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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Betrayed Men - Part 5
romanticidiot
♂ Member
Member # 28655
Default  Posted: 4:42 PM, August 10th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey guys, I'm really glad I found this thread. Glad to know I'm not the only one.

[This message edited by romanticidiot at 8:32 PM, August 10th (Tuesday)]


"When you're going through Hell, keep going." -Churchill

Posts: 720 | Registered: May 2010
zombieman
♂ Member
Member # 28996
Default  Posted: 6:37 PM, August 10th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Any one ever think about old girl friends since all this shit hit?

Yeah, for sure. My last long term relationship, I ended it because I thought the grass was greener. She didnt want me to leave. She is married and has a kid now, have thought more about her in the last two months than the last 6 years. We spent the better part of our 20s together. Well I guess she is happy, maybe this is karma kicking my ass.


Posts: 88 | Registered: Jul 2010
thyme2go
♂ Member
Member # 12908
Default  Posted: 6:44 PM, August 10th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

have thought more about her in the last two months than the last 6 years. We spent the better part of our 20s together.

So what. Stay far, far away from her lest your want to become an OM.

@ri - there is no Someday... what is keeping you put?


-t2g


BH - no longer 48
3 DD's - (27, 24 and 17)
Divorced on 8/6/09

Posts: 9145 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: Eastern Washington
zombieman
♂ Member
Member # 28996
Default  Posted: 6:50 PM, August 10th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Trust me I will stay far far away from her that door closed a long time ago! it's just a what if situation. What if I hadn't been a selfish prick.

Posts: 88 | Registered: Jul 2010
Lotsa
♂ Member
Member # 28078
Default  Posted: 7:08 PM, August 10th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A lot of new guys up top. It got me wondering about this time of year. It was mid July that she made the decision to move in with him.

My WS first had sex with OM in late June... I'd like to think it is all a matter of coincidence, but maybe there are greater forces at play here

Any one ever think about old girl friends since all this shit hit?

Yep. Not a lot of regret per se, but certainly have questioned choices that I made long ago...


Posts: 880 | Registered: Mar 2010
SadStorey
♂ New Member
Member # 26701
Default  Posted: 7:51 PM, August 10th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A lot of new guys up top. It got me wondering about this time of year. It was mid July that she made the decision to move in with him.

She began her affair in June, we married in July, found out in August (bday = dday)

Any one ever think about old girl friends since all this shit hit?

Only to analize why I WAS attracted to those types of women.

Thank God I've learned from that now. Never again will I ignore the signs....and yes we all married the same woman.


Me-BS 28
Her-WS 24
Dated 3 years, then engaged a year.
Married 7/18/09
Dday(my bday also) 8/27/09
Divorced 12/14/09
Began affair prior too and during the marriage.
No kids...just my Doghter

Posts: 26 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Michigan
deeppurple
♂ Member
Member # 28757
Default  Posted: 9:03 PM, August 10th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Found myself also thinking about old girlfriends - in the reality slapped me in face - the thought of another relationship & more pain no thanks - im done & dusted.


Me - BS 49
Her - WS 43
Married 16 yrs (together 17 yrs)
DD13 DS10 DS8 DS6
DDay 1 6.4.2010 dday 2 7.25.2010
Heading for divorce.
"Never look down on someone unless you are helping them up"

Posts: 522 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Where the sun is shining & the surf is pumping
jasper
♂ Member
Member # 28168
Default  Posted: 9:22 PM, August 10th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My advice is to leave the old girlfriends in the past. I've done a lot of thinking about that lately (especially with facebook, etc) and I'm realizing there has been a pattern of crazy, for me. No prior infidelity (that I know of) but tons of crazy.

Also, TBH, I reconnected with an old sort-of-girlfriend recently, who is also divorced. It turns out I opened a door I should have left closed. No drama, just stress I don't need right now.

Gentlemen, we should all be looking forward, not into the past. I've realized I'm attracted to crazy. Don't want to make the same mistakes again.


Posts: 696 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: New York
SourCherryDrops
♂ Member
Member # 25883
Default  Posted: 4:01 AM, August 11th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree, its when you look over your shoulder that the beast chasing you grabs you and rips you to shreds....

Much better to stay focused on the road ahead, our futures. Dont forget what has happened, but dont dwell on it either.

I assume that at some point in my future i will meet a woman and consider marrying her, but i shall do a lot more homework first the next time. I shall look at previous relationships, i shall look closely at her parents, I will try and identify personality traits and patterns of behaviour, i shall pay more attention to hobbies and pastimes that compliment mine, I shall try and figure out if she has a similar natural libido to me. And last but not least i will not rush into it, Id like to make sure the honneymoon period is over before i make any decisions, make sure im not seeing things through rose coloured glasses.

Well at least thats the plan at the moment.... who knows what will really happen if i meet a lady that rocks my world ill likely make all the same darn mistakes again.


Me BS 37, Her STBX 34, 1*ONS, 1*EA 1*PA/EA, 2*PA
Heading for D after 9 mths of R

Posts: 1468 | Registered: Oct 2009 | From: Europe
Razor
♂ Member
Member # 16345
Default  Posted: 9:51 AM, August 11th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

At my age. If me and WW D. I am completely done with the fairer sex. I will probably just get on my motorcycle and become a tumbleweed.


Forgive and forget = Relive and regret.


Posts: 3088 | Registered: Sep 2007
Razor
♂ Member
Member # 16345
Default  Posted: 9:58 AM, August 11th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ok. Just for fun.

IF you and you WW were to D. AND if kids were not in the picture.

What thing would you do?

I am asking about some thing that you allways wanted to do. But either put on hold or just did not do because you were M.

Me? I would jump on me bike and hit the road. May be stay there for years. Living only in cheap motels and eating at local diners. May be go to Australia and do the same. May be go home to Europe and do the same.

You?


Forgive and forget = Relive and regret.


Posts: 3088 | Registered: Sep 2007
64fleet
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Member # 18710
Default  Posted: 10:27 AM, August 11th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

IF you and you WW were to D. AND if kids were not in the picture

I'd go to Cairo where my Dad lives, spend some time w/him, he's 72 now.

I'd be done w/women, save for the occasional urge I could fulfill w/a small amount of cash when needed.


time wounds all heels

Posts: 5360 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: deliverance land
romanticidiot
♂ Member
Member # 28655
Default  Posted: 11:51 AM, August 11th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

IF you and you WW were to D. AND if kids were not in the picture.

What thing would you do?

Good question. That might be my situation.

I'd grab a guitar and hop the midnight train to nowhere, see how far I could get.

Did it when I was 22 and got all the way around the world...


"When you're going through Hell, keep going." -Churchill

Posts: 720 | Registered: May 2010
zombieman
♂ Member
Member # 28996
Default  Posted: 3:50 PM, August 11th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

IF you and you WW were to D. AND if kids were not in the picture.

I'd take my money from the sale of the house and grab the next flight to Europe and good times would be had


Posts: 88 | Registered: Jul 2010
jasper
♂ Member
Member # 28168
Default  Posted: 4:11 PM, August 11th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

IF you and you WW were to D. AND if kids were not in the picture.

What thing would you do?


I'd wander. I like romanticidiot's idea about hopping a train to nowhere. Take some time off and travel, on the cheap. I never got a chance to really wander the world when I was younger, and WW is fairly high-maintenance when it comes to traveling.

Also, I have an opportunity at work to take a position in pretty much any other country, as long as I agree to stay for at least 2 years. Obviously, that won't work because I'm not living in a separate country from my DD. But if we were childless, I might take that opportunity. Maybe in the Rio office. Maybe Mumbai.

I feel guilty even thinking about what I would do if I wasn't a dad!


Posts: 696 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: New York
Razor
♂ Member
Member # 16345
Default  Posted: 5:37 PM, August 11th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I feel guilty even thinking about what I would do if I wasn't a dad!

Actually I intended to mean that your kids were all grown up and on their own.

Interesting that wandering seems to be a common theme.


Forgive and forget = Relive and regret.


Posts: 3088 | Registered: Sep 2007
deeppurple
♂ Member
Member # 28757
Default  Posted: 6:37 PM, August 11th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Backpack around Africa & seek out the best waves in the world.


Me - BS 49
Her - WS 43
Married 16 yrs (together 17 yrs)
DD13 DS10 DS8 DS6
DDay 1 6.4.2010 dday 2 7.25.2010
Heading for divorce.
"Never look down on someone unless you are helping them up"

Posts: 522 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Where the sun is shining & the surf is pumping
romanticidiot
♂ Member
Member # 28655
Default  Posted: 7:07 AM, August 12th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wandering only makes sense. If I were to stick around the neighborhood, it would probably drive me nuts thinking about the good times, thinking about the A -- too many ghosts.


"When you're going through Hell, keep going." -Churchill

Posts: 720 | Registered: May 2010
jasper
♂ Member
Member # 28168
Default  Posted: 7:38 AM, August 12th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What really sucks is that I'm ok with my marriage ending. Unfortunately, WW and I didn't acknowledge our unhappiness, and then she went and fucked it all up by having the A.

If she just could have kept it in her pants and been honest about how she was feeling, we could have separated and stayed friendly.

Instead, she created chaos by having an A with a friend, destroying a friendship with our closest family friends, and sucking all of the trust out of our relationship.

Not sure where I'm going with this, but the whole concept of wandering just has me thinking about escapism, and what is causing me to want to escape.

Part of it is that I have an opportunity to rethink my life. But the other part of it is that I'm still totally damaged, and just want to put everything on hold for a while.


Posts: 696 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: New York
jasper
♂ Member
Member # 28168
Default  Posted: 8:04 AM, August 12th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow. That post I just wrote makes no sense at all! Welcome to my ADD mind. Need more coffee.

Posts: 696 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: New York
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