Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
Find a Local Couselor
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: SoCalBoy (43217)

I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Long Term Affair... Part 18
old dipstick
♂ Member
Member # 25598
Default  Posted: 11:18 AM, June 4th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

m3. Thank you for the baby update. I was wondering about her. You need to quit worrying about being able to be a good mother. You are a good mother. You will do just fine raising her. Your love for her will not be a burden or obligation. It will just be mother-daughter love.

Tribe. Here is a funny one. As has been discussed before many of our SOs can't answer a simple question without a 10 minuite answer. If I would ask my W if she remembered to buy, lets say bread, at the store, I will most likly get a full story of everything that happend at the store and everybody she saw and talked to. Only then will I get a yes or no. Last night she asked me a question. I answered with a sentence. A short sentence. She says, "all I wanted was a simple yes or no answer." I say are you serious. She says real serious tone "that is right, all I wanted was a yes or no." She did not ever understand what I was getting at.

honest. I'm glad you laughed. Yesterday when I was grilling I thought about all that has been said lately about the BBQ and was no doubt grining big time. If my W sees me doing this she will probably think it is nice that I am enjoying the BBQ so much.

miracle. There is someone who does the BBQ talk better than I do. Her name is miracle. She is the one with those big blinking eyes. As for the itis vs eria, I think itis is much better than eria. I have been called worse though. I can't believe tryn was able to leave this place. We have such interesting discussions about so many topics. Even infidelity sometimes.

Now about those SI abbreviations and real life. My W has a few Wood Wick candles. Right on the label it says WW. The first time I noticed this I thought that this was really something. Wayward Wives have their own candle.

ats. Yesterday you used these words. No Drinking or Grilling. I hope you do not get banned from SI for using such vile and disgusting language. Be careful about what you say, please.

Hugs to the tribe.


Her WW 60
Me BH 60
M 36 yr
D-day#1 fall of 76 OM#1 2NS
D-day#2 summer of 89 OM#2 LTA 8 yrs OM#3 Short Term A


Posts: 751 | Registered: Sep 2009
m334455
♀ Member
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 11:30 AM, June 4th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ah, "the gift." A mother of one of his friends just said the same thing to me this past Monday. Maybe he does. He says we have a ghost in the house, and I believe him. I could see him interacting with something invisible to me as an infant . . .

She thought I have it too because of something I said -- and for three years I've been telling my IC there was something terribly, terribly wrong with my marriage.

I'm not so sure I believe in the gift though -- maybe some people simply have an emotional sophistication that allows them to process the subtle clues all around us each day on a subconsious level.

Then again, my IC thinks DS1 has the gift too ...

Thanks so much for the dear compliments. And also my current strong feeling for DD might be more a factor of hormones, nursing and joy at a new life.

My father has complimented me on holding the family together through this too.

I think we all see how little WH has done to R -- though WH thinks he's done so much.

IC said he's very, very shallow and this is the best I'm going to get from him because there's just not much there. Anyway, the conclusion we came to was very cynical -- essentially she said "well, you're never going to trust another man again, so you might as well stay married to the one who makes a lot of $ and who you already have 4 kids with and who owes you big-time -- but the good news is you've got a job and 4 kids and a boat, house, etc. to take care of so you don't really have to pay much attention to him and he won't really notice you're not paying much attention to him because he's so shallow."

But, at the end of the day that's really a marriage of convenience. Is that really what I want? Is that what is best for my kids? Are we really 100% certain that WH can't do better, if pulled in the right direction? These are the things that need to be considered and decided over the summer.

I will tell OW's BH -- but not until I'm settled on my own path. I don't need any uproar from them unbalancing my own equilibrium.


BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
old dipstick
♂ Member
Member # 25598
Default  Posted: 1:44 PM, June 4th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

m3. Is a marriage of convienience one without love and affection? Even with love and affection, I think our marriages are still a lot about convinience. Forgive explained in a post back on page 6, some of her reasons for not wanting to D her H. She said that everything else in her life was good. There were just so many things she did not want to give up. Family, friends, and some material things. To me what she said was sort of like what your C said. Do you want to give up the known for the unknown? I remember Forgive's post because it struck a nerve with me. Most of my M and life in general was good and I'm sure that was a big influence concerning my decisions. If you have the time go to page 6 near the bottom and check it out. If you do not see it let me know. I would quote it, but I don't seem to do the quote thing the proper way. Life is tough being a semi-moron.

Do you think that your C was correct about not getting more from your H? Can you live with that? He can provide the $ but you know $ is not everything. Take your time with this. You have had so much happening lately.

I'm glad you have the baby girl. It seems that she is just what you needed.


Her WW 60
Me BH 60
M 36 yr
D-day#1 fall of 76 OM#1 2NS
D-day#2 summer of 89 OM#2 LTA 8 yrs OM#3 Short Term A


Posts: 751 | Registered: Sep 2009
honesttoafault
♀ Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 4:38 PM, June 4th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Miracle: That was a great post. My question has always been HOW do I process it? I've discussed this with IC, but didn't explore it enough. I know we have to go through the pain and not just shove it in the back of our mind all the time, and yet I know that we shouldn't be wallowing in it either.

I'm trying so hard to keep going on, to try to take care of myself and the kids. I believe I was living on false hope all this time, was in the denial stage for so so long. The reality stage kept slipping in, but denial kept pushing it down.

M3: I'm so glad that you have that precious angel with you. She is very lucky to have a mother like you.
Marriage of convenience? I was even willing to go for that, but I don't even think that is going to happen. WH keeps saying he doesn't want a divorce, BUT the conditions that have been laid out for me are unacceptable. It seems we cannot even talk.
I agree with Miracle. Give yourself some time and write down the pros and cons of each scenario. Remember, nothing is black and white. There are a lot of gray areas and you may decide to do your own way. Which is what I was thinking of doing....

Dip: it is something to think about "marriage of convenience". Or is it really reverting back to marriage as a contract so many hundreds and hundreds of years ago? People didn't marry for love. Everyone had a role to play in the marriage.
I was getting so confused the other day in IC. I always knew my WH was from a "traditional" point of view in terms of the wife cooks and cleans....BUT, I said to IC with the divorce rate so high, is it because men (no offence Dip and atsen) expect a wife to act a certain way. WH always expected a wife to look her best, take care of her husband, put him first and now tells me that she should ALWAYS be ready for sex no matter what (unless she's ill) I know that when you love someone, you do put your partner first, and want to look good for him, but life gets in the way. I think that's where wives want partnership in the relationship....some help with the everyday living of life.

Ok, I think I'm rambling and don't even know where I'm going with this.

Possibly, I was more than happy to be "content". I wasn't looking for extreme happiness, that is a fantasy. Life is hard. I accepted my life and was grateful for what I had. My whole life was wrapped around WH, that mine was gone. I was gone. I'm trying to find my way again but I'm spinning around without a compass or a GPS and I just am dizzy.


Posts: 1903 | Registered: Jan 2010
old dipstick
♂ Member
Member # 25598
Default  Posted: 5:01 PM, June 4th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

honest. What you say about the partnership in M is the way I tried to be. I always treated her as a equal partner in things. Shared chores, or I did the manly chores, while she did the girl stuff. We always shared in the money decisions. I never expected her to put me first and all that stuff that you say your H does. O well, in the end it still was not good enough for her.

On a happier note. I am getting ready to BBQ. The cooking kind of the BBQ. I will be thinking of you and the rest of my LTA friends while I am drinking a cold beer and trying not to burn the meat. I hope everyone has a good weekend and I will see you next week.

Hugs to the tribe.


Her WW 60
Me BH 60
M 36 yr
D-day#1 fall of 76 OM#1 2NS
D-day#2 summer of 89 OM#2 LTA 8 yrs OM#3 Short Term A


Posts: 751 | Registered: Sep 2009
honesttoafault
♀ Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 9:22 PM, June 4th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dip: I'm sorry, I wasn't directing the rant at you. I should've edited it. I was just going on and on and on.

I hope you have a great weekend, and I hope to God that your WW realizes what a wonderful husband she has!!

{{{tribe}}}}


Posts: 1903 | Registered: Jan 2010
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 6:41 AM, June 5th (Saturday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mockers – to turn something good into something bad. To jinx. Usually refers to luck, but can be for anything really. So I was having a good time, not thinking about anything but the movie but him commenting on my laughter made me stop laughing.

Tryn always kept saying that the WS will treat the OP like they treat us. Do the things that they did with us.
Too true. If it worked for me, he would do it for her. I got the rehearsal, she got the finished, polished event. Then when it was over, I came to realise he was using exactly the same techniques on me that worked when she got overwrought. Sex. Because sex = love and so having sex with me would make it alright again. Except he said he had sex with her because he was buying time. So that made it different. He didn’t love her. And he doesn’t understand why I mistrust him? He doesn’t lie to me but he did to her? WTF? So I said he lied for five years – yes but that was different. Gimme strength. I just confirms that it is all about him, was only ever about him and quite possibly will always be about him.

As of Wednesday I've lost 22 pounds and I'm only 18 pounds from my goal...
Is this since Baby Paddy arrived?? Is that a good thing?? It sounds an awful lot for someone in your position. Take care sweetie.

DS1 is watching us every day and how WH treats me is how he will treat women too.
Ah, that is one thing that makes me hold back from telling the boys about their father’s affair. That somehow, even though they are adults, they will think that if their dad did it and their mum took him back that they could do the same? I feel I should tell them at some point whatever the consequences. I just think they should know. Although there is that possibility that they know anyway but don’t want me to know they know……

Wayward Wives have their own candle.

I like the FWH abbreviation – Flexible Working Hours. Oh my. Weren’t they very flexible. FWH for a WH.

But, at the end of the day that's really a marriage of convenience. Is that really what I want? Is that what is best for my kids? Are we really 100% certain that WH can't do better, if pulled in the right direction? These are the things that need to be considered and decided over the summer.
It is the hardest thing, putting off decisions until [xxx] date. Somehow, like the way May has just come and gone, the decision day is there and you still haven’t decided. And, actually, it doesn’t really matter. What does your H want? How does he see his life in 12mths, 3yrs and 5yrs time? Hearing his answers might direct your decision process. I was lucky in that I had/have a remorseful FWH (as far as I can tell) even with all the TT’ing. And like FNF, I liked my life and I didn’t want to split my family or have the boys hating their father. I wanted to patch it up and somehow get it back. I had invested 29 years with this man and had (still am) a SAHW&M and wasn’t going to let some pathetic lost love steal or destroy my life.

I was more than happy to be "content". I wasn't looking for extreme happiness, that is a fantasy.
Unfortunately, contentment was not enough for our WS’s. They wanted more. A case of “is that all there is?” syndrome. Excitement and, yes, fantasy. Escape from humdrum life. I think my H just has to “feel” more than I do. Part of his competitive personality.

To all those with sad anniversaries, antiversaries, trigger dates and anything else negative that “June” represents (yes, me too – roll on the end of the month), hugs and positive vibes.


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3328 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 8:15 AM, June 5th (Saturday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

dip: just for you..

if i did that irl though i think i would make myself dizzy... ...

and tryn said he will be back...although he does seem to be awol from coming to post some more, he did say he would post more later...later is gone...now its today....wow i think this sounds like an abbott and costello thing... ...hi, tryn....anxiously waiting for your post that you would do later....tapping foot too...


m3:

I'm not so sure I believe in the gift though

sometimes we need to have faith in what we see as true...when one is so young, too young to really pick up on life around him, it sounds like the "gift" to me...whether it just be the gift to know when those he loves are in trouble, pain or hurting..that will be seen as the future shows it itself...but it is a gift when you can look into someone, see their pain and want to do something for them...and the person recieving his "attention" i am sure would see it as a gift if they allowed themselves the opportunity to let it touch them at their soul, the core of being....


well, you're never going to trust another man again, so you might as well stay married to the one who makes a lot of $ and who you already have 4 kids with and who owes you big-time -- but the good news is you've got a job and 4 kids and a boat, house, etc. to take care of so you don't really have to pay much attention to him and he won't really notice you're not paying much attention to him because he's so shallow."

this made me both laugh and cry....

But, at the end of the day that's really a marriage of convenience. Is that really what I want?

sometimes its what is best in the moment, but moments change, so if its good for now, does not mean it will stay that way, nor that you would want it to...


Is that what is best for my kids?

if there is no fighting in the house, if the parents get along well and co-parent well...then yes, how could it not be....they have their 2 parents together, and if the parents are a good team, the kids should thrive...

do they get to witness a really happy couple who love well...no, not really...they witness a partnership

Are we really 100% certain that WH can't do better, if pulled in the right direction?

NOTHING is ever 100% certain, except that one day we will die...and pulling in the right direction means nothing if the ws is not open to it, completely open to it....but if he is, anything is possible....but this is not 100% certain...


I will tell OW's BH -- but not until I'm settled on my own path. I don't need any uproar from them unbalancing my own equilibrium

this sounds like a very well thought out decision....

i think this is the post dip was referring to:

I didn't just stay to work this out with my H because I was so in love with him and couldn't imagine life without him, but for so many other reasons too - practical ones. I didn't want my life to change. Everything else in my life was fantastic, my kids, our friends, our families, finances, even our time together. I didn't want to break it all up. I didn't want to risk losing some friends, losing touch with some of his family that I love, splitting the finances, selling our home, and worst, having to split holiday time and special occasions. It's all very complex, KWIM???
And the more years you are married, the more intertwined your lives become and the harder it is to tear it all apart. Loving our S is just one piece of a very complex puzzle, IMHO, and only a small fraction of my decision to stay. Now, having said that, if I no longer loved my H, that would have made the decision easier but even then, because of the above, I'm still not sure I would have left. I do believe I still would have fought to save my M and my life that I loved.
fnf


honest:


HOW do I process it?

this is the big one, the big kahuna of questions....

and the answer is so simple and yet so complex...

you process it, one piece at a time...starting off with acceptance..

acceptance is huge, it is so much more then saying this is what happened to me...its really saying this is what it is, it will not change, no matter how much i go over and over and over it , it will not change...i need to accept that this bad thing not occured, but that it hurt me to the core of my being...and this is imho one of the hardest things to do....

you know you don't have true and complete acceptance when you keep reliving it, when it doesn't stay in the past...and for people like you and me honest, our ws's, as different as they are are contiuing offenders...and even though their offenses continue differently, they STILL continue..

acceptance does not rely on the ws getting it, acceptance means you accept the entire sich as it is, as it stands....and that is really hard...to accept that this really hurtful thing happened in my life the person who did it does not get what they did, not by any stretch of the imagination do they truly get their actions.....accepting that means letting go of trying to change that, of looking for that to change

acceptance means letting go....

i am still struggling with this one,....but i feel i am getting closer everyday, and everytime i feel that struggle, the one within, the one that says you could fix this one part...i simply tell myself "NO"....i cannot fix this, that or the other thing....it is what it is....nothing more, nothing less....

we cannot change the past, we cannot control others,

we can only change the present by controlling ourselves, who we are and who we choose to be...

this process is long, this process hurts, but this process is necessary to our healing and ultimate peace....

working on the being the best You that you can be is the best thing for you to do to help this process along....and you take each day as it comes, one day at a time....time is our friend, i know at times it feels as though it is our enemy, those of us with limited time, or those of us who are getting older....but time helps us heal....

anyways i did it again, went on and on and on...


ukgirl: thanks for explaining mockers, i had a feeling it was something like that...

“is that all there is?”

this sentence or rather this question is a nagging one for me....not for my marriage as it was, or is...but for what i know of what it was...this is one of those parts i struggle with with acceptance...letting this go....and then there is the flip side to that question for my life now and later....is this all there is, or ever will be?...after all of this i deserve so much more, i want so much more...even after when my kids are no longer what keeps me here, then what will be left for me...age is more then just a number when beginning your life anew....and then there is being able to afford it or anything for that matter....

a bridge to cross another day...


(((((tribe)))))


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 2:02 PM, June 5th (Saturday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

is this all there is, or ever will be?...after all of this i deserve so much more, i want so much more...
I realise I was short-changed. And so yes, I do want more because he took from me and gave to another. It’s like having half of what you thought you were getting. What I got was prettied up into looking more than it was. So now yes, he owes me. Quite what, I’m not sure. But more than I got. But the odd thing is, I’m not sure if I want what he is offering. It’s like I have the whole store to choose from, not whatever his restrictions are. Perhaps my boundaries have expanded somewhat?

Just been watching the BBC filming in town. Posted pic (not very good!) in F&G movie thread. They were about to pack up and clear off for the day. And they were all soo im-port-ant!


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3328 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
honesttoafault
♀ Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 8:34 PM, June 5th (Saturday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

UKgirl: "is that all there is?" syndrome....maybe with my WH. He did say he deserves more. He had said how HE "suffered" all these years and once that it was "Hell" (with me) I called him on that one saying there was good and bad for both of us, but he was concentrating on the bad. He did shut up.
For my WH, I think he wants what he wants and that's it. He's entitled.
I feel I was short changed too. So many times WH said we were short of money, so I scrimped and saved and sacrificed only to find out that all the extra money, money he borrowed from me, from OUR house, my salary, was for THEM. THEY live in a paid off apartment (which is bigger than my house here in the US) and still it was not enough that OW had to be in my house over there, in my bed, using my kitchen, etc. Also OW and OC's were in our beach house all the time and are probably there right now, this minute. He's sleeping with her RIGHT NOW.

Miracle: This is why I'm still having trouble processing all this. It seems so long. Trying to get over the shock last year, then living through Dday#2.

Trying to figure out the new history of my life. I am trying not to focus, I am working on focusing on other things.
Thank you so very much for your post. It made me cry, but in a good way
It hit home. I am trying so hard to let go.
I was so willing to work on the marriage. I was willing to accept OC's. But instead of trying in the least bit to make me feel better (he did a little in the first few months), WH just blameshifted big time, gaslighted, TTed, etc.
I know I've said this all before.
I don't want to live on crumbs anymore. I feel like I've lost so much and OW got it all.
When I read that it was just a fantasy for WH's, he is LIVING with them...family life. Real life. It is NOT a fantasy for him. So when faced with all that, it's hard not to feel that he CHOSE OW and OC's over us. I know WH wants us both, but it seems when push comes to shove, he is choosing them, and it just hurts so badly. Before, he made me feel that he was trapped by her and stayed because of the OC's, but that doesn't seem to be the case.

I'm the one who is going on and on. I'm so sorry for this vent. I'm just feeling down.

{{{tribe}}}}


Posts: 1903 | Registered: Jan 2010
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 10:07 PM, June 5th (Saturday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

honest: i was thinkin about you...i am glad you posted...

CHOSE OW and OC's over us

no my friend, he didn't choose period...you made the choice for him...he would be a pig in shit with both of you...for him it was never a question of which one he would keep, it was a question of which one would allow him to have it all...and this ow, she wont be the only ow for long...you ws will keep adding to his harem as long as he is able to find willing participants...

he didn't choose...you did...and this was and is the first step for you, the first step to being true to who you are to yourself....


I feel like I've lost so much

you feel like this because you did...you lost alot, you lost life as you knew it, you lost your sense of security, you lost your innocense...i could go on and on about all you lost ...but i know you know it all....so you allow yourself time to grieve....you must grieve...it is another one of these god forsaken steps that need to be taken...grieve for what you believed your life was, and what you believed your life was to be....

rewriting history...well its extremely counterproductive...how do i know its extreme...because i do it myself...and when i do it, i know its not doing me any good...so i try to shake it off..literally too...i shake my head back and forth, then i yell at myself because i dont want to trigger the vertigo...and then sometimes i get so sidetracked with all this talking to myself i stop...and you know what happens when i stop....i feel.....P E A C E F U L...almost like a small little piece of a serenity angel flew over and landed on my shoulder...and then of course i get sidetracked again into daily chores, a phone call, the kids...til the next time when i start all over again...


oh and you are going to have trouble processing all of this for so many really good reasons...but you know what when you no longer have trouble with it....you will be able to say its processed.....going through the process is tough on all of us...not one of can escape it...and when it stops, the process is over and we can move on to the next chapter of our lives...


(((honest)))


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
honesttoafault
♀ Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 10:29 PM, June 5th (Saturday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Miracle: Thank you so much for your post. I know it's a long process. It's still so hard not to think WH chose them over us. It just seemed so much that he was pushing and pushing me to divorce him so he doesn't look like the bad guy, so therefore I feel he chose them. My choice? I just feel trapped at the moment. I was feeling so very strong for a while there. Maybe this is just a very huge dip in the roller coaster.

I am not really trying to rewrite history, it's just that sometimes I think of something, and it seems to get tainted with the real knowledge of what WH was doing at the time. I am not focusing on it, it just comes up and I try to ignore it.

I have to try to be patient with myself. Thank you so much for everything.


Posts: 1903 | Registered: Jan 2010
prayformiracle
♂ Member
Member # 22845
Default  Posted: 10:34 PM, June 5th (Saturday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((((honest))))))


Iwantamiracle, you are my everything, I will love you always and forever. Life without your smile, your love is empty and sad.
I will not stop working on me on us, I will not stop caring, will not stop loving you, ever. Faithfuly and commited.

Posts: 412 | Registered: Feb 2009
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 11:14 PM, June 5th (Saturday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

i know honest, i know...

I am not really trying to rewrite history,

no we don't really try, it just happens, we have a memory, and now we add to that memory that which never should have been... ....whether its us thinking well, i wonder was he thinking of her then, did he want her then...for me, i have that alot...and sadly, the answer there is always yes...so i rewrite my history...and then i shake it off, because really me feelings were true, i was true..he was not, and never was...his history is really not being rewritten either...its just be corrected, because now i see what never did before, now i know what i didn't know before...it is what it is...


(((honest)))


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
honesttoafault
♀ Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 11:31 PM, June 5th (Saturday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Miracle: the memories that I'm dealing with are things that seemed odd at the time. I couldn't find my DS's toys at the beach house. WH tells me some story and I find out he gave them to OC's. He had me buy suits that were for his sisters, they were for OW.

It's just those realities and much much more that I'm dealin with. I'm now even thinking about what he did etc., just the things that directly affected me, and it's too much.

Thank you for listening. I guess I just had to vent and get some reality checks.


Posts: 1903 | Registered: Jan 2010
honesttoafault
♀ Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 11:31 PM, June 5th (Saturday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you pfm for your support.

Posts: 1903 | Registered: Jan 2010
Lost Heart2
♀ Member
Member # 21793
Default  Posted: 2:32 AM, June 6th (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((((Honest)))))))))

I am so so sorry that you are in pain. I remember how gutwrenching awful each time I felt when something clicked into place.

Life is hard. I accepted my life and was grateful for what I had. My whole life was wrapped around WH, that mine was gone. I was gone. I'm trying to find my way again but I'm spinning around without a compass or a GPS and I just am dizzy.

You do take me back. That was me some 4 years ago.

Honest, you sound like one tough cookie - a survivor.
You are going to get through this. You are prob not feeling so strong and determined right now (rollercoasters suck big time!) but you have already take a huge steps towards a better future for you and your chn.

Unfort there are no quick steps to recovery in your sitch. Apart from dealing with enormity of what happ in your M, you are dealing with almost daily assaults as well.And I suspect, some FOO issues have been unpicked too?

Is there any way that you can minimise contact with H, if you have not already done so. The less time he has to contaminate your life, the more time you get to heal and strengthen, IMO. Right now it seems that all contact with him just brings you hurt, and drains you of whatever positive energy you had gathered.

How is your IC going? Is she doing any work of how to manage trauma?

(((((((Honest)))))))))


LTA BS

Dday#1 02.06.06
Dday#2 28.11.06


Mind what you love. Mind how you are loved.


Posts: 471 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: London, UK
Lost Heart2
♀ Member
Member # 21793
Default  Posted: 2:35 AM, June 6th (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

M3,
I promised myself I'd wait until June to start making any decisions. And now -- it's June. Wow. That came fast.

Then extend the deadline.

****
(((((((Miracle))))))))

You rock.

You know you dont have to be tough all the time, right? You can lean on us too...

[This message edited by Lost Heart2 at 2:38 AM, June 6th (Sunday)]


LTA BS

Dday#1 02.06.06
Dday#2 28.11.06


Mind what you love. Mind how you are loved.


Posts: 471 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: London, UK
Allgoodnamesgone
♀ Member
Member # 26157
Default  Posted: 6:53 AM, June 6th (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just wanted to pop in & say "Hi". I've been down, no particular reason & don't feel like discussing it. (Same old shit really - so I just remind myself of everything I should).
So, I'm reading, but can't offer anything at the moment - please just know I'm thinking of all of you & wishing you well.
((Tribe))


Me- BS
DDay- 8/26/09
Separated after failed R effort.

Posts: 2165 | Registered: Nov 2009
atsenaotie
♂ Member
Member # 27650
Default  Posted: 7:00 AM, June 6th (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I promised myself I'd wait until June to start making any decisions. And now -- it's June. Wow. That came fast.

Then extend the deadline.

m3, I have changed my deadline on deciding a couple of times from 3, to 6 and now 12 months out. At 3 months I would have stayed, at 6 I would have left. It still changes, last week was great, this weekend after a bunch of subtle triggers I would leave. Until I can get 3 - 4 months in a row with a consistent feeling I really do not know what I feel.

The discussions of acceptance and "is this all there is" have been timely for me, thank you iwantamiracle, UKgirl, and honesttoafault for your posts.

I have been having nightmares lately, this is new for me. They do not directly address the affairs, but there are cues that this is what they are about. I wake up and cannot get back to sleep. It is hard to remember details, but I am left with a heavy emotional sadness, fear, or anger when I wake up. I am picking up a refill on my Ambien today; I have not needed it for a while.

I know I should be talking with FWW about my problems right now, but I don't want to. I am withdrawing, and I am not sure why. My feelings are on a hair trigger lately, I suspect it is graduation next weekend when my parents will be here, and both adult stepdaughters (who knew of both affairs as they occurred). This will be the first time I have seen stepdaughter #2 in person since I learned she knew of the affairs. We had always gotten along very well. I understand why she could not say anything to me, but I still feel betrayed by her also.


LTA BS 53
FWW 60
M 1990, dday 10-5-09
Reconciled

Posts: 3967 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
Topic Posts: 1000
Pages: 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11 · 12 · 13 · 14 · 15 · 16 · 17 · 18 · 19 · 20 · 21 · 22 · 23 · 24 · 25 · 26 · 27 · 28 · 29 · 30 · 31 · 32 · 33 · 34 · 35 · 36 · 37 · 38 · 39 · 40 · 41 · 42 · 43 · 44 · 45 · 46 · 47 · 48 · 49 · 50

Return to Forum: I Can Relate This Topic is Full
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.