Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
Find a Local Couselor
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: SoCalBoy (43217)

I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Long Term Affair X V I I
nofun
♀ Member
Member # 24546
Default  Posted: 6:31 AM, April 29th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

allgood - I was just thinking last night that I am going to go out and spend some MORE money on me! That sounds like a plan. I just have to find the time to get to the mall...I can't do online shopping. I end up sending everything back because it doesn't fit. Grrr...

Honest - I know the anxiety is from being uncertain. I think my only salvation is to not look ahead but to take ONE day at a time. The emotions are just so overwhelming at times.

I daydream about running away from it all. Starting over where nobody knows me. A new life!
But then reality draws me back in. Damn reality!

I hope you all have fun in the city today.


BS (me) 56
WH 61
M 36 yrs
OW - 55 - Howdy Doody Look Alike
3 Awesome Adult C
DD 6/7/09
LTA 12 years.
Confused: D or R???

Posts: 987 | Registered: Jun 2009
aminuts
Member
Member # 27112
Default  Posted: 7:17 AM, April 29th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My husband and I have been married for 20 years. He has been having an affair for the past 10 years and another one the past year and a half. Yes, 2 at one time. It has been a very long hard 10 years. I found out about their involvement in 2004. We went to counseling and thought we put it behind us. He never admitted to a PA with ow#1, only an EA. In 2007 I saw another email from her and that set us back to counseling again, and again he denied anything physical, just friends. In Nov 09 I found out he had not been where he said he was one evening and he admitted to being involved with someone else. Kissing, thats all. We went into counseling to try to work it out, again. In March he told me the person that he supposedly met in Nov was actually someone else and that it was going on for the past year and a half. OW#2. He continued in IC and we both went to MC. Last week I told him that we cant continue until he is completely honest about everything and that there is no more lies or secrets. On Sunday he told me that he has been involved with OW#1 since 2000 and ended it with her last month.He says he thought he was in love with her. That they would eventually be together but he could never leave me. He says he has learned so much in IC the past few months and now wants our marriage and does not want to be that man anymore. He is disgusted with what he has done and the pain he has caused me.

I just dont know what to believe. Can he really now see how wrong he has been and really want to be with me? Is it even possible after all the lies and secrets to make this marriage work? Is there hope?

Sorry this is long, I just really need some opinions. How do we start to fix this, is it even fixable?


Posts: 70 | Registered: Jan 2010
forgivenotforget
♀ Member
Member # 11053
Default  Posted: 9:10 AM, April 29th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just dont know what to believe. Can he really now see how wrong he has been and really want to be with me? Is it even possible after all the lies and secrets to make this marriage work? Is there hope?

First I'd like to welcome you to our very unique corner of SI. Trust me when I say that your story is like so many others here in the LTA forum. If you read through our profiles you will see that many of us have S's who have spent years and years of leading a double life and some have never been faithful. So in answer to your question, "Is there hope?" absolutely, as long as you have a remorseful spouse who is working hard in IC'ing, who is willing to tell the whole truth, who is making recognizable changes in his behavior and commitment to you, and who is willing to answer all your questions honestly and completely because he knows that TT is only going to make it more impossible to believe or trust him ever again.
Also, just the fact that you asked, "Is there hope?" shows that you are willing to give your M and your H another chance. This is also critical. Do you want to R knowing all that you now know? From your post, I sense you really do want to give your M another try.
Many of us have had our hearts broken to the max and yet we really want to work through this for a variety of reasons. Both parties must be very willing to do the hard work that it takes to overcome the damage of LTA's. This is no easy path. There will be many ups and downs along the way but hopefully, with your S's determination to be the H you deserve and with your willingness to give him another chance you will survive his betrayals.
(((((((((Aminuts))))))) Oh, and in answer to your username, no you are not nuts!
Miracle, Honest and Allgood, have a wonderful time today. I am so happy that not only will you have a beautiful day weather-wise but that the timing seems to be so perfect for you.
We'll all be anxious to hear all about your gtg.


D-day - 12/23/05 LTA - 8 years.
"Love's a matter of trust and I just want to believe in us." M McBride

Posts: 1901 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: A tunnel where I'm beginning to see the light
forgivenotforget
♀ Member
Member # 11053
Default  Posted: 9:20 AM, April 29th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I too wished FWH died. I still do. I hope this makes someone laugh but after Dday he went for a physical and his doctor told him his cholesteral was high and wanted to put him on meds. He won't take meds. I started feeding him bacon, and powered donuts every morning. Like that was going to do the trick!!!!

Nofun - This did make me laugh (I'm ashamed to admit ). I also wanted to let you know that you are not alone. I think a lot of us felt that way at one time during this process. The day after my H sat down with our 3 (adult) children to tell them what he had done to us he was so ashamed that he literally collasped on the kitchen floor. I was in the other room and heard the thump. I had to force myself to walk over to him and help him up and believe me it took me several minutes to get to him. That feeling did pass but I've never forgotten my initial reaction. It shocked me beyond belief. Just wanted you to know you're not alone.

[This message edited by forgivenotforget at 6:41 PM, April 29th (Thursday)]


D-day - 12/23/05 LTA - 8 years.
"Love's a matter of trust and I just want to believe in us." M McBride

Posts: 1901 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: A tunnel where I'm beginning to see the light
m334455
♀ Member
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 9:51 AM, April 29th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

aminuts --

I think that the fact that your WH has been seeing the IC and the MC and then confessed the truth to you rather than being outed speaks volumes. I know I had to get my WH's OW to rat him out because he just wasn't going to own up to it unless she ratted him out or I had pictures or video. Seriously.

Anyway -- take a deep breath. This takes time. Fortunately, you already have a MC and he has an IC. I would get yourself an IC too, you need direction.

I've treated the whole thing like I would treat the death of someone very close to me -- I simply made a decision not to decide anything for a year.

Dip -- you always have the best advice for me. My WH's mother is BPD and that alone explains about 90% of his behavior. (Not condones it, mind you.)

Ladies, have fun today! I hope it goes well :)

sigh. I still don't feel better about myself/the things I was writing about. Oh well, thanks for taking a stab at it everyone.


BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
m334455
♀ Member
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 10:52 AM, April 29th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Here's a question: what do other people think about your marriage -- what do they express to you about it?

Seems like most people think our life is just so perfect. If only they could see the picture in the attic ...

ETA -- I do think it has the capacity to come close to that shining ideal people seem to think it is. All it really requires is for my WH to invest himself.

[This message edited by m334455 at 11:34 AM, April 29th (Thursday)]


BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
hurtshirley
Member
Member # 16197
Default  Posted: 12:04 PM, April 29th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If only they could see the picture in the attic ...


My question is the marriage Dorian Grey or is it our spouses. My H reread that book after the final confession day and he said it scared the crap out of him how similar he felt. Like the double life would never affect him just the portrait in the attic.

FWIW, my H and I met in college. Many of our friends are friends from way back then. Very few know what he did all those years and who he really was. Our 25th wedding (ha!) anniversary is coming up and I am sure some of them will be surprised that there isn't a big celebration but it is not happening. We are going to recognize the day with our children as the day this odd "journey" started. They are the product of this "marriage" and they are priceless.

Aminuts - my H cheated our entire relationship and I never knew. He started with the ONS, hookups before we were married. Moved onto LTAs after we were married. There were two - not simultaneously but back to back.

After the initial confession (which, BTW, was years after these things ended), it took him 3 months of IC to tell me the whole truth. He said it was like vomiting a watermelon. I think it is a very good sign that he told you everything as painful as it may be. However, you have just gotten on the steepest, nastiest roller coaster you will ever ride. Believe me, YOU are going to need IC too. But, we can help you here too.


"Forgiveness is the grace by which you enable the other person to get up, and get up with dignity, to begin anew" Desmond Tutu

Posts: 2170 | Registered: Sep 2007
old dipstick
♂ Member
Member # 25598
Default  Posted: 12:23 PM, April 29th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

m3.

Thank you. Are these feelings in some way related to a little depression? I know you spoke of this before. You have been through so much. I know how hard things were on me. I can't imagine trying to handle all this and being pregnant. ( I can't imagine being pg? Now that is a brilliant statement. ) I have always been impressed with the way you look at things in such a logical way. These emotions get in the way. You are not all those negative things. You are smart, successful, a good mother, and I bet you are plenty thin! I'm sure that if you were single there would be several good men willing to court you.

What do other people think about our marriage? I would say that most feel sorry for my W!

aminuts.

No you are not nuts! A few here are a bit nutty. It seems to help some of them. They are nutty in a sane sort of way though.

Welcome to the LTA house. You can see by the responses you have recieved that there are some very wise and helpful people here. Stay and visit for awhile.

hurtshirley.

Why do women need to blame a imaginary "nickceleggs" for all that is wrong? Isn't that what us men are for? When I get done with this post I am heading for the F-bomb shelter.

fnf & nofun (Allfun?)

I understand the feeling about wanting your WSs dead. I do not think I ever wished that on my W though. Feeding him Bacon and doughnuts every morning! I had to laugh at that one! At least you did not add poison. Did you?

BTW fnf. Boink was a good word to substitute for the F word, but do not censure yourself account of being afraid of offending me! I am almost un-offenable.

Hugs to the tribe.


Her WW 60
Me BH 60
M 36 yr
D-day#1 fall of 76 OM#1 2NS
D-day#2 summer of 89 OM#2 LTA 8 yrs OM#3 Short Term A


Posts: 751 | Registered: Sep 2009
aminuts
Member
Member # 27112
Default  Posted: 12:53 PM, April 29th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you all for the welcome and support. Your responses have me feeling a little bit more positive this morning. Its has been a hell of a couple of days!

On Tuesday I called our MC for an emergency session, just me. I needed some guidance. She too recommened seeing an IC myself and gave me some referrals. In the mean time I will see her alone again next week.

My husband is very truly remorseful. He can barely function and is sobbing more that not. His IC just recommended anxiety meds so hopefully that will help him.

Granted its taken him since Nov to come out completely with everything I finally do feel everything is out. He even just called to tell me one more thing, very insignificant detail, but he did want to let me know. I see the despair and pain in his eyes and I hope that maybe this is a good sign.

I'm still freaking mad as hell! All the lies and secrets are just too much sometimes. I've managed to go a few hour holding it together but I'm certain its only a matter of time before I'm that desperate crying shaking mess of a woman that I have been the past few days, and weeks, no months!

I've got my seat belt buckled, I suppose I'm ready for the rollercoaster. ( I do hope there are no loops though, I really hate being upside down)


Posts: 70 | Registered: Jan 2010
trynhard
♂ Member
Member # 22698
Default  Posted: 1:01 PM, April 29th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nofun…
Why can't I get in your mind set?
because your mind has not processed it just yet… I credit my best friend for helping me. I bet, he and I talked over 100 times… he kept saying… Nobody will blame you if you leave, but if you are going to stay, you need to let it go. So I’m passing along what was told to me. Nofun.. you don’t need more information. What do you want to hear? Yes honey, I F’d her.. yes it was fun… I told her I loved her… I loved to feel her body… wet lips…. We enjoyed making the plans… the excitement of planning the meeting… on and on and on and on… Let me tell you, all that stuff happened. Let me tell you something else, he thought, planned, wanted to Divorce you too. Every cheater has those thoughts. My W was going to D me once my kids graduated HS… meanwhile, we slowly were making each other miserable during her A. Yes, I kept saying what is wrong? only to be told nothing. She even said she was waiting for me to yell at her… hit her.. find me having an A… ready to pounce on anything and leave me. However, I was a good man, always have been, a good father and really a good H. See, her A was never about me… but it woke her up…
You are near a year out. If he has given you an apology, been transparent, told you he loves you, wants to be married to you, you now owe it to him to start to change a be a good spouse too.. If you don’t make the decision to move forward, YOU are going to stay unhappy. All the blame will now fall on you. If you don’t make the decision to love him, you need to leave him. It is your choice to be loving, or not. Nobody wants to be married with someone that is unhappy… unloving… sad… miserable… You cannot change the past but you do have control of what you do moving forward… And if your H is treating you poorly.. You don’t have to take it.. You control if you want to stay or not.
Just try it my way for 30 days… start with this.. I give my H a pardon. Go rent that movie Fireproof and watch it with your H… Have you seen that movie? It’s about a firefighter… I guarantee you will not regret that… Afterwards..tell him about trying to awake the marriage… open up with him and don’t be afraid to describe what you feel… and asked him to do the same… let not fear sharing feelings… Do everything desirable for each other…
You give a second chance, show him desirables… And you know what, if your H may still cheats on you… If that happens.. you are going to call Allgood, file D, place an ad on Match.com and a good man will fall in your lap…
Last night, my wife and I had a little chuckle. The Dr. Phil show had something if your ring finger is longer than your index finger, you have a 30% higher chance to cheat. My ring finger is about a quarter inch longer then my index finger… so I fall in that statistic.. My W’s finger is about one half inch longer… way longer than mine.. I said… no wonder… we both laughed, had a glass of wine and she rocked my world… I never dreamed I could chuckle about that.. weird huh?

Posts: 2636 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Indiana
hurtshirley
Member
Member # 16197
Default  Posted: 1:02 PM, April 29th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Why do women need to blame a imaginary "nickceleggs" for all that is wrong?

<snork>

OMG, you owe me a new keyboard! Just spit water all over mine!

He even just called to tell me one more thing, very insignificant detail, but he did want to let me know.

This is a very positive sign and, BTW, could go on for some time. I will never forget the feeling in my stomach when my H would come into the room and say "can I talk to you for a minute". At that moment, I always knew that he had remembered something else. Mostly insignificant,sometimes not, and always painful. But each piece of information allowed me to look around and pick up another piece of the puzzle and put it into place.

I've managed to go a few hour holding it together but I'm certain its only a matter of time before I'm that desperate crying shaking mess of a woman that I have been the past few days, and weeks, no months!

Hon, it literally took me more than 18 months to get to where I wasn't a triggery sobbing mess. Not every day for that long but random unpredictable outburst. Wait til you hit the anger stage. You are not even going to BELIEVE some of the words that come out of your mouth!

Oh, and yes, this roller coaster goes upside down, sideways and every other way you can think. Just hold on, breathe and take on step at a time.


"Forgiveness is the grace by which you enable the other person to get up, and get up with dignity, to begin anew" Desmond Tutu

Posts: 2170 | Registered: Sep 2007
trynhard
♂ Member
Member # 22698
Default  Posted: 1:08 PM, April 29th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

aminuts.. I am glad you post on this board.. Just feel what you feel right now... Yes, cry when you need too... Find a "friend of the marriage" that you can talk to... yes, stay in IC.

I'm all in favor of AD's...


Posts: 2636 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Indiana
atsenaotie
♂ Member
Member # 27650
Default  Posted: 2:55 PM, April 29th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

At that moment, I always knew that he had remembered something else

Hell, I would just be happy if she tells me the stuff she remembers now.


LTA BS 53
FWW 60
M 1990, dday 10-5-09
Reconciled

Posts: 3967 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
honesttoafault
♀ Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 5:15 PM, April 29th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just a quick update until later.
Allgood, Miracle, and I had a wonderful time at our g2g.
We all talked as if we knew each other for years!!

It's so good to meet people in RL that have given so much wisdom, advice , and support that has helped me survive this nightmare.

We all know that Allgood and Miracle are beautiful people from thier posts here, and they are just as beautiful in RL.
I am blessed to have this wonderful support group (and group counseling lol) here and now to have met some "angels" in RL

{{{{{Tribe}}}}}}


Posts: 1903 | Registered: Jan 2010
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 6:58 PM, April 29th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

i have some catchin up to do with all the reading from the last 2 days since most of you know my head has not been here...well i am just about back to normal....

first off i would like to welcome aminuts and atsenaotie
to our corner of si...and of course so sorry to find you here...going through this affair crap is hard enough, learning that its a lta makes it that much harder...so many facets to something that never should have been....so anyways welcome...and atsenaotie you are not alone in your maleness here, as of lately we have 2 amazing men who post here quite often...


our g2g this afternoon was great, and once again time just disappeared....i brought in a box of tissues..and we didn't use a single one...no tears...some choice words here and there and then there again.. ...and we even laughed...allgood has quite the sense of humor...she had both honest and myself laughing...and thankfully we laughed without spitting.. ...we didn't take pictures though..sorry, maybe next time we might and be able to do something by pm....anyways it was really cool meeting allgood and meeting up with honest again...will def do again...i cannot believe how close the three of us live to one another...


o.k. i have rambled enough for now...time to go back and read all that i tried to read the last couple of days but could not retain...

and thanks again for all my angels here on the lta board for reaching out to me once again and for all those hugs...


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
hurtshirley
Member
Member # 16197
Default  Posted: 7:10 PM, April 29th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

we didn't take pictures though..sorry, maybe next time we might

Sounds like you had so much fun!!! Just an FYI, I am about 4 hours driving from the city. If you give me some warning, maybe I could get there.? But, pictures are tough. One of the best things about this site is it's anonimity - I get skeeeered that someone who doesn't know my/our story would recognize me.

[This message edited by hurtshirley at 7:11 PM, April 29th (Thursday)]


"Forgiveness is the grace by which you enable the other person to get up, and get up with dignity, to begin anew" Desmond Tutu

Posts: 2170 | Registered: Sep 2007
nofun
♀ Member
Member # 24546
Default  Posted: 7:32 PM, April 29th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

aminuts - my H also had a LTA for 12 years. I think is huge that your H is talking and telling. I wish mine did that. I don't have any great wisdom but just wanted to say welcome.

tryn - we are going to our beach house this weekend. I am going to rent that movie. I have to tell you that I was doing so well in R before this last TT. Don't get me wrong. I was riding that roller coaster but I could feel progress. TT put me over the edge and sent me right back to the very beginning.
How long before you decided that you were going to "let it go?" Did you feel like I am feeling? I seriously don't think I could ever forgive him, even pardon is tough for me.
I saw Dr. Phil too. My husband's ring finger is longer than his index, mine isn't. He didn't think it was that funny. I did, I was giggling. I use humor to get me through the tough times though. It's good that you can both chuckle about it. It shows that you both are going to be just fine.

forgive - I can't even repeat the other thoughts that go through my mind. I feel bad after I think them. My friend told me "be careful what you wish for".
Dip - I didn't add the poison!!

me334455 - People always tell us they wish they had a relationship like ours, that we are a "perfect" couple. If they only knew. And the people that do know, I wonder what they think now? It's so embarassing and so hurtful. The crazy thing is, I thought we had a pretty good relationship too. I was proud of what i thought we had. I knew it wasn't perfect but it was so shocking when I learned about the A. I think I still am shocked. But I know now that for almost half my marriage, it was a big fat lie. So sad!

Honest - I knew you would have fun today. I can't wait to hear all about it. Did you go into the city? Little italy maybe?


BS (me) 56
WH 61
M 36 yrs
OW - 55 - Howdy Doody Look Alike
3 Awesome Adult C
DD 6/7/09
LTA 12 years.
Confused: D or R???

Posts: 987 | Registered: Jun 2009
nofun
♀ Member
Member # 24546
Default  Posted: 7:37 PM, April 29th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm only 5 hours driving time from you guys and my daughter lives near you so with enough notice, I'd love to meet up.

Hugs to everyone...


BS (me) 56
WH 61
M 36 yrs
OW - 55 - Howdy Doody Look Alike
3 Awesome Adult C
DD 6/7/09
LTA 12 years.
Confused: D or R???

Posts: 987 | Registered: Jun 2009
trynhard
♂ Member
Member # 22698
Default  Posted: 8:05 PM, April 29th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey M3…
what do other people think about your marriage -- what do they express to you about it?

I think most folks know about my W’s infidelity. Only a couple friends even bring it up these days.. They ask how I am doing. I tell them. Since everyone knows, I got an occasional.. “I could never do what you are doing” But at 20 months out now, most of our friends just don’t bring it up.

Hey you angles… You ladies think Dip would have gotten a word in? Thanks for sending me the pic…

Like hurtshirley… it took me at least 16-18 months to quit triggering with hurt feelings… I still think about it… obviously.


Aminuts.. My anger hit a high at the 7-8 month mark…

Atsenaotie… welcome


I understand the feeling about wanting your WSs dead… yep… I also wanted om dead…

Nofun.. I had many so many set-backs.. expect them.. you start over again.. And if he cannot take them, it’s just not meant to be.. I think you are going to do fine… When I started feeling these moods come on…my outlet was to call my mom.. I never told her about my W’s A… but I can talk about her day.. Politics.. Family updates… It would always bring a smile on my face.. If she wasn’t around, I’d call my Dad.. my brother, my best friend…. Come here and post… It is amazing how the next hour, you’re fine! Have fun this weekend.

[This message edited by trynhard at 8:18 PM, April 29th (Thursday)]


Posts: 2636 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Indiana
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 8:13 PM, April 29th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

tryn:

i just read this:

Take a ride in the car with all the windows down...

and started to laugh and i immediately thought, am i a dog.. ....

booger: did you do anything with that any of that "stuff" yet?...


twokids: welcome to you too to our little corner of si, i just read your post and:

Today I asked him if he knew why he went back to her in Jan. His response was that it was the 'great sex

first: affairs are never about the sex.....its about control, its about low self-esteem, its about no boundaries, its about a need for validation...it could be about alot of things...it is never about the sex..the sex comes along as a bonus of sorts...think of it this way, the minute he had it in his head that he was going to have sex with this person is the minute he became a cheater...he had no clue if the sex would be good or not...

the bottom line is he went back to her because he could...he has had multiple ow...he was not loyal to anyone...he simply went back to her because he could and she was probably easy...no work to get what he wanted...

he needs to be in ic, he needs to get to the bottom of his issues or you will never feel safe nor will you ever trust him....


dip:

wish one of us could crash their "hen party."

so now we are chicks...hey...or is it chickens?..

booger:

i read this this :

however we are all not so blessed with a truly remorseful WS ...

honestly i laughed...because my ws is remorseful, just not remorseful enough to man up and be totally honest with himself or me...

remorse is not enough!!!

lostsoul: i am so so sorry for all your pain that you still have...with all that has happened that you both have had to deal with it almost a wonder that you are still functioning....but now that it has past can you can back on track...will he get back on track...


ukgirl: enjoy your parents this weekend...

nofun:

I too wished FWH died. I still do. I hope this makes someone laugh but after Dday he went for a physical and his doctor told him his cholesteral was high and wanted to put him on meds. He won't take meds. I started feeding him bacon, and powered donuts every morning. Like that was going to do the trick!!!!

this positively made me laugh the first time i read and again now...

OK tribe, why can't I keep my mouth shut?

thats easy, you want answers, you want to hurt him, you want him to wake up and smell the coffee, you want _________...fill in the blank...

it really is so damned difficult for us when they have all the pieces to the puzzle of our lives and we are stuck looking a puzzle that is incomplete which means there are holes in our lives...and they have the power to fix those holes and they choose not to for whatever reasons, whether it be fear or incapablabilities to be honest...

So now he's shut down again!

fear is paralyzing..


m3:

it so good to hear from you

I'm no good at sex, he doesn't *really* love me, I'm second-best, I can't every trust him again, he's just staying for the kids and the stuff, etc. etc.

o.k. now, your baby is only 6 weeks old, you are not supposed to be thinkin about sex much less doin it....then..you are so not second best....please remember she is so not any better then you....i don't care if your fat, bald and ugly...his cheating has nothing to do with you and everything to do with what he is deficient in...his issues, his incapabilities, his coping skills...it is all on him....

he is smart in choosing to remain in your marriage, he is choosing love, he is choosing you....

he still has choices to make to make your "r" all that it should be, but again that is all on him...whatever issues you had in the marriage prior to his choice of stepping out are on hold til he "fixes" what is broken within him and you feel safe and you are not just in "r" but are reconciled and are now in a marriage...and once in that marriage, you now work on the marriage and all that goes with it....

as far as advice of sex after infidelity...never happened for me...that was a privilege pfm has lost..along with a few others..

aminuts:

you have gotten some good words of advice and wisdom...


and from your post i can tell that you have a good sense of humor, and that helps so much...it helps bring in the joy on days where you cannot find any...


hs and nofun: i would love to do anothe g2g including both of you, i think that would be way totally awesome...give me dates...and fnf is doing some work on her house and is planning on coming in or up or down for one as soon as its done...so we could have a really big one...

alas we were a bit on the boring side for our g2g...we met at a diner...i picked it...i figured they have everything and more importantly they usually don't care how long you sit...and they don't bother you...well we sat for a while, they didn't bother us and we actually had to look for someone to give us a check...
..for a quick second i thought well maybe it was on the house..that we sat for so long we became part of the place.....

tryn: you little devil...you snuck on over and got a picture of us...

(((((tribe)))))


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
Topic Posts: 1000
Pages: 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11 · 12 · 13 · 14 · 15 · 16 · 17 · 18 · 19 · 20 · 21 · 22 · 23 · 24 · 25 · 26 · 27 · 28 · 29 · 30 · 31 · 32 · 33 · 34 · 35 · 36 · 37 · 38 · 39 · 40 · 41 · 42 · 43 · 44 · 45 · 46 · 47 · 48 · 49 · 50

Return to Forum: I Can Relate This Topic is Full
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.