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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Betrayed Men - Part 5
Alex1
♂ Member
Member # 26221
Default  Posted: 3:37 PM, October 15th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Lost,
Hang tough my man. It's a long and brutal row to hoe.
Keep the faith if you have any left, if not -act like you do and stay busy. Get strong. Be in the now and try not to focus on the past or future.
Good luck!

Posts: 197 | Registered: Nov 2009
HurtingandLost
♂ Member
Member # 29322
Default  Posted: 3:47 PM, October 15th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

One thing that kills me about my WW is her complete lack of a sex drive, but then she can ramp it up and go screw Barney Fife on her business trip this past July.

We screwed like rabbits for about three weeks after she got back, and then *POOF* -

Back to a Man to Hand relationship. WTF?

[This message edited by HurtingandLost at 3:48 PM, October 15th (Friday)]


holding out hope
UPDATE: Hope's Dead

Posts: 430 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: CO
64fleet
♂ Member
Member # 18710
Default  Posted: 4:02 PM, October 15th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

my faith in people is simply gone. The miner deal kinda clinched it.

Dunno abt the sex thing-my WW seems to want it all the time now, & I am not really that into it lately-WTF?

Has anyone else's WW whore it up sexually since the A?


time wounds all heels

Posts: 5359 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: deliverance land
Maxiom
♂ Member
Member # 26001
Default  Posted: 4:08 PM, October 15th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Definitely my wife's drive dropped off past her A

Its still healthy in my books, but my libido is currently on overdrive.

I could go everyday, but shes maybe once a week, 2 if im lucky.


Me: FBS/WS 41
Her FWS/BS 41
My DDay - March 10, 2007 Whole Truth - May 2007
Her DDay - March 2, 2011
True NC March 3, 2011

Posts: 435 | Registered: Oct 2009 | From: Canada
HurtingandLost
♂ Member
Member # 29322
Default  Posted: 4:27 PM, October 15th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WW might go once a week to once every 10 days. Then the stars will align and she'ss pounce me two nights in a row...then back to 15 minutes of fame when venus aligns with jupiter, the moon is full, she's not tired, depressed, tired, etc, etc.

Me - I could go every day. But that hasnt happened since I said "I do", and now, "we dont".


holding out hope
UPDATE: Hope's Dead

Posts: 430 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: CO
Mr. Kite
♂ Member
Member # 28840
Default  Posted: 4:38 PM, October 15th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Has anyone else's WW whore it up sexually since the A?

Not with me. It's quite the opposite in fact. She claims that I see her as a slut and it affects her desire to be with me sexually. So I get punished all over again for her screw-ups. Now that she's on Prozac, forget about it.


Posts: 900 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Mid-Atlantic
Ready_to_run
♂ Member
Member # 20954
Default  Posted: 5:24 PM, October 15th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey Guys,

Anybody here still have an urge to beat the hell out of the OM? I'm about 2 1/2 years post d-day, divorced and I still feel like there is unfinished business left out there.

Today my xWW sent me an email asking if I could pick up the girls after school cause she had some plans for later. Well, I know damn well who she is going to see so I sent her a reply telling her I would pick the kids up and...oh, BTW be sure to tell POS OM that he still has an ass kicking coming cause I haven't forgotten! I got no reply...

I obviously still have some unresolved anger towards the OM. But, that SOB came into MY house and screwed MY wife while I was on the road working to support MY family. He contributed to breaking up MY family and I just don't feel like he should be able to get off scott-free. Thus the urge to pulvarize him!

Most days I don't feel like this but today it really struck a nerve for some reason! Can anyone relate?


BH
D-Day #1 5/2003
D-Day #2 5-25-08
D-Day #3 6-23-08
Divorced 9-17-10


Posts: 716 | Registered: Sep 2008
Mr. Kite
♂ Member
Member # 28840
Default  Posted: 7:08 PM, October 15th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Most days I don't feel like this but today it really struck a nerve for some reason! Can anyone relate?

Absolutely but it passes with time. I think of those men like this--what kind of sad, pathetic wretch can't get a woman of his own and has to sneak around with someone else's wife? I figure that life will pay them back somehow and I won't have to lift a finger. They're not worth going to jail over or losing my savings. Besides, maybe the WW would enjoy watching two men fighting over her. Not giving her that satisfaction.


Posts: 900 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Mid-Atlantic
Lotsa
♂ Member
Member # 28078
Default  Posted: 7:25 PM, October 15th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ready_to_run,

At random times, I also can relate, but in the immortal words of Jimi40:

he's not worth the salt, in the sweat, on your balls.

Posts: 880 | Registered: Mar 2010
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 7:35 PM, October 15th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

They don't get off scott free. I would ease suffering to that mistaken belief if I could! Have a plan, a destination.

Look forward, way forward admittedly, toward that.

For now, best not to put those kinds of desires in writing.

As to the sex, stbxw enjoyed calling herself a whore the last time I was with her, it's been over a year. She did it in the throes. Since there's no "there" there it didn't have much value at the time, knowing she could adopt any persona she thought I would want... to be pleasing in that way.

If sex was all that, why would I want it the next day?

Sex was ultimately plentiful with her at the same time it was ultimately meaningless.
In fact, afterward, I felt...diminished...less somehow.
I understand why better now.
I know it's kind of different, and not so much part of the blabbing stereotypes but there it is.


Posts: 6012 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
deeppurple
♂ Member
Member # 28757
Default  Posted: 8:49 PM, October 15th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ready to run
Thats what i think about when im pumping weights; in the pool or bounding the pavement-Beating the crap of out this motherf##$$%%%.

In reality the turb isnt worth my time.


Me - BS 49
Her - WS 43
Married 16 yrs (together 17 yrs)
DD13 DS10 DS8 DS6
DDay 1 6.4.2010 dday 2 7.25.2010
Heading for divorce.
"Never look down on someone unless you are helping them up"

Posts: 522 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Where the sun is shining & the surf is pumping
slowheal
♂ Member
Member # 28907
Default  Posted: 1:22 PM, October 16th (Saturday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm in your boat Mr.Kite. She see's sex as a tool she used for wrong. Now I am paying the price again for her screw ups. It seems like it is going to be a lifelong battle for that need.


BH 47
FWW 49
Married 25 years
5 kids (29-5)
DDay #1 9-1-09
TT DDay #2 9-28-09

Posts: 65 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: it ain't hell, but you can see it from here.
jasper
♂ Member
Member # 28168
Default  Posted: 12:23 AM, October 17th (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've had kind of an emotional week, although I've tried to keep the emotions in check.

Apology letter from the OM, dinner with the OM's BW (catching up IRL for the first time in about 5 months), my birthday, and sort of a new relationship. Something more substantial than anything I've involved myself in since dday.

Fucked up thing is, WW found out about the new potential relationship and went ballistic. Pulling reasons out of her ass for why it was wrong, and why I'm being a thoughtless dick for pursuing it. Granted, we live in a small suburb, where everyone knows each other, but this woman isn't a friend of my WW's.

I spent last night in a high school style text war with my WW, and a lot of today fighting about it.

I thought I was free of her bullshit, but somehow I still find myself "in trouble" the way I always was when we were together.

Crazy. I left her crying and screaming at her apartment, acting like she was the victim in the situation.

Just reinforces the fact that she will never get how badly she destroyed me with her betrayal, and how little I owe her now as a result of that.

I want to have a civil relationship with her, for our DD's sake, but I think I've been too lenient. I've let her think I care more about her than I do now, and she's become confused about how much influence she's allowed to have over what I do in my own time.

Mindfuck. Why can she still get to me?


Posts: 696 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: New York
toby
♂ Member
Member # 10337
Default  Posted: 1:18 AM, October 17th (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"I'm sorry you feel that way"


Jasper....that's what you say when bombarded with her verbal assault.

Hang in there dude. Focus on you, dd and potential new interest.


Posts: 1493 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Texas
Ready_to_run
♂ Member
Member # 20954
Default  Posted: 9:32 AM, October 17th (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for the support guys. I am feeling better and feeling like I could really givea shit about OM...at this moment. Of course vodka and a ladyfriend last night tend to help focus my mind on other things too. :)

Lotsa, thanks for reposting the famous Jimi quote. That is a classic and I will surely be using that at some point I'm sure.


BH
D-Day #1 5/2003
D-Day #2 5-25-08
D-Day #3 6-23-08
Divorced 9-17-10


Posts: 716 | Registered: Sep 2008
jasper
♂ Member
Member # 28168
Default  Posted: 7:08 PM, October 17th (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"I'm sorry you feel that way"

Jasper....that's what you say when bombarded with her verbal assault.

Hang in there dude. Focus on you, dd and potential new interest.

Dude, I don't know how I forgot that phrase. I became such a pro at using it back when I first discovered SI, it made my WW insane. I don't know where it was yesterday. I knew there was something I should be saying, but I couldn't remember what it was. Instead, I did all the wrong things. I engaged, got defensive, pointed fingers. Badly played.

On the plus side, I went to a party last night, that she was invited to, but skipped, because she was so pissed at me. When I got home, I found some trash bags I didn't remember leaving in the kitchen. Turns out she came to my house during the party and cleaned out a ton of her shit. I can now use the closet in my bedroom, and the closet in our bathroom. I have all this new space where I can put my own stuff.

I wish she had cleared out some of the clutter she's accumulated in the attic and basement, but I'm happy she did some clearing out.

It's funny, I think she meant for it to be a symbol to me that she's really out of the house. But in fact, I'm super psyched she finally came and did it.



Posts: 696 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: New York
SadStorey
♂ New Member
Member # 26701
Default  Posted: 8:58 PM, October 17th (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In reality the turb isnt worth my time.

I spent many nights wondering why I didn't beat the shit out of OM...until finally I realized my xWW had no intentions of recovery and then it hit me!

My xWW wasn't worth the fight.

That's when I finally let go. I realized that woman couldn't draw enough out of me to truly want to "wait for her, work on me and work our relationship out." and most importantly draw enough out of me for a confrontation

[This message edited by SadStorey at 9:37 PM, October 17th (Sunday)]


Me-BS 28
Her-WS 24
Dated 3 years, then engaged a year.
Married 7/18/09
Dday(my bday also) 8/27/09
Divorced 12/14/09
Began affair prior too and during the marriage.
No kids...just my Doghter

Posts: 26 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Michigan
SourCherryDrops
♂ Member
Member # 25883
Default  Posted: 7:24 AM, October 18th (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

@jollum

I think your probably on the plain, I think its sort of a mix of several things.

First it is us taking a mental break, of refusing to let what is going on around affect us so much, because we need a break, because there is only so much buffeting we can take before we are destroyed....its a self defence mechanism that allows you some time to regroup to rebuild... time to reflect on what youve just been through.

I think that its also partly a mechanism of perspective. After we have just come through the emotional himalayas, the small foothills the valleys around us of a more everyday existence we scoff at... they hardly even register anymore because we are so use to to massive changes on the rollercoaster.

Either way, I do think that its a pretty normal, nad heck even healthy place to be in for a while. But we should be carefull, it can be a cruell seductress. If you remain in this flatened, this emotionally dampened state then yes you will no longer be hurt, but you will also not be able to feel real love again.

To experience love you need to allow yourself to be vulnerable to being hurt again...

@Ready to Run,

I think most of us dabble in fantasies about wreaking physical retaliation on the OM... I certainly did, heck i even had a few flashes of fantasy about taking it out on my WW that were really rather sickening.... as long as they stay fantasy enjoy them, cause as the others have said, Any satisfaction you might get from actually following through is not worth the consequences.

Personally i dont believe in karma, In my mind its as much a fantasy people tell themselves, as the easter bunny. We cant help it people like to think that life should be fair. Life isnt fair, if it was then none of this would have happened in the first place... but people talk about karma, out of a desire to see the cosmic scales evened up .....

So i dont think the OM will get struck by karma... still i wouldnt want to swap my life for theirs.... they will most likely continue to cheat on their wives, at the most fundamental level these are not happy men, and they will not really lead the fullfilling happy life that i want to lead...They will fuck up their marriages, they will fuck up their kids.... just like theyve already fucked up mine.

@jesper,

Its easy to get complacent, to not uphold the 180.... I see myself doing just this as well... i know that it will bite me eventually.... its sort of like how we played with fire as a boy even though we knew we would sooner or later get our fingers burnt...

If i catch myself i stop myself, i reassert what i should be doing, often enough though its only in hindsight i see where i slipped up ...

Dont sweat it... see it for what it was... more of the same old her... her antics... you know what you need to do, just need to focus on it again for a while.


Me BS 37, Her STBX 34, 1*ONS, 1*EA 1*PA/EA, 2*PA
Heading for D after 9 mths of R

Posts: 1468 | Registered: Oct 2009 | From: Europe
lostcause111
♂ Member
Member # 19109
Default  Posted: 9:56 AM, October 18th (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think it is the plain for many of us a good ways out and man I kinda like it.

Am I happy? So so. Still finding my way.

Do I care about my WW even though she has been better? No.

I just dont care anymore.


Posts: 934 | Registered: Apr 2008
Razor
♂ Member
Member # 16345
Default  Posted: 10:07 AM, October 18th (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

@readytorun.

As some one say. I would bet that most if not ALL of us BH think on such things.

Tempting as it is. I am just not smart enuf to figure a way to off this SOB and get away with it. I cherish me freedom to much to give it up over this SOB. If I did. Well. Me WW would probably be porking some other OM whilst I waste away behind bars.

So it is a good thing for all that I am about as smart as a stone in the road.

Also.

WW tell me that OM has a lawyer on retainer. This has happen to him before. WW say she dont know why. But OM neighbor once come over and beat the crap out of him some years before they LTA. OM lawyer sued the neighbor and OM end up with about $100 thousand dollars. OM got some nice improvements on his house. (wonder that that was about eh?)

On Dday WW tell me that if she think I am going to harm OM that she will warn him.

I think WW tell OM before she tell me that she is to confess on such and such day. So he knew the date. I did some checking and find that OM got a ticket for speeding about 400 miles north of where he live on that day (Dday#1).

So. OM was worried. And WW was protecting him.

WW also tell me that he is prepared to sue me if I go after him.

So. In the end there was no way I could win. Yes. It would feel wonderful to beat the life out of him. But you know. His pain even had I dont this would not be the same as mine. And in the end I would have to pay for this legal transgression one way or the other.

Razor


Forgive and forget = Relive and regret.


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