I totally get it !!!!!
Read my story - this all sucks
I know I will never get over it
My fwh also was in the military and boy can they keep a secret. Mine kept his for 7 years. He confessed in MC. Even the MC couldn't and still doesn't understand why after all this time he confessed. I had moved out and had no intentions of ever going back. WHen he confessed he had real tears and seemed to be hurting. You know he was HUMAN not a freaking military 4.0 prick.
I have to think that the memories I have are real. I don't know about his. The things that happened after his A and before I found out. Well that is a different story. Taht secret was there between us and yes I also was crzy, too much time on my hands, and watched to much lietime movies. He calls it the manhater channel. Guess what I wasn't crazy and neither were you. If you have gut feelings something is going on now. Do what you can to find out if you are right. I know if I feel that way again I will not accept his answers. I have to find the proof one way or another.
I lik how you put he had sex by himself. In many ways I feel that is worse than with another person. Maybe sex is different for men than women but I like sharing that part of my life as much as other aspects. Mine also had that problem. I have drawn the line in the sand- NO Porn and NO TYPE OF A.
BTW it sounds like your H is getting into an EA. Stop that in its tracks.. Tell him no outside contact with the joker and no alone contact at work. I guess I would also be uncomfortavble with that. No I would be downright pissed at him for being so stupid. Sorry- that's just me if it was my H>
Healing myself is now my top priority.
Even our MC said my H was a good man. She said he just did something really stupid. I don't know about you but it's almost harder to comprehend how tthey betrayed their own values and morals and lived with it.
Doesn't it seem weird that tfor whatever reason they had A but never again?
I found out in February that my WH had an affair 32yrs ago with my then BF.
All these years they have hidden their secret and I can't understand how they were able to sleep at night
My WH has always told me that there has never been anyone since we married - what a lying croc he was.
I just feel now that all our memories have been blown apart
It makes me angry now when I think back over the years and note how he didn't like me going places without him. All the while he kept their dirty little secret
I also get a lot of I don't remembers. Part of it is him not trying to upset me, part of it is him not wanting to feel guilty/think about it, but part of it is that he truly doesn't remember/doesn't want to remember.
I actually consider myself lucky that although I suspected it at the time (he kept saying they were just friends, that she was married, and that she was leaving, as though any of those precluded an A), I never found evidence in black and white. I know she has moved and they no longer are in contact, since he showed me a text from her recently where she indicated she has found happiness without him. He never replied. I know I would have been beside myself if she were still around, always wondering if it were really over.
Me BS 41
Him WS 46
1S 8, 1D 6
Married 11 years
together 19 years
D day 8/8/13
My fwh also was in the military and boy can they keep a secret.
Tell me about it! I found out almost 6 years after the last A, but the A's lasted for 5 years. So 11 years of my life (our entire M) he was lying to me. He was military, cheated with 16 prostitutes when deployed at various times in Thailand.
The last A was right after he got out, with a slutty girl he worked with. She had also just gotten out of the AF, although her H was still active duty.
Finding out so late really makes you question your entire relationship.
One should rather die than be betrayed. There is no deceit in death. It delivers precisely what it has promised. Betrayal, though ... betrayal is the willful slaughter of hope. ~Steven Deitz
Another thing that I find very difficult is for month following the 2nd dday fwh would say....don't you see how I have changed? Yes, he stopped drinking and hanging out with people that would influence him, but he was always caring, loving, supportive, respectful. So I thought. I would have never believed if someone had told me he did what he did.
I am being nosey. Was he in the Navy? Mine was. I also know statiscally Navy has the had the highest D rate amongst all the branches. Lifestyle I think. The deploy and go over seas on ship and do port calls. If you never been you can't believe the women waiting for them. Many want an American husband so they can leave where they are. My H had a Spanish stalker. She even did the I'm pregnant. He did the I'll take care of the baby but I am not marrying you. Guess what-nobaby. This happened befor I met him, but she was still stalking him.
You're right. What he did took courage and you should be proud of him.
Don't you still want to wring his neck for being so stupid? I hope you can get past the pain and have a better M. We will not have the M we wanted- our H cheated and that is always somethingwe will know. I do feel it can be better because they also want it to be and now we have something we didn't for years. All the pieces and answers to our instincts. We if we want can have a M both us and or WS's want.
How far out are you?
So I messages her back pretending to be fwh saying I can't believe you remember me and such. She responded back minutes later saying how could I forget my special friend and I wink smile.
At that point I knew. So I asked him one more time. And he confessed.
He started IC right after that and has been going ever since. I sent her a final message because I didn't want her to think he gave her the time of day. And we never heard from her since, he also told our daughter to delete his Facebook.
He was in the navy.
That dday and affair hurts the most because it was done while he was home, right under my nose, so to speak.
She was a big time partier, single mom, and she did everything she could at work, outside of work to get him. Makes me want to vomit.
Yes, he was in the navy. We were young when we married and he had a lot of growing up to do. He drank a lot and I didn't so be spent a lot of time with friends drinking without me and that is how that A started.
All but one of my fwh infidelities happened while he was on military deployments and 3 of them happened before we got married and he was stationed and I didn't see him until we got married 15 months later.
Believe it or not I could understand all 3. They happened within a 15 month period. He said most of his off time he was drunk. Thank God he didn't get one of them pregnant. It was a pretty secluded base far from anything so all they did was party.
Came home got married and we moved to his next duty station. He continued to drink heavy with his friends and I would stay home or be working.
This A is the hardest because I was there, what he has told me I think how did I miss the warning signs or was I just so young and in love??
Looking back I do see some signs. We did get separated at 2 years married, he came to me and said it is not that I don't love you, I just don't want to be married. I never thought it was another woman, he says it wasn't because of her it was the party life style and she was just a small part of it. Maybe it was him trying to do the right thing. Don't know.
We got back together after 3 months and things couldn't have been better, so to find out that 5 months after we got back together he went on a 21 day deployment, she was there working as well and they had sex.
I bring that up most often. How could he try so darn hard to get me back to just do it again?
That is where I must have been so stupid comes from for me!! And the hurt part. He couldn't last 21 days.