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User Topic: Long Term Affair X V I I
m334455
♀ Member
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 8:25 AM, April 23rd (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Miracle --
Thanks so much for the amazing compliments. I have been humbled by the kindness I've received in my life the past 6 months. Both here and IRL. So many people have been so kind, most reaching out to me, most in the dark about my problem. It's amazing. WH has also been unfailingly kind and helpful -- it's like he was a "different" man -- the man I married, not the grouch/jerk he'd morphed into, again overnight.

I wanted to ask: is it important that pfm get it if you can determine he's truly committed to not repeating the behavior? I don't think my WH fully "gets it" either, but I'm as confident as anyone could be that it won't happen again -- and 100% confident that if it does I'll be able to handle it swiftly and appropriately. My WH is not a very self-aware person and it may be years before he fully gets it -- if he ever does at all. I am going to make sure his IC gets it -- it might help and both he and his IC gave me permission to speak privately to the IC with the provisio that, of course, the IC won't reveal anything WH has said and because WH is his client and not me IC reserves the right to share with WH anything I've said if IC sees fit. I have no problem with either.

Anyhoo -- honest, I have nothing I can say to you. I thought my WH's story was one of the craziest things I've ever heard, but yours takes the cake. Miracles is crazier too, FWIW. I just want to give you a hug (((honest))) because I am at a total loss for providing you with anything constructive. Sigh.


BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 8:35 AM, April 23rd (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

nofun:

Right now, H is in one of his dark moods. I hope he comes out of it before tomorrow. Oh the joys of that damn roller coaster ride. Do FWS get to ride that roller coaster also? Hmmmm....

yeah they do, for them their world as they know it is over...just like us...only for them it because of their own mistakes, their own choices...having to live with what you have done aint easy...and thats a good thing...it helps teach a valuable lesson if he is open to it...but he should never be dark with you...he should always be remorseful...but unfortuantely we already know that making good choices and behaving properly are not one of his strongsuits, every ws has to learn the these lessons of good choices...

i will be thinkin of you and hopin that your trip finds you in a good place in more ways then one...

(((nofun)))


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
trynhard
♂ Member
Member # 22698
Default  Posted: 8:56 AM, April 23rd (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nofun… You are right… I am special.. It’s because I have “awakened” myself. Why? Because as m3 says…
I fully get it
Yes Iwant.. I have been doing well lately… it’s because of my daily dip dose of group therapy I receive! Oh well.. I'm in this all positive mode right now..

Of course they WS get depressed… They need to forgive themselves too… (if they get it) It may be harder than us forgiving them… heck, I don’t know??
I was just at dinner with another customer and he was telling me he cheated on his wife… had an A. He said he hated himself for that… He respects his wife more the ever today... he can’t believe she stayed with him… my best friend, the one that left his W and M his AP… then she cheated.. He regrets what he did to his that W. He says he will die regretting that. He said he felt like he deserved to feel the same pain he put his 1st W through and said it hurt more than his parents dying. He’s tells me today, he “gets it”…
Have you ever said something ugly about a friend and somehow it got back to that friend what you said? You felt like dirt didn’t you.. now imagine what your spouse feels… it is much worse.

Peace to all…

[This message edited by trynhard at 8:58 AM, April 23rd (Friday)]


Posts: 2635 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Indiana
old dipstick
♂ Member
Member # 25598
Default  Posted: 9:10 AM, April 23rd (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

nofun.

The WS gets to be on the roller coaster too. They put themselves there by their choices. We did not choose to get on the ride, they put us there.

Honest.

I bet your H is a little leary around your neighbor.

miracle.

I noticed you didn't deny the sexy part of the description! I do not understand what being short has to do with any of this. I also do not understand why someone needs to have a stick up ones butt to be sophisticated? I guess there is some kind of cultural gap in play here.

No I have not heard that "what's old is new." We are several years behind NYC here. I will hear about that, around the same time I get indoor plumbing.

Hugs to the tribe.


Her WW 60
Me BH 60
M 36 yr
D-day#1 fall of 76 OM#1 2NS
D-day#2 summer of 89 OM#2 LTA 8 yrs OM#3 Short Term A


Posts: 751 | Registered: Sep 2009
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 1:37 PM, April 23rd (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

well it has been an amazing morning for me...honest and i met for some cawfee...and we so lost track of time...we never ran out of conversation..i did get to give her a couple of irl hugs..and we are both looking forward to next week with allgood...

i think we need to give honest a small push towards getting her masters too...she is only 4 credits away...so everyone back me up on checkin in with her progress on that one...


m3: you must have posted at the same time i was typing my post in slow motion...

i am glad your wh is a different man..mine is too but not enough of a change for me...getting it is only a part of what needs to happen...but at least we are stepping up together as parents...which is the whole point of this marriage staying intact...

dip:

I noticed you didn't deny the sexy part of the description!

i will have to go back and reread that excerpt...but no i wouldn't deny that one..


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 1:37 PM, April 23rd (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

well i hit submit before i was done..so i will just continue in the double post spot..

dip: most sophisticated ny women are tall and walk like they have sticks up their butts...and i did forget one of the most important qualities...they also walk with their nose in a permamently upturned position... ..when i here sophisticated i think of the upper east woman...with loads of money and attitude...

and if there are any upper east side women here who are not like that i apologize for generalizing...hopefully i won't get flagged by a mod..

[This message edited by iwantamiracle at 1:41 PM, April 23rd (Friday)]


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
old dipstick
♂ Member
Member # 25598
Default  Posted: 3:00 PM, April 23rd (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

honest.

I agree with miracle, so here is my small push. GET THAT MASTERS, please.

miracle.

"Never ran out of conversation." Why am I not surprised.

Posting prematurely again? No comment

I'm sorry about the sophisticated comment I thought I was paying you a compliment. It is a simple cultural difference. Where I come from a sophisticated woman wears a real store bought belt instead of a rope for a belt, and she remembers to take the price tags off her fancy new easter bonnet. She displays other worldly-wise, cultured and educated tastes that put her just a cut above the average woman. Those examples were just two of the better ones. The sophisticated women here do not walk with their noses in the air. When you walk in the barnyard, you learn to watch where you step. They do cover their noses when they walk past the pig sty. Sorry for the misunderstanding!

Warning! MEN ONLY. May be TMI!
The only thing I know about things stuck up butts is the annual prostate exam!

Hugs to the tribe.

[This message edited by old dipstick at 3:14 PM, April 23rd (Friday)]


Her WW 60
Me BH 60
M 36 yr
D-day#1 fall of 76 OM#1 2NS
D-day#2 summer of 89 OM#2 LTA 8 yrs OM#3 Short Term A


Posts: 751 | Registered: Sep 2009
trynhard
♂ Member
Member # 22698
Default  Posted: 3:15 PM, April 23rd (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

SOoo many smart women here... honest is a master brain.. Dr Iwant... lawyers... World traveler UK... hummmm


Posts: 2635 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Indiana
Allgoodnamesgone
♀ Member
Member # 26157
Default  Posted: 4:00 PM, April 23rd (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Glad to hear everyone seems like they are doing ok.
I went out with my h last night - wasn't as much fun as I had hoped - I really wasn't feeling that well - but we didn't fight. That's a start isnt it?
I started to feel a bit anxious this morning that maybe we have just drifted so far apart that aside from the A stuff (which has been sliding a bit into the background) we are just having trouble relating to each other again. Long road I suppose.
Anyway - hope everyone enjoys their weekends.


Me- BS
DDay- 8/26/09
Separated after failed R effort.

Posts: 2165 | Registered: Nov 2009
nofun
♀ Member
Member # 24546
Default  Posted: 5:00 PM, April 23rd (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

allgood - I know how you are feeling today. I was just thinking this afternoon on the ride home from work that H and I HAVE drifted apart. If we can connect again, and that's a big IF...will we end up drifting apart AGAIN?

I looked for an Anniversary card today (because I know H will get me one)...it was torture and I almost started to cry while standing there, my heart was pounding and just before I was going to bolt....I actually found what I thought was close to appropriate. Here's what it says: What do you all think?

Hold on to me, and I will hold on to you through anything and everything life brings our way.
Bring me your worries, and I'll listen with my heart.
Tell me what you need, and I'll do my best to give it to you.
Love me even when it isn't easy, and I promise to do the same for you....
After all, isn't that what LOVE is all about?


BS (me) 56
WH 61
M 36 yrs
OW - 55 - Howdy Doody Look Alike
3 Awesome Adult C
DD 6/7/09
LTA 12 years.
Confused: D or R???

Posts: 987 | Registered: Jun 2009
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 7:35 PM, April 23rd (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

nofun: that card is beautiful...and truly comes from your heart..its all pretty much what you've been saying....


drifting apart: well i don't know if you guys are really drifted apart...more like neither one knows what to say to the other, the sich that you are in, lets face it is heavy shit...and sometimes especially for the one who is "in trouble" so to speak...it can be very uncortable when you dont know what to say , how to act, what to do...a damned if i do, damned if i don't...so sometimes it might just feel that its better to say nothing...most every other conversation you guys have had have been filled with so much pain and sometimes you just need to step back from that...

its alot more then just not fighting..its not having to deal with it all...

the next time you guys go out try to find some humor..anywhere..find humor it will help cut so much tension...

just my 2 cents worth..

dip: are you making fun of my long-windedness again..


(((tribe)))


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
honesttoafault
♀ Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 10:17 PM, April 23rd (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, as Miracle has said, it was an amazing morning. We started talking as if we knew each other all our lives! Two hours flew by like it was a few minutes!

Thank you Miracle for the RL hugs!
And I need 4 more courses, not credits. (I know I initially said 4 credits, but I had to correct myself!)

Miracle is a "miracle" and a just as wonderful and more in RL!!!

M3: thank you for your kind words and thoughts. I really appreciate it.
I'm glad you have that arrangement with WH's IC. It seems like you've come to a good place for yourself....a place where you feel in control. You are wonderful to still want to help your WH with IC and yet feel enpowered enough to know what to do in case the worst case scenario happens. Like they say, "Prepare for the worst and hope for the best"
You have my prayers and hope.

Nofun: I would imagine a WS who is making an effort to try to understand and look inside themselves at the enormity of what they did will probably ride the roller coaster too. I've never been in their shoes, but it's like tryin said, if one could imagine a bad thing one did in their past that hurt someone else, it's hard to look at that. We feel ashamed and hurt that we ever did that. I imagine a WS who "gets it" might feel the same. This doesn't excuse the behavior, but understanding on both sides may lead to healing for everyone concerned.
I love the card you found. It seems perfect. I hope your WS really takes his time to read it.

Allgood: it's a step in the right direction that you were able to go out with WH and didn't fight
Yes, I think it's normal that a BS and WS may feel awkward with each other when they are trying to do "normal" things together. Perhaps both of you would want to enjoy each other's company, but both are afraid a trigger of some sort might come up..... You have been through so much, have been on alert so long, that it's hard to relax.

Dip: Thank you, I will have to finish those 4 more courses. A long story why I din't finish, a lot has to do with going back and forth from here to overseas.
I'm laughing about you and Miracle with the "sophisticated NY women" LOL, are you thinking about TV shows or movies you see? Most of the women who are in Manhattan are from other parts of the country. You don't even hear a "NY accent" in Manhattan anymore, just in the outer boroughs. :)

Gee thanks tryin..I'm a master brain. I have to remember that!!

I told my neighbor that I posted the story. She just laughed. She says such funny things, like I should put Exlax in his food (she doesn't mean it, but it's good for a laugh!!) She says I'm too nice.

Thank God for everyone here and you are all in my thoughts and prayers.

{{{{Tribe}}}


Posts: 1897 | Registered: Jan 2010
honesttoafault
♀ Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 11:12 PM, April 23rd (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just a small update. WH calls yesterday and today as if nothing happened. He did leave a message on the machine that he was sick, and didn't feel well, blah blah.

Anyway, he's going on about how we're always going to be together and I'll always be in his arms....

I wanted to scream at him, "There's not enough room for 2 women in your arms!!"

I didn't say anything. I just said that we had a lot to talk about when he comes home. There's no reason to engage with him over the phone. We'll just argue, he won't call for a few days and I'll just stew.

If it wasn't for this site, I think I'd go crazy from this exchange. I read on some other threads how the WS's just want to engage the DS, just to keep them on the hook. I believe that is what WH is doing. I'm trying to stay srtong.

Thank you everyone.


Posts: 1897 | Registered: Jan 2010
Allgoodnamesgone
♀ Member
Member # 26157
Default  Posted: 5:45 AM, April 24th (Saturday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Fun: that card is perfect! I'm seriously going to write it down and write it in a blank card for my anniversary when the time comes. Actually, my anniversary is coming up soon - and I had told my h earlier in the week that I would like for us to do the work now so that on that date it can be a happy occasion. I told him I'd like to keep that date as a goal - I'd like to feel confident enough about our relationship that I would put my wedding band back on. (He never wore his - long story- but I was thinking of buying him a new one.)

Anyway- unlike Fun's husband, my h has seemingly no problem going out and talking, etc. I think I'm the one who expects more - either from him or myself - and I just scrutinize and worry too much, I guess. I certainly don't feel as comfortable as I used to - but I guess I'm still trying to sort out who he is and tho I know the A is about the ws and not the ow - it's really really hard not to make comparisons. (Honest & Miracle - when I see you next week - I have to show you her picture so you know what I'm talking about.) Comparisons about not only what she looked like - but how much "fun" it was for him to talk to her. Made me think about how we used to interact when we were younger & how we haven't been like that in ages.

Honest: my H too operates like nothing happened. I think this is in the ws manual as well. My H will NEVER bring up the A - even after I've told him 1 million times (more or less) that it's not stirring the pot - I'm thinking about it all the time - and it's nice to know you are wondering how I'm doing. I've honestly given up on him "getting it" or being able to emotionally support me the way some other people can support their spouses (Tryn & Dip). He was really never like that & I don't know why I would expect different now - he just doesn't have the skills. Maybe his ic will help. Anyway - I think letting go of those expectations is what has let me move on a bit more.
I got a bit off topic here
anyway - that your H doesn't raise the A is not inconsistent with the nice, "baby I want you back" kind of stuff he's saying. But, clearly, it's not enough. It's crystal clear what he needs to do. He does it - on whatever time frame you establish (if that's what you want) or not. Can't wait to see you next week - I'm sure you could use a big pep talk before your H gets home.
(O- and btw - I think I got hit on at work yesterday. It was so funny - I swear I had no idea it was happening until after I hung up the phone & repeated the story to a co-worker. I am reading the "just not friends" book - it's really good - and it said something like some people arent even aware of opportunities when they are in a committed relationship. That's always been me & since I've only been with my h - I'm really clueless with this kind of stuff despite my age.)

[This message edited by Allgoodnamesgone at 5:50 AM, April 24th (Saturday)]


Me- BS
DDay- 8/26/09
Separated after failed R effort.

Posts: 2165 | Registered: Nov 2009
nofun
♀ Member
Member # 24546
Default  Posted: 5:56 AM, April 24th (Saturday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

honest - people always tell me how nice is am, how kind i am to everyone, how easy going i am, blah blah blah...I'm starting to think that's why H did what he did. I think people take advantage of that and FWH was the biggest offender. He walked all over me. I felt like his door mat.

But now...I've put on my big girl panties and am learning to say NO, to speak my mind, to say it like it is and if I hurt someones feelings...., maybe it's because they hurt mine. I'm not taking anybody's BS anymore, including FWH.

Do you think when your H comes home you can stand strong? Talk yourself up and sometimes getting good and angry helps. I know it's easier said than done because when H is not around I can talk a good talk but then he walks through the door, those loving feelings arrive and the anger that I was feeling a few minutes ago vanishes. I don't know if that made any sense.

I'm praying for you to be strong and stand up for YOU!!


BS (me) 56
WH 61
M 36 yrs
OW - 55 - Howdy Doody Look Alike
3 Awesome Adult C
DD 6/7/09
LTA 12 years.
Confused: D or R???

Posts: 987 | Registered: Jun 2009
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 8:33 AM, April 24th (Saturday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

just a thought on the ws's bringing up the affair..

they really are between a rock and a hard place here...if they bring it up on their own, then the bs would wonder why..is (s)he thinking about her/him...does (s)he miss him/her...

if the ws is bringing it up its also putting themselves in potential harms way...for the most part most people do not want to do confrontation on a front where they are in a lose lose sich...

bringing up the affair is also going to hurt the bs...because there are times, granted in the beginning not many times when your mind is NOT there...why would (s)he risk triggering you back there...


if they could be mind readers and know when the appropriate time was to bring it up and how to bring it up and then how to calm us bs's...we would be dreamin..

at best when a ws see that we are visibly upset they should find out why first, never assume...and then reassure, apologize and anything that can be done at the time...

for the newly arrived in this land of pain...these are skills that will hopefully be developed with time, ic and lots of self-help work...

for others, these are skills that the ws simply doesn't have and is never going to have...

and then there are the ws's who not only do not possess the skills to do this but actually have a tendancy to make matters worse..

the last kind are the worst kind...unfortuantely i got the the last kind..


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
honesttoafault
♀ Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 8:35 PM, April 24th (Saturday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Allgood: I agree with you, when we have boundaries and are married, we don't notice when members of the opposist sex seem interested in us.
I'm sorry that you feel that your WS won't "get it" or give you the emotional support you need. Hopefully, one day he can.

Nofun: You said exactly how I feel:

I can talk the good talk until he walks through the door....

I wish I can stay strong. I really don't know how to act. On one hand, I don't want to rock the boat and leave things be until I can get all my ducks in a row, and the other I just want to really stand up to him and kick him out. I guess somewhere in the middle might be my best bet.

The anger is starting in fits and starts, and I usually seem to turn it in and cry a little. It's just so sad, I don't trust him with anything he says now. Nothing. Sometimes I want with all my heart to believe all he says, but his actions show the opposite. I feel he is just baiting me to keep me in line and get what he wants.
Just pray for me that I keep my strength.

Miracle: I believe you are right about the WS not wanting to bring the A up. I guess all they want is to forget it and not want to search inside and own up to thier guilt. If they do feel remorse, I imagine it's quite painful. They have no idea of the pain we are going through. I don't think anyone who hasn't gone through this pain fully appreciates it. That's why we need each other here on SI. I know that many people in RL really make the effort to empathize, but unless you've gone through it....

Miracle, I'm sorry that your WH makes it worse for you. I prayer that some day, he, like all of the WS's will "get it".

{{{{{{{{Tribe}}}}}}}}}}


Posts: 1897 | Registered: Jan 2010
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 11:12 PM, April 24th (Saturday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

honest:

i am so sorry for all your pain...i am glad that at least some of it is coming out, even if its crying...it beats keeping it all inside for it to build up...

and i think somewhere in the middle is the perfect place for you to put your ws...it will buy you the time you need...

honest have you had a good cry...we need to grieve you know for what we lost..

i think this part is one of the hardest parts..like when someone loses someone to death..someone who was walking healthy, someone you had just spent time with...then you see that person in pictures...and it makes it just a bit harder...then you see that person in video...and it makes it seem so surreal..after all you see them, hear them...they seem so alive..and you have to snap back to reality that the person is dead...

i remembered when princess diana died, and they showed so much footage of her, it made it seem so surreal they were saying she was dead, but there she was walking, talking, smiling and laughing...its like how can she be dead when i see her...

well its the same for us, our ws's look like the people we thought they were, the things you liked or loved about them..they come out and then you are snapped back to reality...no this is not the person i thought this was...that person is dead, or for me that person was pure fiction...even though he stands before me..its just a copy of who i thought it was...i don't know if i am making sense..i think i am on a ramble again..better stop now...dip will scold me..


((((tribe))))

pretty quiet in here this weekend..i hope that means good stuff to hear about come monday....


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
booger bear
♀ Member
Member # 26584
Content  Posted: 3:11 AM, April 25th (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi everybody ...

just a quick update ... I am soooo glad ya'll are meeting IRL and having such fun ... wish I could get back up to NYC I loved it when we went on our honeymoon back in Aug. 01 ...

anyway here is my update ... I have been skimming the pages and I am so sorry a couple of you are struggling ...

I started a thread in F & G as a way to release my energy from a trigger I had today from another SI poster ... that thread is in D/S ... anyway go check out the thread's the one in D/S 1st will help the one in F&G make more sense ...

the one in F&G helped me this time with my trigger and it didn't seem to last as long ... like I did not wallow in the shitty feeling ect ... I felt like I let it go easier ...

anyway here is my update ...

well I watched the show with stbx in it ... and it was good ... natgeo did a great job on the show ... even tho they kinda just showed one side of the prison system perspective ...
and stbx was all over the show ... however only 1-2 scenes were with his face ... the rest were him dressed out in riot gear going in to get an unruly inmate ...

doesn't matter I knew who he was ...

and I did not trigger like I thought I would ... and I have it saved on my DVR ... and have only watched it once ... the night it aired ... thought I would be watching it everyday ... but I don't ...

so that is it ... things are still moving along ... the meadiation is set for May 13th ... I will appear by phone/fax ... last time I talked to stbx he asked if I would be coming to CO for the meadiation ??? and where I would be staying if I was ???

WTF ??? no I told him I will be by phone ...

no other news school is good and I am almost done with the first trimester ... 2nd one starts May 3rd ...

love and hugs to ya'll ...

***tribe***


I am fiercely independent and I won’t apologize for it. I'd rather be single than settled.

Posts: 18711 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Here, but not there ...
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 4:35 AM, April 25th (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

well it has been an amazing morning for me...honest and i met for some cawfee...and we so lost track of time...we never ran out of conversation..i did get to give her a couple of irl hugs..and we are both looking forward to next week with allgood...

Yay for meetings IRL! I tell ya, you are guaranteed to have a good time and you are guaranteed to never run out of conversation and you are guaranteed to end up saying “OMG, is that the time already??” I’m hoping the Britpack London g2g is still on for June.

but we didn't fight. That's a start isnt it?
Yes, hon, it is. It really is like picking yourself up and starting over again. You wonder what you do know about this man, this stranger. Conversation can be stilted, but given a chance, you will find that something is still there. Try to relax and try to enjoy each others company. For one evening, push the affair issues out of your mind. You can even say it consciously so that he can engage you a little more. And tell him that’s what he needs to so. That ol’ four letter word – t i m e.

nofun, well done on finding a suitable card. Good words. It is the most awful thing to be standing in a card shop with thousands of cards and you just can’t find the right one. I think most of us can relate to being on the edge of tears with it all. I don’t buy anniversary cards any more. That date is so over for me, I won’t celebrate it ever again. Ours is in Sept and FWH had better not think about planning anything for it (it’ll be 30yrs this year). Nope. That marriage finished when he hooked up with MOW in 2001. I’ll just leave it there, although there are plenty of people who do celebrate their anniversaries and I feel a bit sad that I can’t do the same.

And I need 4 more courses, not credits.
Go girl, go! And get yourself sorted for when WH comes back. Set out your principles, boundaries and requirements and stick to them absolutely. 180 all the way. He has changed the rules and that is not acceptable. He is using what is permitted in his country to justify what he is doing in your world. Nah-uh. Do go with it, don’t accept any of it, don’t listen to his persuasions. And strength to you to see you through what will probably be a very difficult time. (((((honest)))))

What if I hadn't noticed -- or taken the moment to put him back in?!
Oh m33! How do they do it? Little perishers! As you say, scary. Someone was sitting on your shoulder.

Just a quick update. I have moved on a step. Well, for me it’s a step. We had friends over for dinner. Yep. I managed a dinner party. Aawww, if you must know, it was a starter of basil and potato rosti topped with poached egg followed by Mediterranean crusted cod with ratatouille and finishing with a white chocolate and berry cheesecake with strawberry jus. And a lemon and basil sorbet as a palate cleanser.

I can’t believe it has taken me all this time – years – to take back what was MINE. She was just a copycat, a poor substitute. I don’t think cooking was her forte. Although I have an idea as to what was.

I will have a bit of a sad day to day, DS2 has his 24th birthday today. Because of the closed airports, I didn’t even get a card to him out there in New Zealand on time. But at least we have the internet, skype and mobiles. But I would love to see him – and the other two. It’s such a long way away.

[This message edited by UKgirl at 4:40 AM, April 25th (Sunday)]


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3327 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
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