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User Topic: Long Term Affair X V I I
honesttoafault
♀ Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 11:03 PM, April 21st (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Miracle: He's coming April 30. Maybe I'm just getting crazy because he's coming. I WISH his flight was delayed.

DS11 keeps asking when is Daddy coming home? He misses him.

I'm afraid to let go of the anger. It will make the volcanic explosion in Iceland look like a puff of smoke if I let it out!!

It's working in, and I'm crying instead. Damn, damn!!
He was mad because I told the neighbor and she doesn't know his side of the story!!! What side! I said I told her the truth.

OMG, I feel like I hate him!!


Posts: 1903 | Registered: Jan 2010
honesttoafault
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Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 11:03 PM, April 21st (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

sorry double post

[This message edited by honesttoafault at 11:08 PM, April 21st (Wednesday)]


Posts: 1903 | Registered: Jan 2010
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 1:47 AM, April 22nd (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so sorry honest. It seems to me that you H has changed the rules and is saying to you to like it, accept it or lump it. He does NOT want his cosy life with two wives to stop and he is quite possibly justifying it to himself by saying it is his heritage, his background, his right. And, in a way, it is. It is his culture. We have a saying here (derogatory), “you can take the girl out of Essex, but you can’t take Essex out of the girl” (That’s me, btw. I come from Essex……but I am sooooo not an Essex girl!). These are family of origin issues. Serious, deep bedded, but cut him in half and there are the issues running through him like words in a stick of rock for all to see.

So now you are not playing ball and reminding him of his Western vows to YOU requiring monogony, he is spitting mad. And reverting back to type. Which is the man has all the answers and women are to do as they are told and they can make all the put downs and make remarks about and to their children because they can!!! Have a sit down with your son and perhaps ask your 30yo to chat to him too. I have a similar situation in that DS15 is much younger than his brothers and DS24 was his role model – he adored and still adores him. So if you can, share that bit of the burden. And advise your son to put up some walls. His father is doing this because he is angry at YOU, not him. That his father doesn’t really mean it, he is hitting out because he can’t be a cake eater. This is classic projection. A brilliant example.

You haven’t lost everything. You have your children. You have not and will never lose your children. The most important thing is to ensure your younger two are not indoctrinated with the same views on women, marriage and life style as your WH, their father.

I would really like Lost Heart2 to whiz in with an opinion. Her advice would be sound and spot on as she can empathise with your situation a lot more than I can. One thing is for sure, you have to start to disentangle yourself and put up some walls of self protection. A really strict following of the 180. But I think you know that in your heart. He has given you no choice really. If you can’t accept his fait accompli (sorry to repeat, can’t think of another phrase to suit), then you really have to move on from this man.

Big warm hugs for you ((((((((((honest))))))))))

[This message edited by UKgirl at 1:49 AM, April 22nd (Thursday)]


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3328 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 1:52 AM, April 22nd (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I see Mr UKg's plane has just landed - better go and get dressed. Prob won't be in for a while .....

Hugs to this wonderful tribe.


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3328 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
trynhard
♂ Member
Member # 22698
Default  Posted: 6:02 AM, April 22nd (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

hey honesttoafault...

You can only control yourself and what you do... Do you want to achieve peace and happiness? So your H has some crazy unhealthy ideas and you now know it. He is always going to be in your life so you need to be smart about this... my advice... I think you are going to somehow, someway gather your strenght together and communicate in a calm way... and keep it very simple... I think you tell him to expect to not stay at you house or for sure not in your same room... have a room ready for him.

communicate to him...

I am not going to be married to someone that has another woman...(open or secret)

He will try a pull you into "his side of the story" whatever you meant by that but it does not matter. Listen to him and repeat. I am not going to be married to someone that has anther woman... It is ok to express your feelings.... That makes me feel unwanted, unspecial, my stomach is turned in knots.. my brain makes me cry.. it was not what I signed up for... It has given me great disappointment... etc.. I am not going to be married to someone that has anther woman... That is the reason you will not let him stay in your room or house... Since he has made a decision to end the marriage commitment. It's up to you to change... yes, you are too sweet.. too soft to a fault... be nice but firm, solid, clear, fair.

The only way you will consider R is if you dumps every other woman and starts to treat you with respect. As you are... not as his fantasy dictates...

Do you think he will threaten you?

To everyone else! Keep up that forgiveness...

[This message edited by trynhard at 6:06 AM, April 22nd (Thursday)]


Posts: 2636 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Indiana
nofun
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Member # 24546
Default  Posted: 7:02 AM, April 22nd (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you everyone for all your help. I don't know how you keep up with answering everyone's posts. I can't keep my own thoughts straight.

Honest - you know what the right thing to do is. I am sending you strength and much needed prayers for you to get through this. I know you will be ok.

It's my anniversary this weekend and FWH comes home from work last night and says he picked out this upscale hotel in Boston where he wants to take me. I ask where in Boston and it's an area where he told me he took OW to dinner. We always frequented that area also and that is why he took OW there. He seriously just doesn't think and he is also a creature of habit. He never has made plans on his own and would never try something new or go somewhere he's never been before for fear he won't like it. So this was a first. I could feel my insides starting to stir though. I decided instead of making a big deal out it I suggested we stay in another area of Boston where we never stayed or dined before. I told him it would be nice to try something new and different. So he actually picked up the phone, called and made the reservations in this other area. I just need to get through this. I don't know if I should have said something to him or not? I don't want to get myself in that angry mode again so I am telling myself he is trying the best he knows how at this moment in time.

Tryn - I'm looking at the good and trying so hard to not go backwards and dwell on the bad.

I hope everyone has a good day. Hugs to all!


BS (me) 56
WH 61
M 36 yrs
OW - 55 - Howdy Doody Look Alike
3 Awesome Adult C
DD 6/7/09
LTA 12 years.
Confused: D or R???

Posts: 987 | Registered: Jun 2009
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 8:16 AM, April 22nd (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

i don't have much time..but need to address honest and nofun

honest: like tryn said, make up a diff room for him...of course your ds11 misses him, he is his dad and that is never going to change, you will always be connected because of the children...but you donot have to be connected as a husband and wife...

as far as telling your new friend...to effin bad...tell he is welcome to tell whomever he pleases his side, and that includes this neighborif he is so inclinged as to think that anyone would give him any kind of support for such hurtful duplicity...and if one cannot live out in the open then maybe he should crawl back into a hole from whence he came..

im sorry i am being somewhat brutal, its my turn to want to shake someone up..

and as far as feeling and letting out the anger..you need to let it out in a healthy way, exercise is truly thebest way...do walk, run, zumba. and i think kickboxing might be a good really good for you, it puts you on attack stance for protection....you need to let it out...and you need to do something to gain some control over your emotions so that when he does come home you don't lose it with him in front of the kids or within earshot...i did that a few times and it is not a pretty thing for the kids...


nofun: i know you are nervous, first off you handled the whole thing brilliantly, you told him how you felt without telling me everything which meant he didn't feel attacked...you "see" his efforts and this wonderful...sometimes we have som much pain and anger we can't "see" past that...reclaim this day for yourself, and for your marriage....i think you are doing so well..keep it up


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
forgivenotforget
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Member # 11053
Default  Posted: 9:39 AM, April 22nd (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's working in, and I'm crying instead. Damn, damn!!

Honest - Crying is a good thing as long as you are also able to release your anger (I don't know if this is good advice but I will tell you that having the ability to really let go of my anger was very helpful to me). Too much internalization of those powerful emotions can be so harmful to your health. You mentioned that you are in C'ing. Perhaps you and he/she can work through your anger together. It sounds like your C is waiting for you to reach this point and hopefully has a method to help you do this in a very constructive way.
I am so sorry you find yourself in this position. I cannot imagine how much strength you need to get through his return home. Do you have family near you? Do you have anyone to lean on IRL that you trust completely to get you through this. I know that I never could have gotten through my H's LTA without my sister. She was a good listener, someone who I could trust completely and yet someone who didn't turn on my H and tried to help me do what I needed without telling me what she thought I should do. If you have someone like this, you need them now.
I agree 100% with Tryin too that you should have a room ready for him when he returns. He needs to know you will not tolerate the current arrangement. As you mentioned in an earlier post, he promised you he would not take another wife and he has broken that promise. You did not sign up for this arrangement. I do hope you can get the support and advice you need to be prepared for his return because I do think he's going to come home with an air of entitlement at the very least. (((((Honest)))))
Nofun - I am so happy to hear that you have agreed to take up your H's offer to go away for your anniversary. This is a huge step for you and it shows too that your H is really willing to work to save the M. The very fact that he didn't protest when you told him you wanted to change the location is a VERY good sign. Try not to put too much pressure on yourself and maybe even let your H know (if he doesn't already) that you may need his patience and that he has no expectations other than spending this time together. You know we are all rooting for you and will be anxious to hear how the weekend goes.
UKG - Yay - so glad to hear your hubby is finally getting back home. You must be beyond excited. So, may I ask, why do you need to "go and get dressed."


D-day - 12/23/05 LTA - 8 years.
"Love's a matter of trust and I just want to believe in us." M McBride

Posts: 1901 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: A tunnel where I'm beginning to see the light
trynhard
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Member # 22698
Default  Posted: 10:16 AM, April 22nd (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

nofun... Today, your H is only yours. You made the choice to R. It was your decision and yours alone. Not your H's choice because you could have selected a different route. It is now up to him to be a good man; now and forever. You are not his controller. He makes his own choices to treat you like you need.. YOU tell him what you need through describing feelings; he is not a mind reader. After him being so evil, so "horrible" (his words) and being remorseful. People change after such devastation. He destroyed his best friend, the mother of his children, let family down, betrayed God; the pain WS have we cannot see… (Both Dip and I have had to pick our W’s off the floor balled in a fetal position and mental breakdown ) Maybe he did it in silence… he likely did… we men are so tuff we are taught never to say we can cry… Heck I never had a reason to cry until dday… but we do…
Now you both of you seek the awakening. I have experienced it… It feels like when I first met my wife, we did so much for each other unselfishly. My wife told me in a note the other day that It is like we have “rediscovering” each other. As far as sex, my wife has essentially NOT said “no” to me since July 2009. It is something she wants to give me. I give her things she has never seen out of me… I sit and listen every day… every time we greet, it is with a solid hug and kiss… I hold her hand on a walk… I go to the grocery with her… I’ve gone to the doctor with her… I don’t tell her how to approach things at work… I listen… and say nothing or stuff like, have you considered this or that… I call it “our” money… “our” accounts.. “our” business dealing… I bring her coffee everyday I’m home. I ask her out every weekend to do something fun with just us… we are playing together again.. I am a much more desirable man. See, all those things I do is because I made a decision to do them. You focus on what you can control and that is do everything to make him happy for now…. I could have made other choices… like, I’m going to go out on my own and drink with the guys come home sloppy drunk, Not wear my ring, not hug her and turn my face, not make love to my wife to punish her… on and on… but if you want happiness, you gotta grab it! You gotta enjoy your H for who is today… Make him happy and it is my belief he will do everything to make you happy… But be realistic, you are going to have ups and downs… that is life!
Just think how much a better lady you are today… You are able to forgive someone that has done an unforgivable act… you are a compassionate person… you can take pride that you are a great person and upheld you promise to God, to your man… you understand the cruelty of the world and deal with it in a positive way… It’s going to make you a better wife because you are going to change yourself and even be better then you once were…
And you know what, he may “F” up again. If that happens.. you are going to pick yourself up… move on to find one of the good guys out here… and you will! Many women don’t know a good man when they have them and they dump them… You may even decide to enjoy life forward without a man in it for awhile and focus on doing things you’ve always wanted… learning to sky dive!
Don’t you feel empowered with your decision?

[This message edited by trynhard at 10:18 AM, April 22nd (Thursday)]


Posts: 2636 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Indiana
m334455
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Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 12:03 PM, April 22nd (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dip --
I think I might still agree with A more than group therapy depending on the circumstances. I think it depends on what you're putting into it or getting out of it and what's going on in your marriage as well.

UK -- no, I don't feel that way. I just needed to vent out every mean, nasty thought I've had and I think that was just about the last one. Unless I didn't say yet that I had a recurring nightmare where I murdered OW EVERY NIGHT FOR 6 WEEKS. Ugh.

Yes, the "good years" statement was nasty -- let's just say FOO issues and I'm working on it.

Ironically, OW was quite a bit older -- as was the woman he was texting a dozen times a day. Both women from his past, so near his age. He said I'm his "trophy wife" -- though I'm not entirely sure that's a compliment, LOL.

Lovin' -- Sex. Good luck. I didn't really have much in the way of mind movies, because to me the thought of WH and OW having sex with each other was just ... weird. I mean, even now my brain thinks: really? REALLY? I know they did, but it's just strange. Also, to me sex with different people is just different. Not necessarily better or worse, just different. And, though I have felt insecure at times, mostly I think that he obviously likes sex enough with me to marry me, so 'nuf said. Who cares if he likes sex with her too? I liked having sex with my XH. And if her DOES think she's better -- then part of that is his stupid fault because he's turned down most of my wild ideas over the years so that's about him or his (inaccurate) perception of me, etc. See where I'm going here? I'm not saying it wasn't emotionally hard the first few times, and my IC was concerned I would feel bad about myself or my reasoning but was OK when I explained that it didn't make me feel bad and my reasoning was in theory I'm the only person who is supposed to be having sex with him, duh, and if he's going to spread it around he might as well spread a little more around at home.

Anyway, the most important part of my post as the post-script -- I told my WH I forgive him today. Does this mean I need to call him a DH?

I'm wondering if I should show him SI and my username. Actually, I think I left it up by accident once (Freudian slip?) but I don't know if he saw it. I have this weird suspicion he has -- could be paranoid but I'm learning to trust my gut. If I did and you've been lurking WH -- then hi 'Pos, yes it's actually me :)

Oh! Almost forgot -- been a crazy week. I had a big car accident Monday. Just one minute beforehand, I noticed while I was stopped at the light that DS3 had unbuckled himself from his booster and a little voice in my head said, you better get out and buckle him back in, so I did even though we were only 5 blocks from home, and as soon as the light turned green I started to turn and was slammed by a car going twice the speed limit. Never even saw him coming. His car was totaled, mine might be as well -- but thankfully no one was hurt. So scary! What if I hadn't noticed -- or taken the moment to put him back in?!


BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
honesttoafault
♀ Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 12:09 PM, April 22nd (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

UKgirl: You are right about his feeling of entitlement. But the culture part...I have lived in his country for many years, and although it is legal to have more than one wife NO ONE does it anymore, less than 2% do. Culturally, it is not really accepted, especially in his class level (upper middle class) and he's a city boy.
I found out that None of his family accepts it, one of his sisters and nieces do not speak to him (Now I found out the real reason they argued) All his sisters ganged up on him and tried to talk him out of it when he first did it, but then OW got pregnant and her family found out.....
This doesn't excuse having 2 more kids. He said to me, "She kept getting pregnant!" Well, duh!! I said you are not a teenager!!
Thank you for your support.

I'm happy to hear that Mr. UK is finally coming home!!

Tryn: I'm trying to stay calm in communications with him. I just got off the phone with WH's aunt. (she called me) WH lied to her like he lied to me that he divorced OW. I told her the latest news and she is sooo angry with him. I know blood is thicker than water, and it's her nephew, but she said that even women from that country would NOT ACCEPT these conditions!!
Will he threaten me? Not physically, that I know. Even if he did, the cops would be here so fast that his head would spin, including my 6'5" cousin who is a cop, and my two older sons. DS 34 and 30 have NOT yelled or threatened him simply because they LOVE their little brothers and know it would hurt THEM to be bad to their father.

The threats, I am afraid of is financial and child custody issues. I feel I am dealing with someone who has a lot of Narcissitic traits (if the disorder) and want to tread carefully.

Miracle: Thank you for the shake up! He needs it. When I was talking to his aunt today, I told her that I would take 50% of the marriage problems, but this decision was all his own. If he was that unhappy, if he put even half the energy he put into hiding his double life into trying to save our marriage, then we would be doing great. If not we couldn't fix our problems after we tried, then we could have divorced and he could have had his "happily ever after" with OW without guilt and putting me through hell.
Forgive: I didn't cry as much as I thought I would. I guess I feel drained, although I woke up from a stomach ache. LOL that's all I need IBS or an ulcer! You and Miracle are right, I have to get moving more.
RL, I do have my neighbor, but she just lost her mom. You guys have been so great with the wonderful responses and support. I can't tell you how much you have helped.
Nofun: thank you for your prayers and strength!

I am so glad to hear about the latest news with you and WH! I am glad you were able to recognize that he was trying his best (even though it wasn't what you needed). Your response was perfect!!! It was a gift you gave to him and yourself. You recognized that it wasn't good for you to be where he suggested and also validated his INTENTIONS of doing something nice.
Also, you may be absolutely right. Maybe this is a blessing in disguise that you are both going someplace NEW to try to start down a NEW path together!!
I hope you guys can just relax and enjoy the weekend and try to appreciate the good in each other as much as you can this weekend. Give both of yourselves a break from the A and hurt feelings. Take some pictures!!

Thank you all!!


Posts: 1903 | Registered: Jan 2010
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 12:48 PM, April 22nd (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

o.k. i have a bit more time now...

ukgirl: i am so glad for you that he is on his way, and might even be back home now...so yay...

and fnf: she could get dressed now, so that she may be undressed later..


m3: i must say i have been blown away by your down to earth way...very simple for a very complex individual...and you have given me a new face for bipolar...you are so amazingly "real"...you know who you are, you have sense of sensibility about what seems like every aspect of your life...

you have 4 children, work, have a cheatin husband, this is a second marriage and you have bipolar disorder and with all that on your plate you are so grounded...

i know you have your moments, hell we all do...but your so so grounded..and i find that so awesomely fabulous..correction i find you so awesomely fabulous...

tryn: what can i say that i haven't said already..you have come such a long way..and as much as you still have some struggles, and you still have hurt...you sound happy and i sense a "peace" within you....

very cool...very cool indeed...

dip:

everywhere i have ever gone, i was identified immediately as "you must be from new york"..and that was always before i opened my mouth..i must just look like a new yorker whatever that looks like..and then when i would open my mouth to ask "how did you know"...i would get seriously laughed at for my accent that matches my look.. ...i would welcome the chance to get even...so plan a trip here one of these days, bring the wife and we could just tell her that this is a group therapy assignment...match the accent with the person..we could make a game out of it..hell we could even all chip in and winner take all...what ya say..i have some extra nickels...they are made of wood though so i hope that won't be a problem.. ...oh my...i must be extra tired, i am quite punchy so it seems..

maybe it was the conversation with pfm who doesn't get how he doesn't "get it".. ...

((((tribe)))))


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
old dipstick
♂ Member
Member # 25598
Default  Posted: 1:41 PM, April 22nd (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

m3.

First of all let me say that it is good to hear that no one was hurt in your wreck. It is great that you listened to the little voice in your head. It would have been so easy to take that chance and just drive that five blocks. You are a very good mother.

I don't know if I ever really saw being here as having a A. It is just that keeping it a secret that kinda makes it seem that way. I guess I would have one hell of a hard time having a real life A, if just being here in "group therapy" makes me feel that way. That said, be sure you want your H to read your posts if you tell him about this place. You can't go back.

Honest.

You H wants to be able to tell his side of the story? If he only told half the truth, 99% of the population would not agree with him. It soulds like he is almost as selfish and narissic as any man can be. I was ready to believe that, at least in his eyes the "accepted in his culture reasoning" had somrthing to do with it. If it is not even that way in his own country, I think he can not use that as a excuse.

He broke his vows to you and he broke his promise. My W only broke her vow as I never thought to ask her to promise not to have OM. I did not think I had to do that. Your whole situation just blows my mind. All the BSs on here demand NC with OW/OM. Without NC, R is next to impossible. If you want to R with him, how will you ever get NC? I know some contact will have to happen because of the OC. I better quit on this subject while I am ahead. I am making even less sense that usual.

nofun.

You handled that situation brilliantly. Good job. It is good that you used logic about your H not really meaning it bad about his original plans. It would have been so easy to get mad and accuse him of being insensitive by wanting to go to the old hang outs. Logic is so hard for BSs when emotions run so hot. I know about that first hand.

I hope you have a good time in Boston.

Hugs to the tribe.


Her WW 60
Me BH 60
M 36 yr
D-day#1 fall of 76 OM#1 2NS
D-day#2 summer of 89 OM#2 LTA 8 yrs OM#3 Short Term A


Posts: 751 | Registered: Sep 2009
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 1:56 PM, April 22nd (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

oh and i forgot to add m3 that it is truly wonderful that you and your kids were not hurt in that accident and that it was truly an act of god or some blessed guardian angels that kept you and your kids safe...


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
old dipstick
♂ Member
Member # 25598
Default  Posted: 2:20 PM, April 22nd (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

miracle.

We were posting at the same time. I took a long time to do mine.

You look like a NY girl. I guess this means you have that sophisticated, sexy, yet demure, big city girl look?

I guess telling my W, we are going to NY to group therapy with several women I met on the internet, might sound a little bit better that if I was going alone to do the same. I still do not think it would work though. Do they still takewooden nickels in NY? I thought NY was ahead of the rest of us.

About that accent stuff. Many, many years ago I was with my Dad in NYC. He got lost. BTW, this is a man who I have been with in almost every major city coast to coast and only saw him get lost twice! We were in the Bronx. He stopped and asked a guy directions. It took several tries before we were able to understand most of what he said. We laughed about that encounter more than once.

So pfm does not get how he does not get it? I don't get it! Do you get it? No wonder he is confused.
Us BSs are suppose to "get it." Whoops, that is supposed to read "get OVER it."


Her WW 60
Me BH 60
M 36 yr
D-day#1 fall of 76 OM#1 2NS
D-day#2 summer of 89 OM#2 LTA 8 yrs OM#3 Short Term A


Posts: 751 | Registered: Sep 2009
Allgoodnamesgone
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Member # 26157
Default  Posted: 4:57 PM, April 22nd (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just a note to let everyone know I'm following everyone's updates.
Fun: I'm so excited for you - this looks like a really big change. Try to relax this weekend.

Honest: don't stress. Your H doesn't control the rest of the world - the kids will stay with you as they have been and you will get what you should financially.

M3: glad you & the kids are ok.
Ok g2g - lil miss is freakin out, grabbing my leg beggin me to take off her dress... (I worry about this one).
Later all.


Me- BS
DDay- 8/26/09
Separated after failed R effort.

Posts: 2165 | Registered: Nov 2009
honesttoafault
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Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 9:52 PM, April 22nd (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

sorry double post

[This message edited by honesttoafault at 10:55 PM, April 22nd (Thursday)]


Posts: 1903 | Registered: Jan 2010
honesttoafault
♀ Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 9:52 PM, April 22nd (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

M3: I'm so glad that no one was hurt in that accident!! I'm sorry that your car was totalled, but happy that you and DS are fine.

Dip: I was almost going to "buy" it's ok in Ws's culture too. It is done sometimes in the very very rural areas, but generally in the city and in his "class" it's frowned down upon. He was using that as an excuse for his behavior that he is "allowed" to do it and it's not "adultery". He says he wouldn't commit adultery, he'd marry. BUT, the way he did it, and kept is a secret was WRONG in his culture/religion. (I've asked and checked). And his lying, blaming, nastiness, etc. since DDay is also wrong here, there and everywhere.

Speaking of NYC accents, I've spoken of my neighbor. Imagine a Fran Drechler type (from the "Nanny") with a Brooklyn accent (instead of a Flushing, Queens). During the summer my WH says to her, "Thank you for being such a good friend to Honest."
You know what she says? All 5'3" of her to his 6 foot. She looks him in the eye and says, "You don't know what I'm really telling her. If you were my husband, I'd put a knife in you!!" He just laughed (probably didn't know how to respond) and she walked away.

LOL! My hero!

[This message edited by honesttoafault at 9:58 PM, April 22nd (Thursday)]


Posts: 1903 | Registered: Jan 2010
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 10:49 PM, April 22nd (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

honest:

Thank you for being such a good friend to Honest."
You know what she says? All 5'3" of her to his 6 foot. She looks him in the eye and says, "You don't know what I'm really telling her. If you were my husband, I'd put a knife in you!!" He just laughed (probably didn't know how to respond) and she walked away.

LOL! My hero!

...she is my hero too...love this...

dip:

You look like a NY girl. I guess this means you have that sophisticated, sexy, yet demure, big city girl look?

nope, not at all,
- i am short
-no stick up my butt for that sophisticated "look" and
-demure...so not me...

i have no clue why i look like i from ny...maybe it was the fact that i am brunette...everyone else was a blonde...

Do they still takewooden nickels in NY? I thought NY was ahead of the rest of us.

didn't you hear...what's old is new... ...it happens quite often here...


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
nofun
♀ Member
Member # 24546
Default  Posted: 6:33 AM, April 23rd (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I finally have some time to write all you wonderful people.

Honest - I love your neighbor. She is awesome. People used to tell me I reminded them of Fran Dresher but only with a very thick Boston accent.

Tryn - Your post to me brought tears to my eyes. You have so much wisdom. I think in our hearts we all know what the right thing to do is, its just being able to do it. It's so hard. We've been so hurt. They threw the mold away when you were born because if all "real men" could be like you, this world would be a better place. You help me put things in perspective.

The rest of the tribe - thank you for your encouragement. I need encouragement and it really helps.

I'll let everyone know how it goes in Boston this weekend. Right now, H is in one of his dark moods. I hope he comes out of it before tomorrow. Oh the joys of that damn roller coaster ride. Do FWS get to ride that roller coaster also? Hmmmm....

I wish for all of you a peaceful and calm weekend.


BS (me) 56
WH 61
M 36 yrs
OW - 55 - Howdy Doody Look Alike
3 Awesome Adult C
DD 6/7/09
LTA 12 years.
Confused: D or R???

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