not like it was his local neighborhood bar. it was about 45 minutes from his place.

We can't find a table so we find a place to stand. We're not there chatting for 5 minutes before he wanders off to talk to some other girl he knows. "yeah i used to date her" he says. ummm...OK when he came back 5 minutes later he was done with his drink and left me standing there to get another one. came back and announced to me that it had been at least 3 weeks since he'd been really drunk so he was going to get really drunk that night. wow--great impression on me.

He then spent the next hour or so visiting off and on with with a variety of other women while leaving me standing by myself. gee thanks. i ended up talking with severa people so it was fine

when he did choose to grace me with his presence he was being very very handsy. ummm...hello!! I don't think so. When he mentioned how drunk he was getting, i reminded him that i would not be driving him home so maybe he should make a plan. he said he'd get a room and that i should join him. yeah right buddy i don't think so.

he finally went for a full on grope of my chest. i dumped my drink on his feet. the bouncer witnessed it and asked me to leave. the fact that i hadn't left already is a amazing except i was kind of enjoying watching the train wreck.

so my night in summary was: date gets drunk, flirts with other women, gropes me, insists i go back to his hotel room, and i get kicked out of the bar.

[This message edited by hexed at 4:23 PM, February 8th (Monday)]

OMG - Just decided I NEVER want to date again. I wonder if there is a convent near by????

Actually, the worst ones were after my first marriage and before I met STBXWH...

1. Went out to a bar with a group of friends. A guy was brave enough to come up to me and start talking. He seemed nice; he got along with the whole group; he gave me his phone number - I gave him mine. He had a roommate (note to self: Warning!!) He called me a couple of days in a row; we had great phone conversations and were trying to set up a time to meet again for dinner. I asked him (because I had caller ID) if it was okay to call him on his home phone too, not just the cell, and he assured me that it was.

I had to call to reschedule our dinner date, and imagine my surprise when his "roommate" called me, irate. She told me that (this cracks me up, sort of) not only were they romantically involved, but he was also MARRIED to a woman in Massachusetts!!! ) I told her that he'd told me she was "just a roommate" etc. We were on the same page when he came home over there...Gee, he never called again...

2. But this one will creep all of you out... Met a guy through the newspaper personals (the same way I met STBXWH). We met for a drink as a first date, he seemed nice enough. We made plans for dinner for a second date, but by then, after talking with him a couple of times, I wasn't feeling any attraction. I walked to the restaurant where we met; told him right up front that I just wasn't feeling right (I'd wanted to do the right thing and tell him in person. I'm an idiot). He seemed to take it well; we talked, played pool, he admitted not being over his ex, whom he called an alcoholic. We ended the evening (he offered to drive me home but I declined and made sure to walk home in a way where he couldn't follow me) on a pleasant note.

Well fast forward to 24 hours later...I just got back from a semi-professional baseball game with friends and I had a message on my machine from a detective. I called said detective. They (two of them) came to my house...my date from the previous evening had left me, gone to his ex-wife's house, beat her into a coma, called the paramedics and told them she'd fallen down stairs, and when her injuries didn't correspond with that story, the cops came back to him only to find he'd stabbed himself to death. Really. I was horrified. I was questioned for two hours over how his demeanor was when I last saw him; what had made me not want to see him again; what he'd said about his ex. Wow. It still sends shivers up my spine.

Met this guy on a dating site and for some inane reason I agreed to dinner and a movie right off the bat instead of doing the safe coffee. BAD IDEA. I took one look at the guy and knew right off I was not into him. First he used old photos and had lied about his age, by at least 10 years. Also he had the scariest, skeeziest, most disgusting teeth I'd ever seen. Mangled, yellowy-brown homeless guy teeth. At dinner I had to use all my self control to not STARE at the nasty teeth. They were so disgusting I could barely eat. After dinner I thought about just bailing but decided to be polite. Plus I had wanted to see the movie anyway. We walked the 4 blocks to the theater and he pretended like he was going to trip so he could get his arm around me. We got to the theater and before we sat down I went to the bathroom and actually cried. This was such a miserable date and I sat in a stall quietly sobbing and cursing my fate. We sat down and he sat on the end of the aisle because he was an amputee and had a prosthetic leg that did not bend. I sat in my seat and inched as far away as I could. The minute the lights went down he started groping my leg. I grabbed his hand and tossed it back at him. He tried to grope me 3 more times. I would have gotten up and left but his damn fake leg was blocking my exit. I am really clumsy when I'm upset and I was worried I'd trip over his $20,000 prosthetic leg and break it. So I sat. For 3 hours. Being totally uncomfortable and upset. After the movie he tried to kiss me. I still have nightmares about those teeth coming at me.

I pulled down my dating profile that night and spent the next 7 months in horrified celibacy.

[This message edited by damncutekitty at 5:25 PM, February 8th (Monday)]

What if you were somebody's bad date?

The first date I went on after x left, it was a guy I met online, and he ended up living like, a mile away from me. So, we agree to meet at his place, then go up to the restaurant together. I get there, and I can just SEE him look disappointed. But, I decide I'm being over sensitive, and we get into his truck. We decide to go to this steak house place, and on the drive there, I feel like I need to cough. So, I do. And again, and again. I really just want a sip of water, but there isn't any, so, I'm in the passenger seat, stifling this cough. Or trying to anyway. He asks me about 5 times if I'm ok. I say yes. Then I get so cold I am shivering, but, it's warm out. The cough keeps up. And, it's constant. We get to the place, and I SO should have said I needed to go home, but I didn't know how, and I didn't know why I kept coughing. So, we try to eat dinner, me excusing myself constantly, trying to stop the cough. Nothing helps. And, now I'm going back and forth between shivering cold, or so hot I'm sweating. Completely embarrassed. Finally we go back to his place, and I thank him and go home.

I ended up in the ER that night with a 106 degree fever, dehydrated and delirious. But, after that date, I never heard from him again, and I'm sure i'm his bad date story.

OO, I remember the wine guy

I met a blind date for a drink. We had exchanged pictures and had been chatting online for a while first. He pulls up to the bar in 80's Supra with the T-top off, music blaring. He gets out of the car and circles around it a few times, not sure why. He's a bit of a distance away, but he seems a little shorter than 6'1" he claimed to be. He was wearing jean shorts that looked more like gouchos, looking fine with the sleeveless t-shirt he was sporting. When he finally made his way to where I was standing it was obvious he was closer to 5'1" than 6'1". Nothing wrong with 5'1", but I'm 5'10" and was wearing 2" heels.......there was no way I was not going to notice.

We get a table inside and after about 10 seconds of jittering in his seat he says he has to use the restroom. He had been gone about 10 mins so when the waitress came by a 2nd time to see if I wanted anything I ordered a beer. He came back to the table just as she was setting my drink down and asks him if he'd like a beer. He says "Kenny can't drink tonight" and orders a Coke. We start chatting and I notice he's started to sweat and he's tapping his foot so much on barstool that he's shaking the table. He was loud and obnoxious and people were staring.

I pounded my beer and told him I wasn't feeling well and flew out of there. I found out later that night that he's a big time junkie.

This was the one time I made an exception and went to a place I go to with my friends.

Oh, dck, I remember that one! I know it was horrific, but I can't help myself every time.... .....the teeth, the leg, the groping, and you can't leave because his leg is blocking the exit.... , I mean, any one of those things and you would think, NEXT, but you put all that together.....it should be a skit on SNL.....

My worst date was many years ago, before marriage & divorce.

My next door neighbors had a friend coming to visit, and said "He is sooo much fun; we'll just go get a few drinks/dance--very low key!"

DUMB ME.

I meet the guy, he is everything I detest--especially the I-think-I'm-God's-Gift-to-Women 'tude.

We go to first bar, he drinks more than the 3 of us put together. THEN, we get in the car to go to a club to dance...and when "Gotta Get You Into My Life" comes on the radio, he grabs a pen (as his mike), grabs my hand, and looking deeply into my eyes, starts singing...the whole song like I am his GF.

I still cringe thinking about it.

1. First Guy: stole my cash (WxH and I had hidden an emergency stash at the house)and opened two credit cards in my name (spending $23,000 or so before I found out). When he got busted for these things, he became suicidal. I called his xW to let her know his mental condition, only to discover that he was actually married to her. Yes, I dropped her D-day on her. Between the two of us, we figured out that he'd been stealing her jewelry to gift to me. He had been pretending to have a job, but had been living off identity fraud. Found out it wasn't his first time to defraud/identity theft, but he'd managed to avoid jail time (though he did have a conviction in a sister state and had been dishonorably discharged from the armed services for theft). He's still popping up occasionally on my credit report. And he reads me here.

Of course, I've kept all the evidence (in a safe place away from home). Someday he'll get busted--by the police.

2. Second Guy, from Match.com: checked out his background (after crap experience with First Guy). Second Guy checks out. Met his family--good people (insurance agent, lawyer, partner at a big three accounting firm, all very Catholic). Explained to him that I had BIG boundaries about my house because of First Guy's theft.

Second Guy has a temper, is overly possessive. I break up with him, but he convinces me to try again. Second Guy takes his second chance to start secretly stealing my off-season clothing that he thought was too sexy(then gaslighting me about it). I had also opened a Home Depot card when I remodeled my kitchen, but never used the card after my initial discounted purchases. Taking a page from my stories about First Guy, Second Guy stole the Home Depot card from my filing. Made himself an authorized user on-line, got a card in his name, and had all the billing sent by e-mail to his address. For a couple of months, he was even making the payments to keep me from knowing. When I broke up with him again, he went on a spending spree ($6600) to try to stick me with a large bill in revenge. He also showed some stalking behavior--sitting outside my house and in my neighborhood for hours. Literally ran me off the road one morning on my way to work.

Having learned from my experience with First Guy, I tape recorded Second Guy confessing, then took the tape to the police. When they arrested him, he was driving off with the high-end washer and dryer he'd bought on the Home Depot card. Second Guy is now serving a 2-year probated sentence for felony theft. A condition of his probation is no contact with me or my children. He also had to pay restitution to me for the clothes and the card.

I seriously attract some fucked up individuals.

[This message edited by katherine41 at 10:56 PM, February 8th (Monday)]

Fuck me running. I thought the guy who said he loved me on the first date was bad.

I now know why I prefer the single life.