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So, yesterday I go to school to take my DD9 out for a special dad-daughter lunch... and she asks me to guess who she saw when she was with Mom the other day. OM! The kids don't know about the A as we don't want to hurt their relationship with Mom.

As far as I knew, xWW was not in contact with OM any more. I called her last night to find out what the fuck she was doing. She said it was coincidence, OM was leaving a movie theater as they were arriving, but she admitted that she'd talked to him a couple times recently. I'm not so sure it was coincidence. Now, I can't control what my xWW does with her life, but I'll be damned if I'm gonna let my kids have a fucking relationship with OM under the guise that he did nothing to break up our family.

DD was all happy, because she knows I know OM and she just likes to play guessing games. xWW told me that it was a quick meeting and people exchanged a few hugs. WTF! I can't stand the thought that OM hugged my DD! I am rarely angry, but I'm level 11 right now!

I spent my whole marriage not knowing my W was cheating on me. What I don't know won't hurt me, right? So what my daughters don't know won't hurt them either, I guess she's thinking. No fucking way. If he's in their life, in any way, they will know what happened so they can make their own decision about this asshole... without being deceived in the process.

Talk about a fucking trigger. And I thought I was doing so well!

((tryinhard999)) I am so sorry you still have to deal with that kind of crap.

I have no words of wisdom for you, just wanted you to know you are understood. Take some breathes, stress isn't good for the body.

I know that you hate OM being around your kids, but you're divorced now. You can't control what your XW does and who she sees.

The sooner you detach from her, the better off you'll be. Not to say you shouldn't be angry, but it isnt productive.

And if my kids will be around this man, then I want them to know the truth about him.

I have my thoughts about this. But I don't want to act in anger. I was hoping to get some thoughts from others.

Its a really tough balancing act with kids. What should they know that will not be so damaging to them. My XH put my kids totally in the middle in our D. He would lie about everything and make it look like he was the victim, the kids pretty much became his parent. They were 16 and 17 at that time.

I understand your anger completely. You have to think about what is beneficial for your kids. Since you are D then unfortunately she can do what she wants. You have to figure out how to keep your kids safe both physically and mentally.

I am a believer in researching this kind of thing, I am sure there are internet articles and books out there on how best to deal with this kind of situation.

Sorry I can't be of more help, I don't think there are any easy answers to this one.

My WW did all the damage for herself and the OM early on when she "decideded" to tell 11 and 13 year olds about what she was doing thinking it was ok and they would accept it. They didn't and estranged herself from their lives. Be careful, knowledge of this kind will change anyone, especially children. Mine lost innocents that will never come back. Sometimes it's best to take the high road and feel the pain for your children as long as you can, in time it'll come out but don't be the cause of it if not necessary. My 2 cents.

I probably won't tell them, but...

My parents divorced when I was in my 20's. My mother told me that she had been unhappy in the marriage for many years, but stayed for the kids.

Now, every childhood memory that used to be a good memory... well, I'm not sure any more because I wonder what my mother was thinking at the time. I feel betrayed by my mother for pretending that everything was OK when it wasn't.

She kept it together until you were raised, unlike my ww. Shouldn't change your memories. Communication was probabally flawed in that relationship too. Be real for your children and let them know by words and actions that your always there for them and will fight for their side.

Update. I spent some time over the weekend understanding my anger. It appears that my xWW went to OM to ask for his forgiveness. This made me angry because I got no remorse and almost nothing for an apology. Does that mean that apologizing to OM is more important than apologizing to me? It would appear. That's what made me angry. It was amazing how the anger went from level 11 to level 3 after I realized the reason for my anger.

Thanks for your responses, all!

She is your ex, to hell with her. You will care less about OM when you have a new lady in your life, it will be your ex's turn to feel the hurt.

Tryinhard999, She is asking OM for forgiveness? I can't understand that at all. You are better off without her in your life. There will come a time when you will see your ww for who she really is. I saw mine. It is a very ugly realization